Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Cable Guy

In this competition, because I have a greater mission
I hope that you listen
Knowledge wisdom and understanding brings, long life and health,
think anything else and ya playin ya self...

The complete debacle that is the Raiders' coaching situation finally ended today with boy wonder Lane Kiffin finally incurring the Emperor's demented wrath. Yet there was another surprise to us here in Bronco and Buff land: (Wouldn't it just seem too perfect to see old Slick Rick Neu be named coach?) former Buff assistant Tom Cable was named the Raiders' new puppet coach. The name isn't instilling fear in Bronco land? Chaking up an asy win when the Raiders come to town later in the year? Let's take a look at Mr Cable.

In addition to looking like John Candy's character from Planes, Trains, And Automobiles, Del Griffith, Cable has taken the non-typical route to one NFL head coach.

Cable's was a name that the Buff faithful hadn't heard in quite some time, as Cable hasn't been here in CO since the 1999 season under then-coach Gary Barnett as offensive coordinator. He lead the Buff offense that year to a 7-5 record. Who could forget the endless WR screens and 85 yards rushing per game their top back produced. (The offense's best weapon was in fact a DB and P/KR, Ben Kelly.)

From there it was onto The University of Idaho, where he went 11-33 over four seasons. When he was run off from Vandal land, he landed at CU-West aka UCLA (several ex-Buffs and former assistants were in Westwood at the time) for two years before hitting up the Atlanta Falcons' OL job and the Raiders OL job for the last two seasons.

That is being groomed to be a NFL head coach, my friends. One word comes to mind: pedigree.

RELATED: Fat Joe f/ Big Pun, Jadakiss, Nas, Raekwon - "John Blaze" - "Put your money on the table, we can battle on cable"

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Monday, September 29, 2008

Chief Rocka

Lyrically, I'm worshipped, don't front the word sick
You cursed it, but rehearsed it
I drop unexpectedly like bird shit...

PROPS and DROPS from the wasted opportunities by the Buffs' versus Florida State and the Broncos against KC, both losses:

DROPS: By now we all know that the Donk defense is - ahem - below average, but yesterday it sunk to a new level. The basic tenets of defense took an off day. How many weak arm tackles did Larry Johnson break through? Linebackers constantly out of position to allow some guy named Tony Gonzalez to roam free. No pressure on everyday Joe QB Damon Huard to only miss on seven passes.

DROPS: The obvious is that Buff QB Cody Hawkins overthrew two wide open receivers that would've lead to TDs. But the immediate ramifications of the missed throws is not as damaging as perhaps the key that they prevented: momentum. Make the two throws and the team, the fans, the coaches are fired up. Florida State is forced to play from behind with their suspect QB with a half numb crowd (nice attendance by the way) and a fired up Buffs' team.

DROPS: The CU wide receiver corps have seem to regressed each week since the opener. Or perhaps the talent level of the teams they faced has amped up? Either way, receivers that were getting space (read: Scotty McKnight) aren't anywhere to be seen. Pedestrian is the word, and the Buffs' wideouts are in the crosswalk. Josh Smith, as flashy and dangerous as he can be, is become a liability on special teams. His bungling, bobbling, and juggling cost the Buffs five points at the end of the second half.

DROPS: It was back to 2007 again as the Bronco offense turned the Red Zone into the Dead Zone, coming away with Matt Prater FGs instead of a quick six. 2nd and 3 at the 3 and the Broncos can only muster two Jay Cutler incompletions. A quick pitch out to any of the RBS might of sufficed at that point. Another trip stalls at the 15, and yet another with the horrific Prater 28 yard FG miss. The creativity that Shanny has exhibited suddenly froze up inside the 20 at Arrowhead.

DROPS: Champ Bailey stated rather emphatically post-game that the teams' preparation for the visit to the 0-3 Chiefs "sucked". If so, that's on Shanny and his staff as well as the team vets. This is the NFL, week in and week out facing talented players. The KC visit should be an easy 'W' before the two home games versus the Florida teams and the Donks looked like it was Fort Scott Community College out there. If players were goofing off and taking it lightly, their asses should've been red from a healthy dose of discipline and derision.

