Friday, February 29, 2008

Sunday Drunky Sunday

I'm lifted troop, you can bring yours wack ass crew
I got connections, I'll get that ass stuck like glue…

When 3.2 is uttered in the future, it may be some average dude’s GPA, a minor seismic activity, or the collective alcohol level of the Slushy Gutter readership. For those of us here beautiful Colorado, 3.2 holds special number in all of our hearts.

Quickly, for our non-CO readers, it refers to 3.2 beer, which is a “lesser” potent beer that has to be sold in gas stations and grocery stores, where regular beer and liquor cannot be sold. It is the only beer available on Sundays, as the state’s antiquated blue lawas prohibit liquor stores from being open.

Until now.

How fun will it be to tell tomorrow’s youth of the old 3.2 and closed liquor store days of yore? How on major holiday weekend cookouts, you’d have to gulp down 3.2 beer in your buddy’s backyard.

How in your youth, there’d always be one idiot thought 3.2 meant he could drink tons more beer (because “it’s like fucking water dude!”) and he’d inevitably be housed by 7:30pm.

No more will we have to stand in a grocery line in looking like a straight degenerate with two cases of CL while standing in front of 80 year old Bertha with a bag of flour and in front of some dude who just got of work at Blockbuster who’s buying six Totino’s pizzas. And yes, watching that case roll down the item line with one of those plastic separaters makes me feel like a big man.

I’ll miss my wife’s question that is usually posed every Saturday afternoon at about 5:00 pm: “Hey, do we have enough beer for tomorrow?”

We’ll have to explain to the future young that the grocers, in their infinite wisdom, would literally stack pallets of beer in the entryways on the Sundays before Labor Day and Memorial Day. And using your Sooper Card to save 1.49 a case? Classic.

Tailgating on Sundays just won’t be the same without old 3.2.

So over the next few weeks, hold your 99 cent tall can of 3.2 Keystone Light high and cheer to the memories of your watered down friend, because he’ll be a relic of the past soon. By the Summer, when you’re enjoying your full strength frothy one, pour a little out for your old buddy.


Wednesday, February 27, 2008

NY's Finest

Walk the fine, short line, and put the needle to the grind
Representin' one kind, seeing eye for the blind
Witness what I carry on bears a further purpose
From how we do slam a few, then you want to purchase...

Next up in the line of “Golden Age” rappers, producers, and DJs set on “saving Hip Hop” or “bringing New York back” is the Money Earnin Mount Vernon’s own Pete Rock. The Chocolate Boy Wonder returned with his first full length album in nearly five years with NY’s Finest.

The offering isn’t a typical DJ compilation, where you get a 10+ tracks from a handful of established acts and then mainly filler with the producer’s own roster of MCs. Rather, Pete grabs the mic on a good number of tracks and lets the listener know he’s running things with his signature sound throughout.

Deep bass lines and drums permeate through a lot of the album, along with Pete’s signature jazz and horn samples. He more than holds it down on the decks as well, scratching on the leadoff “Pete Intro” and effortlessly blending his snippets and samples throughout the entire disc.

Pete’s most impressive task might be holding down the impressive roster of MCs and getting the album to flow as a Pete Rock record. Among the guests are Little Brother on “Bring Ya’ll Back” which includes a deep bass line and Phonte and crew’s dead on lyrics. Throughout the joint, Pete gives us his solid soulful interludes that we became accustom to back in the Mecca and the Soul Brother days.

The leadoff single features Jim Jones, and while the skeptical Hip Hopper may raise an eyebrow to this track , Pete handles the horn laden track masterfully and Jones gives us surprisingly solid lyrics. No where near the radio-friendly “Ballin,” but that’s a good thing.

Redman drops a solid verse on “Best Believe” (any track that references Carmelo Anthony is aight by us) and other 90’s rappers creep up with Lords Of The Underground, The Lox, Raekwon and Masta Killa (on the funk heavy “PJs” which the Wu duo flip street tales with precision), and even Chip-Fu comes through on a rather out-of place reggae track.

New heads get to take part, including the closer “Comprehend” with Papoose and Pete relinquishing the production duties to Green Lantern on “Don’t Be Mad” where Pete handles the track’s vocals solo over a guitar backed track. Pete, taking the standard MO of the older set, rails against the current state of “bubblegum” Hip Hop and has all the guests backing his “legend” status.

NY’s Finest is vintage PR, with it’s sometimes complex yet so-easy-on-ear melodies, smooth lyrics, and a transitionless flow from track to track that undoubtedly is PR at his finest. In a generation where Pete and other legends are slowly fading, NY’s Finest will remind the Hip Hop genre what it is sorely missing.

