Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Rappy Halloween

You’re just a butter knife, I’m a machete
That’s made by Ginzu, wait until when you
Try to front, so I can chop into your body, just because you try to be basing
Friday the 13th, I’mma play Jason...

Songs for your Halloween:

-Nightmares- Dana Dane
-Tales from the Darkside- Gator Posse
-Hellucination- Smif N Wessun
-Nighmare on my Street- Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
-Madd Man- Sean Price
-Ghost Deini- Ghostface Killah
-Philosophy of Horror- Jedi Mind Tricks
-Don’t be Scared- Ultramagnetic MCs
-Haunted House of Rock- Whodini
-Mind Playin Tricks on Me- Geto Boys (“This year Halloween fell on the weekend, me and Geto Boys are trick or treatin”) VIDEO
-Hey!- MF Doom (uses the Scooby Doo theme)
-Freaky Tales – Too Short
-Lollipop- Snoop f/ Jay-Z and Nate Dogg
-Freaks Come Out at Night- Whodini VIDEO
-Boogie Man!- KMD
-Became a Monsta- Monsta Island Czars
-Diary of a Madman- Scarface
-Devil’s Night- D12
-Best Kept Secret- Diamond D (“Yo, I’m deadlier than Michael Meyers, my style will embrace you like a pair of pliers”) VIDEO
-Candy Shop- 50 Cent
-Vampires- Atmosphere
-Neva Scared- Bone Crusher VIDEO
-Pyscho- Lords of the Underground
-Diary of a Madman- Gravediggaz VIDEO

Related: 4th of July Songs

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Monday, October 30, 2006

Not in Kansas Anymore

Then you're gonna taste blood in your mouth, it's gonna flood south
to the ground, and you're gonna know I don't fuck around
So if you think you had two soft newjacks,
we're gonna have to off you with a few cracks

Me and a combined five Slushy Gutter winners spent the weekend traveling to the land of Oz to peep the Kansas versus Colorado game. A beautiful Kansas day greeted us and an ugly Colorado offense also met us there, as the Buffs fell to Jabba The Mangino and the Jayhawks 20-15. The CU offense has seriously regressed since the one game Tech “revival.” Receivers cannot get open, the QB play of Bernard Jackson is erratic, and the OL’s pass blocking is putrid. This offense makes the 2000 Ravens look like Don Coryell’s teams. The defense is on the field for so long that they are bound to give up a few big drives. Outside of Mason Crosby, the Buff special teams are worthless.

While recruiting is going well, it could be 08 or longer before we start to see solid results. The 2007 schedule is brutal, and I can’t see the QB play improving to a point where they can compete with the top tier QBs in the conference and top 25. Can Sunshine Dan and his merry band of coaches keep the fickle fanbase from ignoring the program through it all? That could be his biggest challenge yet.

Upon return to God's Country, we were greeted by Peyton Manning. I've come to the conclusion that this guy is pretty good. No, really good. No, really f*cking good.

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Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Prophecy of Rakim

Eric B. & Rakim - Casualties Of War

Last week I peeped VH1's Hip Hop Honors and was again reminded of the microphone mastery of Rakim. The last week or so I revisited Rakim's back catalog; and as any hip hop head will attest, Rakim is one of the top- if not the top- MC in the game. That's from 1986 to 2006, son.

One song that had slipped my mind over the years is the above jam from 1992, "Casualities of War." Peep this verse:

"Cause it ain't no way I'm going back to war
when I don't know who or what I'm fighting for
So I wait for terrorists to attack
Every time a truck backfires I fire back
I look for shelter when a plane is over me
Remember Pearl Harbor? New York could be over, G
Kamikaze, strapped with bombs
No peace in the East, they want revenge for Saddam"

Keep in mind that this is from 1992, not today. Almost prophetic; no wonder the cat is still referred to as the God MC.

Rakim unoffical fan site
Rakim Wikipedia page


Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Home for the holidays

This is a lifetime mission, vision a prison
Aight listen... In this journey you're the journal I'm the journalist
Am I Eternal? Or an eternalist?

