Friday, June 30, 2006

MF June

Dead in the middle of Little Italy little did we know that we riddled some middleman who didn't do diddily...


-Total one month into the Slushy Gutter Summer (after a few cooooooooool CLs after another Thursday softball loss): 187

-Number of ex-girlfirends of Busta Rhymes that went carpet licker on him: 1

-Number of different types of beers the kid consumed one month into the Slushy Gutter Summer: 6
-Percentage that were smoooooooooooth CLs: 95

-MCs more freaking "real" than Freddie Foxx aka Bumpy Knuckles(from nahright): 0

-Games back of first place the Rockies are: 1

-Days until the Cannibal Ox show at the Fox Theater: 14
-Times I've listened to The Cold Vein in the past month: ~5

-Times per day when I think of a few months away when Im enjoying an ice cold CL before a beautiful fall day at Folsom Field: 10

-Chances in hell that Snoop Dogg would perform with American Idol Taylor Hicks: 0

-Headz who can actually make a connection between this entry's quote and the current number of beers in Slushy Gutter Summer: 0 (maybe Fresh Marcus)

-Days until former Slushy Gutter winner JayBiz goes cyborg on us with the release of the crew's defacto crack rock, EA NCAA Football 2007: 19

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Lose Yourself

Energy is felt once the cards are dealt
With the impact of roundhouse kicks from black belts
that attack, the mic-fones like cyclones or typhoon
I represent from midnight to high noon...

Who was rocking the new I-Pod this past weekend, staring intently into the gray skies, not hearing the cheers and taunts of a raucous crowd, amping himself up for a pressure-filled game/match/battle?

  1. Terrell Owens going out on a broken foot in the Super Bowl
  2. A steely Patrick Roy before Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals
  3. Stef and the rest of the Ampipe High Bulldogs getting pumped to play those freakin bastards from Walnut Heights
  4. B-Rabbit, Future, and Cheddar Bob chillin backstage before the big showdown with Papa Doc and the Leaders of the Free World
  5. Spotwood before the finals of the glorified BBQ backgammon final

If you answered #5, you, sir, are correct! Spotty went all 8 Mile on us and repped the IPod for a couple hours while pyching himself up for the always intense 26th Blowfish Backgammon Final. He took it even a step further, when he played the Final with the IPod blasting, along the way slurping down Fat Tires like the shit was lemondae on a hot day. Must've worked, because homeboy won his first title, dispatching the kid 2-1 along the way with some fancy roles and elusive play.

Former Slushy Gutter winner Juck also repped, along with former two-time Slushy Gutter winner T-Dub, E-Train and fam, and a host of others.

[528 UPDATE: The weekend also brought ample opportunity to add to the Slushy Gutter Summer, including a visit from the in-laws in from Top Billings. After the visit, including the aforementioned Rox game, a mountain respite, and a nice Italian dinner, the total rested at a smoooooooooooth 181 heading down the June stretch.]

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Monday, June 26, 2006

Took a test to become an MC

Go Uptown and come down to the ground
You sucker MC's, you bad face clown
You five dollar boy and I'm a million dollar man
Yous a sucker MC, and you're my fan

I snapped the above photo at Swanky's in LoDo after Saturday night's Rockies victory. It got me thinking if the cat who wrote it was trying to warn all of us real hip-hoppers that there was a less than stellar rapper inside the head. Upon entry, there was no MC, just a bad stench and some dried chunks from some chump who couldn't hold their Pabst. But maybe at one time some MC was up in there. Who could of it been?

Young Jeezy/Joc/Dro/MC
Father MC
Lil’ Bow Wow/Jon/Romeo
Kid and/or Play
Ying Yang Twins

Ja Rule
Jamie Kennedy
Any NBA’er who thinks he can rap


Thursday, June 22, 2006

Organized Confusion

Total chaos -- no mass confusion,
Rhymes so hypnotizing known to cause an illusion...

***Oakland A's manager Ken Macha as a young boy: "My controller's broke! This game cheats!"
Oakland A's manager Ken Macha after losing 2 of 3 to the Rox: "This humidor is bad! This stadium cheats!"

***Avalanche goalie Jose Theodore has been spotted in Canada with Paris Hilton. Guess that gives new meaning to the term "scoring right through the five-hole." Paris has run through NFLer Brian Urlacher, Heisman winner Matt Leinart, and now Theodore. Maybe if Paris' fancy ever turns to say, Lance Berkman, hordes of bad comics and bloggers can shout, "she certainly has had her fair share of different sticks and balls." Damn, that was bad, I'm sorry.

