Thursday, January 31, 2008

Super Bowl Weak Way Back

Hot damn ho, here we go again
Suckers steal a beat, when you know they can't win…

The collective Denver and Colorado media, fans, ticket scalpers, gambling degenerates, and the like have been pining away for the glory days of Bronco football over this Super Bowl Week. Seems like Super Bowl hoopla, endless past Super Bowl highlights on the the tube, and a strange numerology of Donk Super Bowl pasts have jogged our collective memories.

10 years ago, a day that will live forever in Colorado lore, as John Elway helicoptered his way to the Bronco’s first title. "Where were you that day?!" The talk shows have asked the masses (most answers, like that of the SG Crew, have been of the 'I was drunk' variety.)One would have to say that this was Shanny’s best game planning ever, and perhaps the best in SB history (maybe Belichick versus the Rams is up there too.) One thing that stands out among the various interviews commemorating the win this week is the sheer confidence the team had. To a man, the team says they knew they would win the game, and when the offensive line is queried, they sound almost laughable in their confidence. OF NOTE: Howard Griffith could've well been the MVP of this game, his blocking was absolutley devasting throughout the game.

Half the Super Bowls ago, the Broncos held the Giants at bay for a half before wilting in the Rose Bowl to lose their second championship. What stands out in this game is the Giants defense was almost ahead of their time, the speed is just outstanding (coked-out linebackers included.) The Donk OL was nearly helpless in the 2nd half and Kyle Shannahan’s boyfriend’s dad was nearly flawless. The Donks’ defense didn’t help, as they did not adjust to Simms’ passing the entire game. OF NOTE: Mark Bavaro was an absolute beast, he would've thrived in mnay current offenses.

30 years ago, before many of our times, Broncomania was born as the team made their way to the state-of-the-art Super Dome to be throttled by the Cowboys. From the NFL Flims’ highlights, the Broncos’ looked as if the had collectively blew their wads in the two playoff games versus the Steelers and archrival Raiders. The Cowboys looked every part the efficient machine modeled after Coach Landry, while the Broncos of that Super Bowl very well could’ve been the last vestige of the old rag tag AFL. OF NOTE: Craig Morton was old, very old. The Cowboys' made him look even older all day long.


Monday, January 28, 2008

Super Bowl Beats to the Rhymes

Songs for your Super Bowl Week...

**She Watch Channel Zero- Public Enemy (“Yo, we getting ready to watch the Super Bowl, and we got a black quarterback”)
**Ghettofabulous- Rass Kass (“LA ni**az got crazy game, like John Elway got a Super Bowl ring”) VIDEO
**Careful (Click, Click)- Wu Tang Clan (“Is it Bush or Dole, front row of the Super Bowl”) VIDEO
**Like It Like That- A Tribe Called Quest (“While we climbing we shine like a super bowl ring”)
**No More Fun and Games- The Game (“I'm right here, six years after Randy Moss
caught his first touchdown for them Vikings…”
**NY Giants- Big Pun f/ M.O.P.
**Sum Dum Munky- Fu Schnickens (“Runnin over ni**az like I’m Rodney Hampton”)
**I’ll Wax Anybody- Tim Dogg (“Wearin' that fuckin' Raider hat, Giants won the Super Bowl, take that shit back.”)
**The Whole World- Outkast (“Glitter, glisten, gloss, floss, I catch a beat runnin like Randy Moss”)
**Super Bowl Sundae- Charli 2na
**Big Ballin- Paul Wall (“…complimented by candy gloss, I'm tip toein’ on fo' swangers, eighty-fo's like Randy Moss”)
**Paisley Darts- Ghostface Killah (“I grind daily, Patriotic like Tom Brady”)
**Knockout (Victory Lap)- 7L & Esoteric (“With more Pats on my back than New England sacks”)
**Low, Down, Dirty- Eminem (“like it was Spider Sense tingling, lit it like Green Bay did when they shitted on New England”)
**3 Kings- Slim Thug f/Bun B & T.I. (“At the Super Bowl pulling groups of hoes six deep…”) VIDEO
**Word of Mouf- Ludacris (“Then hit stage and break a leg like Lawrence Taylor”)
**Patriots- Canibus
**We Celebrate- Ghostface Killah f/ Kid Capri (“Like my squad won the Super Bowl!”)
**Cream 2001- DJ Clue f/ Ghostface Killah & Raekwon (“Roast ya ornaments, Super Bowl ring on each finger”)
**J.A.Y.O.- Jayo Felony f/ E-40 & Ice Cube (“The Super Bowl was at San Diego
Sitting back with Felony, Jayo”)
**Just A Touch- 50 Cent (“At the Super Bowl Janet Jackson showed me a tit”)
**Sportscenter- The High and Mighty (“Been rhyming ever since super bowl shuffle”)

