Friday, October 30, 2009

Count Chocula Cometh

Since the thousands hundreds tens handful of SG readers have probably forgot, tomorrow is the day when the 2009 SG Bracket Racket bet will be paid.

Cliff Notes version: Three time Slushy Gutter winner T-Dub and The Commish bet over who will have the better March Madness brackets. The loser has to dress up in an agreed upon costume at one CU home football game in the fall, and that costume this year is Count Chocula.

Makes perfect sense: Basketball bet in March, paid off at football game in Fall by dressing as an animated cereal character.

After losing the tilt in last year and having to go all Mummy on us in 2008, T-Dub turned the tables and defeated The Commish this year. Therefore, I will be going as Count Chocula to the CU-Mizzou game tomorrow.

Unlike last year, there are NO Hip Hop songs that reference Count Chocula, NO beer that tastes/looks/sponsored by Count Chocula, and Count Chocula CAN'T start at point guard for the Nuggets.

Although, if things go poorly at Folsom, Count Chocula might go in at QB for the Buffs.

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Thursday, October 29, 2009

Nuggets Tip It Off

Long winded but I don't need my respiratory
to bless my story, you got nothing for me...
Some real quick hitters from the Nuggets' season opener last night (In the interest of full disclosure, The Commish only made it till about the 3rd quarter. 8:30 starts coupled with hours of snow shoveling, beating snow off trees, dealing with power outages, and my tap dance lessons will lend to early bed times. OK, I made the tap dancing thing up, but you get the idea.)

--The obvious is Melo looks leaner and was really involved, dipping into the low post on almost every shot. Look a little harder and you see that K-Mart also looks leaner and more cock diesel and was all over the court hustling. Maybe Mark Cuban sent him a fruit basket.

--New Pepsi Center logo on both sides of the court; but what is with the wood around it not matching the rest of the floor? Some dude who looked like Judd Nelson in St Elmos Fire came to my crib and told me he could get all of my mis-matched wood floors to look the same for minimal cost, yet Stan Kroenke can't get the same effect? Maybe he should call Andrew McCarthy.

--Andre Kirilinko- grown up Macaulay Culkin?

--Everyone is all gaga over Ty Lawson and count the SG as being on his jock too. The combo of him, Chauncey, and Anthony Carter will cause matchup problems. Chauncey had his problems at times with more athletic guards the past couple years, and Lawson should give him adequate rest throughout the year.

--Pepsi Center looked damn packed considering the snow and ice coming down. These are probably the same people who left work early and won't be showing up for work/school today due to the conditions. Yet they can drive downtown to watch hoops, drink Coors Light and enjoy a bowl of Blueberry Dippin Dots.

--I will miss Linas Klieza because the Ivan Drago voice will no longer echo through the Commish house. Oh, his clutch shotting too.

--The Nuggets are getting pretty well fucked by the NBA over the opening stretch of the season. Four back-to-back games over the first three weeks? In this day and age why are back to backs even necessary? They have four to five day breaks, yet still have games in two different cities in two nights. With the weather and travel, they won't roll into Portland to about 5am and then sleep, practice, meetings, and play the Trail Blazers? This season, they have four trips of four or more road games without ONE homestand of longer than three games.
RELATED: House of Pain - "On Point" - ("...don't start me up like a rolling stone or I'll leave ya sulkin like Maculay Culkin in Home Alone")


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Big Rox What If?

In the game of life, I play all positions
Stop look and listen, total package, yes a true master
Produce rhymes, slang hits faster...

It is not that far fetched, but if Huston Street pitches like his regular season self, Aaron Cook has his sinker working in Game Five, and the Rox scratch out a few runs, they would've met up with the Dodgers in the NLCS. I'm of the opinion the Rox would've made quick work of the Dodgers in the series much like the Phils. Go back to mid-July and if Brad Hawpe would've hit a stitch beyond Carl Crawford's glove, we'd be seeing the Rockies hosting the Yankees in Game One of the World Series tonight in our fair city.

