I Watch Football For Us

My dear, my dear, my dear, you do not know me but I know you very well
Now let me tell you about the feelings I have for you
When I try, or make some sort of attempt,
Damn I wish I wasn't such a wimp...

***Cut and paste this handy letter to lay the groundwork for a harmonious football season with your significant other.
(No, Husker and Sheep fans, you can’t cut the computer screen with scissors)

Dear (insert name here):

Hey baby. How are you? You looked so peaceful when I came to bed last night, like you were dreaming about (insert favorite player here) scoring a touchdown. I know it was late when I finally got into bed, but that Utah-Oregon State game went long. I thought of you while I was watching it because ‘I love ute!’

The next four months I might not be around as much, you know it’s that time of year. Saturdays are long days, between the breakfasts with the alumni groups, watching games, tailgating, the actual game, postgame, playing Playstation afterwards, and the night game, it’ll really remind me how much I need you to stand behind me. If I come home late it’s because I had to catch the end of the Hawaii game; it’s not fair to exclude them because of their geographical isolation!

Sundays are much of the same. I’ll be home, but I need to focus on the TV. If my players score enough, I might win the fantasy league I’m in and finally be able to afford that trip to (insert exotic locale here) you’ve been wanting for so long. If the (insert NFL team here) pulls out a win and covers, we might be able to collect enough to get some new furniture for the baby’s room. And the Sunday night game! What is more fun than winding down the weekend with Al and John!?

You know that Mondays are when I like to unwind. The boss is always on my ass and the hectic work week is starting, the perfect chance to get to the local watering hole and be among friends. I have to support the local merchants to strengthen the community; you know better schools for the kids!

Tuesdays and Wednesdays are all yours though. Unless there’s some sort of mid-level conference games on those days. You know, all those funky sounding teams in faraway places. How fun! Of course, the baseball playoffs will be going soon. You know how much baseball reminds me of all those games my dad used to take me to.

Don’t forget Friday when I get together and catch the pure, unspoiled game that is our local high school. I can catch up with old friends and teachers, maybe have (insert favorite teacher here) fill me in on the “real” issues facing us in the world. I have to stay informed for our sake, be civic minded. Of course, after the game, I have to meet up with old friends and the like at the local bar and catch whichever college game is on and further discuss the direction of the local teams. Knowledge is key.

This will go on for some time. In mid-December the colleges will layoff, but not for long. The pageantry of bowl season will start! More chances, along with the NFL stretch run, to get a little extra coin for your mom’s Christmas gift! Colleges will finally end in January, but then the always exciting NFL playoffs will be in gear. That is where memories are made!

Finally, after the first weekend in February, I am all yours. By then you’ll probably realize how much I mean to you and how I do this madness known as football season for one reason: you.

XXXOOO
Love you,
(sign name here)

5280: The Final Battle

Heads by the score take flight incite a war
Chicks hit the floor, diehard fans demand more
Behold the bold soldier, control the globe slowly

Proceeds to blow swingin swords like Shinobi...

The dark masses known as the Army Of Beers have assembled, organized and preparing for the impending onslaught. The dread that they face is looming in the form of the Slushy Gutter Summer Challenge’s nine man collective, who have only one goal: to crush the Army and claim supreme 5280 spoils. The Army is large, numbering 470. The Army is also cold, sweet, and all too refreshing- perfect for each of the SG team’s strategy and skills.

Undoubtedly, Juck** is the colossal figure among the group. He will simply swoop in- Galactus style- transform the evil beers into pure hops and barley energy, and engorge himself of their sweet nectar.

The ground force of Jeez Steve* is impetuous, his style impregnable, he’s just ferocious. He wields his attack with venomous rattlesnakes as thirsty for the blood of the beers as he is.

Coordinating his force with Jeez Steve is that of Pickles***, who runs with a herd of unruly elk. He has the capacity to unleash a deadly siren’s call that summons his treacherous elk to stampede the beers with their staunch hoofs that are dipped in metal-burning acid.

TDub** has morphed into his alter-ego, the lethal Captain Tailgate. He has assembled his crew: Big Boss BBQ, CoolerZa, Nerf Baller, and Doctor Lawn Chair. The quintet needs the beers to power their lust to be the ultimate in the tailgating realm.

