Sunday, July 31, 2011

Ubaldo A Go-Go

You drew a picture of my morning but you couldn't make my day...

Rockies ace, opening day starter, All-Star starter, 19-game winner, only player to toss no-hitter, Ubaldo Jimenez is traded to the Cleveland Indians. SG is there with some thoughts:

-This might be a classic case of other teams upping the ante at every turn. For the Indians to give not one, but two of their top pitching prospects is a reach on their part. It would be interesting to see what the other teams involved were offering. No word if the Yankees offered a few pages from Derek Jeter's black book.

-Ubaldo will adjust to the American League, right? Look at Matt Holliday in Oakland, he was an average player. He comes back to the NL and is an All-Star. Roy Halliday in Toronto was a very good player, comes to the NL and seemingly is more dominant. Doc Holliday in the OK Corral was very good. Goes to Glenwood Springs and becomes a dentist. OK, I had to throw all the "Hollidays" in there I could.

-We'll have an early indicator of the success of this trade this year. Both Drew Pomeranz and Alex White might be starting for the Rox when the rosters expand. First thing I noticed about the third guy, Joe Gardner was "sinkerball," which goes with Coors Field like cold beer and Dippn Dots.

-Root Sports is quickly turning into Rockies' Pravda. "Hurry, hustle Tracy Ringolsby out there to tell everyone how great the guys we got in here are!" You could almost hear the torment in Drew Goodman's voice as he called the early part of the game. On the other hand, they did allow some scathing texts on the sixth inning to go on air. I liked the one that read, "O'Dowd: does Ubaldo have naked pictures of you and a billly goat?" I made that one up.

-Paging Jorge De La Rosa? How's that injury? Oh yeah, well you're our top guy now. Thanks.

-The secondary controversy seems to be the circus of allowing him to pitch for one inning. But the Rockies didn't want to scratch him due to scaring off other teams in case of injuries. Huh? Make something up: his brother is sick, he has diarrhea, the State Separtment is seeing him because his visa incorrectly read he's from Bonerland. Anything. Or maybe scratch him from his start due to "the fact we are in the process of trading him." Secondarily, Ubaldo said he couldn't focus in the first inning because of the drama. Huh? Is this the steely vet you want who can't block everything out and throw strikes?

-Picture Ubaldo wearing that ridiculous Chief Wahoo hat, wow, that will be weird. He was one of "our guys" and now he's about as far away as possible. That's why I think this trade stings so much for most of Rox Nation. Ubaldo seemed to perfectly fit in the sleeveless black unis the Rox wear. We saw him come up and turn into a dominant guy, and almost to a man, we all knew he'd be that dominant guy again. Regardless of the guys we get back and how they do, Ubaldo will always be that smiling guy that the fanbase had grown to love. I've seen some nice cheers for returning players with other teams, but whenever Ubaldo makes it back to Coors, you might see the biggest yet.

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Thursday, July 28, 2011

This Is Weird

For the sickness, that be spreadin with the quickness
Remedies, cause I be doin on my enemies...

You know how it is pretty weird when you run into someone that you have a checkered past with, or when you cross paths with someone you know a secret about? Like an old girlfriend, or the guy who you know is getting transferred, or the dude who got fired from your work for jerking off in the suplpy closet, or and old teacher who you knew was banging your friend's mom. Has to be that way at Dove Valley right now with Kyle Orton? What do you say to him when you cross paths with him? SG was there and caught some responses:

-"Hey Kyle, uhh, the neck beard was cool, but the clean look is way better. Good job!"

-"Dude, the last QB traded here got to hit it with one of those Laguna Beach chicks for awhile."

-"Yo Orton. (long pause) You think I can have all your Bronco gear for my cousin?"

-"Hey man, Reggie Bush is in Miami. Kardashian leftovers my man."

-"LeBron is in Miami and they love him dude. (under breath) And he can't do jack in the fourth quarter either."

"Oh hey, Kyle. (long pause) John Fox spelled backwards is Xof N Hoj! Heh heh..."

-"Kyle. My man. Uhhh. Man, I just saw Tebow spill a little bit of his water. What a dork."

-"Don't worry about it man. Elway? I went to his steakhouse and it sucked."

RELATED: Organized Konfusion f/ OC- "Fudge Pudge" - ("Off, awkward, spaghetti I'll sauce it, lyrics flow like fluid out of a faucet")


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Orton Over

Hey the lockout it over! Football season is upon us in the Rocky Mountains and your Denver Broncos are the consensus pick to finish last in the AFC West!

First order of business? Trade your starting quarterback. Sounds like a good enough plan for a few reasons. One, Kyle Orton makes too much money on a team that woefully short on depth. For one Kyle Orton, you can get tree-four quality backups/special teamers. Or parlay that dough and drop beer prices by a few cents at Invesco? You decide fans!

Orton is also one of the few commodities the Donks have that other teams might want. He is a shade below a blue chip (purple chip?) in the NFL trading poker game. At this point the Donks will probably be happy to score a 3rd or even 4th round pick for him. But, by getting him on the proverbial block this early int he game, they could drive up the price for him ahead of the Eagles and Kevin Kolb.

Finally, and this could be the most underrated aspect of Orton's pending move, is that he wasn't that good of a teammate and/or leader last year. The lasting image could be of him sulking on the bench while Tim Tebow and the staff went over plays and personnel rubbed some in the organization wrong. His end of the year "reward" trip (hell, he took the offense on a trip for last year? If they would've won the Super Bowl would he have bought them each a small island) for the offense excluded one Tim Tebow. Basically, Mr Orton was a bitter dude. And how can anyone hate the Golden Boy, Tim Tebow.