DROPS: The play calling wasn't something to send to Pop Warner. Yes, you have to pass when you are down by 18, but the running game was getting some good chunks in the first half. With the suspect wide receivers, the offensive coaches need to get creative on the ground. How about Rodney Stewart and Darrell Scott in the same backfield? More direct snaps to the RB? The option maybe? As beat up as the O-Line is, its strength still might be run blocking for our two stud frosh RBs.

PROPS: The current Slushy Gutter holder, Commish CH, managed to fall off a bench while watching the CU game. His quick, cat-like, Coors Light refelxes allowed him to narrowly avoid falling onto a Rock Em Sock Em robot and having a peculiar ER visit. You can't make this shit up.

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Friday, September 26, 2008

Bitin Our Style

I see you vision mama, I put my money on the longshots
All my ballers that's born to clock
Now I'ma be on top whether I perform or not
I went from lukewarm to hot; sleepin on futons and cots ...

It's bad enough that the big old mean Red Sox had to piss on our Rocky Mountain campfire last October, spoiling the World Series and our mojo. Now, they've taken our flash-in-the-pan catch phrase, 'Rocktober' and morphed it into their own Chowderhead version, Soxtober.

Gee, why not just take Pike Peak and plop in the bay too?

Perhaps we just have to accept the pilfering, because by now, Rocktober has certainly morphed into Fluketober in even the most hardened Purple and Black's fan's mind. Matt Holliday sliding into home? Not ringing a bell. Kaz Matsui's grand slam in the NLDS? Who? Eric Byrnes talking ish. Quit pulling my leg. Rocktober? Yes, I won tickets to see Stryper during that back in 89!

We will let the New Englanders have the 'Soxtober' moniker, hell, why not? Ship us a few cases of Sam Adams in return. Hey, and we have a few truckloads of 'Rocktober' gear leftover; nothing that a few rolls of duct tape and a Sharpie won't fix.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Shanny Inquistion

From a pink-skinned yankee, to a blue black southerner,
Ditch digger or a governor…

The first domino fell in Ayatollah Shanny’s persecution of the defense yesterday- he fired the defensive coordinator he released safety Hamza Abdullah. It may come as a surprise in some quarters, as Abdullah was running with the first team early in camp, and was considered an up and coming player.

However, giving up nearly half a mile of yards in two games, and you go from up and coming to get-up-and-going.

To replace Abdullah, the Donk’s brought in Vernon Fox, who besides having a cool 1960’s spy movie name, will be able to ease in the defense against the decrepit Chiefs’ passing attack this week.

Was this the proverbial message by Shanny to his charges? Not really, it was more of a case of the proverbial “you aren’t playing that good, so get out.” As noted here on the SG, the safety play more resembles a Men Without Hats remix than actual football prowess the last two weeks at Invesco. In typical Shanny mode, he has begun reshaping the defense in season. Cohesion? Pfttt! Who needs it. With the safety play thus far, he might have Dennis Smith, Steve Atwater and LeLo Lang on speed dial.

RELATED: Scarface - "MyBlock" - "On my block, we're cueing all the time, playin dominoes. Keep the swishers sweet down until my mama goes"
RELATED: Black Moon - "Stay Real" - "I started the army, now we up and runnin, look you dissed me yesterday when I was off, I'm on today, and now you up and coming"


Monday, September 22, 2008

Fear of a Black Folsom

Excuse my French, but profanity is all I knew
And to you other sellouts, oh yeah, 'F' you too...

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs Blackout win over West Virginia on Thursday and the Broncos come-from-ahead victory over the Saints yesterday:

PROPS: The usually reserved CU crowd brought its 'A' game for the nationally televised Thursday game. They heeded the AD's advice and arrived early, but not without some spirited tailgating (in which the SG crew were ballyhooed participants). Even the non-student sections were on their feet the entire game. Most of the crowd were dressed in the requested 'Blackout' gear, especially the student section, witness the 'Colorado: We Know How To Blackout' t-shirts. And don't count the SG as among those foggies who deride the students for rushing the field. These are young people and they should have the chance to enjoy these years while they can...extra props to the dude rushing the field on crutches.