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Friday, January 25, 2008

Star Power

Sweet tongue, grand writer of scrolls,
Now behold, let the legend unfold...

An old hoops cliche is that a team needs two bonafide stars to have a special season. Check that
off for the Nuggets as they are sending both of the Corn Row Regulars- Melo and AI- to the All-Star Game next month. Not since the days of Alex English and Fat Lever has this happenned. And if you remember that, go throw on your nut hugger shorts knee high striped socks.

Given the time-tested NBA logic, the Powder Blue Patrol should be a shoo-in for at least the Conference Finals, right? By the looks of things, the Nugs will be once again facing the chance of a fifth consecutive 'one and done' scenario and be on the shores of Cabo after the first round.

Team play and consistency has dictated the play (especially in the West) over the past decade and the Nuggets are still struggling to find both. The team aspect is improving, after all AI has barely been in the fold for one year, as the team is still in the lead in the surprising Northwest Division. Throw in the myriad of injuries that have crept up, and the team concept is further muddied. Coach Karl also hasn't helped with his sometimes strange bench play, favoring a player for a bit, then yanking him for games on end (hello, JR Smith.)

It is the consistency aspect that has got to improve for this team and their All Star Duo to reach the "special" status. No near home losses to the Timberwolves, no horrendous quarters of play versus the Lakers, no nights when fould shots won't fall, no lack of hustle on the 2nd day of a back-to-back, no leaving $500 worth of tickets for some pompous colege freshman.

Time for the Nugs, four years into the Karl regime to look at eachother and their two leaders and decide if this is going to be something we'll remember for a nice run, or remember simply for a couple meaningless All-Star selections.


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

You Can't Spell Colorado without Tulo

I flows, so one of my shows, wouldn't be clever to miss
I'm leavin competitors pissed
To tell you the truth, it gets no better than this...

Now that Troy Tulowitzki has six years and tons of coin to stay here in the Great State of Colorado, here's a few things he may want to consider or get used to:

1- Change his intro song from R Kelly's "I'm A Flirt" to anything; hell, the freaking Barney theme would be better.
2- Drive like you've been in snow before, or real Coloradoans will bitch about all "you damn California drivers clogging up the highways"
3- You'll be playing with every conceivable 2nd baseman from Jason Nix to Jason Preistly to Preist Lauderdale to Priest Holmes to Larry Holmes to Larry Walker to Walker, Texas Ranger.
4-Send 3B left fielder Ryan Braun of the Brewers a big fat photo of your new contract and a another of your NL Champs' ring.
5- Since Derek Jeter is his idol, start banging more Hollywood starlets.


Monday, January 21, 2008

Hola to mi familia!

Yo, I come with that ol' loco
Style from my vocal
Couldn't peep it with a pair of bifocals...

The Commish and the Mrs. enjoyed some much needed time off over the past week plus in beautiful Cozumel. While enjoying the gorgeous weather and scenery, the trip was full of Slushy Gutter Summer inspired moments:

***Watching former CU kicker Mason Crosby in a blizzard and freezing temps while I sucked down cold one after cold one while in 80 degree temps brought a smile to my face. While he kicked in the same weather a week later, I was facing a 70 degree difference while coming home. Thanks Mason.
***A Reggae bar…in Mexico…playing Tupac
***Albums listened to: Ghost’s Big Doe Rehab, Jamal’s Last Chance, No Breaks, Lupe’s The Cool, and MF Doom’s Live From Planet X
***Nebraska fans at the resort were too numerous, I am surprised that Mexican immigration authorities let them into the country.
***Mean mugs between myself and said Nebraska fans: many.
***On the beautiful eastern shore of the island, a small beach bar with a Colorado flag behind the bar. No John Denver music though.
***Cruising said eastern side (a remote area with no electricity, but complete with funky beach bars along the stretch- here's one, Coconut's is another top choice) in our Jeep rental, songs that came to mind: Common’s “Soul by the Pound”, LL’s “Back Seat”, and Nine’s “Wuthca Want.”
***Walking into the Time Share Sales Office to rent the Jeep, I was reminded of the movie “Boiler Room” which included the Pharaoh Monch classic “Simon Says.”
***One great thing from the Time Share presentation: mineral water, salt, and lime is a great hangover cure.
***After winning poolside Bingo, number of douchebags who screamed “Broncos suck!” while I accepted my prize in my Donkey hat: 1
***Book report: “77” by Terry Frei- a good look at the 1977 Bronco Super Bowl team and the changing city and region at that time. A must read for old school Bronco fans. Also, “Meat Market” by ESPN’s Bruce Feldman about the crazy world of college football recruiting, a few mentions of Colorado ties.
***Senor Frogs and Hard Rock Café could possibly be the lamest places on Earth.
***Mexican cervezas drank: Corona, Dos XX, Pacifico, Sol, Tecate and Tecate Light.
***Number of gringo beers: zero
***Number of seconds Mrs. Commish counted down until the 10am bars opened: 20
***Biggest shock when I arrived home? The cold? A return to the grind? Traffic? No, Linas Kleiza scored 41 points!?
***Medio Derretido Canal Verano es stupido: Slushy Gutter Summer is wack

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Friday, January 11, 2008

Stand Up for Shanny

Sometimes I rhyme slow sometimes I rhyme quick
I'm sweeter and thicker than a Chick O Stick…

PROPS and DROPS from Mike Shanahan’s year end presser:

DROPS: It must be early January, so that means Mike Shanahan is firing another Defensive Coordinator. Another one bit the dust this week as Jim Bates was shown the door, joining other sacked (pun intended) coordinators Greg Robinson, Ray Rhodes, and Larry Coyer over the past half decade.

We don’t need to rehash the complete train wreck that was the Donks’ D this year, but Shanny needs to look at the stability of his defensive side of the ball. Constant shuffling of coaches doesn’t help younger players develop and doesn’t give vets a sense that the boss is in control.

DROPS: Is it just me or does Shanny come off as a condescending ahole during his press conferences because he actually sits there while fielding questions. Like he’s grandpa rocking on the front porch or something? Stand the f*ck up Mike; nice to see you so relaxed while your team and legacy is crumbling around you.

PROPS: The fringe of fans and writers who had been grumbling that Pat Bowlen let the right man to lead the Donks in the future, Gary Kubiak, get away to Houston is growing. Count the SG as leaning that way. Kubes seems to be assembling a dynamic staff down there, including the seed of Shanny and Chris Simms’ boyfriend. Houston and the Donks seem to be on even ground right now, which do you think is going up?

DROPS: Al Wilson is available, being cleared by doctors to play. Outside of DJ Williams the linebacking crew was below average. What can it hurt to try to bring the heart and soul of defenses gone by back to Denver and see if he has anything left?

PROPS: Shanny stood up and took blame for the season, claiming he was should’ve been good enough for 10 wins. He addressed obvious needs such as a punt returner (what Glenn “Molasses” Martinez isn’t reminding anyone of Rick Upchurch?), the headache of Travis Henry (huge cap number, limited production) and his subpar drafts early in the decade (only one starter from a five year span.)


Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Got Your Goose

I think that smiling in public is against the law
'Cause love don't get you through life no more…

Props to Colorado native Rich Goose Goosage on his well deserved and belated Hall of Fame induction. Goose played for nine teams over 22 years:

***Chicago White Sox (72-76)- You gotta love seeing the images of Goose pitching for the mid-70’s and Bill Veeck’s Sox. It seems like the Sox were relegated to beer league softball, complete with shorts they sported. Nothing like the White Sox wearing red hats, something that only Fred Durst would like.

***Pittsburgh Pirates (77)- Goose’s brief stop in the Steel City might’ve been one of his strongest seasons. The Pirates of 77 formed the backbone of the “We Are Family” team that would win the 79 Series. And Goose surely appreciated the nearly day-glo yellow unis and the forgettable pillbox hats.