Standing alone is Broz. He harbors all the rage, torment, and utter disdain for all things; his thoughts of crushing beers is dangerous. He rides through the battlefield with no weaponry, no allies, just the ability to detonate the enemy with his angst.

Having been cryongenically frozen, Slick Rip is the primed to do battle. He awakens from his slumber primed for the fight. His sleep has readied him, as he arrives on the scene with his vast bag of supersonic alloy footballs, able to destroy many beers on a single throw.

Bringing up a faraway flank is Trav and his assembled special unit of cloned evil Sid Breams. The Bream Brigade moves slow, almost rickety, but they are deceptive. They have one mission programmed into their clone heads: to round third base and annihilate beers.

JBiz** has concocted a deadly serum to trick the Beer Army. Part pong balls, part mulch, and part baby formula, the mixture will attract the beers like a rat to cheese. Then JBiz will pounce! His serum will wreak havoc on the beers as they slowly dissolve.

Behind the scenes is the Commish, calculating, coordinating, and scheming. Think Mystery of the Chessboxin type shit. He overlooks the squad, figuring the wicked mathematics hoping to ensure the 5280 goal.

The team is indeed in for a big fight, the beers are numbered, and the weather hot. But the football angle and extra day of battle may allow them to get there. It has been a long summer, a long battle, a hefty amount of beers already down. Now is the time their mettle will be tested, it’s the final battle. (4810)

*- current Slushy Gutter Winner**- Two time Slushy Gutter Winner***- Slushy Gutter Winner

The Pillars

Least common denominator raise truth like Charlie, Willy, and Gramps
Raise roofs in a glass Wonkavator, monster maker...

CO SPORTS:
In what hopefully doesn't become a sad scene, Rod Smith was placed on the PUP (that's physically unable to perform list- insert Viagra and/or Mike Vick jokes here) list which means he cannot play until week 6. It seems unlikely that the 37 year old Smith will be able to return then and supplant the top three wideouts- Javon Walker, Brandon Stokely, Brandon Marshall. It might pain longtime Bronco observers to watch Smith toil as a 3rd and long WR. Perhaps Coach Shanny and the Bronco organization can convince Smith that he cannot perform and to simply play out the year and hang em up and ride onto the Ring of Fame.

HIP HOP:
*We see some pretty strong Hip Hop releases this week with indie Def Juxer Aesop Rock's None Shall Pass and Strong Arm Steady's Deep Hearted. Aesop Rock releases his first full length joint since 04's Bazooka Tooth. As with most Def Jux releases, None Shall Pass delves into his personal life, his retrospections, and relationships. The beats are a bit more relaxed and even than the sometimes chaotic sounds of the past. And as what has become annoying with most recent Def Jux releases, it features the same cast of guest MCs and producers. I would love to see Aesop Rock or Mr Lif, or even El-P work with some different camps or MCs from across the game. And no, that doesn't mean Lil' Wayne, who's even on my remix of the tune I sang in the shower; and Trent Reznor does not count either. VIDEO

The West Coast is represented with the trio Strong Arm Steady, highlighted by the longtime Likwit Crew affiliated Phil Da Agony (along with Mitchy Slick and Krondon) After blazing the mix tape circuit for a few years, the group signed with Talib Kweli's record company and has blessed the masses with an album full of the West Coast's finest MCs: The Game, Ras Kass, Xzibit, Planet Asia,and Tha Liks. Also featured are Chamillionaire, Juvenile, Saukrates and production by Madlib and DJ Babu. Get all those MCs at Staples Center and all you have left out there is Ice Cube. VIDEO

BEER:
The mothership known as Coors has started kicking your collective asses with NFL tie ins, complete with those 'Silver Tickets' that are included in most 12 packs and cases. Now Im not sure exactly what these Silver Tickets are, perhaps they get me into see Willy Wonka's factory. I do know I have accumulated enough over the past few seasons to get me, Grandpa, Veruca Salt, Violet, and Augustus all sufficiently f*cked up in the glass elevator. No Oompa Loompah's, those things trip me out.

6 in the Morning

Who gets weaker? The king or the teacher
It's not about a salary it's all about reality
Teachers teach and do the world good
kings just rule and most are never understood…

Is that a pen in your pocket or you just happy to see me?
Actually, it’s game week.

