Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Favre Quickly Makes it Final

Weak MC's make me earl
Earl as your world is crushed because I gotta make you hush
You gotta be eliminated, the way I demonstrate it
you hate it, but still I am the greatest…

Props and Drops from this past weekend’s Buffs' win over Texas Tech and the Monday Night loss by the Broncos to Brett Favre and the Packers:

-PROPS: Dan Hawkins and used some imaginative play calling versus the Red Raiders, mixing in a QB throwback, fake end arounds, screen passes, and a few downfield tosses. Tech could never seem to adjust to the fake end arounds, which opened up holes for Buff running backs, mainly one Hugh Charles, who had another big day. The ball control offense kept the pass-happy Tech offense off the field and gobbled up the play clock.

-DROPS: Jay Cutler suffered through a below average game, as he was low on several passes throughout the evening. The pass that hurt the most was the third to last play of regulation, which saw him miss an open receiver in the endzone on a low pass. Cutler has had to improvise on many occasions, given the O-Line (outside of Matt Lepsis, not exactly household names there) and is typically throwing across his body or on the move. When he does get that open look, he needs to connect.

-PROPS: Buff cornerback Terrence Wheatley (or T-Wheat, real creative nickname there) had a stellar game, picking off three Texas Tech passes and narrowly missing a fourth. Wheatley sufficiently cover all-World Tech receiver Michael Crabtree all afternoon, bodying him up when he had to and timing his pass defenses beautifully on some throws. Wheatley’s kickoff returns won’t leave anyone reminded of Jeremy Bloom, but he is effective at getting the ball consistently into the 25 to 35 yard range. (Note on Crabtree: the ABC crew elevated him to the level of Randy Moss throughout the broadcast. Yes, the kid is a good player, but he is only a redshirt freshman and he does play in a system that chucks the ball 60+ times a game. Ease back before chiseling a bronze bust and fitting him with a yellow jacket.)

-DROPS: The Donks’ coaching staff completely bungled the clock and substitutions for most of the game. Witness Denver with the ball at the four yard line with a chance to win the game at the end of regulation and no timeouts remaining. First, the errant pass to the end zone, then a run with less than 20 seconds? What was the point there? On several plays, they were flagged for too many (on a few they had too few) men on the defensive side of the ball, and on even more plays, personnel were running in and out like the paparazzi tailing Paris Hilton. That’s just discipline and organization, which seemed mandatory for any Mike Shannahan team in years past.

-PROPS: The coaches got word before the game that the state of Colroado’s number one recruit, Jon Major of Ponderosa HS, will be plying his wares for the Buffs next year. That’s two straight years that Hawkins and Co have landed the state’s top schoolboy. There’s a phrase that would make Michael Jackson jealous. Linebacker Major is rated in the top five at his position by most recruiting services (read: dorks in their mom’s basement.) With the thin LB corps and Jordan Dizon’s graduation, Major should see the field in 08.

-DROPS: Do the Broncos have a deep seeded aversion to touchdowns? When they cross the 20 yard line it’s like they morph into a Pop Warner team. Penalties (nine of them last night), dropped passes, bad play calling, turnovers, and just dumb luck (the guard knocking the snap away) all lead the Donks to settle for field goals or nothing. Can the Inveso grounds crew manipulate the field markings to Jedi Mind trick the team into thinking they aren’t in the Red Zone?

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Monday, October 29, 2007

Rock Bottom

I put two and two together and I came up with four
You are forever, forgot, forbid, shouldn't have to say much more…

As I was leaving Game Four of the World Series last night, a young man was hawking Rockies’ NL Champs shirts for $5. Sounded about right, I’m sure back in Boston the Sox shirts were going for triple that.

The Rockies ran into a team that triple their payroll, triples their playoff experience, and basically tripled their talent level in this short series.

Up and down the Red Sox roster are proven playoff and World Series vets. From Manny and his pajama bottoms, Bib Papi and his Batman logo shaped beard, to Mike Lowell, uber-stud Josh Beckett. Sprinkle in some rookies who’ve had to play in the AL all year, and this BoSox team looks like a better version of their last series’ winner.

Meanwhile, the Rockies are flush with young talent, a few journeymen, and were still patchworking a rotation even in October.

The Rox just plain got beat by the better team. There were no series defining moment, no series changing event. Basically, when Dustin Pedroia hit a leadoff home run in Game One, one could argue that was the series changer.

The staples that got the Rockies this far had dried up. The clutch hits disappeared. The timely double plays went byebye. The key strikeouts were replaced by walks. More importantly, the dregs that were the Phillies and DBacks were replaced by the Sox.

Like the Denver media and their fans, I’ll say that this loss doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t sting like old Super Bowl losses, like the Stars squeaking by the Avs. The boys of summer took us all the way into October, unheard of in these parts. A few of the players will be gone next year, and the young rookies will be a year older, the injuries healed and a fresh bunch of bandwagon fans back onboard.

