Tuesday, December 29, 2009

09 Rhyme: Top CO Sports Moments

1-Melo in the Clutch. After beating the Mavs in the first two games of the Western Conference semifinals, the Mavs looked to get closer to even in Game Three back in Dallas. The game was close throughout before Melo played through a non-intentional foul and drilled a winning three pointer. The Mavs and their owner were incredulous in defeat, acting like a spoiled lot of children while the Nuggets closed out the series in five.

2-It’s a Clinch. A nippy Fall day game in October set forth another Rocktober as it saw the Rockies beat the Brewers 9-2 and clinch their second Wild Card in three years. Rockies’ pitcher Aaron Cook pitched a decent game versus a stout Milwaukee lineup before giving way to a lights out bullpen and the Rox erased a 9 ½ game Wild Card deficit the team faced in May.

3-Beat LA. The Nuggets headed into Game Four of the Western Conference Finals down 2-1 but realistically could’ve been up 3-0 or even 2-1 after some misplays on inbounds plays. They responded to a crazy crowd by throttling the Lakers and evening the series. The Nuggets and JR Smith out hustled, out rebounded, and out worked the Lakers all night with an ailing Melo and his stomach.

4-Standing Pat. The Donks surged to an early undefeated record but a chorus of “who have they beat” hung over their heads. Enter the Patriots into a throwback Invesco Field and a come-from-behind win over McD’s former employer left the mustard and brown home team at 5-0 and the young head coach practically break dancing on the sideline.

5-Cut Cutler. After getting all whiny and bitchy about the coaching change new head coach McD traded Cutler, his bad haircut and bad attitude to the Bears. In return the Donks got current QB Kyle Orton, some draft picks, and a healthy new hatred for the Bears’ QB.

6-Crashed Hurdle. With the Purp struggling in the first two months of the campaign, the Brothers Monfort gave Clint Hurdle and his soul patch the old heave ho. His replacement, Jim Tracy, stabilized the clubhouse and lineup and lead the Rox to the postseason with a 71-36 record and won the Manager of the Year award.

7-Can-a-shan. If any coach in the NFL seemed eternally safe in his job, it seemed Mike Shannahan was the one. Pat Bowlen thought otherwise, as he canned his twice Super Bowl Champ coach (although sent him packing with major bucks) and installed Josh McDaniels from the Patriots as the whiz kid hoodie sporting head coach.

8-Rock Chalked. For one day, it was a damn good time in Boulder. The nationally ranked Kansas Jayhawks came to town and met newly installed QB Tyler Hansen and a frenzied crowd (thanks to a late start and - ahem -“pregaming.”) A few iffy plays and late heroics sent the visitors home with a loss and CU one of their three wins and a spat of hope for an other wise miserable season.

9-Tip Drill. The Broncos went into the opener in Cincinnati with zero expectations for the season. Over the next 59 minutes the Broncos’ D played hard, limiting the Bengals until late in the fourth, until the home team made what appeared to be a game winning drive. Enter a last gasp pass to Brandon Marshall tipped by the Bengals, caught by Brandon Stokley and taken to the house for the game winner.

10-Late Night Spilly. The Rox were in the thick of the NL race going into an August series vs the Giants. The teams went into extras before the Giants took a 4-1 lead into the 14th inning. The Rockies improbably loaded the bases with walks, a hit batter, and a pitcher getting walked before a run walked in. Then Ryan Spilborghs uncorked a grand slam that had announcers, remaining fans, and the team simply euphoric.

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Sunday, December 27, 2009

Cheese Staked

Phone joneser,
sneak over fuck your babysitter...

and DROPS from the Broncos' loss to the Eagles, dropping them to the brink of playoff elimination:

DROPS: The key play of the game was Donovan McNabb's scramble on 3rd and 25. Yes, 3rd and 25. That's a quarter of the football field for a 11 year veteran QB, not exactly the swiftest guy on the field and the Donks made him look like Vince Young. Yes, the Eagles didn't get any points on the drive, but it tilted the field. A stop there and the Donks get the ball near midfield. The scramble let the Eagles punt inside the 10 and ultimatley get the ball back within 15 yards of FG range.

