Monday, February 27, 2012

So Your Saying There's A Chance?

I'm on some tax free shit by any means
Whether bound to hit scheme or some counterfeit cream...

The Buffs jumped back into the Bubble Bunch yesterday with a walloping of Pac 12 leader Cal at the Foam Dome. If the Buffs are in fact on the bubble, it is the extreme edge of it, only one swift gasp of air from popping.

The effort that was on display yesterday from the Black and Gold was sorely needed on Thursday, when the team had perhaps its worst effort of the year versus Stanford. (Note to fellow 12-packers: the back end game of the Utah/Colorado trip is probably the hardest in the league. This ain't a cross town trip in LA or a little jaunt in merry Arizona. There's like mountains in between.)

The Buffs will need to go perfect in Oregon this coming weekend versus the Ducks and against Obama's El Brollo Cunado and set themselves up for a run at the Pac 12 tourney. Even with all of that, it will be tough to get to the big dance. Remember last year and the hose job? In a lesser conference with badder loses and a year of whining in the committee's ears. But this league is wide open and the easiest way to remove any doubt is win in Kobe's house and pop the shit out of that bubble.

RELATED: The Fab 5 - "Leflaur Leflah Eshkoshka" - ("Sound pound straight through your bubble vest")


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Handshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard

I make the music, that makes a posse ill
In they Jeeps or playin ball, or ready to chill...

The Rockies' and manager Jim Tracy agreed to a contract extension yesterday that was billed as a "handshake agreement" that will keep Tracy with The Purp "indefinitely."

A multi-billion dollar business and the Rox and their about-average manager (230-210 career with the team) agree to be tied to one another with a "handshake?" That seems just so wrong on every level, but the biggest question is what kind of "handshake" was employed?

I'd like to think it was the old school "double handshake." Think Jimmy Carter/Anwar Sadat/Yitzhak Rabin at Camp David. One extended hand isn't enough, Jim, I'm adding my free hand to convey how much your 230-210 career record means to us.

But maybe Tracy and Dan O'Dowd are a little more street savvy than we think. Maybe they employed the standard hanshake followed by a slick extra move. Did Tracy utter "nuff love" or "aight then" during the handshake? Maybe O'Dowd took it another step further and brought Tracy in for the seminal "Shake and Hug" moment.

Maybe they went off the board completely. Old school Washington Redskins "fun bunch" flying high five between Tracy, O'Dowd, and both Brothers Monfort.

Could anything be more dope than O'Dowd and Tracy going Milli Vanilli chest bump? Is one of them like Howie Mandel and a germophobe and have to go with the fist pound? Big trend in football now seems to be a jumping hip bump; can either of them get that high?

Given the strange circumstances of this "deal" we might never know what was used. Secret handshake.

RELATED: Ill Al Skratch - "I'll Take Her" - ("now you know my style I'm glad you came, I give your man a pound, then I ask you what's your name")


Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Hip Hop Fact Checker: Big Daddy Kane

Artist: Big Daddy Kane

Claim: A champ like Tyson, a Captain like Kirk, no
Employee of the Month, cause yo, I do work.
(From "I Get The Job Done" )

Breakdown: We poured over the boxing groups WBA, WBC, and IBF rankings from the bulk of Kane’s career, and there is no mention of either ‘Big Daddy Kane’ or ‘Antonio Hardy’ as holding any championship belts in any weight class. However, he might’ve held a lesser belt, but given he wasn’t ranked by the three major federations, that is highly unlikely.

Next we contacted the local Star Trek aficionados who run Star Con and they checked the Star Federation’s logs to see if Big Daddy Kane was a Captain of any of the Enterprise's counterpart ships. No matches were found. He received no commission from the Starfleet Academy that would be required of any Captain.

As far as BDK being an ‘Employee of the Month’, this is hard to verify, but given that he was a full fledged rap star, it would be hard for him to hold any type of job in which he could garner such an accolade.

