Friday, August 31, 2007

I Watch Football For Us

My dear, my dear, my dear, you do not know me but I know you very well
Now let me tell you about the feelings I have for you
When I try, or make some sort of attempt,
Damn I wish I wasn't such a wimp...

***Cut and paste this handy letter to lay the groundwork for a harmonious football season with your significant other.
(No, Husker and Sheep fans, you can’t cut the computer screen with scissors)

Dear (insert name here):

Hey baby. How are you? You looked so peaceful when I came to bed last night, like you were dreaming about (insert favorite player here) scoring a touchdown. I know it was late when I finally got into bed, but that Utah-Oregon State game went long. I thought of you while I was watching it because ‘I love ute!’

The next four months I might not be around as much, you know it’s that time of year. Saturdays are long days, between the breakfasts with the alumni groups, watching games, tailgating, the actual game, postgame, playing Playstation afterwards, and the night game, it’ll really remind me how much I need you to stand behind me. If I come home late it’s because I had to catch the end of the Hawaii game; it’s not fair to exclude them because of their geographical isolation!

Sundays are much of the same. I’ll be home, but I need to focus on the TV. If my players score enough, I might win the fantasy league I’m in and finally be able to afford that trip to (insert exotic locale here) you’ve been wanting for so long. If the (insert NFL team here) pulls out a win and covers, we might be able to collect enough to get some new furniture for the baby’s room. And the Sunday night game! What is more fun than winding down the weekend with Al and John!?

You know that Mondays are when I like to unwind. The boss is always on my ass and the hectic work week is starting, the perfect chance to get to the local watering hole and be among friends. I have to support the local merchants to strengthen the community; you know better schools for the kids!

Tuesdays and Wednesdays are all yours though. Unless there’s some sort of mid-level conference games on those days. You know, all those funky sounding teams in faraway places. How fun! Of course, the baseball playoffs will be going soon. You know how much baseball reminds me of all those games my dad used to take me to.

Don’t forget Friday when I get together and catch the pure, unspoiled game that is our local high school. I can catch up with old friends and teachers, maybe have (insert favorite teacher here) fill me in on the “real” issues facing us in the world. I have to stay informed for our sake, be civic minded. Of course, after the game, I have to meet up with old friends and the like at the local bar and catch whichever college game is on and further discuss the direction of the local teams. Knowledge is key.

This will go on for some time. In mid-December the colleges will layoff, but not for long. The pageantry of bowl season will start! More chances, along with the NFL stretch run, to get a little extra coin for your mom’s Christmas gift! Colleges will finally end in January, but then the always exciting NFL playoffs will be in gear. That is where memories are made!

Finally, after the first weekend in February, I am all yours. By then you’ll probably realize how much I mean to you and how I do this madness known as football season for one reason: you.

Love you,
(sign name here)



Anonymous The Wife said...

Dear Husband,

While you are watching football, I will be exercising your credit card at (insert favorite department store here).

The Wife

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