CHECK IT: Pete Rock - look into the new album and props from the Hip Hop community.

CLASSIC MATERIAL: "They Reminisce Over You"


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Piston Honda'ed

When I was five years old I realized there was a road
At the end I will win lots of pots of gold...

The Nuggets coach called in sick last night. Apparently the Nuggets did in the 4th quarter too.

An ugly game that was still winnable suddenly became very losable in the final stanza, as the Nugs took a page out of “How To Play Like A Pee Wee Team” and lost their 3rd straight contest, dropping to hometown hero Chauncey Billups and the Pistons.

Flat footed on offense and defense, key missed free throws, the lack of defense for Detroit’s perimeter game, being out scrapped and worked on the low blocks. Every chapter, the Nugs checked it off.

Despite all that, JR “Shoot at all costs” Smith had a chance to tie the game in the last seconds by hitting three free throws. Swish. Clank. Clank. Game over.

Just a week ago all seemed to be clicking with the squad; Kenyon was being touted as being “back”, AI and Melo were slashing to the hoop, Marcus Camby was swatting more shots than a sorority girl in Cancun. The plane ride from Denver to the brief Midwest two game set must’ve sapped their collective basketball prowess. That or the whispers of the team being perturbed and upset management didn’t make a deadline deal are true.

Once again out of the playoff picture, the Nugs are looking at a murderous tough stretch in early March followed by an East Coast five game trip. The way the teams above them are playing, the Nugs looked locked into a battle with Golden State for the final playoff spot. Coach Karl mat be having more “stomach flu” hit him if he has to watch more basketball that has been on display of late. Pass the Pepto.


Friday, February 22, 2008

Combine is Crap

It's beginnin to look a lot like what?
Follow my every step
Take notes on how I crept,

I's bout to go in depth...

The guy who thinks the Broncos starting RB is Patrick Henry and I just had this conversation:

GUY: Hey, the combine is this weekend
SG: Is that a farming convention or something?
GUY: Nooooo, the NFL combine.
SG: La di fucking da
GUY: Oh, there’s some of your CU guys in it
SG: They could dig up Whizzer White and have him in it and I couldn’t give a shit
GUY: Well, it’s better than no football
SG: Actually, it’s not.
GUY: So what are you going to watch golf or NASCAR?
SG: Anything but the freaking combine; I’d watch Tonya Harding masturbate with a frozen Snickers bar in the middle of Madison Square Garden before I watch the combine.
GUY: Aw, that’s disgusting…
SG: You remember that.

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Celtic Fried

Pain, stress
My brain, can't even rest
It's hard to maintain the pressure on my chest
Excess frustration strikes...

Last night at The Can a playoff atmosphere broke out in the middle of the usually tepid February. And unlike the Nugs recent forays into the postseason, they emerged with a hard fought, yet old school shootout win versus the league’s best team.

As much as the refs tried to end the game with a string of bizarre calls in the Celtics favor, and the Nugs hitting only one of two FTs, the game served somewhat as a barometer of the team and the stretch run.

Kenyon Martin seems to have reenergized and completely healed and seems ready to get all up in whichever big man’s ass he might be paired up against. K-Mart had a couple plays versus the Celtics which he seems perilously surrounded by defenders, only to elevate in what seemed like a nanosecond to dunk the ball home. It was vintage K-Mart without Jason Kidd.

Allen Iverson was rusty most of the game, but hit key shots in the 4th, and most importantly, dished the ball. When AI has 10 or more dimes, the Nugs usually will pull out a win. Last night he had 9.

As always, Marcus Camby was the backbone of this team, swatting nine Celtic shots and pulling down double digit rebounds- again. And in one of the more bizarre plays of the 07-08 campaign, Marcus ventured out into 3 point land to nail a late trey and effectively put the game away. Just the way it was drawn up, right?

With a tough stretch looming (first five of March: Houston, Phoenix, San Antonio twice, Utah) the Nugs are precariously nudged in the #8 spot. As presently constructed, this team should fare well to hang on to get in the playoffs, but can this team do anything in the playoffs (mainly win a series- hell, win more than one game!) Or is Nene, perhaps Linas, or some draft picks on the way out to further escalate the West arms race and point the Nugs in the direction of legit West contenders.


