Saturday, September 30, 2006

Down With the King

Name is Run my son, number one for fun
not a gun that's done and get done by none

the others act in fact ya just wack i kill
Because its fun my son and Run heads the bill...

I'm sure many of you have heard that Rev Run of Run-DMC fame and his wife lost their newborn baby this past week. This upcoming birth was featured heavily on the MTV reality show "Run's House." Rev Run is not only a pioneer and legend, but a tremndous role model for fathers and husbands and an absolute icon in the hip-hop world. The entire hip-hop communtity is grieving for his lost and I offer my deepest sympathies from across the World Wide Web.

Down With The King (1993) w/ CL Smooth and Pete Rock


Monday, September 25, 2006

The Dirty South Report

I'm on the rise, so many people despise me
Got party ammunition for those tryin to surprise me
It's a celebration and everyone should invite me
Roll with the crew or meet the bottom of our Nikes...

The kid and a few of the crew ventured to the Dirty this weekend to take in the Colorado versus Georgia football game. The heartbreaking loss the Buffs endured was a surprise, given the four TD spread and dire predictions. The trip will provide unforgettable memories besides the thrilling game. Among those:

-Georgia fans’ world doesn’t extend much beyond the Southeast. The most frequent question we got was “y’all drive down here?” Yes, the 1000 miles from Denver to Athens was just a quick jaunt in our cars. After about the 50th time the question was asked, my man Vernon replied, “no, we have these things called planes in Colorado.” Later in the trip when we told them we usually don’t sellout our stadium they deduced that was because “there just aint that many people up there.” When they were informed there were nearly 5 million people in the Centennial State, they replied “sheeeeet, no kiddin?”

-Georgia fans were damn near giddy about the appearance of Ralphie at the stadium. The group around her at pregame extended nearly 30 yards. Little kids were enthralled and the locals gazed at her like she landed in Athens from the moon. Proof that Ralphie is hands down the best mascot in all college sports.

-Gameday was hot. Humid, hot, and sunny. Us mountain folk have no business in that sauna they call air. However, the Buff contingent represented hard. Damn near 5000 strong, we were loud, knowledgeable, and passionate. Easily the best CU away-game crowd I’ve been a part of for quite some time.

-Had a chance to check the MLK Historic Site in the ATL. Anyone visiting the region needs to check this out, as it is very powerful and a reminder of our country’s sometimes evil past. They also had a chilling recount of the 1906 Atlanta Race Riot.

-Georgia fans very pleasant and congratulatory. They bought us drinks, t-shirts, and invited us to their parties. The coeds wore fancy dresses to the games and after a few drinks, yours truly also wore womens’ clothing. Slushy Gutter…indeed.

-Commercial “hip-hop” radio in Georgia is worse than your local “hip-hop” station times 10. So bad that while rolling with my man Fresh Marcus, we popped in an Arabian Prince tape and relived 1989.

-Cops like to harass tailgaters in Athens. We were gaffled by a cop named “The Hollowman” and his partner while imbibing post-game. They apparently work for “Sergeant Dickhead” who routinely writes tickets to the group of UGA fans we were partying with.

-We attended the Thursday night ESPN game between Georgia Tech and Virginia. Signs and plaques all over the campus reminded everyone that G-Tech actually thinks they were National Champions in 1990. Everyone can thank that ahole Tom Osborne for that bullshit.

-A local Athens cab driver asked how many “perns” Colorado lost by. He was shocked they only lost by one “pern.”

-The final parting shot…rolling back to the airport along some lonely Georgia highway, we stopped at an intersection. Former Slushy Gutter winner T-Dub pointed out the window and yells, “dang, look at that!” Looking into the green Georgia landscape, the crew (including both of our wives) expected to see some rare wildlife, a pretty southern flower, maybe even a unique southern car. None of that, but rather a littered porno mag, completely open, showing to all observant drivers what appeared to be a layout on some anal fellatio.

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Thursday, September 21, 2006

Well, Duh

That's why I'm screamin on MC's like I'm Onyx
I'm hooked on gin and tonics like your momma's Hooked on Phonics...

My friend Spotwood put me onto the situation up in Boulder with the CU student section and gestapo-like techniques by the school adminstration.

It should be obvious to those who run Dear Ol' CU, that these kids are slamming liquor at a furious pace in an attempt to trick their brains into thinking they are watching the Indianapolis Colts rather than Sunshine Dan and his 0-3 squad.

CU students are coming to games drunk? They're rude to other fans? They're flipping the middle finger to the opposition? Add that to they burn couches, drink and smoke in excess, ski, and snowboard. In a related note water is wet, Michael Jackson is a freak, and the sun is hot.