Thanks to this strange trip, it’s almost November, pitchers and catchers report in three months. And NL Champs' gear, half to 75% in the meantime.


Friday, October 26, 2007

0-2 is for sissies

Truer than a polygraph, walk with the big staff
But yo I got tricks up my sleeve you never thought I had
Do you like Muhammed Ali doing Liston
Take you to the cleaners like the pants that you pissed in...

Yeah, we're down 0-2. So what? A few big comebacks in Colorado sports history. Oh, and hit the f*cking ball!

1- The 1994 Denver Nuggets vs the Seattle Supersonics- Everyone remembers Dikembe Mutombo rolling on the ground with the basketball like he wanted to make sweet love to it. Few remember the actual series. The Nuggets went to Seattle as the #8 seed and were beat handily by the #1 seed Sonics, lead by Everybody's Daddy, Sean Kemp and a young, brash Gary Payton. Back in Denver for games 3 and 4, the Nuggets seemed a different team. Mutombo blocked everything in site, and Brian Williams held down the Sonic big men. Robert Pack keyed a quick offense and Reggie Williams knocked down everything in sight. The Nugs returned to Seattle and completed the series win, forcing Detlef Schrempf into his next career as Kurt Warner's wife.

2- The 1998-99 Colorado Avalanche vs the Detroit Red Wings- The Wings-Avs rivalry was in full heat, as both sides literally hated one another. All the combatants from the previous years' fisticuffs were present as the two-time defending Stanley Cup champ Wings' beat the Avs on McNichols Arena ice in the first two games. Game One featured an ugly boarding incident between Darren McCarty and Peter Forsberg. Back in Detroit, the Avs' chased Detroit goalie Bill Ranford on consecutive nights to even the series. Even Theo Fluery scored for the Avs with a Rum and Coke in his stick hand. With momentum firmly in hand, Patrick Roy backstopped the next two Av wins and sent Sergie Federov off to the womens' junior tennis circuit.

3- The 1994 Denver Nuggets vs the Utah Jazz- Coming off their historic upset of the Sonics, the Nuggets entered their second round matchup with the Jazz and appeared to be out of gas. Karl Malone and John Stocktons' nut huggers ran pick and rolls around the Nugs in the first two games in Utah and they came back to Denver and won a closer game three. In game four, Reggie Williams hit a last second jumper to avoid a sweep. Mahmoud Abdul Rauf finally played up to his billing back in Utah for Game five and the Nugs stole one like a bad Mormon stealing a sip of beer. Big Mac was in a frenzy as Brian Williams lead the Nugs in Game six to an improbable win, forcing Utah into a game seven. Although the Nugs fell short in the final game, they extended the methodical Jazz and it showed in their WC Finals, which they lost to eventual champ Houston. (note: Houston had lost the season series to Denver; Mutombo played excellent versus Hakeem Olajuwon and the Nugs matched up very well with the Rockets- I still believe the Nuggets could've beat the Rockets in that WC Final.)

4- The 1986 Colorado Buffaloes football team- The Buffs opened the 1986 campaign with high hopes, as coach Bill McCartney had installed the wishbone in 85 and gone to their first bowl game in a decade. But an opening home loss to Colorado State and three additional non-conference losses left the Buffs 0-4 entering Big 8 play. The Buffs rebounded a bit, beating Iowa State and Missouri before #2 Nebraska came into Folsom Field. In one of those "program changing" games, the Buffs jumped the Huskers and their red sweater wearing, acid washed (although maybe acid washing didn't hit Nebraska until five years later) sporting faithful, 20-10. The Buffs' cruised to a 5-4 record before another top ranked team came into Folsom, Oklahoma, with the Orange Bowl berth on the line. Oklahoma won the game, but the Buffs rallied to win their finale and advance to the BlueBonnet Bowl. The season set the table for the "golden years" of Buff football; high powered recruits like Alferd Williams, Mike Pritchard, Eric Bieniemy, and Darian Hagan followed and in four years the Buffs had a National Championship.

5- The 1987 AFC Championship, Denver Broncos vs Cleveland Browns- If your covered in mud, facing thousands of screaming weirdos, and being pelted by dog bones you aren't at Michael Jackson's house. But that's where John Elway and crew found themselves down by a touchdown and 98 yards away from the end zone in 1987. What followed everyone knows: Elway lead the team to a TD, and the Broncos won in OT (although some think Rich Karlis' OT winner didn't not clear the uprights.) Even a real creative name was born: The Drive. I guess, "The plays down he field to tie the game" wasn't catchy enough. The Broncos were on their way to the Super Bowl, Broncomania was reborn, and Pat Bowlen showed the world how a man can rock a full length fur coat.

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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

No Crying in Baseball

Bases are loaded, bottom of the ninth
I step to the plate 'cause I know my shit is great...