Conclusion: Big Daddy Kane was neither a champion, a captain, nor an employee of the month.

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Friday, February 10, 2012

Hops on the Floor

My mentals compatible with the radicals
My oddessey type, qualities allow me to poly with animals...

Is there anything worse than a spilled beer?

I'm not talking when you kick over a can or bottle at a backyard BBQ or watching the game at the crib. I'm talking a fresh poured beer bursting with crispness that suddenly is out of hand on the ground. Pepsi Center has those beers, and last night I shelled out seven bones for one. Cold, bubbly, fresh CL, that had a few precious sips into my pie hole. Then, without notice, it's littering the ground, dripping into the next row with people scrambling to make sure their coats aren't getting some. The lady next to me and her fancy "Sex In The City" high heels are now soaking more brew than me. The culprit was my inability to protect the fresh brew from my bouncing three year old, who hasn't quite figured out Pepsi Center's folding seats, flashing lights, thousands of people, and maniac blimps dropping everything but free anvils. Mix in no appearances by Super Mascot Rocky and a beer in her way is of small conseuquence. End game is that beer, once so promising, is now ready to be sticky residue on some chump's kicks at the Avs game rather than in my belly and I wasn't happy about it.

Spilled beer: there is nothing as shitty.

Except for maybe the way the Nuggets have played lately. Both spilled beer and the Nugs were once tickling our senses. We've had great times with beer (pre spill) and the Nugs (pre losing streak.) The mere sight of the beer can make you nod in approval, the sight of the Nuggets in 2nd place overall in the West raised an optimistic eyebrow. But now, that beer is on the concrete and the Nugs have gone into the crapper. It pisses everyone off. The beer ain't coming back and the Nuggets are off to a stout Pacers matchup.

Your Denver Nuggets: Spilling beer all over in 2012.

RELATED: Onyx - "Shiftee" - ("Fumble up, crews crumble up")


Thursday, February 09, 2012

No Mining These Nuggets

Well I'm a sire, I set the microphone on fire
Rap styles vary, and carry like Mariah...

If the local hoops team had a personalized plate ala Knowshon Moreno it might read "FLSGOLD."

After looking like the 2nd best team just a couple weeks ago, the Nugs have come back to the pack in the Western Conference. What gives from a team that looked deeper than a mid-90s Boss song?

One look at that depth and it is a bit supspect. Chris Birdman Anderson is giving the team nothing more than a salry cap headache righ now. The Bird's wings are clipped, and is nothing more at this point than a five to seven minute player typically suited for the end of quarters. Kostas Koufus shows glimmers of hope, but is he really anything more than a ten minute foul machine, get us a few boards type player?

The condensed NBA schedule isn't exactly suited for a good chunk of this team, and throw in a few injuries or personal absences, and it really shows. Think Andre Miller wouldn't be much better with a few days off? Al Harrington trimmed down but he could use less minutes. Rookies like Kenneth Faried or Julyian Stone were still dab in the middle of their college season's last year.

What's left? A hobbled Nene, a float on the perimeter Fernandez, and an Aron Affalo who looks like he spent the lockout locked in a TCBY. All of sudden and the Nugs' depth is barely making it out of the Pepsi Center basement.

RELATED: Mobb Deep - "Survival of the Fittest"


Monday, February 06, 2012

Flavor in your Pepsi

Football season came to a big end yesterday with a decent game in the Super Bowl. While there was no Tebow in the game, not too many Colorado connections (CU alum Nate Solder played decent), but there was a few SG connections.

Yes, that was Flavor Flav in Elton John's basement in a Pepsi commercial. The same Flavor Flav that marched the streets in the 'Fight The Power' with Chuck D and Al Sharpton. The same Flavor Flav that yelled "no sellout" and appeared on The Source as 'Joker or Genius?' One of the members of the most influencial politicalized groups of the late century is hawking sweetened carbonated beverages. Somewhere Chuck D is either sipping a Dr Pepper or weeping.

RELATED: Public Enemy - "Night Train"