Hell, we'll just do what we always do: blame it on nebraska.


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Offensive performance?

Come one, come all, if you wanna brawl
I'm the mighty Thor, clothes lining motherfuckers like Steven Segall...

Things from this weekend of football that made me want to pound a smoooooooooth CL, either from unbridled joy, sheer sorrow, or from just being confused:

1. The local NFL team and flagship university team in the state combining for a stout 12 points. In comparision, the Giants and Rockies more than doubled their total on Monday. Maybe Matt Holliday is the answer at QB for both teams.

2. Jake Plummer mis-firing most of the day, including two straight plays missing wide open receivers on fade routes in the endzone.

3. Buffalo QB Bernard Jackson fumbling the ball inside his own 5 yard line. Former Slushy Gutter winner Juck, upon review, concluded he knocked the ball out of his own hand with his free hand. Now that's defense.

4. Bob Stoops and the Sooners getting totally jobbed in Oregon by the refs and replay crew. Hard to feel much sympathy for such a nice guy like Bob Stoops. In the aftermath, the crew is suspended one game and the OU President is all pissy. Gee, you would hate for a major university president to worry about things like academics and all that.

5. The saga of the punter turned stabber team, Northern Colorado, takes a made-for-TV turn, as they "upset" Texas State, 14-13. In a oh-so-ironic twist, they win on a blocked punt. In a not so ironic twist, they return to Greeley and it still smells like ass.

6. The sodbusters from the northeast, talking shit all week, get their asses handed to them in Southern Cali.

7. The 0-3 Buffs are installed as 28 point underdogs to the Dawgs in the Dirty. Uhhh, well, ummm...Ralphie's turds are bigger than Uga's. Hooray!

8. Texas A&M needing a goal line stand to beat Army. A&M coach Dennis Franchione, the NCAA equivalent of Mike Martz and his ego, declared a "genius" by absolutely no one outside himself.

9. I lost in Fantasy Football to Jeeeez Steve, a guy who got lost in his own bathroom this weekend. Slushy Gutter...indeed.

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Friday, September 15, 2006

Cold Lampin

Well I'm all in, put it up on the board
Another rapper shot down from the mouth that roared
1, 2, 3 down for the count
The result of my lyrics, oh yes, no doubt...

**Big tabloid style news here in God's Country and throughout the Geraldo/Hard Copy and blogsphere is the backup Northern Colorado punter who went Tonya on the starter and stabbed him in the kicking leg. Us Coloradoans know that being in Greeley, the dude would've been better served if he stabbed him in his nostrils and took away his ability to smell.

**Sunshine Dan and the boys will try once again this weekend for win #1, this time versus the ranked Arizona State Sun Devils. While ASU has plenty of firepower, Hawkins and his staff are familiar with the Devil players and the coaching schemes. This game still looks like it could get ugly though. The Buffs have mustered about 380 yards of offense this season, a number ASU reaches by the 3rd quarter of a game. The defense might be able to hold ASU down, but unless Kordell Stewart, Chris Brown, and Michael Westbrook come walking through the Dal Ward doors, it could be long night for the Black and Gold.

**Flavor Flav is releasing a solo CD. That would've made me freaking so 1990. Back in the day, while rolling with "Fear of a Black Planet," homemade Africa medallions, shaved lines in my dome, and day-glo rubber sunglasses, there was always rumors of a Flav solo album. It never materialized, until now. No one really knows what to expect, if Flav can carry a entire record. Chuck D would toss him a obligatory song and a few hooks on PE albums, but a solo CD- in 2006 or even 1990- would be best served with a host of guest appearances. My top Flavor Flav jams:

1. Get Off My Back (from the "Mo' Money" soundtrack)
2. Cold Lampin (from "Nations of Millions...")
3. 911's a Joke (from "Fear of a Black Planet") VIDEO
4. Can't Do Nothing for ya Man (from the "House Party" soundtrack)
5. Soul Power (from Wu Tang Clan's "Iron Flag")

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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

All Eyez on Me

So many battlefield scars while driven in plush cars
This life as a rap star is nothin without heart
Was born rough and rugged, addressin the mad public
My attitude was, Fuck it, cause motherfuckers love it...

Today on the radio, TV, and in the blog world, you might notice an abundance of Tupac Shakur material. It was 10 years agao today that 'Pac died after he was shot down in a yet-to-be-solved murder on the Las Vegas strip.