With the Buffs horrific loss this past weekend to the Oklahoma Sooners and everyone's pal Bob Stoops, they all but officially eliminated themselves from a Bowl berth. That means no exotic locale around New Year's such as Shreveport, Houston, or San Antonio. No requisite photo opps of the team, decked out in fresh new MasterCard sweatshirts visting the local amusement park. No huge gathering of 400 Buff fans draining the local pubs of all the Coors Light in the area. But we at the SG aren't bitter. We harbor hope that the Buffs can still win the putrid Big 12 North, advance to the Championship Game, win that and slip into the Fiesta Bowl at 6-7, where a dream matchup awaits with the Boise State Broncos... ... ... damn, maybe I really should stop drinking.


Friday, October 20, 2006

Channel Zero

There's several different levels to Devil worshippin,
horse's heads, human sacrifices, canibalism; candles and exorcism...

Two time Slushy Gutter winner T-Dub invited myself and the crew over to watch the CU-Oklahoma game tomorrow. He has quite the set up conducive to sports and beer drinking in his pimped-out basement; complete with the requisite sports memorabilia, pool table, ample seating, and of course, the big screen flatty TV. However, since T-Dub got his fancy TV last year, its record for showing CU is a very stout .000. Not one game we've watched there has resulted in a win for the Black and Gold. That being siad, we must exorcise the TV to rid the hideous unlucky demons that inhabit it. Follow these steps if you have a similiar situation:
  1. As a source of goodwill, pop in a winning game or porno. (If you are a Minnesota Vikings' fan, the sex cruise police report accomplishes both.)
  2. Offer the TV a cold beer. Since TVs cannot drink beer, you will have to drink it for the TV.
  3. Offer the TV a voo doo doll in the image of the opposing coach your team is playing that day. (If your team is playing Kansas or Maryland football, you will need a whole bunch of extra filling for the doll.)
  4. Repeat step #2
  5. Cleanse the TV (translation: the TV is freaking dirty man, don't you ever dust that sh*t?)
  6. Perform a sacrifice to show the TV you are forever faithful to its power. (A sacrifice bunt will work, but if you break anything your wife will be pissed. If you break the DVD player, the TV will be pissed- that's his main homeboy. Start over at #1)
  7. Repeat step #2
  8. Repeat step #4
  9. Chant the name of one of your team's best players continuously for 30 seonds. (If your team is the NY Islanders, you might not want to chant "Satan" unless you want your local religious right on your lawn with pitchforks and torches)
  10. Repeat steps #2, #7, and #8. Light a candle. Or invite your stoner friends over early.
  11. You are complete; your TV should be excorcised, however, you may be the one with the spinning head and puking green soup.

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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Ice Capades

They be like, I don't know his name but he aim like Wayne Gretzky
That's funny, cause I don't play hockey
I play horse on the mic and watch em all copy..

The Colorado Avalanche saw their 480+ game sellout streak come to end with their 5-3 loss to the lowly Chicago Blackhawks on Monday. The streak, dating back to 1995, was quite impressive for a market which had serious questions about its hockey viability when the Quebec Nordiques moved here. We all knew that the Avs’ sellout streak would end someday, given the only team that will always be paid-in-full here in God’s Country starts with a B and rhymes with “honcho.” (If you guessed former TV producer Steven Bocho, you are wrong.) A few reasons contributed to the end of the Avs’ sellout streak:

-the “new” NHL and the resulting exodus of stars Peter Forsberg, Adam Foote, and Rob Blake.
-the continuing competition of added sports to the Denver marketplace: minor league hockey, college sports, lacrosse, arena football, etc.
-a fan backlash from last year’s NHL lockout.
-the perception the arena is always sold out, so people aren’t aware that tickets are available.
-Joel Quinville’s mustache is just too “Magnum PI”
-Fans confuse mascot Howler with Kenny Rogers high on Angel Dust.
-There’s a wicked cup-stacking tourney on Nickelodeon.
-Personal messages from Brad May to fans promising he’ll break their eye sockets.
-Paris Hilton and goalie Jose Theodore again are an item, resulting in mass decontamination of sections of the Pepsi Center by Hazmat units.