Monday, February 18, 2008

Slushy Gutter is President

Rappers I monkey flip 'em with the funky rhythm I be kickin
Musician, inflictin composition

SG checks out President's Day:

Eric B- Was he a master beatsmith, a prolific scratcher or a mere prop for Rakim? And when Ra exclaimed that he was President, would that’ve been such a bad idea in the late 80s? Crack was running rampant, acid wash jeans were proliferating, and the mullet was enjoying its reign. Eric B might’ve been able to regulate each, plus mandate that each Tuesday be ‘dookie rope day’.

Biggie- He once exclaimed, “I’m not only a client, I’m the player president.” How does one go about becoming the ‘player president’? Is there a nominating process? Did his rivals attack his ‘player president’ qualifications? Is the convention held at a seedy Holiday Inn in Flint? Maybe Puffy can break down the exact process.

Sam Adams- The light version of this venerable lager is a pretty decent, crisp beer. Every time after drinking more than a few, someone should have to do the Chapelle’s show Sam Jackson’s imitation.

Pete Nice- He was the ‘Prime Minister’, not the President. Little known to us Americans is that Pete won the title by defeating Margaret Thatcher in a break dance contest in 1986. Marge just couldn’t get her shoulder spins right.

Mike Shanahan- An avid Republican party supporter, Shanny is friends with George Bush because their children went to the University of Texas at the same time. Given W’s penchant for horrible sports deals (Sammy Sosa deal, anyone?), Shanny will undoubtedly be trading Jay Cutler for a bag of crusty jock straps before the Draft.

Tyler Bozak- Most of the world has no idea that this guy plays hockey for the University of Denver. He should no doubt run for President in the future because, come on, President Bozak? He'd have the vote of every 90's Hip Hopper everywhere.

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Friday, February 15, 2008

Kordell Lays the Wood

One, and here comes the two to the three and four
Then I drop the beat I have in store
Lay dynamics on the top like a rug
Make it sound smooth and later make a dub...

With reality shows becoming just plain wack ("Grandma's Hot Knit Off", "Nick Cannon's Bowel Movements") I generally tend to speed past them. But when I stumbled across "Pros vs Joes" on Spike TV, I was glad to see Kordell Stewart completely freaking own some trash talking douchebag. My joy was probably due to the fact that the "Joe" reminded me of about half of my high school classmates, but yet it was shortlived knowing Kordell never crushed any lowlife husker players in the same manner.


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Trade Deficit

We be the outcast,
Down for the settle.
Won't play the rock,
Won't play the pebble...

Possible trade options for the Denver Nuggets as the deadline looms, Pau Gasol looks for the elusive lost “l” in LA, and Shaq’s sucking wind causes dust storms in Phoenix:

-Jason Kidd- This deal appears like it could be the toughest to make happen due to both money who the Nets would want. Iverson’s name has been mentioned as a swap, but you’d be gaining a distributor and losing a huge scoring punch. Don’t say “punch” too close to Kidd.

-Ron Artest- NBA haters everywhere would laugh at the Nugs if this deal goes off and say the team more resembles an Oz episode. And the money issue could be a problem. But Artest’s stellar defense could be key in the playoffs to match up with the Kobes and other Western Conference stars. Plus, all paying fans would receive a copy of Ron Ron’s super fly rap CD at every game for the remainder of the year. (Seriously, I've seen one copy of this CD at a local used shop and the price has gone from 9.99 to 1.99 and it is still sitting there)

-Peter Forsberg- If the Avs are going to shell out millions to rent Foppa for the stretch, they might as well get their money’s worth and make him play for the team across the hall. Exactly what the Nugs need, a physical, gritty (sometimes dirty), dead on shooter with speed. The skates might ding up the hardwood, but he’ll adapt.

-Air Bud- Who wouldn’t want to play with a lovable cute doggy? He can dunk, score from the perimeter, and has better hair than Anderson Varejo. He could probably avoid technicals for humping Tim Duncan’s leg because, well, he’s a dog.

-Mike Miller- Like Kyle Korver to Utah, this deal makes the most sense. The Nugs haven’t had a reliable #2 who could score from the outside since Walter Davis roamed the McNichols floor. Miller, a teammate of Carmelo on the Team USA, could provide the deep threat and command the opposition’s attention while Melo and AI slash to the basket. And if you squint, he looks like your high school lunch lady complete with a mustache.


Sunday, February 10, 2008

Who Gives a Fu*k About a God Damn Grammy?

Well, it's the verbal Herman Munster
The word enhancer, sick of phony mobsters controllin' the dance floor
I been in dark places, catch you when you stark naked
Your heart races as we pump you for your chart spaces...

