Five Star (Leg)Breakdown

First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin' and twitchin' kinda like I was smokin'...

The Rockies are flying high after a three game beatdown of the Cheeseheads, and the town is abuzz with the Cubs coming in for a four game set and their masses of fans who still haven't moved on from Leon Durham, Chico Walker, mid-80s WGN, and Harry Caray.

The news isn't all good though, as Todd Helton's back has gone George Jefferson spasms on him, and Jason Hirsh has a broken leg. Broken legs, even with the fresh signatures you get on the cast (the markers that smelled like fruit and candy were choice), are not conducive to effective pitching. I'm not an orthopedic surgeon or an MD, I just kind of figured that a major snapped bone where you generate pitching strength isn't really desired among MLBers.

No one figured to tell my prognosis to Hirsh, as he suffered the broken stick in the first inning on Tuesday night and continued to pitch for six additional innings. He earned the victory over the Miller Lights and later had an MRI that revealed the problem. In the words of Biz Markie: "Oh snap!"

Curt Schilling, you are weak. Willis Reed, move over. Joe Theismann, you sissy. Joe Paterno, get off that stretcher wimp! Tim Krumrie, come on, hustle back out. Willis MacGhee, you slacker. Jason Hirsh...a freaking warrior.

RELATED:
***The Hoodratz- "Bootlegga"
Contains the chorus "If you bootleg, you get your leg broke" VIDEO

***Big Shug f/ Sean Price and Big Twins- "Leg Breakers" CHECK IT

-

Five Star Breakdown: Rox v Cubs

Slick majestic, broke mics are left infected
Germs start to spread through your crew, drew like an epic...

The SG Five Star Breakdown of last night's wild Cubs victory over the Rockies:

Winning the game is simple: field the freaking ball. Two outs, up by one, bottom of the ninth. If you field the ball and toss it to a)first base or b)second base, an out will be recorded and you will win. Snatch up the white baseball from the ground, throw it to the corresponding fielder, and your team- the Colorado Rockies- will have their greatest comeback win in the 14 year history of the franchise. Field the ball. Kaz Matsui, Hideki Matsui, hell, Matt Suhey, any of you field the ball and make the throw.

Big Shot Bob BS

I’m the authentic poet to get lyrical

For you to beat me, it’s gonna take a miracle...

You know us here at the SG, we offer in-depth, five star, top-notch, expert analysis. Especially when it comes to the Denver Nuggets and the NBA. Case in point: last night’s Game Four between FC San Antonio and the Powder Blue Patrol. Nugs down by one, Spurs have the ball, 30 seconds. After extensive thought, politicking with basketball brainiacs, and tape breakdown, we came to the conclusion: FUCKING cover Robery Horry.

5 Star Breakdown

Now here's a funky introduction of how nice I am
Tell your mother, tell your father, send a telegram...

Slushy Gutter breaks down last night's Nuggets loss to the Pistons:

In bounds the ball. You get the ball in bounds and you will win the game. Successfully in bound the ball to a player on your team, and you will triumph. In bounds the ball. If the ball is advanced from the out of bounds area into the playing court to a member of the Nuggets, they win the game. In bounds the ball. Take the basketball, throw it into the field of play, the Denver player catches it, then you will receive a 'Win' in the National Basketball Association's 2006-2007 season. In bounds the ball, the ball, you in bound it. If the ball leaves the inbounding players hand, and lodges itself into a Denver player's grasp, the Denver Nuggets will defeat the Detroit Pistons. Ball, in bounds, win. Do not throw the ball to a non-Nuggets player, do not throw it to another out of bounds area, do not throw it to Coach Karl, the hot dog guy, or a cheerleader, simply throw the ball in bounds to a teammate (a player wearing a same uniform) and then the team in powder blue will be declared the victor.