PROPS: Brian Dawkins played the game like it was his last, with all the fire and emotion times ten being back in Philly. The love between the two wasn't a kissy fest, but rather genuine and heart flet on both ends.

DROPS: The frustration and pressure of the Broncos showed in the first quarter with the usual level headed Brandon Stokley getting a red card and thrown from the game after "contact" with an official. Someone with the pedigree of Stokely losing his cool might be indicative of the coach (read: McD) and his animated tirades and foolery on the sidelines. Did Stokely do that crap when Tony Dungy was his coach? Not only did he look like an ass, he cost his team 15 yards and forced his team to retool with only three WRs.

PROPS: Sav Rocca, the Eagles' punter, is the best name in the NFL. Sounds like some dude on a mid-90's East Coast Hip Hop remix.

DROPS: Upon super-review, like some real freeze frame J. Giles type shit, Jeremy Maclin did not catch that ball. If he did, there certainly wasn't enought evidence to overturn the ruling on the field. The ball is in free fall from his top hand to bottom while he is falling out of bounds. When he gathers the ball for total possession, his back foot (the foot closest to the endzone) comes off the ground. In effect, only one foot in bounds.

DROPS: Help from others. That is the catch phrase this week in Orange and Blue Land. An NFL style welfare. Oakland beats the Ravens or the Bengals beat the Jets. The latter may be the toughest, as it will be a rabid Jets' crowd in the Meadowlands' last game (I hear Jimmy Hoffa mat finally dig himself out from the 50 yard line and sack Carson Palmer.)

RELATED: Lords of the Underground- "Chief Rocka" - ("And if ya got beef, then you can live with Jimmy Hoffa")


Wednesday, December 23, 2009

SG Festivus 09

Once again, the SG celebrates a Festivus for the rest of us! Gather 'round the aluminum pole!

The Airing of Grievances- because I've got a lot of problems with you people!

-Dan Hawkins, you have disappointed me in more ways than there are minutes in the day. If I were to list all the ways your have let me down, the negativity could send the world into chronic depression. Quickly though: the Zen crap, the cutesy sayings and all that vernacular? Cut that out. If I wanted some inspiration, I'll go to the calendar shop at the mall.

-Mike Bohn, you have disppointed me in the following ways: see above. You are the one responsible for keeping this dude (allegedly.) If you weren't the ultimate arbitor in Danny Boy's retention, then I got a problem with that too! In fact, I got a problem with the whole lot of you up there in Boulder! Just what in the good name of Rashaan Salaam's bong is going on?

-Kyle Orton, you have disappointed me the past year not by your QB play, or by your leadership, nor your classy dealings with the fans and media. No, Kyle, you let me down because you haven't been spotted anywhere in Our Fair State cavorting with buxom young women or sucking down mass amounts of alcohol. Dammit, Kyle, mix in a beer bong or something.

Feats of Strength-

-Dan Hawkins, you have to pin me. Granted you have about 50 pounds on me, but your inability to teach any technique of tackling, footwork, or basic football prowess makes me confident you cannot take down my skinny ass.

-JR Smith, you have to try to avoid a tattoo parlor. You too Birdman.

-Avs' fans, try to pry a few bucks from your bank account and go see the first place team.

-Eddie Royal, I want to see you just kick the crap out of the people in those miserable Taco Bell commercials with you. Just pummel them.

Human Fund cards for-
-Jay Cutler- He also tried to give me one but it got intercepted by Edna in accounting.

-Matt Holiday- Money for People is the motto. I see the money for this person being offered is less than what the Purp offered him two years back.

-Josh McDaniels- Turn the card over and try to diagram an effective short yardage play.

-Dan Hawkins- Money for People- mainly for your buyout in 2010.

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Sunday, December 20, 2009

Playoff Raided

Picture a mic, the stage is empty
A beat like this might tempt me
To pose, show my rings and my fat gold chain
Grab the mic like I'm on Soul Train

PROPS and DROPS live and direct from from the Donks miserable loss to the dreaded Raiders...