One problem: snow and lots of it. And it isn't the quick moving storm we usually get around Halloween which made you wear that lame parka over your fresh Ghostbusters outfit or the moon boots with your Michael Jackson parachute pants back in the day. Rather it is a lingering 36 hour dumper with schools closed and weathermen beating their collective dicks.

The fun of it would be seeing the ESPN and other network talking heads during the snow. Karl Ravech would be in his J Crew pea coat with Dan Marino Isotoner gloves. Peter Gammons would probably rock some pimp-like fur coach (since he is a rock star), and John Kruk would most likely be trying to catch the snow flakes because someone told him they were marshmallows. Steve Phillips would be trying to hump a snowman. Kate Hudson would be wearing some lame $1000 pair of Uggs and some pitcher (my bet would be Joba Chamberlin, he's from Nebraska so he's not too bright would be rocking the short sleeves.)

Most likely games one and two would be pushed back to the weekend and the World Series would finish when you are sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Alot would of had to happen for this but on this snow day we can all dream right?

RELATED: Nice & Smooth - "Sometimes I Rhyme Slow" - ("...but I keep havin visions of snow")


Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Manhattan Misplay

As far as rap go, it's only natural, I explain
My plateau, and also, what defines my name

DROP: Rather than get this ish up in the customary Monday after the game spot, I took another day to fully try to comprehend what happened in Manhattan this Saturday. Being that the SG Crew was at the game and had a few beers before, during, and after the contest, the extra day was a welcome respite. There’s not one thing about this game that you can point to as a DROP why they lost. The team was basically crap from the top on down sans the defense for about half the game. Missed extra points, missed OL blocks, and shoddy QB play were the obvious.

DROP: Manhattan is a rather dull place. It certainly can’t match up with Austin or Boulder; it doesn’t offer world class food or nightlife (ate at an Old Chicago after the game.) The tailgating is OK; the weather is a bit breezy; and you won’t find any boutique hotels or freaky local shops (saw a couple quilt shops.) That being said, that’s all crap for us fans to deal with- the team still has to play the game on the same size field with the same ball whether it’s in the Super Bowl or a sand lot. The entire team looked pretty unemotional both pregame, during the first half (when they had the lead) and even coming in the game in the 2nd half. The celebrations were rather muted in a time when some big Brian Dawkins-type hollering could’ve made some difference.

DROP: The WRs had a below average game. It is unknown if any of them outside of Scotty McKnight can actually run a route. When your QB Tyler Hansen is doing his best Fran Tarkenton impression, not one of them did the “come back to the QB” route. That is coaching, and who is the WR coach? The head coach.

DROP: Our punt returner has a broken finger and is returning punts? Makes perfect sense, when all he needs to catch an object falling from the sky at an ever accelerating rate! And the K-State punter was practically seeding the clouds with his punt heights.

DROP: Remember in “Friday” when Craig (Ice Cube) got fired on his day off and everyone kept asking him “Now, how do you get fired on your day off?” That ran through my head when the offense got a delay of game penalty on the first play after halftime.

DROP: And just to muddy the waters a bit more, why not throw in the benched QB into the game late? Let him throw two INTs as Tyler Hansen sits on the bench stewing, and then announce after the game that Cody would be the “two minute” QB. How is that letting Hansen grow as a QB? Doesn’t he need to be in those situations? Never in my three decades as a football fan have I seen a designated “two minute” QB; but leave it to Coach Hawk and his band of geniuses to find a way to work that into the football lexicon.


Friday, October 23, 2009

The Points Wit Da Quickness

From brand new to tatterred and torn
This place is Jimmy crack corn
My sh-ts Mazola
Your style's kiddy like Crayola...

--Hey, there's a team that was picked to finish last in their league that is currently rolling through the competition and in first place, surprising everyone! Name them. The Denver Broncos!? Awww, so close, except they play on ice! The Denver Ice-Broncos!? No, they play with a lot of Canadians. The Denver Broncos, eh!? No, they play with a small rubbber puck instead of a football. The Denver Mini Rubber Broncos!? No, they are a hockey team. The Denver Bronco Hockeys!? Never mind. Your Colorado Avalanche are rolling early and are in first place after the first three weeks of the season with a solid young core and timely goaltending. No word if they too will wear mustard throwback unis though.