Monday, October 16, 2006

Football Follies

Im takin ya back come follow me
on a journey to see a for real MC
the mind tricks the body
body thinks the mind is crazy...

***The Black and Gold finally posted their first win of the Hawkins Era, a thourough ass-whupping of the Texas Tech Red Raiders. The offense and ground game were steady, QB Bernard Jackson managed the game well, and the defense came up with big turnovers throughout the afternoon. Most importantly, I heard Tech fans referred to as "Sand Aggies" for the first time.

***The Broncos continue to win 2000 Ravens style- ugly and with defense (not a murderous middle linebacker.) They throttled the hapless Raiders in SNF 13-3. The best part of the game was undoubtedly Raider RB Lamont Jordan after he fumbled in the 4th quarter. Dude looked like he would've jumped off the 3rd deck of the stadium. Lamont, chill, your entire team sucks! That and you're named after Fred Sanford's dummy son.

***My buddy Broz and I spent a good deal of pre-game on Saturday trying to figure out the four schools that have both a US President and a Super Bowl winning QB. If you know, you are either a degenerate trivia player or Rainman.

***While the Miami Hurricanes might not be winning National Championships like the old days, they are certainly fighting and thuggin like it, as we saw in their melee this weekend. It reminded me of the old 'Canes that came into Folsom in 1993 and saw a similiar fight that the Boulder PD had to intervene to stop. A few of the names from that scrap: Kordell Stewart, the aforementioned Ray Lewis, Warren Sapp, Michael Wetsbrook, and Dwayne Johnson aka the Rock. Do you smell what Larry Coker is cooking!? Uhh, yeah, trying to find a new job.

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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Beat Box 101- 5 Names

The human beatbox or the entertainer
No other title could fit me plainer
In a passing generation I am a remainer
And I'm also known as the beatbox trainer...

Ready Rock C- The beatbox for DJ Jazzy Jeff and the artist formerly known as The Fresh Prince hit it pretty hard. He appeared on a few songs, but none more memorable than “Rock the House,” where he not only hums the Sanford and Son theme, but then he does it underwater. Also the first and only beatbox to win a Grammy Award

The Human Beat Box- He was a founding member of the Disco 3, which later became The Fat Boys. Buffy, as he was also known, was a standout in the rap game of the mid-80s because of his large stature and different techniques. His style was brash and loud and his trademark effect that sounded like a deep breath being took by, well, a fat dude. The Fat Boys released some solid albums at that time and even some pretty hard core tracks (think “Crushin.”) Buffy helped steal the show in their otherwise wack movie, Disorderlies. By the time that movie dropped, Buff and the Fat Boys had gone to the well too many times with remakes of old 60s jams. Tragically, he died in 1995 at the age of 28 and weighing nearly 450 pounds. For most of the mainstream, he was their first glimpse of beatboxing.

That Dork in your Office- You know the guy, he hears you listening to some hip-hop, sees you flipping through XXL, overhears you talking about the Mos Def concert you attended. He then does the worst beat box impression or what might sound like your sick grandfather. He throws in a couple “yo, yo” and exaggerated hand gestures. Maybe a 1987 b-boy stance. In his mind, that's hip hop, but in reality, he looks like a retard. Inspired, when he gets home he finds the only rap cassette he owns, a bootleg copy of Skee-Lo his high school girlfriend gave him

Doug E Fresh- A contemporary of The Human Beat Box, Fresh’s style was a bit more polished and perhaps a bit quieter in his style. He dropped the classic “The Show b/w La Di Da Di” in 1985 where he strictly beatboxed while a young Slick Rick (then MC Ricky D) weaved a 80’s day in the life of a b-boy on “La Di…” Out of most of the era's beatboxers, he was probably the best lyricist with the possible exception of Biz Markie. After his initial success, his popularity waned.