Enough crying here in God's Country about tickets; you got tickets, hooray. You didn't, then snuggle up on your couch, your local bar, with your friends and family. Wear your purple, your black, cheer on Helton and the boys.

To quote a certain coach who gets some run around here: it's the World Series!

We have two Super Bowls, two Stanley Cups, half of a NCAA football title, and a bunch of minor titles, but this is the World Series. It's different than the rest. It feels different. It's different that they've played it since your dad, your granddad, his dad, can all recall something about one gone past.

No more whining about the system, get back to the focus: the nine guys on the field. A chance for a place among the great teams, a chance to do something special, a chance to create your own memories.


Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Rockies say internot

I’m in command, plus full of fun
But don’t play me, cause if you do you gettin done
And that my son comes to one conclusion
Total chaos.. no mass confusion…

After the debacle that was the Rockies’ World Series ticket internet sale yesterday, loads of people emailed their comments to the SG. Here are a few highlights:

“I got tickets! Unfortunately they were to the Styx Reunion show in Grand Rapids. As long as they do ‘Mr. Roboto’ I’ll be happy, I can watch the World Series on TV.”
-David Pickles, Arvada CO

“I see nothing wrong with the Rockies plan. Changing a system that has worked for decades and trying something new and untested is brilliant.”
-B. Callahan, Lincoln NE

“Somehow I got re-routed; I ended up on an online auction for a box of Dante Bichette’s old jock straps.”
-Elizabeth Bishop, Broomfield CO

“It’s Major League Baseball! It’s the World Series! This ain’t beer league softball! Go stand in a ticket line brother!”
-D. Hawkins, Boulder CO

“After the sale was suspended, I went down to Coors Field to stand in line. That was fruitless. I noticed there was a ton of bars down there, so I figured I’d just get fucked up. I woke up this am with a broken Hoover vacuum in my bed.”
-Travis Bream, Englewood CO

“This is bullshit, I was drafted by the Rockies organization. You think they could hook me up with some tickets or something. I don’t have anything else going on.”
-M. Vick, Atlanta GA

“I think the Rockies should go Nino Brown and just hand out the tickets with turkeys from the back of a flatbed truck. That would be as effective.”
-Lee Woods, Thornton CO

“I stared at the freaking computer screen all day. The UV or whatever must’ve screwed with me because there’s a nipple growing from my forehead. I should get free Club Level or something for this, my coworkers all call me Nippy!”
-Keith Brozovich, Arvada CO

“I was in a ‘waiting room’ for 3 hours. The last time I was in a waiting room that long I was waiting to see if that drip from my crotch was gonorrhea.”
-Alan Bigguy, Aurora CO


Monday, October 22, 2007

The KU Coach Ate the Buffs

Blessed with the gift, and gifts with the rhyme
I never say quit when I'm out to get mine...

Props and Drops from this weekends’ Buffs’ loss to the Kansas Jayhawks and the Broncos’ last second win over the Steelers:

DROPS: Exactly. The Buffs’ receiving corps suffered another horrid game, as they dropped many passes throughout the afternoon. Youngster Josh Smith dropped a 4th down pass that effectively ended the game, and senior Dusty Sprague dropped a key third down pass that killed a drive deep in KU territory. The Kansas secondary, lead by their stud AA Aqib Talib ( I loved his last album) harassed the receivers all day, as they had a minimal effect on the game other than the dropsies.

PROPS: The Broncos front was in Ben Roethlisberger’s grill more than a motorcycle helmet. They swarmed around him on many pass attempts, and although they missed sacks numerous times, they hurried him, hit him late, and forced him outside his comfortable pocket. Strong (and quick) outside pressure by Elvis Dumervil and Tim Crowder, coupled with creative blitz packages, made it a hectic night for Big Ben.

DROPS: With the Buffs’ WR problems, Cody Hawkins needed a standout game at the QB position. Didn’t happen versus a staunch KU defense and with very questionable passes and more personnel scrambles by the Buffs. Cody seems to be immune from the coaching staffs’ wrath when he makes mistakes. RB Hugh Charles fumbles early in the game, and he is removed for nearly two quarters (which seemed to kill any chance at momentum the running game had.) Cody makes a bonehead throw, and he’s back in there the next series. Anything wrong with sitting him down and “relaxing” him for a series or two while backup Nick Nelson runs the offense?

PROPS: The Donks’ Tony Scheffler had a magnificent game, catching five passes and a TD. Looking fully recovered form injuries, the TE has a chance to be the pass catching safety valve and short pass recipient in the offense. His speed creates matchup difficulties as most LBs will struggle versus him. In Boulder, TE Tyson DeVree had a stellar game (perhaps due to the WR struggles) as the Buffs’ found the TE game that had gone missing for a few games.