***Snitches. Egos. Thugs. Posses. Chossing your "general." Smart ass style. Divisive groups. Must be talking about The Sopranos? No, that would be your 2005-2006 Nuggets. DP writer Thomas George delved deep into the past season and came up with the realness that went on with the team. A three part series that showed the colorful cast of characters that reside in the Pepsi Center. Part One. Part Two. Part Three.

[528 UPDATE: The week has been fast and frentic, starting with a trip to Renaissance Festival where we had quite a few smoooooooth CLs while devouring pickles, turkey legs, and steak on-a-stick. Former Slushy Gutter winners T-Dub and JayBiz also downed a few with the kid, including some freebie samples. Adding to the total was a few celebrating SR's 30th bday, the previously mentioned Rox game, a Father's Day lunch, and a few beers with former Slushy Gutter winner Juck at the local bar D-Note to bring the total up to a gross plus(148)

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

They Reminisce

Do you like Muhammad Ali doing Liston
Take you to the cleaners like the pants that you pissed in
It's in poor taste why you're so busted
I got loot like a frank got mustard

Last night me and former Struggler CT aka Axe took in the Rox and the hottest team in MLB, the Oakland Athletics. A beautiful night at Coors Field as BK Kim and nearly CU quarterback Matt Holliday ended the A’s 10 game winning streak. As I downed a smooooooooth CL and CT downed a Coca-Cola, I realized I’d been spending my hard-earned cake and shrinking the hard-worked liver at 20th and Blake for over 10 years. Of course, the ballpark has seen many changes in that quick decade, some good, some bad…

THEN: Splinters Bar. This was perhaps the ultimate baseball bar of all-time. A simple bar, plenty of room to stand, and $1 Coors products. Specials depending on the team in town (ie, Iron City for the Pirates, Miller for the Brewers, Old Style for the Cubs, forty ounce Olde English for the Dodgers.) Even a frank with all the fixins could be had for a single. Unfortunately, as the Rox attendance waned, so did Splinters’ crowds.
NOW: Sports Column bought it out and turned it into some bourgie bullshit lounge.

THEN: Ample parking and the Skyline Bar just beyond centerfield. In Coors early days, with 50k flocking to the yard each night, parking was a bit tougher to come by. The vacant lots and abandoned warehouses in the Platte Valley helped solve this problem. For five bones you could park your rig and walk two blocks to the gates. Afterwards, the Skyline Bar was right smack in the lot for a post-game brew. The Skyline attracted all types; bikers, queens, rockers, hip-hoppers, whores, after-work guy, bachelorette parties, etc.
NOW: The whole area is comprised of pricey yuppie lofts, parking for the yuppie BMWs and Xterras, and more yuppie lofts. The eclectic mix has been replaced by striped Gap polo guy, perky blonde walking the lab girl, and aforementioned polo Gap guy riding $2000 Trek bike guy.

THEN: 1995 Wildcard Champion banner. The Rockies decided to celebrate their lone playoff appearance with a “banner” on the LF wall. I remember in 1996 E-Train asked me how long it would be before the entire wall was covered with “banners.” My reply was something to the effect of worms will be crawling through his grandchildren’s skulls.
NOW: Plain green wall. Excellent choice.

THEN: Rockies Hats.
NOW: Other team’s gear. People feel compelled to wear other MLB team hats at the Colorado Rockies’ home. It is mainly two teams: The Yankees and Red Sox. Everyone has some “connection” to that team. Memo to them: just because your college roommate’s cousin once mowed Mike Greenwell’s lawn or your stepdad banged a couple of hookers in Times Square on shore leave doesn’t make you a fan of that team. Represent.


Friday, June 16, 2006

528 Update - Salute This Muthfucka!

Okay here I go shorty tap the 40-o smash
To a pass if ya crash make a dash to the trash
Tap a cap, have alot and not alot, not a little
Don't grade upon the label take a guzzle, don't dribble

Wednesday night went to Elway’s with other drunks, errrrrrrrrrr…co-workers, and enjoyed a lavish spread and John Elway was our waiter! Had a few smooooooooooooth CL on the back deck after the meal and watched Denver’s collagen and silicon over-40 set get their proper swerve on. Thursday, the local softball squad broke the recent losing streak. Of course, that was dictated by the fact the other team didn’t have enough players and were forced to forfeit. That gave us ample extra time to enjoy a few icy cold ones in the elementary school parking lot, being the great role models we are. On hand were current Slushy Gutter winner Pickles, two-time Slushy Gutter winner T Dub, two-time Slushy Gutter winner JayBiz, and original Slushy Gutter winner Shanny, among a host of other imbibers. (106)

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Radioactive and Beyond

My mind won't allow me to not be curious
My folk don't understand so they don't take it serious

Music to peep this weekend...

