Slushy Gutter at 10

Two years ago, a friend of mine...

Today is the 10 year anniversary of the Slushy Gutter Summer.  Please no congratulations or "salute" but rather it should be "I'm sorry" or "bruh?"

Take some solace that it's been whittled down from posts 4-5 times a week to just one post a year.

(party horn)

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SG Bowl Mania 2012

It must be the Holiday season again: decorations, present shopping, and CU is no where to be seen in teh myriad of upcoming bowl games.  Fear not Buff fans, because we still pick all the bowl games.  Take that and stick it in your garish blazer, bowl people.

This year the winner of the SG Bowl Mania will get to be the next CU coach!  Invite everyone and anyone to join.  Except for one Mr Butch Jones, he probably wouldn't be able to decide if he wanted in anyway.

Yahoo College Bowl Pick Em
id = 21273
password = beer

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SG NFL Pick Em 2012

Daaayum, it seems like we've been doing this for years. Well, the answer you drunken chucklehead, is we have been doing it for years. It's time to test your NFL knowledge beyond which cheerleading squad has the tightest rears and bustiest uniforms.

Remember the winner of this esteemed contest wins a huge pile of nothing. This year we will add in a year's subscription of nada, and a case of zilch (actual case not included.) If you got a crew ya better tell em, because the more the merrier. Dastardly nicknames and crap talking encouraged...Good luck.

Group ID # = 29442

password = beer

CLICK HERE

(be sure to check the "terms" box or you get the wack ERROR message)


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SG Bowl A Thon 2011

Kick a rhyme drink some moonshine...

It must be December: the Buffs aren't in a bowl game, you're scrambling to get your kids the hot new electronics, the beer has more berries and nutmeg added, and the Slushy Gutter Bowl Mania is back.

Nothing is at stake, no costumes, no money, nothing except the glory of being the master of a system of collegiate athletics that is outdated, flawed, and money driven. Lucky you! Anyone can join, good luck.

Yahoo College Pick Em
id = 19669
password = beer

CLICK HERE

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Occupy Slushy Gutter

We recently caught up with the leader of the ongoing Occupy Slushy Gutter movement and asked a few questions. Some snippets:

CH: What exactly does Occupy Slushy Gutter want?

OSG: We're tired of these lackluster teams in Colorado. Broncos, Rockies, Buffs. Hell the Nuggets don't even have enought players if they ever start. So we're staying right here until something is done.

CH: Right here...on a blog that is read by barely anyone, you're "occupying" it?

OSG: We figured there might some residual beers. A couple dudes like Wu Tang. Plus, they kind of discourage this type of thing everywhere else.

CH: The other day when I was backing out of the driveway, one of your guys was crapping in my front yard.

OSG: Yeah, sorry about that. That Chinese joint down the way was giving him some problems.

CH: What about the Rapids, they did win the MLS Cup.

OSG: In that case, the Maple Elementary Mathletes won the Math Olympics too.

CH: Are you using social media to advance this movement?

OSG: I did reconnect with this skank from high school. That ended up well for me.

CH: Has the move to Tim Tebow affected your followers?

OSG: We made a statue of him out of the spare beer cups and Twizzler wrappers. There's a group of the occupiers who chant and pray around him now.

CH: The Avs are off to a great start, does that play into your strategy?

OSG: Does Patrick Roy still play for them?

CH: No.

OSG: Well then we're protesting their use of ice for other than in my beer cooler.

CH: Fight the power.

OSG: Most of my heroes don't appear on no stamp! When do you think that beer is coming round?

RELATED: Jungle Brothers - "How You Want It?" - ("Occupy world-wide...")

SG NFL Pick Em 2011

It's a start, a work of art
To revolutionize make a change nuthins strange...

Once again it's on! The SG NFL Pick Em Challenge, that is. Think you got what it takes (besides the ability to read this crap a a few days a week)? Then you and your peoples sign up and pick 17 weeks of NFL action, then hang on for the playoffs and pick them too, son! The winner gets a huge pile of absolutely nothing. That's right: nuthin. Clever and witty nicknames are encouraged and football know-how is not. Good luck.