My man Fresh Marcus best summed it up when he wrote about 'Pac, "That was one talented brother, wise beyond his years, just frustrated by his circumstances and without grounding. I'll not ever forget the reaction in NYC when he died and the fly mural of him that was up in the East Village within hours."
Back in the mid 90's I wasn't a Tupac fan. I never gravitated to his music, probably mainly because of the bullshit East Coast/West Coast thing and me being a huge East Coast guy. Also, his singles on the radio and MTV were not his most hard hitting and contradictory ("I Get Around" followed by "Keep Ya Head Up.") As the years have passed, I've picked up on him a bit. I've delved into his catalog past the surface and found out alot. I assume alot of other people are in the same boat as me.

'Pac was a complicated cat. He was esentially raised by a revolutionary, moved around from NYC, to Baltimore, to the West Coast. His musical influences were not only early hip hop, but rock and classical. He smoked weed, did drugs, but railed against police brutality and racism. He danced, acted, and wrote poetry. He valued and loved his crew, but then they were dangerously close to being his enemies. He loved the material life, but pointed the dire poverty throught the country.

Since his death 10 years ago, where has hip-hop gone? We've lost the other great, Biggie, and seen the music become lyrically weak, musically watered down, and devoid of substance. It's like every MC wants to be like Tupac, rather than be Tupac. That is they want to "ride", rap about how they done did their dirt, and be flashy. Yet, they don't have the thought process and ambition to call out the wrongs and focus on solutions.

If anyone hasn't already, check for "Tupac: Resurrection" on VH1 or at your local DVD spot. It is a great picture of the man, his life, his death, and legacy. One love.

Juice (1992) - All time great street movie, Tupac in starring role
Tupac Wikipedia info
Is Tupac still alive?


Sunday, September 10, 2006

Lamb Chopped

I'm not sayin I'm number one, umm, I'm sorry, I lied
I'm number one, two, three, four and five...

The first complete football weekend here at Slushy Gutter weekend was about as successful as a wayward penis at a lesbian gathering. Our beloved Buffs went down in a tough game at Invesco, 14-10 to the hated sheep from the north. As the game ticked away, murmurs of "Go Broncos" echoed through the Buff faithful, hoping for some joy in their weekend. Word must've not have reached Jake Plummer as he had more turnovers than Marie Callenders as the Donks also posted a mere 10 in their 18-10 loss to the St Louis Rams.

It can't be all that bad though, can it? Uhh, yes it can. The Buffs first opponent, Montana State lost to a Division II team, Chadron State. With two top 25 opponents as their next two games: at Folsom on national TV this Saturday versus Arizona State, then at Georgia, then game #5 at Mizzou, the Buffs are looking at a possible 0-5 start.

Where are the problems for the Buffs? First and foremost is the QB play, or lack of QB play. Bernard Jackson started versus the lambs, produced an electric opening TD drive, but then proceeded to be bottled by the defense. The sheep dared him to throw, putting more in the box than a Paris Hilton sex tape. The Buff WRs were single covered throughout the anemic 2nd half and Jackson and the Buffs' coaching brain trust did not throw their direction once.

The defense played well, but a few bad penalties, poor clock management, and a questionable ref calls made this a tough loss for the Black and Gold. Sunshine Dan and his cronies had best get their play calling and recruiting together.

On the pro side, Jake Plummer nearly handed the entire game to the Rams. A couple of his INTs were thrown into complete coverage, and his fumble lead to a quick 3 points. If not for a tough Bronco defense (sound familiar?) this game could've been the 36-10 variety. Mike Bell and Tatum Bell ran well, outside of the elder Bell's fumble early on. Javon Walker looked cold in his Bronco debut, dropping a sure TD and then dropping a first down toss.

Slushy Gutter-wise, many, many beers were consumed. In what is shaping up to be a long year in Boulder, and with plenty of opening day questions down in Dove Valley, Slushy Gutter Fall could be a prevailing theme through December.

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Thursday, September 07, 2006

Nightmare Football

They wouldn't give me respect
Told girls I was wack
You shouldn't have did that brother
I'm here for the payback...

If you're like me, your Fantasy Football league probably kicks off with the Dolphins at Steelers tilt tonight. And if you're like me, you're probably wondering why the hell you got involved in this Fantasy Football shit to begin with. This will be my 21st year doing some sort of Fantasy Football, yes, as a young buck in 1985 was my first forray. Neil Lomax anyone? How about Gerlad Wilhite?

Take it from a master, who in 13 years of our current league, is fast apporaching 100 losses. Your (and mine) Fantasy season will most likely go something like...

WEEK 1: You feel confident that "this is the year" to make a strong run. By halftime of the early games, your RB has tweaked his hammy, your kicker has missed a 31 yarder, and your QB got his finger caught in a clipboard.

WEEK 3: Feeling the sting of an 0-3 start, you trade your 11th round draft pick. He steps in for an injured starter in Week 4 and goes on to become Rookie of the Year. The chump you got back in the trade is arrested on drug charges.