DROPS: Despite making three big plays when they counted, the Donks' defense overall was just putrid. The problem stems from a complete lack of pass rush, and against the Saints it was non-existant, even after they lost tackle Jamal Brown. Jarvis Moss isn't reminding anyone of Julius Peppers in his first action, and John Engleberger may be servicable in the run game, but he isn't getting near the QB. Drew Brees had time to style his birthmark to the tune of 400+ yards.

PROPS: Buffs' RB Rodney Stewart continues to amaze the Buff nation, as his quick bursts and surprising physical play garned him over 150 yards versus a stout WVU defense. Stewart, shows that cliched "extra gear" when he hits the holes. The OL in front of him redeemed themselves from the Eastern Washington game, with tackle Nate Solder having a superb game. Super stud frosh Darrell Scott had some key runs, but the staff chose to go with the hot back in Stewart as the feature back.

PROPS: Brandon Marshall shook off some miscues by QB Jay Cutler and an early drop to again post a stellar game. After toasting Charger All-Pro Walter Cromartie last week, the victim this week was Rastafarian Mike McKenzie, no slouch after 10 years in the league. At this point in the season, Marshall has shown he is the NFL's top receiver, with an insane ability to simply find space on the football field.

PROPS: The Donks' young OL is coming together nicely, with both Ryan Harris and Ryan Clady already looking like polished vets. Jay Cutler has barely been touched in the early part of the season and the running game is breaking off big chunks. As the OL gels and the weather changes, perhaps Shanny can counter his lackluster defense by playing a little ball control on offense. All three RBs: Selvin Young as a the feature back, Andre Hall as a change of pace, and Michael "Guns" Pittman as the short yardage guy, have run tough and not fumbled.

DROPS: West Virginia coach Bill Stewart coached like Stuart Little, as he looked completely lost throughout the televised portion of the game. Although he didn't seem to bungle the clock at game's end as much as ESPN would like you to believe, he did seem oblivious to much of the surroundings in the game. Maybe it was Erin Andrews in those tight black pants that had him looking like a dufus.

PROPS: The CU safety situation is a sticky one, and when starter Daniel Dykes couldn't play due to an illness, Northglenn product Anthony Perkins completely stepped up to fill his shoes. Perkins was credited with seven tackles, but also crowded the box (witness the nine in there) when WVU was showing run- nearly every damn play- and covered his man well when called upon.

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Friday, September 19, 2008

Friday Funk: 93 Til Infinity

-The album of the same name was released on September 28, 1993.
-MC lineup: A-Plus, Opio, Phesto & Tajai.
-Do not confuse Phesto with pesto; although some pesto pasta is mighty delicious.
-Bridget's man guess: Verne Troyer.
-Production was handled by A-Plus, who also produced perhaps the album's best track: "That's When Ya Lost"
-"Here's a forty, swig it, I got em chilling in the cooler, break out the ruler." Well, if you say so, but you want me to measure the beer?
-Black Timbs, the quintessential early 90's Hip Hop piece of gear, even on the West Coast.
-JayBiz is shouted out in the outro of the track. Haters, take note, it's not the same guy.
-The song samples "Heather" by Bill Cobham. He was a Panamanian drummer who worked with Miles Davis, Quincy Jones, and Peter Gabriel.
-The b-side was "Disseshowedo"
-Bridget's man guess: Herve Villechaize
-The song reached #72 on the Billboard Hot 100 and #11 on the Rap chart.
-The album may be considered the Hieroglyphics' crew best of their entire catalog. The Slushy Gutter vote for that honor? Casual's Fear Itself.
-Bridget's man guess: Earl Boykins
-Solo albums: A Plus: 1; Phesto: 0; Tajai: 3; Opio: 2 (check this year's Vulture's Wisdom, Volume One)
-The Hiero logo was designed by Del The Funkee Homosapien, who's father was an artist.
-Oakland Athletic's 1993 roster included: Dennis Eckersley, Rick Honeycutt, current Brewer's manager Dale Sveum, Rickey Henderson, and 08 Hall of Famer Goose Gossage.
-The symbol for infinity does not appear on a standard keyboard.