SG handicaps tonight's rap nominees at the Grammy's:

Best Rap Solo Performance
(For a solo Rap performance. Singles or Tracks only.)
* The People
* I Get Money
50 Cent
* Show Me What You Got
* Big Things Poppin' (Do It)
* Stronger
Kanye West

SG Keeps on Taking It- This is virtually a lock for Kanye, with some writers claiming “Stronger” is a “triumph.” Exaggeration, anyone? A little shione for Milk D and Audio 2 would be well-deserved with “I Get Money” taking the trophy.

Best Rap Performance By A Duo Or Group
(For duo, group or collaborative performances of Rap only. Singles or Tracks only.)
* Southside
Common Featuring Kanye West
* Make It Rain
Fat Joe Featuring Lil Wayne
* Party Like A Rockstar
Shop Boyz
* Int'l Players Anthem (I Choose You)
UGK Featuring OutKast
* Better Than I've Ever Been
Kanye West, Nas & KRS-One

SG Keeps on Taking It: Immediately throwing out “Make It Rain” and “Party Like…” and this is a pretty strong field. A sentimental pick might be Pimp C and UGK for “International…” and “Southside” might be Finding Forever’s strongest track. But if the Grammy’s want to do this right, The Teacha and the best top ever bless a mic, Rakim should be holding the award.

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
(For a Rap/Sung collaborative performance by artists who do not normally perform together. Singles or Tracks only.)
* I Wanna Love You
Akon Featuring Snoop Dogg
* Kiss, Kiss
Chris Brown & T-Pain
* Let It Go
Keyshia Cole Featuring Missy Elliott & Lil' Kim
* Umbrella
Rihanna Featuring Jay-Z
* Good Life
Kanye West Featuring T-Pain

SG Keeps on Taking It: This is just a freaking lame ass category to begin with. Somewhere Nate Dogg and TJ Swan are wanting theirs.

Best Rap Song
(A Songwriter(s) Award. For Song Eligibility Guidelines see Category #3. (Artist names appear in parentheses.) Singles or Tracks only.)
* Ayo Technology
50 Cent and Justin Timberlake
* Big Things Poppin' (Do It)
* Can't Tell Me Nothing
Kanye West
* Crank That
Soulja Boy
* Good Life
Kanye West f/T-Pain

SG Keeps on Taking It: If Soulja Boy wins this, The Commish will rock the sunglasses with the White Out, make a dance called “Drank That” and maybe just give up on this Hip Hop shit forever...yooooooooouuuuuuuuu.

Best Rap Album
(For albums containing 51% or more playing time of VOCAL tracks.)
* Finding Forever
* Kingdom Come
* Hip Hop Is Dead
* T.I. vs T.I.P.
* Graduation
Kanye West

SG Keeps on Taking It: Seeing Nas get his would be well-deserved, but sticking with my own year end best, I’d say Common would get over. However, this again is Kanye’s to lose, he’ll probably petition the Gammy’s to rename the rap section the Kanyeys.


Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Scott Free

I'm Jedi Master, Mase Windu, what you been through
Keep MC's heads wrapped like Erykah Ba-du

The soap opera that was the recruitment of Darrell Scott finally ended today with the nation’s #1 running back picking Our Team, the Colorado Buffaloes. It came down to CU and Texas, and while Texas has about everything a young man can want in a football team and University (except for having to deal with Matthew McCounaghey), Dan Hawkins pulled another upset.

Fans of both sides made this an interesting past few weeks, with recruiting gurus practically staking him, allegations of Darrell’s mom being offered a plush job, and of course the played out “scandal” and even a few 5th Down and weed smoker references. AS I commented on another site earlier, I haven’t seen this much fawning over a 17 year old since Kip Winger sang about it.

Scott might be immediately penciled in as the starter at CU, with his 6’2”, 215lb frame and 4.4 speed, he is easily the biggest and fastest ball carrier on the CU roster. And he hasn’t even stepped on campus yet.

He will be tested early, with early season games at Florida State, versus West Virginia, and then the spurned Longhorns come to Boulder. The Buffs are starting to get the pieces in place to make consistent runs at the Big 12 North, then take the next step to the Big 12 title and BCS Bowls, and Scott will be a key part of the hopeful resurgence.

CHECK IT: New York Times breakdown of the Scott decision


Tuesday, February 05, 2008

We'll Miss You, My Pigskin

I like my beats hard like two day old shit
steady eatin booty MCs like cheese grits...