DROPS: Hey CU students: can you put down the bong, put away the hackey sack, or download that illegal music later, or resume the beer pong game later and show up at kickoff of the games? What looks more small time than vast chunks of the south side of Folsom empty at kickoff. Especially on national TV and when your classmates are running onto the field to empty rows.

PROPS: Only in Colorado can you sport shorts and a t-shirt at the Colorado game on Saturday afternoon, and 24 hours later sport a ski jacket, hat, and gloves at Invesco. And the cold did little to deter Bronco fans’ enthusiasm, who were loud and boisterous all night. The large contingent of Steeler fans were drowned out all night by a home crowd that was heading for the exits at halftime just two weeks back.

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Friday, October 19, 2007

I Want My SG TV

Monumentally smooth, I'll prove it sincerely
To barely when you're near me clearly never sound weary
Maintain the gravity, assault and battery
So sweet the repeat you're bound to catch a cavity...

I recently flipped on MTV and caught what they're playing in the way of Hip Hop videos lately, and of course, I wasn't impressed. The SG needs to be brought in to program that bitch. Let's look at the current rotation and what we'd get in there:

TI f/ Wyclef: You Know What It Is
-TI and Wyclef are running around Haiti in their million dollar yachts, their fancy gear, with pretty ladies in tow, flying in on their Gulfstream Jet, flashing their fancy bling. Being that Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, I’m sure the citizens appreciate their showing off.
Replace With:
Boot Camp Click: BK All Day

Cassidy: My Drink N My 2 Step
-Cass, what happened? I thought the Philly MC’s debut joint was pretty good, he showed he was a pretty good lyricist and had Swizz Beats providing some solid beats. Fiddy even jacked his “Im a Hustler” beat for “I Get Money.” Perhaps after a year and half of legal woes, the lawyer bills are stacking up and the need to sell more ringtones.
Replace with:
NYGz: Ya Dayz R #’d

Hurricane Chris: The Hand Clap
-A great title for this song; given that such other provocative titles like “Snap Your Fingers” were already taken. If your happy and you know it, clap your hands! That’s the sound of no hands clapping, Hurricane Chris. In fact the only hand clap I heard during this video was me slapping my remote.
Replace with:
Percee P: Put it on the Line

Soulja Boy: Crank That
-It might be official that I am old now. When the beginning of this track comes on, kids lose it. There’s even a dance for it, and this Soulja Boy dude says a bunch of words that don’t even rhyme. I hear it on ringtones and it makes me ill. Makes me want to go out and tell some punk aholes to ‘get the hell off my lawn!’
Replace with:
Lupe Fiasco: Dumb it Down

Gucci Mane: Freaky Gurl
-Hold up, a video with hot girls, cars, rims, iced out jewelry and a hook jacked from Rick James! Gotta love our man Gucci with three fly whips parked on his front yard too. The neighbors must be thrilled.
Replace with:
Termanology: So Amazing or Blu and Exile: Soul Amazing

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Thursday, October 18, 2007

No Tix For You!

You know my steez
burning to the third degree
sneaky ass alley cat top pedigree…

The local National League baseball club announced yesterday that they would sell tickets to the upcoming World Series via the internet only. No lines, no camping, no wristbands, no lottery, just hundreds of thousands of people trying to log onto a site at one time (that’s about 99,999 more than this wack site.) What could possibly go wrong?

Officials estimate that there will be about 17,000 tickets available for each game, and with a four ticket max, that means about 4500 to 5000 lucky fans will go all Wonka and get their golden tickets.

Most of those people probably work at NASA, have access to the HAL Supercomputer, live in the Tron world, are international hackers, or are stationed on the Death Star. If you don't own a computer, get to your local library or dust off that old Commodore 64.

Even the Commish, nearly everyone he knows, has ever talked to, or even looked at, will be trying as well. A word is coming to mind…and it rhymes with busterluck.

Perhaps this is the easiest way to dole out tickets, which have already been scalped from $375 to upwards of five figures. Call me old school but I miss the days when some local news honk would interview some deadbeat fan camping out in front of the ticket office a week out. Undoubtedly, he’d pine about he did it in 1977 for the AFC Championship and the 1980 Rolling Stones' concert. The media would give the line some cutesy name like RockieTown, YorvitVille, or the Holliday Inn. And there wouldn’t be much alcohol consumed there now would there?

But in 2007, the age of DSL (which might translate to 'dumb shit luck' for those who get tickets,) rowdy crowds, and ticket brokers, the internet-only sale seems like the best format.

Ladies and gentlemen, start your modems.
RELATED: De La Soul "Ring, Ring, Ring" ("...Sorry ya can't get through")


Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Got Purp?

So now you know, a poet's job is never done
But I'm never overworked, cuz I'm still number one...