DROPS: First and goal from the two yard line with a chance to ice the rivals, a chance to ice the playoff seed, a chance to send everyone home happy for Christmas, Festivus, Hanukkah, Kwanzza, Howdy Doody's brithday. Stuffed. Stuffed. Stuffed. Field goal. I could care less of all the Peyton Hillis talk; Lamont Jordan, whoever could've and shoud've scored from that point. Simple math (all those Belichick disciples love that shit right?) dictates they get 1/2 a yard a carry, right? That leaves someone with some heart to give the extra half yard for the season clincher.

PROPS: If you are talking about heart, Brian Dawkins still has it. Witness the 36 year old racing down the length of the field during the quarter break between the 3rd and 4th. Yes, the Donks held the Raiders the next play, but no one else quite matched Dawk's fire in the 4th quarter.

DROPS: If you think the talk of Raider fans being some rough looking dudes and, ahem, ladies, is just a stereotype - think again. There they were, hopelessly out of playoff contention, but reppin with mohawks, sweatpants, cardboard cut outs of tombstones for their kids, Bo Jackson throwbacks, chain smoking, bandana wearing freaks. The Star Wars bar is mighty welcoming compared to that lot.

DROPS: This game had a chance to be over in the first quarter, but the young McHoodie tried to go cut on us all. A screen pass is a great call. A screen pass to your star offensive tackle is just stupid. A QB sneak on a non-descript down is alright, one on second and four is just weird. Line the ball up and go smash mouth at the Raiders and demoralize them early. Short passes to your tight end (Scheffler: milk carton), a quick pass to the best player on the field Brandon Marshall. Don't overthink, do over score.

DROPS: The Raiders rushed for seven yards a tote. That isn't the aforementioned Bo Jackson back there. Nor Marcus Allen, Lawrence McCutcheon, Napoleon McCallum, hell Vince Evans running a scramble. Those were dudes on your Fantasy League's waiver wire running over your Donk defense. Couple that with Charlie Frye/JP Losman/JaMarcus Russell throwing to another bunch of no-names and this should've - should've - been easy pickings for the Orange. Blitze the damn shit out of the QB and force them to make crappy throws.

PROPS: Even with the loss, the Donks find themselves tied with or leading most of the AFC, the Birmingham Stallions, the Iowa Barnstormers, AC Milan, and Portland State for a wildcard spot.

RELATED: Company Flow- "End to End Burners"


Friday, December 18, 2009

Binary Star...Live (?)

Last week I was fortunate enough to score some tickets to the Binary Star show at the venerable Foz Theater in Boulder. Being that Masters Of The Universe is one of the most underrated albums of the last 10 years, Senim Silla is one of my favorite "underground" MCs, and the chance to see a Hip Hop show at the Fox (been seeing everyone and anyone there for 15 years deep), I was pretty amped to see the gig. Real Hip Hop, son.
Mrs Commish and I set up the kiddo with a sitter and made the short trek to The Republic. We copped the tickets and asked the lady in the booth when Binary would be making their appearance. "12:30 they'll come on," she replied.
After a few quiet seconds of math in our heads, we- ahem- "discussed" the situation. It was 8:45, they were to come on at 12:30. If I know one constant between all rappers it's that they are not exactly the most punctual folks in the music business, so the 12:30 would most likely be closer to 1:00. An hour show, a few minutes to get out among the crowds, the drive through Boulder, onto the highway, back to Casa Commish, gear up for bed. Yeah,, we're talking nearly 3am. Our kiddo loves to greet the day and bleary eyed parents at 6:30am. That's three hours of sleep.
Mrs Commish gasped, "we'll have to take naps tomorrow!"
We proceeded to make our way to the local burrito shop, have a beer or two, and made our way into the show. A few minutes into the opening act, we'd had enough. The prospect of a sleepy tomorrow was too much. It was 10:30. I was in bed and fast asleep an hour later. No One Be Lo, no "Slang Blade" or "Wolfman Jack", no more $3.75 PBRs, none of that.
Somewhere the 22 year old Commish is calling me a "fucking sellout."
RELATED: Binary Star (Live) - "Reality Check"

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Bowl Pick Em

Backspins for backspin, even while I'm rappin
Before I had a record, I always kept em clappin...