Football game week is upon us, as College Football gets rolling this Thursday, and a full slate of games on Saturday. That includes the Buffs facing off versus the lambs from up north this Saturday at 10am. Yes, 10am. Thanks for that, TV executives. Is this a 8 year old soccer game or a D1 football clash? Someone recently said that every beer you drink before Noon adds 30 seconds to your life. In that case, I will add about 2 hours to my life this Saturday.

Visualization of Hawk

My point is that do not concentrate
on what I state, create, or debate
I might be great, and you might admire
But what I say is to take you much higher...

Dan Hawkins took his young Buffs team on a tour of Invesco Field yesterday, prompting the coach to ask the young charges to “visualize” them winning their Sept 1 contest in the stadium.

No word if the Dali Dan Llama was also seen burning incense and chanting “oooohhhhhm.” Did the O-line carry him in one of those platforms while he tossed poppy flowers to the crowd? I hardly don’t see the mile-a-minute Dan Hawkins being the Phil Jackson type being the Zen type; holing up in his office reading ancient tomes and listening to sitar music. “It’s the Buddhist principles! It’s the learning of self! This ain’t some self help book! Go study Dr Phil, brother!”

Message to Dan: “visualize” a freaking game plan for you and the team that will effectively defeat the Sheep. “Visualize” getting the ball to your playmakers (read: Bernard Jackson) and coming up with some creative ways to slow Sheep hoss Kyle Bell. “Visualize” your linebackers covering the tight end and the d-line getting pressure on the QB. See your self and your young QB getting receivers into behind the Sheep backs for long completions. Awaken your inner self to getting into the endzone now that your stud kicker is playing for the Packers. Visualize no missed assignments, crisp route running, no stupid penalties, no east-west running, and the right play calling.

Visualize that, brother.

5280: Twin Hype

Okay here I go shorty tap the forty O smash
Take a pass, if ya crash make a dash to the trash
Tap a cap, have alot and not alot not a little
Don't grade upon the label take a guzzle, don't dribble...

A quick glance at the calendar reveals that the idiocy that is The Slushy Gutter Summer Mission is rounding third base and heading for home. Two weekends remain; dos weekends con mas cerveza; the Twin Weekends of Suds.

A quick work of the SG abacus also reveals that the livers are going to have to put in more overtime than Mike Vick’s lawyers, as we are 964 beers away from the hallowed mark. Taking straight averages of every players’ consumption thus far will still leave the crew about 12 cases short of the goal.

One reason for the high totals needed may be that most of the crew took it mad easy this past week. Perhaps they are just gearing up for the final push, maybe they are lazy, maybe they have forgotten how to open a can due to the last 12 weeks.

Former two time Slushy Gutter Winner JBiz got a bit back on track , coming in at 25 beers for the week, including some post hockey game beers. Ahhh, the timeless tradition of hockey in August. Broz finally slowed his roll, posting only 22, as did former Slushy Gutter Winner Pickles, who also came in at deuce-deuce.

Former two time Slushy Gutter Winner TDub came in at 28 beers, while the Commish gulped down 31, among those were some stale tasting Michelob Ultras from a sleek kegerator. Slick Rip, barely registering in this anymore, had two beers. Yes, two beers.

Current Slushy Gutter Winner Jeez Steve sludged through a night with the Denver Broncos and Hooters to come in at a svelte 48 beers for the week. Trav posted his highest mark, a smooooooth 60. Included in those was an all-day Madden Holiday-athon on Saturday and Bud Selects first appearance of the summer. And of course, former two time Slushy Gutter Winner Juck posted the high water mark, a 68 for the week.

The Summer’s first threeguest passers weren’t exactly Norm from Cheers, but they did give a slight lift. Old homey Father Tuck graced us with 35 beers, including 14 at an all-day fantasy football draft. Unfortunately, he also downed as many vodka drinks or he could’ve been a superstar. Finally, our man Cricket Clarence made an appearance, and after a huge Monday start of 10 at a golf tourney, tapered off to give us 27 on the week. Trav's homey Crunk Dave took a trip to the ATL and promptly railed off 45 pimped cup beers, including an array of strip club visits, Stella Artois (which seem to be the rage right now), and even an attempt with a marker to number his beers.