With the end to football season not even 48 hours removed, we face the next seven months without any meaningful football. People will try to tell you that there's lots of football to check over the winter, spring, and summer, but if they do, you should punch them in the face.

REAL: Mason Crosby booting field goals on the hallowed turf of Lambeau Field
NO THANKS: Some dude who is usually a Pepsi machine vendor trying to kick a football through 3 foot wide field goals with nets.

REAL: Champ Bailey not allowing a single pass in his direction at Invseco Field
NO THANKS: Champ Bailey yucking it up on the sidelines at the Pro Bowl in Hawaii after “playing” only one series. And his “coach” is Norv Turner.

REAL: Hugh Charles running through the Oklahoma defense on a beautiful fall day at Folsom Field.
NO THANKS: Hugh Charles running a 40 in front of a bunch of dudes who look like your HS gym teacher with stopwatches and clipboards at the RCA Dome.

REAL: Shots of Pat Bowlen cheering a late field goal at Invesco Field versus the Raiders.
NO THANKS: John Elway and Jon Bon Jovi cheering the 15th touchdown in the Soul versus the Crush game. Yes, Soul versus Crush.

REAL: Steam coming off Nick Ferguson’s head during a late November game
NO THANKS: Mel Kiper’s hair for 14 hours during the NFL Draft.

REAL: CU playing during a light snow covered field in Ames, Iowa
NO THANKS: The Broncos playing an exhibition game on a baseball infield.

REAL: Your usually reserved boss talking some trash about his Fantasy Football team
NO THANKS: The dork who works in the IT department who hounds you to join his fantasy football league.

REAL: Cody Hawkins hitting an open Josh Smith in a bowl game
NO THANKS: Fifth string walkon QB fumbling after being hit by a sixth team defensive lineman at the Spring Game.

REAL: Painted up fans with those always fresh hardhats with the drink holders cheering like maniacs in a tight game in the 4th quarter
NO THANKS: Painted up fans cheering like idiots in the first round of the NFL Draft.

REAL: Checking CBS Sportsline to see Dan Graham catch a TD pass late in a game versus the Chargers.
NO THANKS: Watching grainy video on the internet on some 16 year old junior football player who might be the "next big recruit" of your favorite team.

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Friday, February 01, 2008

Friday Funk: Super Bowl Shuffle

-Order of the "MCs": Walter Payton, Willie Gault,Mike Singletary, Jim McMahon, otis Wilson, Steve Fuller, Mike Richardson, Richard Dent, Gary Fencik, William "The Refrigerator" Perry.
-A few Bears declined, notably Dan Hampton, and a very young Chicago-based Kanye West was miffed that he wasn't invited to be on the track.
-The song's idea came from record producer Randy Weigand, who was a friend of Willie Gault's, who Gaultmet through Weigland's girlfriend, Courtney Larson,who was a cheerleader for the team.
-The music was produced and composed by Bobby Daniels and Lloyd Barry; Daniels had remembered a song and dance number from the "Amos & Andy Show" called "The Kingfish Shuffle"
-Daniels was a former drummer for Kenny Rogers-The track was actually recorded the day after the Bears lost their first game of the year.
-Somewhere, George Halas is either throwing up, or rocking a Adidas sweat suit, untied sneakers, and dooky ropes.
-Mike Singletary is currently the LB coach for the 49ers; no word if he still rocks the fresh Gazelle glasses.
-The track received a Grammy nomination for BestRhythm and Blues Performance by a Duo or Group (Princeand the Revolution's "Kiss" won.)
-Unfotunate copy cat: San Francisco 49ers
-Richard E. Meyer and Melvin Owens are credited as the song's writers.
-Damn, I could've sworn Rakim and Big Daddy Kane wrote this gem.
-McMahon and Payton were absent at the shooting andwere imposed in later. Dang, who could ever tell that? Did George Lucas special effect them in?
-No, that's not ?uestlove on the drums, silly,that's Stefan Humphires, a former OLineman for the Bears
-Humphries played briefly for the Broncos, then attended CU medical school and is currently in medical administration.
-Payton was elected to the Hall Of Fame in 1993 and passed away in 1999.
-I've listened to rap music for over 20 years, and heard literally thousands of MCs, and Steve Fuller might be one of the worst to ever touch a mic.
-Unfortunate copy cat: 1987 Mizzou Tigers
-Jim McMahon might be the "punky QB" by these QBs were punks: Jeff George, Ryan Leaf, Tom Marinovich, and Art Schlichter.
-The song reached #41 on the Billboard charts.
-Unfortunate copy cat: 1986 New York Mets

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