A scant two years sandwhiched in between the Cutler Era and the Tebow(?) Era will be the Orton Era, remembered for ineffiecient 4th quarters, pouting, and incomplete beards. See ya, Kyle, the sun is Arizona is brutal.

RELATED: Ghostface Killah - "Apollo Kids" - ("We split a fair one, poker nose money")


Thursday, July 21, 2011

Hip Hop Fact Checker: Funkdoobiest

Funkdoobiest (Son Doobie)

Claim: "Cause I cause disasters like the Dukes of Hazard" from "Bow Wow Wow"

Breakdown: First, we have to question whether Bo and Luke Duke, residents of Hazzard County, did cause any actual disasters. As far as a true disaster (along the lines of flooding, an immense fire, a hurricane, a massive terrorist attack, or any other calamity that causes millions of dollars in damage) the backwoods means of the Dukes would be hard pressed to cause any such disaster. Hell, the two barely held a job, how could they fund a terror operation? That said, they did wreak havoc on the county's law enforcement structure. Massive damage to the police department's cruiser fleet was inflicted from 1979 to 1985 by the Dukes, as well as mental anguish to the leaders of the county and substantial damage to the seemingly endless amount of uncompleted bridge work in the county. Son Doobie was never known for any such mayhem, in fact, at the time he was too young to drive the General Lee which caused much of the said "disasters."

Conclusion: Son Doobie did not cause disasters like the Dukes of Hazard.

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Monday, July 18, 2011

Don't Cry, Dry Your Eyes

Melt MC's with mental telepathy...

While the nation wakes up in a collective gruff and grumbly mood today after the disappointing Women's World Cup loss, we can take solace in joy in that one of our national squads brought home a world title this weekend.

The US are World Champions of American Football! Clear the parade route down New York City for our conquering hereos! Abby Wam Who?

Better yet before you rush out and buy your commerative shirts and hats, was that our very own Cody Hawkins was behind center for the entire tournament. He performed quite well matching up against an array of Canadians, Austrians, and others from across the wide globe or American Football players. Who needs Big 12 competition when you are going against Austraila's finest?

Hope Solo? Who?

RELATED: Redman f/ K-Solo - "My Big Brother"


Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Monsoon Trade?

You ain't got no wins en mi casa...

The big news on the year's slowest sports day here in the 303 (or is it the 720 now? Hell, I remember when the whole damn state was the 303 and you didn't have to dial an area code. Bahhh, get off my lawn!) is the Rox entertaining trading Ubaldo to the Reds.

Initial reaction is generally "how could they!?" But after the seemingly distant 15-1first half of last year, a few Purp Fans might actually think this could be a move the Rox should at least listen to Cincy.

While the Rox aren't exactly know for schrewd manuevering and covert operations, this could be a classic internal smokescreen. Float the trade to the public so that the happy-go-lucky Ubaldo gets the word that he has the 2nd half to get his ish together or he's moving on out to southern Ohio or points beyond. Of course, that could backfire by pissing off your happy-go-lucky former ace who gets no run support, who has pitched well the last month or so, and who signed a sweetheart hometown deal just last year, just so you can fill the system with position players at power spots where you have substandardly drafted over the last half-decade.

Sounds like a great plan. But hey, the last Denver star who moved on to Ohio worked out to be a good deal, right?

RELATED: Dr Dre - "Keep Their Heads Ringin" - ("Produce a smokescreen")


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Reks- "Kill Em"

From his latest joint REKS (Rhythmatic Eternal King Supreme) Reks bleeses the summer Hip Hop scene with "Kill Em." Laced by a hittin Statik Selecktah beat, Reks goes for his and shouts out most of the "real" MCs in the game today. A perfect ailment with easy to follow cartoons for the burnout crowd and precise lyrics and message for all others. One.


Thursday, July 07, 2011

Atlanta Freaknik

The Rockies completed an epic sweek in the ATL to plunge further down the NL pecking order. Of course, it has lead to the chorus of panic in the streets to fire the manager, trade away the team at the deadline, neuter Dinger, bench everyone from Aaron Cook to Marvin Freeman, and demolish Coors Field and replace it with another Ikea.

Is this season over? Sure feels like it. This team was vastly overrated and is basically half AAA right now with even some AA players creeping into the mix with injuries and ineffectiveness.

What to do what to do what to do? They've tried nearly everything, so perhaps it is time to wave the white flag. There will be great interest in Ty Wigginton, Jason Giambi, and Huston Street. Get some the proverbial prospect or perhaps a ready made player that can help immediately (ie a salary dump player.) There's no reason to think this team will go into Washington against a hot Nationals team and get any sort of momentum. (Optimism creeps in: seven straight games at home following the break. Oh yeah, see results of the last five games.)

Seems awfully damn close to the end of the year. More fine Swedish furniture may be coming to the Denver area.

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Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Buffs Awesome Baby!

And use the mic as my accomplice...

Dick Vitale made the trek up to The Republic yesterday and had tremendous things to say about the beautiful campus, the new hoops facility, new football coach Jon Embree, and Boulder in general. Following Dickie V on Twitter is fun especially when you read the tweets in his own patented voice. But a few tweets from Dickie V's trip to Boulder didn't make it on the feed, and SG found those:

-Whoa, just saw the most talent in Boulder out here on the ultimate frisbee field. They're awesome baby!

-Scratch that, these hackey sack kids are PTP'ers! Dipsy doo, kick the sack a roo!

-Six footer! I'm not talking basketball size, but a six foot bong, baby!!!

-I just found last year's tourney invite, someone had stuffed it in the towel dispenser in the bathroom. Uh-oh baby!

-Dan Hawkins, MIA baby. No sign of him anywhere. It's awesome baby!

-A ton of couches on the porches here... I smell burning furniture. Dipsy doo!

-Pearl Street Mall ... I just got some PT in a drum circle!

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