The big question is can the Starting Nine rally to chug the remaining grand over the next two weekends? Will it come down to some poor schlep downing a beer at 11:50pm on Labor Day? Whose liver just might fall out while taking a piss during College Football kickoff on Sept 1? Who will draft Dave Krieg in their FF draft due to too many? Stay tuned, stay sudsy, and stay real… (4316)

RELATED:

-Big Pun & Fat Joe: "Twinz (Deep Cover 98)" VIDEO

-

Buff Babys

It's only natural, actual facts are thrown at you
The impact'll blow trees back and crack statues
Million dollar rap crews fold, check the sick shit
explicit, I crystalize the rhyme so you can sniff it...

I was one of the nearly 5000 Black and Gold faithful who made the trek to Boulder this past Saturday to catch CU’s final open scrimmage. With less than two weeks before opening with the Sheep at The House That Bowlen Built, the Buffs might want to add the color green to their unis. Green, as in young.

22 of the top 44 players are freshmen or sophomores, and it shows in places. The linebacking corps are my chief concern, where outside super-Big 12 vet Jordan Dizon and stout Brad Jones, the Buffs are woefully thin. Their backups looked lost on a few plays, allowing TEs to walk into the endzone untouched or RBs to gallop right past them. Suspensions have hurt LBs, as penciled starter Michael Sipili used a fellow students face as a punching bag. Behind the three starters are three green walk ons.

Behind the linebackers are a solid group of starters in the backfield, lead by speedy corner Terrence Wheatley. Opposite him is the surprising Ben Burney, who played man very well and shows great ball instinct; and roaming the middle are two fierce hitters in Ryan Walters and Daniel Dykes. Both are wood-bringing monsters who even during the scrimmage looked like they were intimidating the WRs. Again, all of their backups are youngins, freshmen and sophomores abound. Again, more mistakes among that group. Not on the scale of last year, but the youth shows in blown coverages during the scrimmage.

Parts of the OL are also peppered with the youngsters, as are the WRs. The young OL is strong, run wise, as they mowed the DL on a few plays. However, the young wideouts are head and shoulders above the vets athletically, so there will be no drop off there. Josh Smith, while looking like a young Milli or Vanilli, is the peach of the bunch. Speed with him and the other freshmen WRs, Kendrick Celestine and Markues Simas. Smith will most likely be the starter by mid-year. Even the QB, Cody Hawkins, will be taking his first NCAA snap, even though those games versus Kevin and Winnie in the backyard don’t count. Lil' Hawk looks sharp, think Joel Klatt style manager, with a bit more raw talent/strength.

The bottom line? I’m not ready to assign a win-loss total to the squad yet. But, the sheer number of especially young Buffs might lead one to believe that it could be heavy again in the right column.

Deesens Nuts

I've seen your kind before you're not original
Just a sick mixed up individual...

The home town nine played one of their stranger games last night, as scrap heap pick up Elmer Deesens pitched a stout first half off the game, allowing just two runs for most of it. Then a crazy 5th inning saw Elmer Fudd get through two outs before serving up a 3 run HR. The usually reliable Jeremy Affeldt then went Byun on his team, providing a niiiiiiiiiice nine run inning. All with two out.

Somehow Petco was turned into Coors last night with the ridiculous 11-9 final. A 1-2 San Diego portion of the West Siiiiiiide trip is unimpressive, but can be tempered with a series win in LA. The Rox are nearly doing it with smoke and mirrors now, as rookies, wire pickups, and veterans are combining to form a ramsackle pitching staff. Harrakala, Deesens, Ramon Ortiz, and super rookie Franklin Morales are all part of the equation. Elmer's Glue anyone?

5280: Stretch Run

To finish wit flyin colors, Tha alcoholic brothers
Connected, respect it, ain't no choice but to love us...