Mother. Fucker.
World. Series.
No wait: World. Mother. Fucking. Series.
We could ramble on about all the years we've endured this team (15). I could wax about how many games we've attended all those years (200 plus). We could reminisce about all the freaking Coors Light they've gorged me on over that span (GNP of Belize). All the "bandwagon" fans who've jumped on (many; but who cares?). The remarkable, surreal, just-plain-stupid streak the team is on (21-1). I could give you my fear of tear gas in LoDo as I walked on 20th and Blake last night (high). We could break down how to get a ball past Troy Tulowitzki (fire it from a tank). How Brian Fuentes nearly made Rox Nation throw up (barf bag please). Or how if Matt Holliday doesn't win MVP, how likely we might firebomb some writers laptops (high probability).

But I really don't want to. We're just sitting back and enjoying this. Taking it all in, after 15 long years (yes, that sounds stupid). Again... World. Series. Un. Fucking. Believable.


Monday, October 15, 2007

Mauled in Manhattan

Now I ain't Humpty Dumpty chump
see I ain't fallin, you can go call in
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Try to knock me off you never see another day again...

Props and Drops from this weekend’s Buffs’ loss to the K-State Wildcats and the Broncos’ BYE week:

***DROPS: That’s your Denver Broncos in last place in the AFC West. And they didn’t even play! The Chiefs suddenly look formidable, as they swooped past the bumbling Bengals this weekend. The Chargers, they’re playing like, well, the Chargers.

***PROPS: Buff RB Hugh Charles posted a career best 177 yards on the ground in Manhattan. The senior’s fourth straight 100+ game was easily his best effort of the year, as he hit the holes hard and followed his blocks. Charles has developed into a solid late round draft pick as he’s become a north-south bruiser to accompany his quick lateral moves. His pass catching abilities will also catch the eye of NFL scouts.

***DROPS: Cody Hawkins was lauded the last few weeks for his calculated and workmanlike play, but versus the Cats, he forced the issue and it resulted in a horrible day. Three picks went along with his 19 for 40 performance as he completely misread the defense on several occasions. The o-line didn’t do him any favors as the KSU front generated a steady rush that further muddied the freshman QBs’ decisions.

***PROPS: That was Jay Cutler on the sideline of the Vandy-Georgia game. Maybe a return to the college atmosphere (read: get drunk, poke out some coeds) will loosen Cutler up post-BYE week. Maybe he should of brought the Donk d-line with him too.

***DROPS: CU coach Dan Hawkins didn’t put his team in the most favorable circumstances with his 4th down gambling. Late in the 2nd quarter, CU faces a short 4th down. A punt would’ve pinned the Cats back, and they probably would’ve run out the clock as CU would be down only a TD at half. Hawk decides to go for it, misses on a horrible call and the Cats take over. A quick few plays results in a field goal and a 10 point lead and, more importantly, the momentum in the 2nd half. K-State coach Ron Prince (no relation to the singer) has had Hawkins’ number in both their meetings thus far, and Hawkins makes it easier for him with the questionable 4th down decisions

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Friday, October 12, 2007

Friday Funk: Chief Rocka


*The song samples “Twine Time” by Alvin Cash and “Born to be Blue” by Jack Bruce
*Marley Marl was the song’s producer, along with K-def, who went on to appear in the group Real Live.
*Old School artist Busy Bee was known as Chief Rocka Busy Bee
*Cameo appearance in the video: Redman. Both Red and the Lords hail from Brick City aka Newark, NJ
*To this day, the only CD that I’ve had to buy twice due to the first one being “worn out” was the album this song appears on Here Come the Lords
*One half of the MCs, Doitall, appears in the final scene from the final episode of The Sopranos, Made In America. He is credited as “African American Male #1, who enters the diner where Tony Soprano and his family are dining. Theories abound that he might have shot Tony.
*The peak position of the album Here Come the Lords was #66 on April 17, 1993
*1993 Hip Hop Fashion: Carhart Hoodies, unbuckled belts, fisherman vests, army jackets, and of course…unlaced Tims.
*The breakers appearing in the video include the legendary Crazy Legs of the Rock Steady Crew, Ken Swift of Rock Steady, and Quickstep of Full Circle.
*The trio met while undergrads at North Carolina’s Shaw University.
*The song was #1 on Billboard’s Rap Singles and #55 on the overall Hot 100 Singles.
*The “boom shocka locka” line originally appeared in a House of Pain song by the same name.
*DJ Lord Jazz was originally from Cleveland and now is based in Paris.
*The Commish saw LOUTG perform at CU’s Glenn Miller ballroom in the mid-90s. Honestly, Doitall and Mr Funke played off eachother as well as any duo I’ve ever seen.
*Opening act: Fu-Schnickens
*Rahzel does a crazy beat box version of the song’s bass line
*The actual cut “chief rocka” comes from a previous song, “Here Comes the Lords.” Marley flips it with Mr Funke: Aiyyo, Marley! Aiyyo whassup knocka? Do you hear these suckas tryin to clock the Lord Chief Rocka?
*”What goes up, must come down”- the first line from Blood, Sweat, & Tears’ 1969 release “Spinning Wheel”

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Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Check the Pillars

I was known for having, the upper hand
I was known as a stone cold ladies man...