***New York Yankees (78-83)- Undoubtedly the finest part of Goose’s career, as he joined the Bronx Zoo and won the 1978 Series. He’ll most likely go into the Hall of Fame in the Yankees cap, and the Hall artist who sculpts the plaques will also most likely craft his likeness to look more that of Dog the Bounty Hunter.

***San Diego Padres (84-87)- Goose had three strong years in San Diego, playing with Steve Garvey and his freakish forearms. He must’ve loved playing in the shit brown unis that reminded everyone of a McDonald’s workers get up. “Welcome to Jack Murphy Stadium, can we supersize that for you?”

***Chicago Cubs, San Fran Giants, Texas Rangers, Oakland A’s, Seattle Mariners (1989-1994)- Like most Hall of Famers, Goose bounced around in his later years, but was still an effective middle reliever. His long road winded up in Seattle, dodging chunks of falling concrete from the spacious Kingdome and comparing mullets with Randy Johnson.


Monday, January 07, 2008

Fresh for 07: Colorado Beer Spots

The Yacht Club- Wolcott- Just off the road west of Vail is a small bar in the even smaller town of Wolcott. Surprisingly, the Yacht Club is a nice place inside, and their outdoor patio is massive. A stop for bicyclists, bikers, tourists, golfers, and passer thrus make this a great place to duck into for a cold one.

The Gold Pan Bar- Breckenridge- The Gold Pan bills itself as the oldest continuously operating bar in the state. By the looks of it when you walk in, they’re not kidding. This place is rustic old school, like 1800s old school. Creaky wood floors, an ancient bar, and jam packed on ski season weekends.

Sunpies- Steamboat- Grab a Red Stripe and check out this venerable hangout right on the banks of the Yampa River. The actual building isn’t much bigger than your living room, but the 5000 sf “back yard” lets you pull up a lawn chair, a table, or even an old stump and sip on your beer as the Yampa carries tubers down the river. This is a truly Colorado bar with a Cajun feel.

Dark Horse- Boulder- The Dark Horse is where random junk went to live their remaining days. This place would make Fred Sanford jealous. Grab a Coors Light pre or post CU games and a famous Jiffy Burger (as in peanut butter on your burger) and check the eclectic Boulder crowd.

Clancy’s Irish Pub- Wheat Ridge- This inner suburban bar is neatly tucked into a strip mall, but the interior harkens back to a true school Irish pub. They also include a deli in the bar and famous fish and chips. The sausage sandwich is just massive and there’s always a countdown to the next St Patrick’s Day.

Doc Hollidays/The Springs- Glenwood Springs- You can move between these two adjacent bars in Downtown Glenwood as easily as the employees do. Doc’s, named after the infamous outlaw who is buried in Glenwood, features the original bar and the famous neon gunslinger sign. Creep next door to shoot some pool, eat some typical bar food, or muse with the locals.

Kermit’s Road House- bottom of Floyd Hill- This post skiing stop has a famous reputation for their chili, a stop for bikers, and tacked on dollar bills on the walls. The perfect cure for your weekend hangover, the chili is something they’ll even put in a jar and let you take some home.

Rocky Flats Lounge- in between Boulder and Golden- This is a Midwest bar smack dab on the foot of the foothills. Don’t mind the location outside the old nuclear trigger plant that was reportedly a payroll office. Fish frys, Packer gear abound, pickled eggs and Slim Jims behind the bar, and smooth Leinenkugels make this a must stop on your journey between Golden and Boulder.

Oskar Blues- Lyons- After a lazy stroll down Lyons’ street, a poke into Oskar Blues is a must. They brew their own craft, including Pale Ale and Old Chub, and you can munch down some bar food. Live music from time to time and the scenic location nestled in the quaint hamlet make this a fun place to kick back.
***All these spots are best enjoyed with a cold smoooooooooth Coors Light or beer of choice. Better enjoyed with your close friends shooting the shit, telling tales, and ripping eachother. Add some family and times you'll remember. For the Commish, all are best enjoyed with his beautiful wife, his partner in not only life but in his travels throughout God's Country who makes every minute even more enjoyable.
Happy New Year to all!

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