Three weeks remain in the Slushy Gutter Summer Challenge. Let's look at the stats heading down the final tore-down road:

--JL Smooth-670- The leader since day one. He even got invited to a fish fry by a leather breasted bartender.**
--Jeez Steve-614- Captain Bud Light. Homeboy drinks BLs while doing everyday activities: changing his baby, shopping, working, sleeping.*
--Trav-463- Downed some cold Pacificos this past weekend. Beers he's drank all summer might be equal to the Pacific Ocean.
--CommishCH-409- Come on now, you knew the originator of this bulls*t would creep back into the top five.
--Pickles-399- Mr. Consistency at 30+ a week. Said it'd be more if not "for those two assholes" (his kids) ***
--Broz-385- His Saturdays have been in the 20 range the last month; was told by his own father upon cracking a 7:30am golf beer that he was "a fucking idiot."
--TDub-383- New baby? So what! Still has the game presence to sneak in 30+ beers. **
--JBiz-326- Has slid from the rankings quicker than David Duvall. Has vowed to track down and catch fellow new dad TDub.**
--Slick Rip-253- He had one- yes one- beer this past week. By comparision, JL Smooth and Jeez Steve had one beer while brushing their teeth.

TOTAL: 3903

*- Current Slushy Gutter Winner
**- Former Two-time Slushy Gutter Winner
***- Former Slushy Gutter Winner

Hooray! Not Real Football!

I put words together like Peter Jennings
And skate on motherfuckers like Peggy Flemming...

Thoughts and observations from last night's Broncos preseason game:

**Travis Henry- Dude looks like a man on a mission out there. Breaking tackles, hitting the hole hard, quick cuts. Either he's renewed or someone told him the Niners stole whatever substance he was taking back in 04 to get suspeneded. "Yo, Trav, I saw Michael Lewis snooping in you locker."

**Troy Fleming scored a touchdown. I really have no idea who he is, but he got in the end zone. He is not related to Peggy Fleming.

**Mike Nolan, the Niners' coach, didn't wear a suit. It was the first preseason game, he could've dressed like the construction worker from The Village People and no one would've cared.

**Jason Elam- He missed a 44 yard field goal before halftime. Could this be the beginning of the end for him? He's 37 years old and in the last year of his contract. Keep an eye on his performance throughout the year.

**Nate Webster and Louis Green looked good at the linebacker spots. Both we're flying to the ball and Green broke up the final Niners play. Between the two of them their helmets flew off about three times. Either Dove Valley is short on helmets and they're wearing Rich Karlis' old helmet or one of those helmet potato chip holders that your drunk friend always seems to wear.

**In the 2nd quarter and halftime I went for a run. A beautiful Colorado night was sullied when a goose shit on my Ipod. Fucking goose was probably a Chiefs fan.

**Yes, that was Patrick Ramsey. He of one pass attempt in 2006 didn't look bad. Surprisingly, he had quite the zip on his balls. (Insert juvenile humor now)

**There was a replay challenge late in the 2nd quarter. Challenges should be outlawed in the preseason. In fact, anything that slows down the game should be banned in the preseason. No two minute warnings, no timeouts. Scrap halftime, no introductions, shit, get rid of the 3rd quarter too.

**That was former Bronco Ashlie Lelie catching a ball in the 3rd quarter of a preseason ballgame. Next stop: Calgary Stampeders.

MM...More Food

While perusing the "Rap" section at the local big box store, (hint: rhymes with Pest Pie) I was getting a good chuckle out of the current releases that populate about 90% of the section. From time to time, the big boys can provide an decent release at a decent price. Imagine my shock yesterday when I copped MF Doom's "MM...Food" rerelease in the special shiny package, a bonus DVD, and even a super sweet poster for my locker. It's going right next to my Cindy Crawford in the zebra bikini. Best Buy, for one day, you are my hero.

Five Star (Leg)Breakdown

First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin' and twitchin' kinda like I was smokin'...

The Rockies are flying high after a three game beatdown of the Cheeseheads, and the town is abuzz with the Cubs coming in for a four game set and their masses of fans who still haven't moved on from Leon Durham, Chico Walker, mid-80s WGN, and Harry Caray.

The news isn't all good though, as Todd Helton's back has gone George Jefferson spasms on him, and Jason Hirsh has a broken leg. Broken legs, even with the fresh signatures you get on the cast (the markers that smelled like fruit and candy were choice), are not conducive to effective pitching. I'm not an orthopedic surgeon or an MD, I just kind of figured that a major snapped bone where you generate pitching strength isn't really desired among MLBers.