***Tickets in the Denver Metro area for the NLCS are reaching as high as 12K for the plush seats, and over $100 for the face-value $10 Rock Pile tickets. People are camping out, selling their kidneys, sneaking in through the toliets, anything to catch the Rox. What is a hearty Rockies’ fan to do? One option is to make the roadie to Arizona to take in games there. The Snakes have nearly 8,000 tickets left for both Game 1 and Game 2.

***Is the Steve Nash haircut dude in your office with the Thule rack on his Saab, the wristband-style watch, and all the weird stickers on his cubicle out today? Well brahhhhhhh, he’s probably taken to the slopes…errr…slope. Araphoe Basin, a ski area west of Denver opens today, the first to do so in the country.

***A few quick observations form the VH1 Hip Hop Honors that was first broadcast a few days ago and will be run incessantly on the network the next few weeks:
-A Tribe Called Quest getting their dap was definitely in order, but Tribe wouldn’t be the rage if not for their Native Tongue forefathers, The Jungle Brothers or De La Soul. Would’ve been nice to either get some shine.
-Speaking of Tribe, can anyone tell the SG if Phife is alright? He looked like a mere shadow of himself, checking in at about a buck twenty five and just looking sullen and sick. On the flip side, Busta Rhymes cameo on the “Scenario” was a cool performance, but it looks as if he ate all his royalties from that song.
-Hopefully, more of the Hip Hop world knows about Whodini now. Long overshadowed in their day, they put out quality, “mature” releases like “One Love” and “Friends” but still brought it hard with “Funky Beat.” Their performance was perhaps the highlight of the evening, But their tribute? Nick Cannon? As Dave Chappelle once said, “son, f*ck Nick Cannon!”
-Harvey Keitel introducing Snoop? What was Kevin Spacey not available?
-Yes, Lupe Fiasco forgot the words during the Tribe tribute. Too much time on the halfpipe and maybe a few rehearsals, eh Lupe?

***The SG doesn’t usually complain if a cold frosty one is shoved in their face; we’ll choke down some ill beers, but Miller Lite ain’t one of them. It has to be well into a session or very, very, parched to drink one of those pissy garbage swills. Now the horror comes that the Mecca known as Coors Brewery in Golden, CO could be brewing the liquid poop known as Miller Lite. Excuse me while I weep.

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Monday, October 08, 2007

Walkover in Waco

It's a shame how these MC's are wannabees
front on these and get hung up like dungarees...

PROPS and DROPS from this weekend's Buffs' 20 point win over Baylor and the Broncos' worst home loss in 41 years:

PROPS: Cody Hawkins is running the CU offense like he’s a fifth year senior. He could be confused with ex-CU QB Joel Klatt back there, standing in the pocket, checking off his receivers, and finding the open man. Yes, he throws some INTs, but many are on tipped passes. Versus the Bears, he took what the defense gave him. Early that meant a steady diet of mid-range passes to Dusty Sprague and later letting his freshman speedsters stretch the field for big games.

DROPS: The entire Broncos team gets no love this session. The offense, defense, the special teams, and the coaches. Shit, even the cheerleaders sucked. Jay Cutler looked like a younger version of Joey Harrington out there. The Oline played uninspired, and the receivers looked like their routes were better served for a junior high social. On the defense, if anyone can stop the run, raise their hand. The Dline made LT and Michael Turner into instant Pro Bowls selections. And did everyone see the Chargers WRs manhandle the Donk DBs on Turner’s TD run? Even on Phillip Rivers’ TD run (could’ve been timed on a sundial) there was no pursuit.

PROPS: Buff LB Jordon Dizon continues to set himself for an all-Big 12 and perhaps an All-American campaign. The Senior player manned the middle all night for the Buffs, many times “on an island” dues to the Bears’ spread offense that required extra DBs. He effectively stuffed the Bears’ shuffle passes and quick draws and deflected a few passes over the middle on Baylor’s quick slants.

DROPS: Broncos’ WR Brandon Marshall has had a nice season, but won’t endear himself to the Orange faithful by calling out the fans for leaving Invesco in the 3rd quarter. Hey Brandon, your fumble helped precipitate the mass exodus. Bronco fans aren’t dummies, they might’ve figured this team out by the fifth game this year. Mix in a cold rain perhaps some diverted sports attention, you’ll get an empty stadium. Brandon, if you and your cronies don’t right this season, you’re stadium will look like an MLS game by the end of the year.

PROPS: That’s Kevin Eberhart, kicker of the Buffs, Broomfield Represent! The Big 12 player of the week kept the Buffs well beyond an arm’s reach of the Bears by booting 5 field goals. One was a 54 yarder at the half’s end after the Baylor coaches went brain dead on their final possession. Somewhere (well, Green Bay actually) Mason Crosby is saying “that’s my boy” like a proud big brother.