Group ID# = 33109

password = beer


CLICK HERE

(be sure to check the "terms" box or you get the wack ERROR message)


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SG Brackets Caper '11

I provide bright flava, so you could sketch me
Do me a favor, dont try and catch me...

If everything you look at from your breakfast danishes to the flow charts at the office suddenly look like a bracket, that must mean it is time for the 4th Annual Slushy Gutter Bracket Challenge.

The annual contest sees any SG reader, hanger on, or just random person, eligible to win the SG Challenge. And if you win it all? You get absolutely freaking nothing. A heaping portion of nada. What else!? Nothing!

To be fair, we will give the winner the title of Hoops Master for one year. Although that and $1 will get you a McValue Menu hamburger.

As per tradition, Commish CH and four time Slushy Gutter Winner T-Dub will renew their yearly wager. In 08, we saw TW rock the Mummy look; 09 saw CH lose the bet and had to go Count Chocula, and the rubber match last year saw CH lose again and go Hulkster on everyone. Toned down in 2011 the lower score between the two will force him to wear a cape to one CU home football game. That's it, that simple: wear a cape. So simple, yet so stupid.

YAHOO SLUSHY GUTTER BRACKETS 2011

LINK

ID: 66205

Password: beer

-----------------------
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The Falcon Soars

My recital will form a musical brainstorm
Powerful sound waves where ear drums are torn...

Being a Colorado based institution, that their coach could be at the helm of the Donks next year, and that I wasn't doing anything constructive with my time on a Monday afternoon, I checked out the Air Force-Georgia Tech game yesterday. Not the sexiest matchup. Not a lot of explosive offense. Hell, even the 1994 NBA Finals thought it was a bit drab (except for the split screen of OJ in the white Bronco and Olajuwon dribbling in the low post versus Ewing for 17 seconds.)

However the best part of the game had to be the saga of the actual Air Force falcon, who once released in pre-game made a quick bolt out of the stadium. I've been to the Independence Bowl, and if not for the cold beer and Frito Pie (which one Louisianian told me I'd get "mud butt" if I ate) I'd want to hightail it out of there too.

But alas, they found the Falcon chilling in "downtown" Shreveport. I've also been to "downtown" Shreveport and unless the falcon had an interest in drab streetscapes, dated buildings, or the Hustler Club strip joint for some afternoon poon watching, getting back in his cage for the trip back to Colorado is definitely the better option.

RELATED: Defari f/ Xzibit, Tha Alkaholiks, and Phil Da Agony - "Likwit Connection" - ("Bruised falcon, strive for perfection like Malcolm...")

SG Bowl Pick Em 2010

I talk sense condensed into the form of a poem
full of knowledge from my toes to the top of my dome...

It must be December and CU must be on the outside looking in at the Bowl Season again. Hey, there's only 34 bowl games and 68 available spots, so that happens. Bowls take any BCS team with a pulse and a 500 record. Again, thanks Hawk.

That doesn't mean that you have to sit by and watch the bowls go by (from this weekend through January 10th. Nearly as long as March Madness, makes perfect sense.)

Join the 34th annual SG Bowl Pick Em. As per usual the winner of the pool gets the grand prize of absolutely nothing. If you win you'll join such past winners as that one guy and that other guy with the witty pick set name. Good Luck.

Yahoo College Pick Em
Group ID# = 24614
password = beer

CLICK HERE

SG NFL Pick Em 2010

Time to drop these bows like Dusty Rhodes
Then I yell ho...

The Slushy Gutter is pleased to offer for your enjoyment the 35th annual SG NFL Pick Em. There is absolutely nothing at stake. Not a damn thing. No prizes. Nada. So that should get you all amped up for football season! Follow the link below and choose a clever nickname, pick the Seahawks every week, and enjoy the pigskin-ness hilarity.

Group ID = 28498

Password = beer

CLICK HERE

(be sure to check all the 'Terms' box or you'll get a pesky error message.)