--Anti Pop Consortium returns after a long break in the game with their new release, Flourescent Black. What immediately grabs this hard-to-the-core-boom bapper with this release is that if you remove the lyrics the beats and music might remind you of a mid-90s rave. But that is a good thing in this case, as APC blends banging drums (the track "Timpani"), synth sounds, and a multi-layered approach by beat-meister Earl Blaize. Yet, you cannot discount the lyrics from M Sayyid and High Priest on standout tracks like "Superunfrontable" and "New Jack Exterminator" as both MCs come off with precision.


--Who doesn't love a cold beer in the morning, then stretching into the lunch hour and lasting into the early afternoon? Most of the world is feverishly working away while you're pounding an ice cold one. Even better when they are under $2 a pop for some Rocky Mountain Goodness. That's what the Lohi Steak Bar in Denver has come up with from 11am to 2pm, the beer slacker's paradise. Come with under 10 bucks, leave with a wicked buzz and the rest of the afternoon to get those TPS reports done.

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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Pop Goes The Balloon Boy

Colorado is still all talk about the freaks up in Fort Collins known as the Heene family and their balloon hoax. What many people didn’t know is some other folks were perhaps involved in the perpetration:

--CU coach Dan Hawkins was said to have been hiding in young Falcon’s hiding spot above the garage. When police searched the house, they actually found Coach Hawk in the spot. “Leave him up there through the next couple games” the police chief responded.

--Charger players Shawn Merriman and Shaun Phillips trashed talked and pushed and shoved the balloon when it landed. It was the most effective they were versus any Colorado object over the weekend.

--Jay Cutler, he of the $30 million new deal, was called in to knock the blimp down when it precariously came close to the “red zone,” a spot that aviation types deem within 20 yards of landing. Cutler promptly threw the ball into a passing traffic helicopter.

--Some of the MLB umpires who worked the recent Rockies’ and other series were brought in to consult about the balloon. They quickly determined that the object was not, in fact, a blimp, but rather it was Missy Elliot from “The Rain” video. When the cops asked if they were sure, they angrily quipped, “we’re umpires, we get paid to make judgment calls!”

--In that same vein, NBA replacement refs were also consulted during the process. After careful review, they gave a technical foul to Kenyon Martin.

RELATED: GZA/Genius - "I Gotcha Back" - ("I wish I could rule it out like an umpire")

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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Royal Treatment

I know you wanna enter but I can't let you in
My mindstate's the maddest, I'm gone with the wind...

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs last second win over the Jayhawks and the Broncos reaching 6-0 with their MNF win over San Diego:

PROPS: The Chargers thought a good way to get a leg up in this game would be to raise their intensity and go 1991 Miami Hurricane and intimidate the Donks. No chance in that as Denver simply shrugged off the Chargers buffoonery and matched the level in the first half and laid the wood to the Chargers in the second. While the Broncos let their play do their talking, Darren Sproles wasted no time in pointing to his name and number when he scored his TD. Team, Darren, team.

PROPS: Tyler Hansen's stat line looked rather pedestrian, but the stat line doesn't show how he created opportunites and had the KU defense guessing all game. His scrambles helped draw in linebackers which helped the tight ends get open all night. Witness the key 3rd and 15 pick up to Riar Geer on the game winning drive. The only thing missing was more designed runs for the swift Hansen, who looked more comfortable and didn't have the "run now" mentality when your first read is covered.

DROPS: KU faced a 3rd and 29 late in the game and the Buffs gave up a 41 yard play. Usually a distance of over 20 yards means everyone except the dude who cleans Ralphie's dung is in coverage, yet the Buffs still let someone behind them.

