Five Star (Leg)Breakdown

First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin' and twitchin' kinda like I was smokin'...

The Rockies are flying high after a three game beatdown of the Cheeseheads, and the town is abuzz with the Cubs coming in for a four game set and their masses of fans who still haven't moved on from Leon Durham, Chico Walker, mid-80s WGN, and Harry Caray.

The news isn't all good though, as Todd Helton's back has gone George Jefferson spasms on him, and Jason Hirsh has a broken leg. Broken legs, even with the fresh signatures you get on the cast (the markers that smelled like fruit and candy were choice), are not conducive to effective pitching. I'm not an orthopedic surgeon or an MD, I just kind of figured that a major snapped bone where you generate pitching strength isn't really desired among MLBers.

No one figured to tell my prognosis to Hirsh, as he suffered the broken stick in the first inning on Tuesday night and continued to pitch for six additional innings. He earned the victory over the Miller Lights and later had an MRI that revealed the problem. In the words of Biz Markie: "Oh snap!"

Curt Schilling, you are weak. Willis Reed, move over. Joe Theismann, you sissy. Joe Paterno, get off that stretcher wimp! Tim Krumrie, come on, hustle back out. Willis MacGhee, you slacker. Jason Hirsh...a freaking warrior.

RELATED:
***The Hoodratz- "Bootlegga"
Contains the chorus "If you bootleg, you get your leg broke" VIDEO

***Big Shug f/ Sean Price and Big Twins- "Leg Breakers" CHECK IT

-