No one figured to tell my prognosis to Hirsh, as he suffered the broken stick in the first inning on Tuesday night and continued to pitch for six additional innings. He earned the victory over the Miller Lights and later had an MRI that revealed the problem. In the words of Biz Markie: "Oh snap!"

Curt Schilling, you are weak. Willis Reed, move over. Joe Theismann, you sissy. Joe Paterno, get off that stretcher wimp! Tim Krumrie, come on, hustle back out. Willis MacGhee, you slacker. Jason Hirsh...a freaking warrior.

RELATED:
***The Hoodratz- "Bootlegga"
Contains the chorus "If you bootleg, you get your leg broke" VIDEO

***Big Shug f/ Sean Price and Big Twins- "Leg Breakers" CHECK IT

-

5280: Juiced Up?

Don't make me wreck shit, hectic
Next get the chair got me goin like General Electric
And the lights are blinkin I'm thinkin
It's all over when I go out drinkin…

While the nation’s eyes are fixed on Barry Bonds breaking the home run record, the Slushy Gutter’s eyes are bleary and not looking so good at breaking their mark. The starting nine may be in need of some “enhancement” to reach their stated goal of 5280 beers.

Current Slushy Gutter Winner Jeez Steve and two time Slushy Gutter Winner Juck are the exceptions. They are A-Rod and Matt Holliday of this sh*t. Jeez Steve posted a stellar 85 over last week, including a near 12 pack while “trimming trees.” Hate to see those trees. Juck was 10 behind, as he even braved a wicked electrical storm with CL can in hand to add to the total.

Trav is right there as well, the season’s surprise. Think Troy Tulowitzki. He followed his now-standard poker, after work beers, and PS2 beers. He did endure a long night where he downed keg beer and was politely asked to leave the establishment. Broz is also on the upswing, perhaps the SG’s Prince Fielder. Broz swilled the bulk of his 40+ beers at a rain soaked neighborhood Luau where he watched impromptu diving comps, smoked stolen cigarettes, and endured a wicked Sunday hangover.

Consistency is the word for former Slushy Gutter Winner Pickles and the Commish. Dependable, like maybe Cal Ripken and Ryne Sandberg. Both plugged their way to the needed mid-30 average and did all the small things.

Former two time Slushy Gutter Winner TDub welcomed his beautiful daughter into the world, but not before knocking out 30+ beers at softball and patiently waiting for the big moment. Given the baby history, he may start to decline. Think Sammy Sosa.

Rounding out the lineup, think way below the Mendoza line, are Slick Rip and former two time Slushy Gutter Winner JayBiz. Rip is on “sabbatical” and knocked out only a dozen, and vowed to remain sober until Labor Day. Ouch, not good for the team there. JayBiz did him one better, sucking down 13. Think Ozzie Canseco.

With four weekends left, the overall number is struggling. The general manager may bring in an influx of talent to produce the results that we expected back in the preseason. Play Ball! (3618)

Poker in the front, Fantasy Football in rear

And I'm the dirtiest thing in sight

Matter of fact bring out the girls and let's have a mud fight...

I've been playing Fantasy Football since the mid-80s, and I've been playing with basically the same group of guys for 14 years now. One consistent aspect of most of my seasons is that I am woefully putrid at the game. Just last year (our league's 13th) I blew right past the 100 career losses mark. Do the math...yeah, shitty, eh? Many subscribe to the theory that Fantasy Football is mostly luck, some think they are the next Bobby Beathard and that makes them a shoe-in for their League's glory. I'm somewhere in the middle, I think some pigskin prowess is required, along with a little luck.

If Poker is somewhat like Fantasy Football, then myself and the rest of my league are in big shit trouble this upcoming year. One of our longtime members just returned from the World Series of Poker $300K + richer. This is even more depressing given the fact our league uses the "auction" system for undrafted palyers. "Oh, Brandon Stokley wasn't drafted? He has two TDs already? Alright, I bid $310. Anone else want to go that high? I didn't think so, bitches."

(NOTE: this post may fall under the old adage that "nothing is more uninteresting than someone else's Fantasy Football team.")

Friday Funk: Steppin To The A.M.