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Bolder Boulder Beers

I cold chill at a party in a b-boy stance
And rock on the mic and make the girls wanna dance...

Yesterday was the annual Bolder Boulder 10K road race, which has become tradition in the Commish household over the last few years. Why? I asked myself that as a trudged up the final hill to Folsom Field, more looking like a shuffling 80 year old than Frank Shorter. The BB is the "great Colorado race", as I sat in the stands afterwards and scanned the joy on the people's faces, as youngsters beamed as Mom or Dad finished. Runners adorned their bibs with Memorial Day tributes to family and friends who have served their country. A wide variety of characters along the course, from Elvis impersonators, belly dancers, people giving away bacon ("the real Powerbar"), college kids offering free beer, and aging hippies. All that is great and adds to the race's charm, but my favorite part is the lone Michelob Ultra each runenr is awarded after the race, for that watered down (and I mean just a step above water, Michelob Ultra makes Coors Light taste like Guiness) slim can is the only time I can legally drink a cold one in Folsom's confines. That, my people, is why I run.

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Grand Junction Jackin

In eighteen months she came and I let her back in...and now she's sniffing again...

The Chosen One was in Colorado last weekend.

And he's coming back this weekend.

Gasp! Golly! Hyperventilate! Freak panic attack that makes you fall out a window!

Sorry, it wasn't his highness from Cleveland checking into playing for the Nuggets, but rather Bryce Harper, the young baseball phenom dubed "baseball's LeBron" by the masses. The quick rundown on Young Harper (there's probably some bad rapper out there with that name, and I don't apologize): he's 17, he graduated early from high school and enrolled at the College of Southern Nevada (I'm sure that CSN is an academic powerhouse on par with UNLV), he hit the longest home run in Tropicana Field history (sorry Evan Longoria, don't be named after some soap opera tart), he has 23 dingers this year, and he is expected to be the #1 pick this summer.

This weekend he was in the Southeastern Colorado metropolis of Lamar where he single handily won the Juco College Regionals. His line in the final: 6 for 6 with four homers and 10 RBI. Coors Field circa 1996 on a drum of steriods called to question that. The scores were more of the football variety, as the winds here in the BoxState were enough to not only ruin your hairdo, but perhaps peel part of your scalp off. His reward? A trip across the state to Grand Junction to the Juco College World Series, a Grand Junction staple for decades.

If memory serves correct, the stadium in Grand Junction faces northeast, about three to four miles from the highway. If Harper gets the right conditions, he damn well might launch a ball into the grocery truck heading for your local store.

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SG Bracket-mania!

In other words I'm official
I never go out like a wet piece of tissue...

While the college hoops and sports world have been on pins and needles with who gets in and who is left out of the NCAA Tourney, we here at the SG have been waiting and debating for the SG Tournament Challenge. Remember? The Commish and four time Slushy Gutter winner T-Dub have renewed their yearly bet; whoever has the crappier bracket has to dress as something or someone at a CU football game in the fall.

2008 saw The Commish win and T-Dub have to go all Mummy on us. 2009 saw T-Dub turn the tables and CH had to rock the Count Chocula outfit at Folsom Field. (Quick side note- CU record on dress-up day: 0-2)

Here's the 2010 edition and the agreed upon character? Hulk Hogan. Oh yeah, brother! Hulkamania will run wild on you this fall! No-talent daughter not required.

Of course SG readers, relatives, scornful co-workers, drunk bar buddies, and anyone with a pulse are invited to play along. Winner is declared the Hoops Ruler for an entire year and the rest of the field gets a folding chair to the face. All you need is a Yahoo ID; hoops know-how is optional.

Yahoo Slushy Gutter Brackets 2010

LINK

ID: 27625

Password: beer

Chasing Ski Bums Away

You got to relax, we got to kick back
Brothers just sit back, enjoy me like a six pack...