DROPS: Waco, Texas isn’t the most picturesque Big 12 town, or the most conducive to a Slushy Gutter Alumnus’ drinking pursuits. The Baylor stadium is set away from campus, and I think I saw the dad from “Footloose” trying to regulate dancing. Also, one CU fan took a particular hate to the Baylor Bear mascot. Upon seeing him in the 2nd half he uttered, “shit, here comes that fucking bear, I hate that fucker.”

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Sunday, October 07, 2007

Purple Haze?

Test your current Denver Sports Scene pulse:

1- If asked in two years ago which Denver team would be the next to advance to the second round of a postseason, you'd answer:
-Broncos (1 pt)
-Avs (2 pts)
-Nugs (3 pts)
-Rockies (10pts)

2- If Time Machine Monty crashed your Health class (where you were about to see vaginas) back in 1989 and said in 2007 two things called the Colorado Rockies and the Arizona Diamondbacks would play for the NL pennant, you'd:
-Look over his head to see the vaginas (1 pt)
-Ask him where he scored the weed (3 pts)
-High five him and take him to your big brother's garage party with some Keystone Light (10 pts)

3- It's September 1st and ESPN analyst Steve Phillips has picked the Rockies to win the Wildcard. The dude who fixes your copier and smells like lunch meat says they'll advance even further, you'd:
-Scoff him off and ask how Jay Cutler looked in the last preseason game (1 pt)
-Scoff him off and further damage the copier by with a copy of your scrotum (5 pts)
-Go home and try to add both Phillips and Salami Xerox Boy to your MySpace friends (10 pts)

4- At work on Monday, you're talking about Clint Hurdle's masterful pinch hitting substitutions and wondering if Mike Shannahan could be outcoached by your son's flag football coach "Mad Dawg".
-Shanny couldn't carry Mad Dawg's jock. I mean, did you see when Mad Dawg faked liked there were balloons floating in the backfield and totally duped the other team!? (1 pt)
-Clint Hurdle? When did they get rid of Dan Baylor, or was it Darin Bowler? Darwin Bueller? (3 pts)
-Hurdle is the man, I have grown a flavor saver soul patch just like him. (5 pts)

5- You wake up with a massive hangover on Sunday from the late Rockies game. Your friend Cecil calls with an offer of free Bronco or Avs' tickets:
-If Travis Henry hot boxes me at the tailgate, I'll be there (1pt)
-Will there be beer? I'll be there. (3 pt)
-No thanks Cecil, I'm heading to the Coors Field ticket line to camp out for the next four days. (10 pts)

If you scored:
-five or under points: please read a sports page, head to LoDo and buy a Rockies t-shirt, and take off the Orange glasses for a few weeks.
-between six and 30 points: keep doing what you've been doing, add one more beer for each Rockies' game viewed.
-more than 21 points: you would probably take Rockies pitchers Franklin Morales or Ubaldo Jimenez out on a date and buy them flowers.


Friday, October 05, 2007

Hits to the Donks Bong

Well that's the funk elastic, the blunt I twist it
The slamafied, bonafied funk on your discus...

Is it safe to say that the Travis Henry era- four games long- in the Mile High City may be about over? Shanny went out on a whim and a limb and brought in the previously suspended back for a princely sum this off season. No one seemed to ask why Buffalo and Tennessee didn't bat a chicken wing or bottle of shine when he left their clubs. He already had served a four game supsnsion for "subsatnce abuse" and any further indiscretions would get him a seat with old Sticky Ricky Williams. Hello Toronto Agros!

Now Bong Hit Henry faces the possibility of a one year supension, for again burning the hippie lettuce. This after the revelation that he has fathered a starting baseball team with an almost equal number number of women (which was conveiniently glossed over by the Denver media.)
In the words of a disgruntled patron at Red Rocks: harsh tokes!

What the heck in the name of Dale Carter is going on in Doobie...er....Dove Valley? Shanny's gamble on a chronic (pun intended) bad cat has backfired. Donk fans should've wondered why the team, after a decade of taking low rated and even free agent backs and turning them into 1000 yard rushers (unless your mom has blue hair), why Shanny was making it rain on Travis Blunt.

If the supspension goes though, the organization will most likely go all Mike Vick and try to get their Brinks truck of money back. Then they will turn to...undrafted rookie Selvyn Young.

Throw your spliffs in the air, brahhhhhhhhh.


Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Playoffs = Slack Off

When some clown jumps up to get beat down
Broken down to his very last compound
See how it sounds? a little unrational
A lot of mc's like to use the word dramatical...

Excuses you can use with your boss to get out of work to catch the Rockies playoff games:

1- Bud Black wants me to go down to the local sports bar and see if Matt Holliday is there so I can tag him out.