-Pete Nice's brother is the head basketball coach at St. Francis College in Brooklyn.
-Rumor has it that the song was originally intended for Rakim.
-In the late parts of he video there's a kid laying on the ground, apparently the victim of the beatdown. On the kid's head is a Beastie Boys record cover.
-Ironic, because the hook includes the sample of the Beastie's "Time To Get Ill"
-The Beasties struck back at Serch more than three years later on Check Your Head's "Professor Booty" with the line "I'm bad ass, move ya' fat ass, cuz your wack son, dancing around like you think you're Janet Jackson."
-No contest: 3rd Bass wins on this one.
-Songs sampled include "Shack Up" by Banbarra, "Mother Earth" by Kool & the Gang, and "Can't Find the Judge" by Gary Wright.
-The song was produced by the legendary Bomb Squad.
-Why does Serch require a mic, while Pete can just rap aloud from his old wooden chair? It must have a built in boom mic.
-The hook also includes a Schoolly D sample; and the into includes a Pink Floyd snippet.
-Although the Commish never carved anything in his dome ala Serch, he had plenty of friends who did. That included a young time Slushy Gutter Winner Juck, who suffered cuts on his head from wayward clippers.
-Yes, we know, The White Rapper Show...let's skip that.
-Pete Nice now runs a baseball museum in Cooperstown, NY. He is the author of a few baseball books.
-The song reached number 5 on the Billboard Hot Rap Singles on July 26, 1989.
-Judging by the use of flashlights, either Def Jam really scrimped on the budget, or Pete and Serch were big campfire story fans.
-Original name of 3rd Bass: 3 the Hard Way.
-The group KMD, which featured a young MC named Zev Luv X, appears in the video. Of course, he's now underground legend MF DOOM.
-The group's DJ, Richie Rich, now lives in Arizona and is a pharmaceutical rep.
-Polka dots, day glo socks, door knocker earrings: the late 80's backup dancer's requisites.

(Big ups to Thirdbass.net for some key info)

Colorado Represent

SONGS FOR YOUR COLORADO DAY:

**Get Em High- Common w/ Kanye West and Talib Kweli ("Bolder then Denver, I ain't a mad rapper just a MC with a temper")
**New York, New York ("Castle in the sky, one mile high")
**Up in the Mountains- 2 Black 2 Strong MMG VIDEO
**The Iceberg- Ice-T ("Charlie Jamm fucked a freak on a ski-lift, 10 below, gave her the dick.")
**When the Road is Covered With Snow- Yz
**Ghetto Fabulous- Ras Kass ("...like John Elway got a Super Bowl ring") VIDEO
**WKYA (Drop)- Redman ("I'm so dope I could bundle cook-up by the aspirin, gaspin like it's Aspen")
**Any Emcee- Nine ("Like Pam Grier is fine, I gets mine like two nickels is a dime") [Pam Grier went to Denver East High School]
**Method Man- Wu Tang Clan ("Blow like snow when the cold wind's blowin") VIDEO
**Ski Mask Way- 50 Cent
**Cruisin- Coolio ("I can feel that Rocky Mountain high")
**Constant Elevation- Gravediggaz
**Critical Beatdown- Ultramagnetic MCs ("altitude level, reachin forth, stompin every devil.")
**Rodeo- Method Man f/ Ludacris
**Annihilation- Dilated Peoples ("Rock till I'm hoarse like Broncos from Colorado")
**So Sincere- AZ ("Feelin like Don Cheadle in Hotel Rwanda, you know karma, increase when you cease your drama") [Cheadle is from Denver]
**Watch Yo Nuggets- Redman
**Shake That- Eminem ("I've been to the muthafuckin mountain top")
**Check the Elevation- Tony D
**Beef- KRS-One [The cheeseburger was invented in Denver]
**Play it Kool- Kool G Rap & Polo ("You might as well be in a cage with a mountain lion")
**The Message- Nas ("...sippin Coors, on all floors in project halls")
**These Drugs- D12 ("The last time I sniffed blow I ended up in Denver, Colorado at an Iggy Pop show")
**Elevation- Inspectah Deck
**The Wickedest- Notorious BIG ("The wack MC? Or the black fat MC? Jack Dempsey would start shakin.") [Dempsey is from Manassa, CO.]
**Trespass- Ice-T & Ice Cube ("...with the ski mask, gotta get the cash")