PROPS: From the SG Crew when the announcers said Shawne Merriman eats "nails" for breakfast: "Eats nails? More like steriods and bisexual Vietnamese tramps."

PROPS: The SG is very stingy giving any dap to opposing players, but thank you NCAA for only letting players play for four years. Todd Reesing, KU QB is a player. He gets every ounce of ability out of his maller frame. People say he can't cut it in the NFL, but I'm skeptical. Dude has a major arm, scrambling ability and football smarts.

PROPS: Once again the Donks dominated in the 2nd Half, and once again the media talking heads sput off about adjustments. It may get played, but think of the logistics of halftime adjustments. Halftime is 12 minutes and half of the coaching staff is three levels away. The players need to get taped and looked at by medical staff. Some players are back on the field by the four minute remaining mark. For a rookie head coach and his staff to recitify the ails of the first half in this environment and literally dominate the 2nd halves of games is remarkable.

PROPS: Tony Scheffler on a safety isn't a great matchup, as the Donk TE is simply too long and athletic for them to cover. Witness his long catch and run on the final Donk TD drive. He pretty much bodied up San Diego's Weddle to make the catch and then used a simple spin move to get past him. If not starting from a dead stop, Scheffler most likely would've scored.

PROPS: Marquez Herrod was in KU's grill more than the KU Hoops team. Herrod had three sacks on the night and repeatedly forced KU runners into the teeth of the Buff d-line. So much so that the Jayhawks pretty much abandoned the run by the 2nd Half. The front seven held KU to under 10 yards rushing. It was nothing fancey, no stunts or complicated blitzes, just guys flying to the ball and staying with their assignments.

DROPS: Hey guy ten rows back of us: I didn't know that a Jayhawk was a "mythical bird," but after you yelled it about 1000 times throughout the evening, I know now.

RELATED: Black Sheep - "Without A Doubt" - ("Now let me tell you, what other suckers failed to, we open more doors than a carpenter puts nails through")

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Thursday, October 15, 2009

Flip Flops Aint Just Sandals in Boulder

The crew is lampin big Willie style
Check the chip toothed smile, plus I profile wild...

Post Texas game Tyler Hansen was the Black and Gold flavor. He was the new QB1, the leader, they were going to ride him the rest of the year. No gimmicks, no platooning of QBs (old school Donk fans may remember the platooning each play of Sean Moore and Tommy Maddox- brilliant) no special packages. Basically what many Buff fans wanted to hear: Tyler Hansen would be the man and Cody would be the backup.

Fast forward less than 48 hours and Coach Big Zen is doing a complete 180, that Cody could still play, that everything is “fluid” and tossing around more Zen bullcrap and speaking out of both sides of his bowl haircutted head.

I can tolerate to an extent inept coaching, the stubbornness that coaches have, bad play calling, clock mismanagement, subpar personnel decisions, heck I could fill this whole blog with Hawk’s missteps. But, don’t lie to me.

It’s like when your moms tells you how disappointed she is in you because you lied. Man, that hurt. All the mischief and trouble you got into, but when your she laid that on you- ouch.

Hawk isn’t being straight with us, and by now that is apparent. Now it makes us skeptical of everything he has said prior to this. More importantly, if we can’t trust him, can recruits and their parents trust him?

"You keep it real with me, I’ll keep it real with you" as Meth once said. And right now, Hawk isn’t keeping much of anything real.

RELATED: Dave Chappelle - "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong"


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Dead End Street

I put mad pressure, on phony wack rhymes that get hurt
Shit's played, like zodiac signs on sweatshirt...