Lupe Fiasco "Kick Push"- Yes, a rapper with a song about skateboarding. Pretty smooth and original too.

Busta Rymes "The Big Bang"- Busta's forray into Aftermath. I heard a hot joint with Q-Tip and a couple waaaack joints too. Worth checking out.

Murs and 9th Wonder "Murray's Revenge"- West Coast MC teams up with a member of Little Brother. The result is a way hot left-coast sounding underground CD.

Quasimoto "The Further Adventures..."- Producer Madlib's alter-ego takes on a trip, as in a real trip. A host of guest appearances make this a must have for backpackers and real hip-hoppers.

Lloyd Banks "Cake"- You may be G-Unit or G-Unot, but Banks is the most talented MC in the click.

Mr Lif "Mo' Mega"- The Boston MC is Def Jux's latest release. I havent heard any of this joint yet, but am gonna cop it ASAP. With El-P on producto, it's gotta be hittin.

CLASSIC MATERIAL: Downtown Science (1991)...

The day I bought Downtown Science’s “Radioactive” CD in 1991 I also bought an all-time classic banger along with it. That other CD helped change hip-hop while a group like DS was promptly forgotten before their time. Downtown Science’s work seemed to be on the edge of the hip-hop realm when released late in the summer of 1991. That same year you had pop groups like KLF and EMF releasing poppy-synth dance tunes, and Downtown Science seemed to mimic the sound. Their beats, laid down by Sam Sever of 3rd Bass fame, reached for an outer-space, futuristic vibe. The slowed down “Room to Breathe” was a leveled effort which Sever’s music and MC Bosco Money’s breezy flow meshed to give the listener a respite from the hardcore acts of the day. The CD’s highlight was definitely the title track, with a light guitar riff ever-present, Money effortlessly spitting and a robotic hook. Other joints on the album captured a bit of the 1991 sound (“Keep It On”, “Down to a Science”,) but for the most part, Sever harnesses a unique cache of a rough symphonic music (“Delta Sigma”) that hip-hop wouldn’t hear for years. In fact, Downtown Science seemingly would’ve fit better into the underground sound of 2000 and beyond rather than stuffed into the changing rap scene of 91. The other CD I copped that day? Cypress Hill’s self titled debut joint, a top 10 joint for all ages. It’s easy to see why Downtown Science’s only release, a brilliant opus in the proper context, would be highly slept on by the fickle hip-hop audience.
Bosco Money aks Busy Bos website
Downtown Science at Amazon


Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Big Ben versus Jake, Part II

Top gun, never on the run
They know not to come cause they all get some
Goin' quicker in the speedin' lane
Jealous can't do it and it's causin' them pain

The two combatants from January’s AFC Championship have had their share of road troubles lately. We’re not talking a rattling muffler or some homeless cat pissing on their bumper. Unless you’ve been sleeping in a cave, the Steelers’ Ben Roethlisberger catapulted himself through the air like Evil Knievel this week, suffering major damage to his cabeza and leaving his Chiclets looking like a set of ‘Billy Bob’ teeth.

Last month, the local 11’s signal caller Jake Plummer, who looks like he lives in a cave, was involved in a road rage incident here in the Mile High City. Seems some unsuspecting local resident had the nerve to pick a fight with Jake on a heavily traveled artery here in town. Jake and the man had several instances of passes and cut offs before- allegedly- Jake slammed his Honda Element into reverse and crushed dude’s bumper like the Steelers defense crushed Jake’s passer rating last January. As one caller to local radio said after the incident, “those were the best passes Jake completed since the New England game.”

The sorriest thing about both these road foibles? Big Ben’s refusal to wear a helmet? Maybe he thinks if he wears one that Hines Ward won’t wave to him when he pulls into the practice facility. Jake’s inability to channel his anger on the road? This isn’t surprising since Jake has:

-flipped off the local fans after a shitty performance
-berated a local gossip columnist after she revealed he was dating a Bronco cheerleader.
–battled with the almighty NFL over stickers on the back of his helmet .
–hearing the footsteps of Bronco draftee Jay Cutler behind him.