Back in my days in Boulder I knew a few kids that desired to be a "ski bum" post-graduation, or even in between years of their schooling. That meant scraping together a few bucks, moving to the Vail Valley, Summit County, Steamboat, or some other mountain locale. They would end up renting a room in some house or run down apartment, getting a job as a waiter or waitress, maybe actually working at a resort complete with a nice name tag (Ashley, Hometown: Huntington Beach, CA.) Of course, they'd still supplement their meager means with Ma and Pa's credit card or cash. They'd still roll around in their nice rig, rocking the latest skis, and drink to their hearts content.

They'd usually last one ski season before heading back down I-70 to join the rest of us in the real world. But they'd wear their year of "ski bum" status like a badge of honor for the rest of their lives. A few made it a year or more, and more than a few made it home, landing a plush job among the tourists, forever shedding their "ski bum" image.

They never quite assumed the "ski bum" life of one Charlie Touts. For 40 years he's been a true ski bum. Sleeping in a Volkswagen, shovelling snow, washing dishes, whatever it took to ski every day. Now the man is coming down on Charlie for living on public land and marijuana charges and they've had in in the pokey for more than a month. He wasn't quite living in George Washington's nose at Rushmore, the 63 year old was living in a gravel parking lot. And he wasn't moving bricks of marijuana, he had a small supply of hippie lettuce in his pocket. Hell, he should've been given a ticket by the ski bum police if he didn't have any green sticky icky on him.

Other bloggers can debate the politics of the situation, but really? Is this what passes for law enforcement in the mountains. If you want him out of the parking lot, just chase him away; tell him there's a outlet sale of used skis in Breck, a hot tub party (too 1980's?) in Vail, or a free Warren Miller screening in Keystone. Let the ski bum be exactly what the name is: a true ski bum.

Count Chocula Cometh

Since the thousands hundreds tens handful of SG readers have probably forgot, tomorrow is the day when the 2009 SG Bracket Racket bet will be paid.

Cliff Notes version: Three time Slushy Gutter winner T-Dub and The Commish bet over who will have the better March Madness brackets. The loser has to dress up in an agreed upon costume at one CU home football game in the fall, and that costume this year is Count Chocula.

Makes perfect sense: Basketball bet in March, paid off at football game in Fall by dressing as an animated cereal character.

After losing the tilt in last year and having to go all Mummy on us in 2008, T-Dub turned the tables and defeated The Commish this year. Therefore, I will be going as Count Chocula to the CU-Mizzou game tomorrow.

Unlike last year, there are NO Hip Hop songs that reference Count Chocula, NO beer that tastes/looks/sponsored by Count Chocula, and Count Chocula CAN'T start at point guard for the Nuggets.

Although, if things go poorly at Folsom, Count Chocula might go in at QB for the Buffs.

Points To Check For

COLORADO SPORTS: Some high-powered Lacrosse magazine has named Our Town as the "Best Lacrosse" town in the world. Right now, Larry in Northglenn is saying "la-what?" At first glance that ranking might seem a bit off, but take a look and it might be well-deserved. When I was in high school there was one kid I knew who played lacrosse, and he had teammates from as far away as Vail and Colorado Springs on his squad, just so they could field a competitive team. Nowadays, scan the suburban fields and you'll see more lax players than baseball. (I'm even using their lingo, "lax.") And even as the SG pokes fun at the Denver Outlaws and Colorado Mammoth, both draw extremely well; and DU hired away a pretty damn good coach frm none other than lax power Princeton to play in their new lacrosse stadium. When I was in college, my roommate got me mini lacrosse sticks and they were exclusively used to chuck beer cans, which I think I will try when I'm near a local youth lax team practice.