Since we have no bowl game here in SG to focus our attention on, we once again have the Slushy Gutter Bowl Pick Em. The winner gets absolutely nothing except the honor of being the SG Champ. The player with the best anti-Hawk name gets the absolutely nothing except chuckles from the masses.

SG Bowl Pick Em on Yahoo

id= 15245

password= beer

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Monday, December 14, 2009

Flipped Off

I'm the epitome of catchin' wreck, catch you when you cash your check...
PROPS and DROPS from the Broncos' loss to the undefeated Colts in Indianapolis yesterday:

DROPS: Defering the coin toss is usually something that happens in the college game for two reasons. One, the weather is butt-ass awful in say, Ames, Iowa and you have to account for 50 MPH winds. Two, you have a ravenous home crowd in a big game and want your defense to ride their momentum on the first series. Josh McDaniels plays in the NFL, not college. The game yesterday was in a dome, so their was no wind, rain, or weather other than the whirl of a heater. Finally, the game wasn't in Denver and there wasn't 20,000 drunk college kids yelling at the top of their lungs. Simply put, throw all the "research" out the door and remember the one variable that cancels your Moneyball type stats: Peyton Manning.
PROPS: Brandon Marshall is alone with 21 catches as the top WR game in the history of the league. If you played him in your fantasy league you will forever hate him from now until he retires. Marshall was all over the field and was simply uncheckable by the Colts defense. The other Donk receivers could've got manicures on most pass plays.
DROPS: Colts coach Jim Caldwell- does he talk? Does he smile? Can he look in any direction other than straight? Does he blink? Does he turn around and look at his players or assistants? Is he a mannequin?
DROPS: For all the talk of how good the defense played, they bent too much in the wrong time of the game, allowing Peyton and company (sounds like a Saturday afternoon kids show) to drive down the field and essentially take the entire fourth quarter. Still the defense had one chance to stop the Colts on a short yardage play. Someone named Mike Hart broke a Mario Haggan's tackle and sputtered forward to take the first down. An outside run should've been money for the Donk D, but they only had one guy out there and he couldn't make the play.
DROPS: The Indy crowd looks like an opera gathering when Peyton is doing his thing and methodically working down the field in the early going. Pass for first down (clap clap), run for six yards (light clap); pass across the middle for 20 (polite applause); score a touchdown (muted cheer.) "Good heavens, Betsy, but Mr Manning was superb on that drive! It was easy picking s there, now pass me a crumpet (clap clap.)"
DROPS: Dallas Clark: Pro Bowls, best tight end in the game, Peyton looks for him, he is fast, runs crisp routes. You probably saw him in film study. He was probably on the scouting reports. He was in the defense's game plan. You should probably cover him.
RELATED: De La Soul - "Itzsoweezee"