WEEK 5: You feel confident of a win this week, as you are playing the guy in your league that hasn't changed his lineup even once because he's: uninterested/a ladies man/a coke head. However, the league commissioner changes his lineup for him "in the best interest of the league." Why are all commissioners cut from the same cloth? And where can I find this "asshole" cloth?

WEEK 8: Halloween week, you stand at 1-6. Someone hacks into your team on the web and changes your name to "Pumpkin Dick" and changes your logo to that lame pict of the barfing pumpkin.

WEEK 9: You have no hope of the playoffs but hope to notch that #2 win this week. You play the last second addition to the league, the male receptionist from your buddy's wife's office. He told you that he doesn't really like football other than "the delish sushi rolls at Invesco Field!" You lose 24-10.

WEEK 12: Your QB goes nuts on Thanksgiving, and your kicker smashes in 15 points in the late Thanksgiving game. Going into the MNF game, you are ahead by 35 points. Some chump your opponent has from the waiver wire scores 4 TDs and rushes for 120 yards. You hold a 1 point lead until his defense sacks the QB on the final play. At least there's leftover turkey, you think. You arrive home and your dog has mowed through that too.

WEEK 14: The last week of the year and you're hoping to get win #2 over the league's best team, some asshole who works at a lumber yard. He's the jerkoff with the witty personalized team jersey that reads "Bringing the Wood" on the front. He calls you by your last name and regales in telling everyone how much he "fucking rules" in his other "wussy ass leagues." He crushes you 113-41.

WEEK 15: The aformentioned dickhead commissioner doesn't even play you in the annual Toilet Bowl, but rather sends you to play in the "Bottom of the Porta Potty" Bowl.


Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Mmmmmmm, Drop.

When I execute, acutely over the rythym on those that pollute,
extra dosages is what I gotta give em
got em mad and tremblin
cause I been up in my lab assemblin...

***Yes, it really was that bad. The dark and cloudy day was some sort of sign of the wreck that was the 19-10 loss to the Montana State Bobcats. Dropped passes, horrendous punting, lackluster QB play, average cornerback coverage, and coaching that would make Pop Warner roll over in his grave. If it wasn't for the near liquor store quantities of juice myself and the crew threw down our throats, we might've tried to burn Folsom Field down. Some of the Buff nation are practically suggesting just that. The good news is I sure won't hear many Montana State jokes this weekend at Invesco from sheep fans. We'll put the over/under at about 125 on that one. Hah, hah, you're so witty you lamb fans!

***The Broncos proved they could be one of the deepest teams in the NFL when they cut a solid group of players this weekend.

***If the Rockies keep losing during football season, does anyone notice? Last night they were done in by Jesse Barfield's kid (note to Josh: rock the sweet curl your Pops had.) We all know the Barfield fam has that extra sock 'em in their genes.

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Saturday, September 02, 2006

Here We Are

Many people tell me this style is terrific
It is kind of different, but let's get specific...

Before Ronald Reagan introduced crack to the ghettoes, he said "it's morning again in America." That's what we are thinking here at Slushy Gutter Summer. With the actual summer season winding down, today is the beginning of a new era, a new time, maybe a new legacy. That is, football season here in God's Country, aka Colorado. Mere hours away from kickoff in quirky Boulder, SG Summer takes a turn like the downward temperatures, the changing leaves, and weekends of footballs from Friday to Monday Night. SG Summer embraces football like it's own newborn child, a gift to the masses yet something that can be so personal. The Black and Gold of a proud alma mater; the Orange Pride of a great franchise; the innocence of the local 11. Whatever it is, football runs through the fabric of my life. Trips to old Mile High Stadium with my favorite football hero, my Pops, started the passion that is all pigskin. I took the reins from there, Monday Nights with Al and Dan, fantasy football with Dieter Brock, and lastly, the pagentry that is College Football.

With that, I've made the decision that Slushy Gutter Summer will continue. The 14 week "social experiment" will forge on. Yes, the challenge has been completed, but there is still more to say. This football addiction will be talked about, the utter realness of hip hop will be promoted, and even more of the sweet nectar of beers will be noted. Again, they all run through the fabric of my life.

The journey that has been the initial SG Slushy Summer ends in just a few hours. 528 beers. Cliche in hand, I can say "been there, done that." Looking back, what fun it was. Stupid, self-promoting, perhaps even dangerous? Of course. Fun, all-encompassing of the crazy crew, and laid back? Definitely. I raise a tall can, clink with everyone's glass, bottle or can, salutations to all. Cheers and peace, and we're just getting started...(528)

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