2- My cat took a huge dook this morning that looks like a mini Coors Field. It's a sign boss, you can't mess with karma.

3- Oh my gosh, my neighbor just called and said Troy Tulowitzski is totally banging my wife!

4- Have you ever had champagne in your eyes? Then you try to drive into work, you insensitive jerk!

5- My kid's day care is run by Europeans, so they all take siestas at 1pm each day. Gotta go pick up little Johnny.

6- I'm having an allergic reaction to the copy toner, boss. I need to cleanse myself in a bath of Coors Light. I have a doctor's note too. No, that isn't my handwriting!

7- They found my dog running loose...in Philadelphia. See you Friday!

8- I'm an October Thirdist, a weird cult that must pray for three to four hours starting at 1pm each October 3rd. Hey, you can't infringe on my religious freedoms!

9- Yeah boss, someone cut my brakelines and I came to a slow rolling stop at this bar over here. I'm really frazzled, I better just stay put.

10- Oh my gosh! Grandma! No, I only have two grandmothers. Why? Oh those other two from Opening Days? Those were just close family friends we called "Grandma."


Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Wild for the Night

Shhh. Hear that?

That's the three corporate mucky mucks dissecting Clint Hurdle's substitutions in last night's epic Wild Card clinching victory for the Rockies. There's the warehouse workers with their ham sandwiches and potato chips still complaining about Garret Atkins' homer that wasn't.
That's the sound of Coors Field Dry Goods' store and other shops around the Rocky Mountains ringing up sales. People trading in their faded Bichettes, Walkers, and Big Cats for a fresh batch of Tulo, Holliday, and Francis.
No need to worry, this bandwagon's got room.
There's the security worker driving home from work, his radio tuned into KOA, jumping for joy in his seat like he spilled scalding hot water on himself. The people at the light are scared and rolling up their windows. That sound is the drunk frat boys, painted in some strange hue of off-purple, whooping and hollering like it's a Spring Break wet t-shirt contest.
It's the four landscapers along the side of the road, talking in Spanish about how maybe, just maybe Holliday slipped his finger under the catcher's cleat. It's the 9 year girl, no clue about 1995 or who Eric Young is, blissfully sleeping in the 11th inning, yet jumping into her grandmother's arms in the 13th.
That sound is talk radio, the guy who enjoyed the "greatest game ever" with his 75 year old father, who as a lifelong baseball fan, also agreed. The other caller, who's 7 year old son told him it was the funnest night he's ever had.
There's the Commish, saying "holy sh*t" over and over and hugging his lovely wife and complete strangers at the end of a nearly five hour strange journey.
That's Colorado, Wyoming, and all around the West. They're all talking. They're all exhausted. But they're all ready for the playoffs and their definitely not ready for this ride to end.


Monday, October 01, 2007

Sooners Boomed

I grab the mic and make MC’s evaporate
The party people say, damn...that rapper’s great
The creator conductor of poetry
Et cetera, et cetera, it ain’t easy being me...
Monday morning props and drops from the Buffs huge upset of the Oklahoma Sooners and the Broncos loss to the World Champion Colts.

PROPS: The CU offensive line. Took over the trenches midway through the 3rd quarter, opening up some decent holes. There were no 20 plus yard runs, but Hugh Charles and Demetrius Sumler were able to knock out 5-10 yard bursts. Freshmen lineman Kai Maiva and Ryan Miller more than held their own, at times completely dominating their defender.

DROPS: The Donk linebacking corps were just abused by Dallas Clark. Time after time the tight end end found himself behind the Bronco coverage. It made for easy pickings for some guy named Manning to get big gains. That Manning dude may have a bright future in professional football.

PROPS: The CU defensive backs had a gold star day versus the Sooner wide outs and tight ends. Both safeties had picks that turned into Buff points. I haven’t been sold on safety Daniel Dykes, but he had a decent game backing up the defense. The corners completely shut down Sooner WRs Malcolm Kelly (no catches) and Juaquin Iglesias on the other side was held in check. Funny, Iglesias looks nothing like his dad Julio or brother Enrique. And I sure as hell didn’t see Anna Kornikouva anywhere.

DROPS: The Broncos continue to struggle to punch the ball into the end zone, making Jason Elam fantasy owners happy. Early in the game they reach the four yard line but fail to punch it in again. Makes it a bit easier for that Manning guy- who scores touchdowns- to pull ahead for good on the next drive.

PROPS: CU quarterback Cody Hawkins continues to manage the game and his own abilities well. He doesn’t try to do too much, and has developed a good knowledge of his teammates’ prowess. He has spread the ball around to the tight ends and backs as well.

DROPS: To the FSN color commentator who when pressed what NFL quarterback that Hawkins’ reminds him of most answers “John Kitna.” And to the students who stole Hawkins’ helmet during the post game revelry. Why do I see some dudes doing beer bongs while wearing that helmet Saturday night?

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