The Police Academy Guy- Remember Michael Winslow from the Academy Award winning Police Academy movies? That guy could beat box with the best of them. Although, he was usually making some robot noises, or mimicking someone devouring their lunch, you know he could kick it old school. He could kick Steve Guttenburg's ass too.

Know the history, know the names:


Sunday, October 08, 2006

Oh and Sh*t

Well, I'm known to be the master in the MC field
No respect in eighty-seven, eighty-eight you kneeled...

At 0-6, there are a few vultures beginning to circle in Boulder for Sunshine Dan and his band of cronies. With a triple-OT loss to the once lowly Baylor Bears, the Buffs are primed to move up in the Bottom 10 rankings, as they have matched their longest losing streak in 117 years of football. Serious coaching questions can be asked about this loss. Among those are over 2 minutes to play, two timeouts, and the nation’s top kicker on your team. The result? Two runs, a bad pass, and a punt. The defense, minus two starting safeties, gave up chunks of yardage all day. Most frustrating is the staff’s unwillingness to play their BEST players. The WR corps regularly had two walk-ons playing in crunch time while former HS blue chippers pined away on the bench. Halfway through the season, this team is at the proverbial line of either going mutiny and not caring, or regrouping to take positive steps.


Friday, October 06, 2006

Colorado vs. Michigan - 1994

Homecoming at Dear Ol' CU is this weekend. Our beloved 0-5 Buffs versus the Baylor Bears. A crisp autumn day in Boulder with my lovely wife, the crew, and a smoooooooooth CL might be just the remedy for this Buff fan suffering from "W Withdrawl," that is the lack of "Wins" in my life, and the supreme case of angst permeating my life since Labor Day. Oh, that and watching one of the greatest plays in CFB history too. (NOTE to Doug Flutie honks: this Hail Mary makes your little munchkin's play in the Orange Bowl look like some 8 year old scampering around for a two yard gain in the Carnation Bowl. Recognize.)


Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Training Day

I make papes off the sh*t I create, and then dictate
So get your motherf*ckin shit straight
I got skills and I'm hard to kill
So y'all bitch-ass rappers better chill and just guard your grill...

The Denver Nuggets start their training camp today in Durango, Colorado. For those of you who don’t know, Durango is tucked neatly into the southwest corner of the state, about a six hour drive from the Denver area.

Outside of the Lakers holding their training camps in Hawaii, NBA teams usually don’t venture too far from their plush leather recliners, Xbox, flat-screen TVs, catered meals, and the personal hot tubs of their local arenas or team HQ.

A long, long, time ago, I spent a considerable amount of time in Durango (population: 15,000) and from what I remember, this is what will greet Carmelo and the squad for the coming week:

-Lots of dudes with beards. We’re talking about 1/2 the male population rocking the Michael McDonald look. If Andre Miller looks like Issac Hayes when they return, you know they were in Durango.

-A wayward pet shop. For some reason I ended up at a lonely pet shop somewhere in the Durango area. It was a one room store on the side of a hill with no other businesses, homes, or even a paved road within 5 minutes. Not a tack or feed store either, but a freaking old school pet shop with fish, cats, iguanas and the like. Very eerie. Maybe Marcus Camby can go get himself a goldfish and a book on German Shepherds.

-Marijuana. Lots of it. All over. But that shouldn’t be a problem, I mean, NBA players and weed? No way.

-The campus where they will practice, Fort Lewis College, isn’t exactly Harvard. An old friend of mine who went to school told me a story of the requisite “guy who will do anything for money” who sucked on a used bandaid they found on the ground for $5. If that guy is still a student there (which wouldn’t surprise me) maybe he can get $10 to completely eat JR Smith’s jock strap.

-The four corners. The only place in the United States where four states meet; and Earl Boykins still can’t stretch to get into all four.

-Hitchhikers. Fort Lewis is atop a mesa in town, with just a couple roads leading in and out. Students wishing to go into town will frequently hitchhike to and fro. There’s even a “hitchhike” station were cars can give rides to the poor saps. Without their Escalades and Benzs, will the local Durango populace pick up the Nuggets and Reggie Evans on their way back to the dorms? I certainly hope so, if they value their manhood.