Sometimes you'd rather just get your ass whooped.
After an all-too exciting bottom of the eighth inning by the Rockies, an improbable victory seemed imminent. It had everything, both of the strange variety and conventional missionary style 150 years of baseball fare.
Dexter Fowler doing his best Edwin Moses impersonation. Jason Giambi inching closer to cult hero status with a clutch pinch hit. And the late-season MVP Yorvit Torrealba (or as a guy in my office calls him "Vit Tornado") gashing a double to center and doing his best Josh McDaniels impersonation on 2nd base.
Then the ninth. An epic collapse. All the near-glory and talk of the town for all day Wednesday was gone with two Huston Street pitches. Yes, lots of chances throughout the game. Lots of chances in the prior game. No shame in losing to the World Champions. Clint Barmes gave you nothing. The postponement hurt the Rockies. Aaron Cook was waiting back in PA. The umpires didn't help very much. Tulo not coming through for two nights. On and on and on. The result is a collective hangover looming over the Rocky Mountain region. Damn.
Sometimes you'd rather just get your tail whooped.
RELATED: Tupac - "I Aint Mad At Cha"


Monday, October 12, 2009

Striped Sock It To Em

I do my thing, I don't dare front or flake
I commence to earthquake, dominate, and cremate

PROPS and DROPS as the Slushy Gutter Crew ventured to Austin for the Buffs' loss to the #2 Longhorns and the Broncos' OT win over the Patriots:
PROPS: In the second half of their five games, the Broncos have outscored their opponents 59-6. That tells us one thing: the Bronco staff is making the right adjustments at the break and coming out and implementing them. Case in point yesterday as the Donks switched to a more two tight end set in the second half and utilized Tony Scheffler and Dan Graham on more underneath plays.
DROPS: CU special team's coach Kent Riddle said the "game was on him" after his unit had a complete meltdown in the second half. We couldn't agree more as UT returner Jordan Shipley slashed his way through the Buff punt team to an easy TD. Throw in a blocked punt for a TD and it was an off day for the squad (they did however block a kick.) One quick fix? More starters on the units. No offense to the kids who bust their asses as walkons to get there on special teams, but an upgrade is needed on the pursuit, strength, and overall talent.
DROPS: Remember Tiny from Hollywood Shuffle? Is that Vince's Wolfolk's dad? Winky Dinky dogs.
PROPS: It is easy to be overshadowed by Champ Bailey and Brian Dawkins, but Bronco DB Jack Williams was all over the field on Sunday. His named was called more than the hot chocolate vendor in the east stands. It is showing the defense feeds off eachother, when a reserve like Williams can have a stellar game in his role. The vets lead by their play and attitude.
PROPS: Some may not like burning Tyler Hansen's redshirt nearly halfway through the year, but at this point what do the Buffs have lose? Cody Hawkins has just fallen and can't get up, and rather than trying to work through it, get him on the sideline where he might actually help being a defacto assistant. Now, can the staff get packages and plays for Hansen that can best utilize his talent? Yes, QB draws are easy for the swift Hansen, but how about some option misdirection? More roll outs will have to be on the game plan. A power I with Demetrius Sumler and the forgotten Darrell Scott.
PROPS: Josh McDaniels after the game looked like the dude on your softball team celebrating a 4th inning single. Although McDaniels just beat the New England Patriots, not Quick Hoe Excavating Service. Have to love the passion the coach showed after his almost near-robotic demeanor the past year.
DROPS: Texas showed in part why they are a superior team (well besides, talent, size, speed, and all that crap.) They identified the Buffs' top play maker as Scotty McKnight and completely took him out of the game. On the flip side, everyone already ten beers down on 6th Street knows Colt McCoy and Shipley have a bromance and that the latter will be a favorite target. That didn't set in with the CU staff or players as Shipley had a career day on offense and practically ran free in the secondary.
PROPS: Kudos on the mustard unis. The striped socks get all twisted and the team looks looks like some freaky elves on PCP or something.

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Thursday, October 08, 2009

No Win-dy City

The birth of a child on the 8th of October
A toast but my granddaddy came sober

The Rockies blew into Philly and promptly got blew out- literally. A 5-1 loss was complete with tricky winds throughout the game that wreaked havoc on the Rockies while the Phillies stayed cool in their home yard. While Ubaldo pitched well, Phillies' horse Cliff Lee pitched a gem, retiring the Rockies seemingly in order after some traffic early. The Phillies now enjoy a 1-0 series lead; yet they weren't the only ones who enjoyed yesterday's conditions. Rumor has it these people and things also did:
-Ben Franklin's search for power.
-Ricky Fitts' grocery bags.
-The Wicked Witch of the West.
-Hang gliders.
-Usain Bolt in an attempt to record a unofficial world record.
-Charley Brown's tree.
-Native American trinkets that hang from 1998 Ford Focus rear view mirrors.
-Obama's green energy plan.
-Chimes that your ahole neighbors seem to have right outside your bedroom.
-The 70's rock group Kansas.