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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Weems is so whimiscal

Yo, I use the mic to slap you in the face and erase your taste
Disgrace your date put your title to waste

The Nuggets signed guard Sonny Weems today. There's barely an inkling of news here; most of the hardcore Nuggets' sites will barely mention it, the major dailies gave it less ink then Sarah Palin sucking face with a pig or whatever the latest politico rage is today. He's probably the last due off the bench, an emergency player if the other guards go down. However it's the name that I love. Say it out loud: Sonny Weems. Just screams Flagstaff's number one weatherman doesn't it?

Got me to thinking of some other classic Nuggets names:

10- Kenny Battle. Remember when Ralph Wiggums asked "what's a battle?" In this case, not much.

9- Reggie Slater. Played in the in the 90s, just a bit too close to the heyday of his far-removed cousin, AC Slater.

8- Nikoloz "Skita" Tskitishvili. Had the name 'Skita' before hordes of white folks were introduced to the term "skeet skeet skeet" by dread locked crunk singers.

7- Priest Lauderdale. Take your pick: Nuggets center, late night evangelist, or star of a porno flick with Kazee Bootyiful.

6- Ervin Johnson. Ahh, so close. But yet so far, really far, reaaaaaallllly far away.

5- Matt Fish. Formed the dominant front line with former catcher Steve Trout and race car driver Sterling Marlin.

4- Mengke Bateer. Loosely translates in Chinese to 'Do not confuse me with Yao'.

3- Darnell Mee. Oh, it just also has to be about you, eh Darnell? No wonder 90's NBAers got a selfish rap.

2- Roy Rogers. Howdy partners! How bout dem 4.8 career points average! Yeee haw!

1- Levern Tart. The classic taste and warmth of a Levern Tart after a great meal! Warm cherries, fresh apples, and sweet frosting, mmmmm.


Monday, September 15, 2008

Brass Balls

Kicking flavor, with my life saver techniques
Guaranteed to move feets and I go on for weeks…

PROPS and DROPS from yesterday's insane Broncos' win over the Chargers:

PROPS: Casting second guessing aside, Shanny went against all conventional NFL wisdom and got the win on the 2 point conversion to Eddie Royal. However, was it a gutsy balls…brass balls… call, or a referendum that your defense wouldn’t stop anyone in a potential OT? Probably a bit more of the latter as the D hadn’t stopped the Bolts in the 2nd Half. Couple that with the NFL’s antiquated coin flip OT rule and it made Shanny’s bold move an easier decision to make.

DROPS: Darren Sproles was a video game all day on the Invesco turf. We’re talking Bo Jackson on Tecmo Bowl here, as he looked a step faster than the other 21 guys out there. The Donks’ defense was totally out of position on his long TD catch and run (Nate Webster got turned around like a pretzel) and the special teams barely touched him on his TD on a kickoff return.

PROPS: Brandon Marshall abused All Pro corner Antonio Cromartie all day. Not just a couple long catches or say 10 catches, but rather 18 catches. In traffic, down the sidelines, over the middle, the only place Marshall didn’t catch a pass is in line at the Dippin Dots stand.

DROPS: The entire Bronco defense was horrendous in the 2nd Half, allowing the Chargers to have their way up and down the field. The softest part of the underbelly may be the safeties. Marlon McCree, Hamza Abdullah, Calvin Lowry, and Marquand Manuel aren’t going to remind anyone of Dennis Smith. A few times they were completely out of the play by lining up wrong (witness Lowry in a dead sprint in the 3rd quarter trying to catch up to the play before the ball snapped.) They almost gave up the game in the final 24 seconds as the middle was left wide open for Vincent Jackson and Antonio Gates.

PROPS: The litmus test that was Matt Prater kicking a long pressure field goal was passed on attempt #1, as he drilled a 52 yarder. It wasn’t the prettiest as it didn’t clear by much more than 2-3 yards, but it still counts. Jason who?

DROPS: Bronco fans rock jersies like no other at the game. Old Elway #7s, new #7s, Atwater, Terrell Davis, Randy Gradishar, all the classics. However some not-so-classic jersies spotted yesterday at the game: Jerry Rice #19- ahh, the classic days of Rice’s three preseason games in orange and blue. Bradlee Van Pelt #11- Seriously, even on the $4.99 rack at TJ Maxx? Buy a pack of socks next time. Rick Ankiel- Football, NFL, Denver. Perfect time to wear a St Louis Cardnials jersey. Rueben Droughns- Must’ve been wash day.