HIP HOP: I usually think "followups" to previously released albums by rappers are a pretty lame idea. Seems like just a branding idea: name it the same as your most successful album and people will think it'll be that good. Nearly 15 years ago, Raekwon released his best joint Only Built For Cuban Linkx and since then has dropped unmemorable albums. His new Only Bulit For Cuban Linkx 2 sounds like it could've been released in 1997 as a true followup to the original (although you could argue Ghostface's Ironman was a followup to OBFCL.) The hype surrounding its release is well deserved, as Rae and Ghost hit right off the bat with "House of Flying Daggers" which is a throwback headnodder complete with Shaolin fighting featuring Deck and Meth. Other guests as scattered throughout- Jadakiss, Slick Rick, Cappadonna, Styles P, Beanie Sigel, and production from Marley Marl, Erick Sermon, Pete Rock, and the usual RZA fare (the grimey "Black Mozart".) Lyrically, you're get the coke/crack inspired rhymes that litter the original on tracks like "Pyrex Vision" and an ODB tribute on "Ason Jones." The commercial/hit of the lot ala the Summer of 95's "Ice Cream" could be "Catalina" with the hook by Lyfe Jennings. Overall, this is one sequel worth checking, unlike the seven bucks I'm still owed for Rocky V.

BEER: In just the last decade the Great American Beer Festival here in Denver has morphed into the biggest beer event in the country, as brewers abound descend on the Box State to showcase their wares. This weekend sees the festival again as cab companies, brewers, SG readers, and greasy breakfast hangover joints see their bottom lines or liver enzymes increase.

Pick Em Up Pick Em Up

Vocal is local so believe that

This chant shan't rely on the strong lap ...

Back again for all you winos, insomniacs, band-aid suckers, sportos, geeks, and general football fiends is the Slushy Gutter NFL Pick Em contest. You win absolutely nothin. That's right, a big pile of flaming hot nothing and you will love it anyway! Witty and clever names are very encouraged. The skinny:

Slushy Gutter 2009 NFL Pick Em

on Yahoo - click here

id = 13984

password = beer

Dragin at Mile High

The Slushy Gutter Crew ventured out this weekend to take in the Mile High Nationals at Bandimere Speedway here in CO. Some highlights:

-A strange detour as the night begins as we stop at a smoke shop. I figure someone needs some cigars. But no, the purchase? Snuff. JBiz** calls it "anal snuff" and juvenile humor ensues.

-The second stop is at a C-Store for tall cans. A sign on the door offers an "upgrade" from an old soda glass to a new one. Parting with my 1994 Jurassic Park cup will be bitter but in the end well worth it.

-The tall cans are a frosty reward for a hot day, however TDub*** cannot open his. According to him the pop top is "broken." According to the rest of us, he is the broken one.

-We are listening to Special Ed and talking dirt track racing. The conversations fuse together and somehow Special Ed owns and operates a dirt race track.

-What crowd do I expect at the races? Strictly the redneck white-bred sect. However, I am wrong. There are black rednecks, Hispanic rednecks, Goth rednecks, gangster rednecks, hippie rednecks, etc. Drag racing: the great unifier.

-Pickles* jokingly says "they don't serve beer here." TDub looks at him and says "I'll kill you."

-One dude is wearing a Motley Crue tshirt, another an Iron Maiden shirt. These aren't the ones you can buy at Target, these are straight from 1986. Somewhere, the 80s Commish* is rocking his jean jacket but countering the headbangers with his Public Enemy shirt.

-Anti tobacco crusaders wouldn't like this venue. Smokers galore. Dudes with a half a can of chew in their grills. And of course, our resident snuff user. JBiz still chuckles when he calls it "anal snuff"

-I hate Bud Light Lime. To me it tastes like stale Bud mixed with lime Kool Aid. I hate it even more now because they are selling 24 ounce cans of it for $11.

-Motorcyles are racing now. They are like some futuristic Tron like bikes.

-After the bikes are done, every pit guy comes out and combs the track. It reminds me of the giant comb from Spaceballs. I chuckle to myself, but no one else is amused.

-Decepticon Sean's brother has six Bud Light bottles with him. Not six empties, but six full bottles. That's $36 worth of hooch for one guy. In college I could buy a keg of beer for that.

-Some very helpful necks break down most of the proceedings for us during the funny car runs. The drivers don't necessarily like the high altitude racing in Colorado. Somewhere Mike Hampton agrees.

-Each run (about 7 seconds) costs about $15,000. Obama's stimulus has apparently trickled down to drag racing.