Friday, December 11, 2009

Chilly Links


For all the folks who every year start clamoring how good the CU Hoops team will be and finally be a player in the region, we give you last night's game versus the Goats. The result: a complete thud that will once again quiet the sunshine pumpers. Bz's crew went into Fort Collins with a high flying team that nearly beat Gonzaga and Arizona, is loaded with talent (Cory Higgins and freshman Alec Burks), and had nearly a third of the away gym in Black and Gold. They promptly got outworked, out shot, and completely out coached. Sounds like a certain football team when playing the little brother up north (like the football team, this Hoops team hasn't won a road game in two years.) The SG is sticking to the theory that Coach Bz is still coaching the team like they are a disciplined brainiac Air Force Academy outfit. When in fact, they are an athletic unit with enough basketball IQ to run a decent offense, but not a heavy Xs and Os type. When Bz was out earlier in the year, former Wyoming coach Steve McClain stepped in and the team responded with their best efforts of the year. Dumb it down, Bz.
When Pete Nice rapped in the 1991 3rd Bass classic "Pop Goes the Weasel", "and now your gettin sued, kind of stupid" who knew that it would nearly 20 years later apply to his own life. It seems Pete has hit some rough times in his post-MC gig and ruffled quite a few feathers in the shady baseball memorabilia market. This Sports Illustrated article is quite revealing into Pete's life since 3rd Bass effectively called it quits in 1992. Quite eye opening was that Pete effectively quit the rap game immediately after Dust to Dust hit the shelves. It seems like Pete could've rode it out for a few more years. To me, reading between the lines, it paints Pete as not being fully immersed in the rap game as Serch; that his attention was elsewhere, mainly his real passion: baseball. Yeah, Pete was a cool dude with his suits, cane, and cigars, but Serch was the driving force of the group. Now it looks like a 3rd Bass reunion could come about 15 years late.
Christmas time, what do you enjoy the most? Family, presents, the decor, the memories? Nah, a bevy of Holiday Beers! SG has been enjoying Christmas brews since the days of Coors Winterfest. Now, anyone with a home brew kit is stuffing cranberries and wrapping paper into their batch and offering it up. Our favorite beer this season is most definitely Shiner Holiday Cheer from Spoetzl Brewery. A great blend of pecans, peaches, and caramel flavoring. Heat it up and serve it to Grandma with her gingerbread men.
RELATED: Lupe Fiasco - "Dumb it Down"
RELATED: Pete Nice - "Kick the Bobo"

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Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Tide is Cool Like That

I can't front on artists trying to make some extra cash in these trying times. Record sales ain't what they once were and the attention span of the Hip Hop audience rarely lasts longer than the average ring tone. Old schoolers appear at lame radio shows and at NBA halftimes. They creep up on reality TV shows, pen memoirs, and occaisionally bless a verse on some random remix.
So it wasn't too much of a surprise when I caught Digable Planets' seminal hit "Rebirth of Slick(Cool Like Dat)" on a Tide commercial. Again, maybe Hip Hop is dying.
Millions of mommys and clothes washers will now hum the hit from the fall of 1992 while washing their kids' overalls and their dirty sneakers. The hit from the edgy group with the highly skilled female MC, Ladybug, is now rolling with Tide. They bust on the scene that year with the laid back jazzy flow, a deep bass underline, the whole "Hip Hop alternative" vibe before that term even existed.
When they were chanting about their blue-funk cool, who knew it referred to the cold water cleaning ability of a detergent?
Does the housewife in middle America loading up another washer full of dirties know that when Doodlebug spits about his crew of "seven and a crescent" that he is referring to the Five Percent Nation? They're an offshoot of the NOI that teaches radical racial thinking, including the white man is the "devil." But it can get grass stains out!
When they're speaking of Afro-centricity, nickel bags, and the bourough of "Crooklyn" is that some metaphor for the Tide's ability to leave your clothes fresh smelling and soft?
Someone keep an eye out for the new Wisk commercials featuring Public Enemy's "Fight the Power."


Monday, December 07, 2009

KC Mastered

It ain't hard to tell, I excel, then prevail
The mic is contacted, I attract clientele...