Friday, September 12, 2008

Mekka Don Tribute

The SG didn't get a proper tribute to either Bernie Mac or Issac Hayes who both passed away last month. With that, we have a proper RIP from Mekka Don titled "Death is Life". The track was produced by an up and coming producer Goose Bumps. Very deep and moving track and it might ring true in many a listener's ear.

SG wise, Issac Hayes was not only a tremendous songmaker and personality, but will also be known as 'Chef' from the South Park cartoon series.


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Beers, Rhymes, and Life

Kick your, dopest rhyme I'll break it up like 3rd Bass
I'm from the crew that sets it off by sprayin beer in your face...

Upon further review, the SG takes a look at the non-count that was the Slushy Gutter Summer Mission. Not like we were counting the pure shit-headedness that is 528 beers, but it might've went a lil something like this in the beer progression:

1- An ice cold Coors Light pre-Rockies game. It might’ve been that CL that contributed to the early season struggles.
6- A traditional Michelob Ultra at the conclusion of the Bolder Boulder, overlooking North Boulder from Folsom Field while listening to Edan’s “Promised Land.” A truly niiiiiiiiice moment.
19-34- Selling cheap garage sale crap is made so a lot easier by continuously downing CLs.
38- Some Hawaiian lager. Aloha.
39- A Miller Genuine Draft; RELATED: Tha Alkaholiks - "Hip Hop Drunkies"
75- Not the biggest fan of Texas, but a Shiner Bock? Yeeeeeee haw!
85- We got it for cheap: a Busch Light makes an appearance.
110- Slushy Gutter Alum Slick Rip’s bday means a crisp Rock Bottom Lumpy Dog. Do not confuse it with Beaver’s fat friend Lumpy.
117- A Skinny Dip microbrew; RELATED: Quasimoto f/ MF Doom - "Closer"
142- A Tommy Knocker Glacier Ale is the perfect ending to the Georgetown Half Marathon as I come over a mountain trail to see the mountain town glowing in the early morning sun, The Grouch’s “Show You the World” filling my ear.
154- A fresh Coors Light as I look over the wonder of Colorado’s Royal Gorge. (Or as my friend Uncle Buck called it later in the summer, the “Flaming Gorge”.)
199- A Coors Light while Current Slushy Gutter Winner Juck and former two time Slushy Gutter Winner Mummy and myself spend a few minutes trying to get a washer on a string onto a hook. Simple minds flock together.
206- A Dos XX for the first time; stay thirsty my friends.
230- A Red Stripe, Hooray for beer! RELATED: Young Black Teenagers - "Tap The Bottle"
232- Represent the real with Buffalo Gold.
234- A Sweaty Betty. No, that is a beer, not some slump buster. Seriously, get your mind out of the gutter.
250- State of Hip Hop and sports discussion with Slushy Gutter alum Trav. Later I go to the Rox game and score a free CL from the concessionnaire (255) and see some dude in a Jason Sehorn jersey. I end my drinking day about 2:30; Trav texts at 11pm claiming he’s “still at it!”
270- No Colorado Summer would be complete with out a trip to Glenwood and a Hanging Lake Ale.
283- A can of Corona at the pool is preceded by a cool run along the Roaring Fork River towards Mount Sopris with Pacewon and Mr Green blasting the iPod.
289- The coldest Coors in all of Colorado at Macinelli’s Pizza. Don’t believe me? Ask Former Slushy Gutter Winner JBiz (hi haters), who had a one and his penis froze off.
300- Sunshine Wheat topped with a sweet lemon. RELATED: Big Daddy Kane - "Smooth Operator"
316- Massive goblets of CL at the iconic Edgewater Inn.
340- A Rally Cap Ale, so good I turned my hat inside out and backwards and chanted "hey batter batter batter swiiiiiiing."
355- A Haystack Wheat. If beer was a needle in a haystack, I'm buying a hungry cow. RELATED: Ludacris - "The Potion"
368- As per tradition, a one-year old bday party CL; and another and another and…you get the picture.
388-393- Another CO icon bar: The Bucksnort Saloon in Sphinx Park. CLs at high altitude.
398- Kicking it old school: Miller High Life.
417- A Corona can at FF draft #1, I end up with a bunch of shitty players; the beer is deemed better than my team.
435- There’s been a lot of Miller Chills drank thus far and when I started shitting LimeAde, this was the last one. RELATED: EPMD - "You Gots To Chill" (and for you old school R&B heads: Guy - "Let's Chill" )
440-453- Our traditional draft; 8 cases are drank. Slushy Gutter winners abound.
505- A parking lot at Mile High CL as Slushy Gutter Alum Broz mans the tailgate grill and calls for coeds to have some “Slutburgers”.
511- I had hoped to avoid this beer, but it was the only freaking one around post CU-game: a Miller Lite. Desperate times.
522- A kiss from my beautiful wife as I enjoy a Lumpy Dog.
528- End game, 6pm Labor Day. A CL. But who the fuck was counting?