RELATED: Wu-Tang Clan - "Method Man" - ("Blow like snow when the cold wind's blowin")

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Leaving Messages

Terror illustrates my era,
now I can't hang with my mama cuz I scare her...

Outgoing voice mail greetings related to the Rockies and Phillies NLDS:

Around the office:
Hi, you've reached (insert name) at extension X. If you've reached this message on October 7th or October 8th between 12:30 and 4 pm, I will be unavailable due to a sales appointment/training session/my kid got in a fight at school and I have to pick him up/my office being fumigated. Please leave a message.

At the networks:
Hello, we cannot come to the phone right now as we are busy preparing for the Yankees series and the Red Sox series. If you are from a remote baseball outpost such as Colorado, have fun watching your series in the middle of the day. If you think it is an East Coast bias, well, you are right.

At the weatherman's desk:
Hi, you've reached Stormy Sundale at Channel 5. We'll have a winter storm coming into twon Saturday afternoon lasting throughout the rest of the weekend. If you are going to the Rockies' game, bundle up. If you are watching on TV somewhere else other than the region, yes it snows here every day September through May, we live in igloos, and I take a dog sled to work.

In the Rockies Clubhouse:
Hola, this is Jorge De La Rosa. Owwwwww, mi groin!

In the Phillies Clubhouse:
Hola, this is Pedro Martinez. I am not here as I am enjoying a fine cheese steak in Philly. Please leave a message. If this is Don Zimmer, you can fuck off you Popeye looking muthafucker.

At Dan O'Dowd's Office:
Greetings, this is Dan O'Dowd, general manager of the Rockies. I can't take your call, as I am general managing a team that has made the playoffs two out of the past three years. That's right, pushing all the right buttons after ten years. If you are some lame blogger talking crap, you can get deeeeeez nuuuuuuuuts. Oh, leave a message.

RELATED: De La Soul - "Ring Ring Ring"


Monday, October 05, 2009

Marshall Redemption

My style's rugged like Timberland
When I clock lyric then women give me more love than Wimbledon

PROPS and DROPS from the Broncos' exciting win versus the Cowboys and the Buffs' Thursday loss to West Virginia:

PROPS: The winning TD pass to Brandon Marshall was near text book on how to play WR in the National Football League. Marshall and Kyle Orton notice that Terrence Newman is playing up on him and have the play already in mind; Orton throws a low pass in which Marshall oulearps the defender (who in this case is no slouch) and takes the ball from him; he comes down with twofeet in bounds and immediately surveys the field; he outruns four Cowboy defenders to the middle of the field; he breaks a tackle and switches direction; he again outraces the Cowboy defense to the corner of the endzone; confused Bronco fans who thought he was a "punk" just a few weeks ago go nutso. There aren't many WRs in the league who can do what Marshall pulled off.

DROPS: Penalties have to be reduced especially in the Donk offense. The unit is already a bit behind and it cannot get in deep holes with dumb penalties. It is surprising because McD runs such a rigid system with accountability yet there are still too many 2nd and 3rd and longs.

DROPS: The running back situation for CU bucks all rhyme, reason, and football 101. Rodney "Speedy" Stewart started for the Buffs and was moving versus WVU much like he did last year. Yet, what happened later in the half and beginning of the 2nd? He was standing on the bench while a hodgepodge of backs toted/blocked for CU. When Demetrius Sumler is in at any time, it signals passing down, as Coach Hawk has said numerous times he is their best blocking back. Brian Lockridge is electric, but he gets no momentum as he gets one carry here and there. And, let's just call the Darrell Scott situation what it is: a complete clusterfuck. Somewhere along the line, Scott pissed off the coaches who are too stubborn to get their best players on the field if they aren't perfect off the field. Scott will look good for Coach Neu in 2011.