-Ashley Force is the superstar of the proceedings. Her shirts are everywhere and her paddock is mobbed by fans. Unlike some of her hot female counterparts in other racing disciplines, she is actually one of the top drivers. Still, the main comments from fans are about her tits.

-The noise, vibration, and flash of the car shakes everything from my eyelids to my ball sack. Next time, I'm wearing a jock strap.

-My earplugs could supply enough wax for a candle. Someone send the Commish some damn Q-tips.

-Jeez Steve** and some other patrons have gotten themselves into a near Battle Royale near the starting line. Think Sharks versus Jets standoff in wife beaters and multi colored racing hats.

-It starts to rain and lightning heavily during the top alcohol fuel dragsters. We're going to need a big damn squeegee.

-The snuffer in the group has become Tyrone Biggums with the damn stuff.

-During the rain delay we venture to the beer tent in the paddock area. It smells like piss.

-I take a tour of the Skoal tent. I have to fill out more paperwork to get into said tent than when I registered to vote. After I fil out the needed paperwork, a buxom blonde in a skimpy Skoal outfit asks "What brand do you smoke?" to which I reply that I dont smoke. She asks a follow up of "what brand do you chew?" And my answer is the same. The look on her face is somewhat saying "then why the hell are you in here?" The look on my face is 1- it's raining outside and 2- you and ten other girls are wearing slutty outfits.

-The rain and lightning aren't letting up, but the beer is still flowing. Someone buys some fries with a gallon of ketchup and they are gone in 7.23 seconds. They timed us on the big board, it is the best time of the day.

-With the weather, we venture to the Rock Rest Saloon in Golden for a burger and cold pitchers. There's a guy there dancing with his pool cue like he's Patrick Swayze and it's Jennifer Grey.

-Word comes from the track (Jeez Steve has stayed behind) that racing will resume. The masses scatter like roaches to catch the festivities. The Commish take a pass and suddenly he is solo with a full pitcher.

-I grab a pool stick. I'm gonna freak that damn pool cue like no other. No one puts pool stick in the corner.

(NOTE: number of * denotes number of Slushy Gutter titles)

Bracket Racket 09: Count Chocula

French-vanilla, butter-pecan, chocolate-deluxe...

Last year's SG Bracket Challenge saw The Commish prevail in his wager with three time Slushy Gutter winner TDub and in turn he had to sport a Mummy costume to a Fall CU football game.

Here we are in 09, the brackets have been announced (I still can't for the life of me figure how CU didn't get an at-large bid!) and the SG Bracket Racket is ready to rumble again.

And the wager is in full effect. Whoever finishes lower between TDub and The Commish will be forced to rock a Count Chocula costume to a CU game. Damn straight, Count Chocula. Say it - "Count Chocula" - even saying it is fun.

As someone asked me though: "Isn't Count Chocula just a brown vampire?" No way, study him! He is the purveyor of chocolatey goodness throughout the undead world!

That said, all are invited again to the SG Brackets on Yahoo. Winner is declared Hoops Ruler for one full year and any statements he/she makes on here about basketball cannot be questioned. Losers get a fistful of chocolate puffs.

Yahoo Slushy Gutter Brackets 09

LINK

id= 45396
password= beer

Lendale: Whip It Good

Denver native and Tennessee Titan running back Lendale White’s off-season regimen:

-Checking out old school Hip Hop shows looking for name plate belt buckle.
-Walk around every big Nuggets’ game like he owns the place, scarfing down “onion rings doused in ranch dressing.”
-Shopping the Stock Show for belt buckles.
-Eat. Rest. Repeat.
-Calling Chris Johnson’s cell phone and asking for “that Titan running back backup, bitch.”
-Attending wrestling matches looking for large belts.
-Counseling Vince Young.

-Watching videos of himself stomping the Terrible Towel.
-Hitting up local nutrition and weightlifting stores looking for belts.
-Belittling Jeff Fischer’s mustache to his crew.
-ARC and Goodwill Bric Brac sections: the great untapped belt resource.

RELATED: King Tee f/ Tha Alkaholiks - "I Got It Bad Yall" - "On the mic I hold a belt, now I know no one could spank me"