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Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Black Hole Beatdown

I'm buzzin, Dirty Dozen, naughty rotten rhymer,
Cursin at you players worse than Marty Schottenheimer…

PROPS and DROPs from this weekend’s CU squeaker versus Eastern Washington and the MNF Bronco beat down of the Raiders:

PROPS: Time to pump out the cliché machine and say “a win is a win” and it doesn’t matter if it comes against the Washington Redskins, the University of Washington, Eastern Washington, George Washington, or Washington from ‘Welcome Back Kotter’.

DROPS: Yeah, but it was Eastern Washington. A team that doesn’t offer the full compliment of schollies a Big 12 team does, doesn’t have nearly the budget, the support, the technology, the facilities… you get the picture.

PROPS: That noise is the Bronco team store register checking out Eddie Royal jerseys. The rookie WR turned Raider DB De’Angelo Hall inside out, so frustrating the former Pro Bowler that he committed two personal fouls. Royal and the other receivers looked all-world, a healthy contingent of the fast (Royal), the dependable (Brandon Stokely), the hybrids (Tony Scheffler and Nate Jackson), and the savvy (Darrell Jackson).

PROPS: The CU defense really only allowed a single TD on the day, and that was on the first drive (the other two EWU tallies came via a pick six for a TD and a short field after a fumble.) For this team to belly up to a bowl berth, the D will likely have to continue its good play until the O can offer some support. The LBs once again shined, with this week JUCO transfer Shaun Mohler all over the field until a late injury knocked him out of the game. CB Chappelle Brown made a huge athletic play by climbing the ladder to bring in an INT and take it to the house.

PROPS: Early in the game Nate Jackson let a sure catch go right through his hands and as the cameras panned back to QB Jay Cutler, one could see him voicing his frustration to Jackson. That is Jay Cutler, your Donk team leader. Comfortable in his 3rd season, he is unquestionably the offensive leader, not only vocally, but his dare I say – Manningesque – approach to the game. Smart throws, precise, yet with the athletic ability to boot, make Cutler this team’s alpha dog. His quick release and reads made it nearly impossible for the Raiders’ to sack, or barely pressure him all night.

PROPS: Everyone’s favorite freshman, Darrell Scott continues to get his feet wet, again leading the team in rushing and hurdling one EWU defender that would’ve made Edwin Moses proud. Scott is gaining confidence with each game and each carry. However, the frosh needs to improve his pass blocking and general awareness of the offense, as he again lined up wrong on several plays. The ‘other’ freshman back, Speedy Stewart, continues to show his versatility, splitting out on one play and slashing through the middle, then taking it right up the gut on another.

DROPS: The Colorado OL play was average or below average at best, and this was versus a line that it outweighed by nearly 50 lbs per man. Guard Devin Head’s absence forced two freshmen to make a go at it versus the quick EWU line. The result was QB Cody Hawkins in traffic for much of the day and a running game that never really hit a hot tempo. Of course, being in the shotgun formation 90% of the time means your OL are already in a pass blocking mindset even when it is a designed run. The CU coach brain trust needs to start mixing in more under the center plays as the B12 season approaches and touch OCC games versus West Virginia and Florida State loom.