The most surprising thing is Jake’s rig, a Honda Element. Yes, a Honda Element. Not a tricked out, Xzibit pimped, rims spinning, rig deserving of a NFL QB. But pretty much a stock, off the lot, Honda Element. No word if Jake was listening to the local smooth jazz station, with a bag full of soccer balls in the back, sucking a Moca Latte when he was driving. Come on Jake, your Steeler counterpart is rolling hard like he’s in a DMX video while you and the soccer moms are talking about Target bakeware sale. Jake, calm down, get a haircut, and then hit up the local Caddy yard and don’t leave until you are ridin hard. As Rick Ross says: Whip it real hard, whip it whip it real hard. That and start throwing some strikes to Javon Walker, because you’ll be looking for a new gig come next off-season.

Drew Litton's take on Jake Plummer road rage (RMN)
More picts of the Bronco cheerleaders (Broncos official)


Monday, June 12, 2006

Act A Fool

Bass, to make your heart shiver, I know you remember back when I used to wear silver, but I gave it a toss, cause I was told that you're not a real b-boy without real gold...

This weekend I was listening to The Liks newest CD on the trusty iPod, when I heard a great line on the track "Over Here." King Tee makes an appearance and spits:

I drove in with a few rowdy friends, new body Benz, King Jaffe ends, my rims don't spin

Pretty clever line since I hadn't heard of James Earl Jones' King Jaffe from "Coming To America" in a few years. 1988 in full effect in this modern classic, with some unforgettable lines, characters, and scenes. Who can forget Soul Glo, the Barbershop cats, Zamunda, Sexual chocolate, MacDougals restaurant...classic.

King Tee can still bring it too. Guys been dropping CDs for almost 20 years. Act A Fool and Tha Triflin Album were off the chain. He was gansta without being a hardcore thug and his metaphors and flow were way above par. At the time, he corralled the hottest West Coast producers and DJs to put in work. They sampled everyone from James Brown to the Rolling Stones to help King Tee weave a SoCal aesthetic that even had hedz in the suburbs imagining a roll down Crenshaw. And he put up Tha Liks, which in turn dropped Xzibit and the Likwit Crew. Big ups to King Tee, he could be considered a West Coast pioneer who has never really got his full due.

[528 Update: Had our annual trivia party this weekend, and although it wasn't as rowdy as years past, it was a drinking and rollicking good time. Had a few smoooooooooooooth CLs with the crew well past midnight. Current Slushy Gutter winner D-Nic, former Slushy Gutter winner Juck, the future Mrs. Broz, and Thorpedo took the winning honors. Sunday went back to Coors Field and had a few more CLs and watched Brian Fuentes blow the freaking game as the Rox stayed in last place. (92)]

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Saturday, June 10, 2006

528 Update

I weigh one-eighty but I'm phat, I kick up dust when I bust like a cap, Tha Alkaholik crew, and what we're here to do, Is rock a show, knock a hoe, and crack another brew...

The quest for 528 in the Slushy Gutter Summer went forward thorughout the last few days, complete with a couple Blonde Ales (53) for my beautiful wife's birfday on Tuesday. Thursday brought softball, another loss, and a few smoooooooooooooth CLs (57.) Friday night the weekend kicked off with Brad Penny flaming the Rockies out of Coors Field. The night provided plenty of tallies for myself, E-Train, former two-time Slushy Gutter winner T-Dub, and the yearly appearance from Mulpenisy (67.)

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Friday, June 09, 2006

Can I Kick It?

Before this, did you really know what live was? Comprehend to the track, for it's why cuz Gettin measures on the tip of the vibers. Rock and roll to the beat of the funk fuzz...

Just about every sports related blog in the entire world has had at least a mention of the World Cup that starts today. Given what we do here at Slushy Gutter Summer, the World Cup didn't really fit in, unless a player downs a keg of beer in a sleazy German beer garden after a game, errrr, match. That was until I was put up on US player Clint Dempsey, who looks like a typical cat you'd see at an Aesop Rock show. Dempsey, who also goes by Deuce, has been in the rap game for a minute now. (And, please, don't get him confused with the Dazzey Duks crew, Duice.) He even hooked up with the recently deceased Texas MC/DJ Big Hawk and cut a song and video. While Im not typically down with most Texas or Southern game, this track is one of the few that got my head noddin from south of the Mason Dixon line. Big ups to Deuce and the rest of the USA squad in Germany.

Download the track here (MySpace)
R.I.P Big Hawk (MySpace)
US Soccer Home Page


Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Posse On Broadway Revisited

Uhhh...rrrollin' with my posse we're gettin' kinda' bored--there's not another posse with more points scored

People mentioned in 1988's Posse On Broadway by Sir-Mix-A-Lot:

1. Mix himself- also metntioned later as the “JR Ewing of Seattle.” Four years later was responsible for millions of white people singing about asses at karoke bars for the next quarter century.