PROPS: Brian Dawkins showed yesterday why the Donks took a flyer on him and brought him in late in his career. He was flying all over the field and only four games in to his Orange and Blue tour, he has become the leader of the defensive side. His punishing hits actually seemed to affect the Cowboy WRs as they ran soft over the middle throughout the game. And who was that blazing across the field to chase Hurd down on the Cowboys last gasp play? Dawkins.

DROPS: The elephant in the room has always been Cody Hawkins, and this game was a giant elephant crap on his part. Overthrown receivers, underthrown receivers, and picks galore. Detractors can point to Cody's lack of talent, but this is a kid that was offered by Wisconsin, Oregon, and Boise among others. Perhaps a lack of talent, but more so a lack of coaching. Cody is the perfect "game manager"; a QB who can hit short, efficient passes, hand to the backs, and surprise with an occasional downfield toss. However, the (again) stubborn CU staff is still thinking that he is Eli Manning rather than a Todd Reesling type.

DROPS: Mike Bohn, stop with the WAC/MAC scheduling. College football is played on Saturdays. We're a month into the season and there's been one Saturday game. Do you know what that means for Commish on Saturdays? Cutting branches, painting, runs to the recycling center, cleaning the garage, and more honey-dos than a fruit stand. Yes, exposure is nice, but not when your getting your tail whooped on national TV. That and the scratches and blisters on my hands makes me look like I've spent years in a coal mine.

PROPS: Yes, Elvis Dumervil is the sack master, but keep in mind how he is doing it. His one on one matchups with tight ends and backs (he manhandles running backs staying to block) are caused by the Denver no-name DL up front. Especially present is nose tackle Ronnie Fields, who won't wow you unless you really watch. He won't bull rush on power and isn't really fat to tie up two OL, but he is active. Constantly moving and stunting in the middle of the line and causing chaos, allowing the four LBs to do their thing.

PROPS: Hey, I bet you didn't know that New England is coming to town next week!? Did you know that Josh McDaniels used to coach there? That their coach was McDaniels' mentor? That they wear matching sweatshirts!?

RELATED: EPMD f/ K-Solo and Redman- "Headbanger" - (Yo, where's my hoody?")

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Friday, October 02, 2009

Rock Out With Your Cook Out

I put two and two together and I came up with four
You are forever, forgot, forbid, shouldn't have to say much more...

Somehow Alanna Rizzo, champagne flowing freely and dousing her with it wasn't what I had day dreamed it would be. These damn rap videos have distorted my mind!

But the Rockies heading into the post season for the second time over the past three autumns helped overcome my disappointment.

Two years ago we sat dumbfounded what had just transpired. The regular party goers in the NL playoffs watched as the unwelcome guest came to the gathering, drank all their beer, danced with their chicks and kicked their tails out in the parking lot. And now, those same party crashers are back and they look meaner and cooler. Shit, one of them even has a mohawk!

These dudes found every way to win: walkoffs, pitching, over the back(ahem)catches, late season arrivals and heroes, keen managerial moves, mound height gamesmenship, and maybe Dinger took a leak on the opponents bat rack.

Aaron Cook cemented his spot in the Rocktober rotation with a devastating sinkerball yesterday that had the Brewers looking like they were brewing Natural Ice. Garret Akins was dusted off and will be a valuable bench weapon.

The 09 edition of the Rockies still has unfinished business though, as they try to shake off the celebration hangover and head to LaLa land to grab the NL West. Revenge for the Nuggets...and all those Cali drivers who clog up our roads.

These guys are battle tested, a deeper bullpen, and act like they've been there before. No crap, because they have. This Rocktober sequel could be better than the original.

RELATED: Aesop Rock - "Fast Cars"