PROPS: Coach Shanny has subscribed to the most recent NFL trend and gone to the RB by committee. Versus the Raiders it worked like a charm, as Selvin Young, Andre Hall, and Michael Pittman toted the rock. The hole weren’t huge, so credit the Raiders a bit with their strong front. Yet, as the game wore on, the RBs gained ground and the Raiders looked tired. Imagine dealing with Young and end arounds to Royal all night and then having to face Michael “Guns” Pittman in the 4th quarter as the Raiders had to do Monday Night? Ouch.
RELATED: Wu Tang Clan - "Method Man" - ("What exactly is a panty raider, ill behavior...")

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Monday, September 08, 2008

Patiently Waiting

Rap is like a set-up, a lot of games
a lot of suckers with colorful names
I'm so-and-so, I'm this, I'm that
but they all just wick wickwack…

I heard a rumor that the Denver Broncos professional football club might get around to playing a game soon. Seems that the majority of the NFL teams have already played a game, college teams are gearing up for week three, and a handful of high school teams have already played three games. Did I miss something and perhaps the Donks were relegated English Premier League style to a lower division? Should I be scanning the AFL2 website to see if they played the Iowa Barnstormers?

That being said, we were just informed that they must be playing the Oakland Raiders. Not because we checked the NFL schedule, but rather a run on Road Warrior and Darth Vader costumes in the Easy Bay area.

RELATED: Boyz II Men f/ Treach, Craig Mack, Busta Rhymes, Method Man- "Vibin" - (Craig Mack: "On the fader, from here to Grenada, dope demonstrater creator of the force like Darth Vader")


Friday, September 05, 2008

Nominate these Points

A true leader, don't choose to follow, choose what I swallow
whether water or a beer bottle, of course I play the lotto…

-5280, the Mile High City’s and Metro Area’s foremost local rag (although it sometimes makes us suburban folks feel like we live the rural sticks) has a great article that offers more insight into Coach Dan Hawkins. As we’ve documented here at the SG, Hawk is a different breed: part Phil Jackson, part Yogi Berra, mix in some Aristotle, a bit of Bill Walsh, and maybe even some Harry Houdini. He can take the team to Water World and not be belittled for it like a previous CU Coach, yet still be raked over the coals for horrible play calling versus Iowa State. That being said, Hawk you better win by 2-3 TDs this weekend.

-One of my favorite tracks out right now is DJ Revolution featuring KRS-One simply title ‘The DJ’. Surprise, KRS is preaching to all the played-out, flossed out rappers and radio programmers about the ills of contemporary Hip Hop, and as usual, he delivers. Of particular note is KRS railing on DJs who have “20,000 songs” on their computer and his 10 DJ Rules. Look for it Sept 16 on Rev’s ‘King of the Decks” album. CHECK IT

-Taking it waaaay underground in Hip Hop and steady blasting through the SG system is the Invizzibl Men’s “The Unveiling”. The group consists of Karniege, who has blessed projects from Def Jux over the years, and the relative unknown MarQ Spekt. The album is a collection of grimey, street heavy beats and rugged lyrics. Yet a few sextastic tracks offer some lightheartedness. An underground all-star collection of Vast Aire, Billy Woods, C Ray Walz, and Vordul Mega are peppered thoroughout. Peep the absolute illness that is the track “Jimmy Swagger”.

-The past two late Summers, I would be tallying up the wackness that was the SG Summer Missions. Ya know, that stupid shit of trying to down 528 (2006) or 5280 (2007) beers between Memorial Day and Labor Day. This year, I’m mad chilling and my super computer of a brain is intact as the tallying just never happened. Damn it feels good to be a gangster.

A super late fury of beers over the past Labor Day weekend would have pushed me to the hallowed 528 mark, because that mark doesn’t exist. The four day stanza went by with sucking smoooooooth CLs for free at a wedding (in which the bride mentioned she got CL because she “knew that myself and two-time Slushy Gutter Winner Mummy would be there”), popping mad beers tailgating with the SG Crew before and after CU’s Mile High win (including SG Alum Broz who dished out beers and “slutburgers” to coeds), and finally crushing beers with my beautiful wife on Labor Day. But that didn’t matter one bit this Summer….suckers. (528)

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Wednesday, September 03, 2008


Questions Oprah Winfrey might have asked Carmelo Anthony when he was on the show today as part of her Olympic Tribute:

-"My name is 'Harpo' spelled backwards? So I take it yours is 'Olem' spelled backwards?"