PROPS and DROPS from the Broncos dominating win over the Chiefs on Sunday-

PROPS: One of the oldest and lamest misconception/cliche about football in this part of the country is that you have to be able to run the ball late in the season. Ahh yes, because every game in November adn December will be played in a swirling blizzard that turns any airborn object (footballs included) into Jasper's cow caught in a tornado. However, the crappy day and colder conditions in Arrowhead made it a perfect day to run the football, and the Donks did just that to the tune of 200+ yards. Corell Buckhalter and Knowshon Moreno sliced their way to huge gains throughout the game., keeping the Chief defense in the cold and getting gassed. The OL didn't miss a beat when Ryan Harris again went out and Tyler Polumbus came back in to pave the way.
DROPS: If the rumors that Coach McD really wanted Matt Cassell in the off season we better give him a mulligan. Cassell had a horrendous day, so much so that Brodie Croyle had a better passer rating from his fake punt attempt pass. Granted, he had a handful of drops and his WRs aren't exactly Mark Duper and Marc Clayton, but he was bouncing passes, overthrowing guys and weakly throwing into coverage. And dammit, why everytime I see his name it reminds me of Sam Cassell?
PROPS: Arrowhead Stadium: plenty of good upper level seats available. Arrowhead Stadium 4th quarter: plently of seats everywhere available, and park right in front of the stadium.
PROPS: Andre Goodman had a great game opposite of Champ Bailey, and given Champ's brain fart on the early deep, Goodman might've been the backfield MVP with his pick and fumble return. Throw in Renaldo Hill's INT and Brian Dawkins run support (Leonard Pope going through him notwithstanding) and the DBs had a stellar day.
PROPS: The highlight or lowlight of the game for the Chiefs was a 20 play drive that resulted in three points. The Chiefs offense went stupid in the Red Zone and Dawkins came up with two huge plays to limit them to the FG. In effect, game over at this point. Nothing is more deflating than controlling the ball and keeping the Donk runners on the sideline and getting a measly three points.
DROPS: Kyle Orton had a very pedestrian type day with his tunrovers and the running game working so well. The first INT could've been avoided with a more over the top pass to Tony Scheffler, but instead might've set the tone for Orton's day. However, the most important stat for Orton was the win.
RELATED: Marly Marl - "The Symphony" - ("As the great will dominate...")


Friday, December 04, 2009

NCAA Zombie Champs!

I ran the Dark Ages, Constantine and great Henry the Eighth
Built with Ghengis Khan, the wreck suede wiley Don

The good folks in Boulder finally showed some moxie, gumption, concern for their constituents, and unparalleled leadership this week. Fire the football coach?! Puhleeeeez. Better yet they banned Nerf guns on campus that are used in the ultra competitive "Human versus Zombies" game. Balled up socks, not Nerf guns, will now be the HvZ team's weapon of choice for freezing the undead.

How proud us alums and fans are that the folks on The Hill are showing their firm support to develop a world class HvZ team. Without the guns, they will have ample chance to develop their craft without tech-saavy products. There will be no Nerf injuries that may cause injuries to some of our key HvZ players. The high costs of the top Nerf guns will free up cash to expand the HvZ locker room and training areas.

The CU HvZ team will undoubtedly benefit, as will us fans who shell out thousands of dollars each year to follow and cheer on them each year. Why just last week we were reliving the road trips to far flung HvZ locales, tailgating before the festivites, and the great HvZ players that have worn the Black and Gold.

Kudos to you CU leadership, you have crafted a balanced university we can all be proud of.

RELATED- EPMD - "So Watch Sayin" - ("MCs are jumping out shoes and socks...")


Thursday, December 03, 2009

Talkin Bout Retirement?

Too many critics tend to be silly
Too many frogs go ribbit but never leave lillies...
One of these days when the Slushy Gutter is all dried up and we put the site's alltime favorites up on the mountain, there's a pretty good chance ol' Allen Iverson will be up there. Although he was only in the Powder Blue for less than two years, he for the most part never created too many ripples in the great sea known as the Nugget Ocean. Granted, his shoot-first mentality, lack of team play, and void of anything resembling defense might hinder his legacy in a Denver uni. And that little trade that turned a first round playoff loser into a team two wins from the Finals and brought in a Colorado hoops icon might dampen the memories too.

Now after horrendous stints in Detroit and Memphis, the Answer has gone back to where it all started (no, not starting brawls in Northern Virginia bowling alleys) and resigned with the Sixers.

"Hey Al, here's your gear."

"Yo, this is the same jersey from when I was here in 06'!?"

"Welcome home my man."

"No, this is the same jersey. It hasn't even been washed or anything."

"Like I said, welcome home."

Basketball-wise, seems like it might be a good move with the Sixers mired at the bottom of the conference, lagging in attendance, and their top point guard out. AI might actually infuse some energy and become their go-to guy right off the bat. When does AI 2.0 start in Philly? How convienient- when your Denver Nuggets come calling this Monday. Cheap Iverson Grizzlies jersies are available.
RELATED - Raw Fusion - "Throw Ya Hands In The Air"