2. Kid Sensation- at Dick’s he dropped a $20 and didn’t even miss it. A year later he and Ken Griffey Jr dropped one of the worst raps of all time. Yes, that Ken Griffey Jr. Harold Reynolds and Jay Buhner also release their Mariner raps.

3. Maharaji- when we first meet him, he’s watching TV with two ladies on his lap, later he’s on the def side dancing like a freak. Plus, he has the funnest name to say in the whole posse.

4. Larry- the white guy who makes a lot of money in real estate. For the next two years my friends would rap this line everytime that Larry Bird shot the ball. No word if Larry used some of that money in Starbucks or Microsoft stock.

5. The Thugs on 23rd

6. Skinny girls- from smoking all them drugs. "Cuz the Rockman got them and their butts just dropped..." Not to be confused with "the Rahman got him and his butt just dropped," which is what happenned to Lennox Lewis.

7. The driver- after running into the thugs and skinny girls, the driver broke left.

8. Kevin- the only time he’s mentioned in the song. Who is this Kevin character? Former Trailblazer Kevin Duckworth? Kevin Bacon?

9. Mix’s girl- After Kevin directs the driver to “break left,” Mix’s girl blows him a kiss. And she’s looking mighty freaky in a black silk dress. Why is she outside of the limo? Maybe she had bad gas that night from the Taco Bell Mexican eatin’

10. Girlies by the college- they was looking for a ride. Probably to some crazy frat boy party. Togas and Keystone Lights bro!

11. Skeeza from another crew- She picked up Kid Sensation’s $20 bill. Then she kissed it. Yuck, doesn’t she know how many germs are on those things!

12. Aforementioned Skeeza’s boyfriend- He was illin, and was gonna lay down the Ike Turner pimp had on her. Must’ve needed the $20 for laundry.

13. P.L.B.- apparently PLB is the dude with the mace in the group, as he doused the boyfriend with a steady stream of it. Nevermind this cat’s name sounds like a electronics firm.


Monday, June 05, 2006

It's The Great Pumpkin!

It ain't hard to tell, I excel, then prevail, The mic is contacted, I attract clientele

The count went way over the weekend, starting with a smoooooooth CL Friday afternoon and not ending until a Miller High Life on Sunday.

Along the way, I:

-bought a pumpkin Halloween costume for $2

-was saddened to drink 16oz CLs rather than the 12oz

-argued with the wife whether 50 Cent is a "real" MC

-heard Cola Steve expound on his tortuous treatment of our friend Face, including tales of armpit fucking

-wore the aforementioned pumpkin costume on my back deck

-saw a pair of crooked boobies

-watched the Rockies fall into last place

-got the count up to 51 after one week of SG Summer


Friday, June 02, 2006

Start Your Engine Melo

Corners trifling cause shorty's here - I get cock-d liftin' forties of beer...

After three straight postseason 4-1series losses, the Nuggets soon to be max-ed out player, Carmelo Anthony has embarked on his summer missive. Let's take a guess on what that might be:
  1. Hitting the weights to bulk up to bang with the yoked-up post players to increase his stellar 5.6 rebound per game career average (and a paltry 1.9 per game on the offensive end)
  2. Extensive gym time with Fred Hoiberg, Reggie Miller, heck, maybe Kurt Rambis is available? His beyond the arc shooting leaves something to be desired. (29% career average and 12% in the postseason)
  3. Watching tape, working with LeBron, Kobe, Elton Brand, or other USA Basketball player pool participants to take back the Gold Medal that is rightfully ours. On second thought, stay clear of Kobe during the summers Melo.
  4. Screaming with the rest of the TRL fiends with LaLa (Melo looks like a Juelz Santana type of cat...let's hope it's not Clay Aitken.) Shit, by the looks of things, Melo should be doing anything that Lala wants him to do. Yowza.

If you guessed any of the above, you are wrong. Melo has been front and center this summer with Gene Simmons. Yes, that Gene Simmons. The two, along with a few others, have an Indy Car in this year's IRL field named Car Melo. The car hasn't fared that well this season, but it is still early. No word if a Marcus Camby-Angus Young car is also in the field, maybe Andre Miller-Nikki Sixx?

[528 update: had a few smooooooooth CLs over the past couple nights, including Thursday's softball debacle, a 16-6 loss in which we were given 5 "free" runs before a pitch was thrown. The opponents were a class above us but are playing in our league. Great idea, I think the Broncos are playing in the Sun Belt Conference next year too. (21) ]

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