-"So you guys won a gold medal? That's your first one? Hmmm, I have so much money, when I shit, it's a gold medal."

-"I see you out there with your corn rows and tattoos. You must think you are pretty tough, eh, Olem? I bet Steadman would knock your stinkin block off."

-"You are from Baltimore? Do you like crab cakes? No? I thought everyone from Baltimore like crab cakes; you must be a Commie."

-"There was twelve of you on the Redeem team? So, you still don't have as many gold medals as Michael Phelps. Maybe I should tell Coach Karl that he should suit up versus the Lakers next year."

-"I was just in Denver for the DNC and alot of people were talking about a strong defense...so, they probably weren't talking about you."

-"Those were pretty snazzy outfits you guys wore in the Opening Ceremonies. Did it make you feel like Andre 3000?"

-"I saw you guys at alot of other Olpmpic events. Seriously, support for your fellow Americans? Or just looking for some young poon to tap?"

-"If Tom Cruise comes around again and jumps with his little dorky shoes on my couch again, you and Shawn Johnson can beat him to a pulp."

RELATED: Brand Nubian - "All For One" - "A landlord named Roper did a show at the Copa, When I finish with this, I'll be paid like Oprah"


Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Nope to the Goats

Check the print, it's where veterans spark the letterings
Slow moving MC's is waitin for the editin…
Props and Drops from Sunday's Buffs Centennial Cup victory:

PROPS: On defense, safety Ryan Walters and linebacker Jeff Smart were the standouts. Walters blanketed Tony Gonzalez clone Kory Sperry for much of the night. The Goat star was limited to just three catches and was never a factor. Smart took over where departed LB Jordon Dizon left off, seemingly in on every play.

DROPS: The Invesco grass squad has a long season ahead of it. With a full summer of lacrosse, marching band competitions, and Democrats, the green stuff looks a patchwork quilt. You saw a few slips in Sundays’ game, and expect to see Bronco backs and receivers slipping as the year wears on.

PROPS: For all the dick-riding the national media does of Mizzou-star Jeremy Maclin, the Buffs may have the poor man’s Maclin in sophomore Josh Smith. J-Fly made it look easy on his electric kick return for a TD, slipping(thanks, Obama!) on the squibed kick and then blowing the Sheep defense all the way down the field. As long as this staff doesn’t treat “J-Fly” the same way as the previous regime treated Jeremy Bloom (read: under used), he will be poised to have a big year.

PROPS: The heated anticipation of Buffs’ super recruit Darrell Scott was well deserved, as he lead the team in rushing and dished out a few wicked hits in the process. One carry netted only 3-4 yards but I counted eight Goat defenders on the tackle. Couple Scott with “make you shit your pants” Rodney Stewart and you have a potent rushing attack that can keep defenses on their toes. Stewart’s bursts through the holes were impressive until a fumble got him a seat on the sideline for the night.

DROPS: The Denver Police Department treated this game as if they were still targeting anarchists and protesters. They were ever-present, even rolling through the parking 15 deep in riot gear and pepper guns cocked on a DPD Suburban assault vehicle, like a scene from Robocop. Just trying to play some Beano, Mr. Officer, not planning a feces bomb to Joe Biden’s head. The scene was indicative of this game and how its time in Denver is about done. Way too many drunk, really drunk, college kids; massive lines to hurry into the stadium; basically no collegiate feel.


Monday, September 01, 2008

Pick Em

Know ya role, by the way tuck ya gold
And you and your mic can ease on down the road
Assholes are like opinions, everybody got to have one
Shootin in the sky tryin to blast sun...

Because you don't have enough going on during football season, here's some more for you, the Slushy Gutter NFL pick em. Simply for pride, no Mummies or anything like that. Check it on YAHOO! Good luck.

ID: 19230
password: beer

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