Thursday, May 31, 2007

Kobe Loves Colorado

We ride on 747's, not DC-10's
We'll take a 3-day vacation and we'll do it again
Check in the hotel the day of the show
No time to play around because we got to go...

Kobe Bryant is feeling indecisive. He wants to be traded, he doesn’t want to be traded. He wants Jerry West back, he should’ve went to the Clippers. He wants a flashy Phil Jackson soul patch, he wants a Jerry Buss toupee.

The sporting media is a bit abuzz here in Denver with the Kobe to Denver trade talks. It is a bit intriguing, but Kobe hasn’t exactly had the best track record here in Colorado. Some possible trade scenarios to bring Kobe to Denver:

**1-Kobe for Allen Iverson: Dollars wise this matches up. The two players have similar wear and tear on their NBA frames, but the Lakers would probably want an additional draft pick to go along with this. AI could resume his rap career in LA’s music scene.

**2-Kobe for Carmelo Anthony: Dolars wise and hoops wise, this deal could work. Age wise, the Nugs would get the short end of the deal. The Lakers would have to throw in 1-2 draft picks. What makes this deal not so far fetched is Melo’s wife LaLa. An aspiring actress, she might want to pull a Janet Jones-Gretzky and move to Hollywood. Look what that did for her career; we all remember such Janet Jones’ classics as Police Academy 5 and starring opposite Roddy Piper in Tough and Deadly.

**3-Kobe for Linas Kleiza: This doesn’t match up dollars wise, basketball wise, sanity wise. The key is to pump massive amounts of weed smoke into Jerry Buss’ office and then propose the deal. Linas would love LA, being the worldly guy he is, cue the ‘voice’: “Linas just get chemical peel and drink Cosmo at Viper Room.”

**4-Kobe for Kenyon Martin: Again, this matches up dollars wise. I’m sure LA would want another broken down, overpaid forward to go along with Lamar Odom. (Weed smoke technique may have to be applied to this one too.)

**5-Kobe for Jake Plummer: Jake’s kind of a free-spirit weirdo, so he could move to Venice Beach, eat tofu, feed pigeons day old bread, and wear a hemp knit hat. Maybe he would even leave his Honda Element for Kobe to tool around the Mile High City. If the Lakers balk at getting traded a football player who is retired , we can just tell them it’s the Teen Wolf, who could freaking ball.


Tuesday, May 29, 2007

5280: There's No 'I' in Team (or Beer)

I divide square MC's like math,
Bend you in half and drink a Genuine Draft...

The Slushy Gutter Summer Mission is back, and it’s uglier than ever. Rather than let my own sobriety go to the dark recesses of reality, I’ve brought along a few friends. We’re getting the band back together man! I’ve opened the Summer Mission this year to a few others, mainly most of the former Slushy Gutter winners that have appeared on these screens over the last year. A couple of others received a tournament exemption and will also be imbibing with the professionals. In total, there will be eight fixtures attempting to down (drumroll)… 5,280 beers from Memorial Day Weekend until Labor Day.

The rules are the same as last year: a beer counts as one no matter the size, shape, or sexual orientation. That being said, “cheesing” out and pouring a beer into a thimble won’t be tolerated. Drinking a single beer from a 55-gal drum will be encouraged though. Most beers will be the standard 12 ounce / pint size we’ve all grown to love.

Along the way, I will offer “guest passes” to other drunks players, who want to be down with the proceedings. These “guest passes,” will be for a night, a day, a weekend in length. I have reps combing frat houses, rehab centers, and detox as we speak for people who might increase our bottom line. That being said, I won’t cheese out again and give the entire Colorado Football team a pass. Lindsay Lohan has a standing invite to join at anytime she wants.

In case you’re not familiar with the significance of the 5280 number, that’s the elevation of the beautiful area we call home, Denver Colorado. Obviously the elevation has tempered my brain to make me think we can pull this ridiculous stunt off.

With that, Memorial Day Weekend saw the crew fall woefully behind the pace. Former two-time Slushy Gutter winner Juck carried the crew with a svelte 45 downed over the four days, and also managed to include two Tangerine Zimas outside of his 45. Yes, Tangerine Zima. Former two-time Slushy Gutter winner T-Dub managed to down 16 beers, as he also went outside the box to pound a healthy amount of Margaritas. Newcomer Slick Rip endured a Jager Bomb shot before squeezing out 17, former Slushy Gutter Winner Pickles cracked 19, and the Commish brought up the rear with a lowly 12, although two of the tally were 32 ounce Monster Mugs from the hopping Morrison Inn. Former two-time Slushy Gutter winner JBiz started the proceedings at 1am on Friday with #1, and Broz entered the fray with 18 pops and still managed to complete the Bolder Boulder Monday morning; Heart of a Champion. (95)

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Sunday, May 27, 2007

Flux Capacitor

People still takin' rappin' for a joke,
A passing hope or a phase with a rope,

Sometimes I choke and try to believe,

when I get challenged by a million MCs...

***The Scene: 1988 Commish is at the local record store. 2007 Commish enters and starts this conversation:

07: Yo, son.
88: Uh
07: Yeah, brah, I'm you. The 2007 version. Nice mullet.
88: Mul-what? What's going on?
07: What are you buying there?
88: I got Jazzy Jeff and Boogie Down Productions.
07: Great choices. In fact, I just bought the new Jazzy Jeff and the new KRS-One just a few days back. That must be what happened here, some sort of weird harmonic convergence that made me, 2007 Commish, come meet the 1988 me because we're buying the same artists 19 years apart.
88: Yeah, I bet you took a flying DeLoreon or something, right?
07: Smart ass.
88: KRS-One and Jazzy Jeff are still around in 2007?
07: They're not in the mainstream like today, but they're still putting out good music to the real rap fans who
appreciate that sound.
88: Real rap? Isn't rap just rap?
07: In a few years, you'll see the Hip Hop sound start to fragment. You'll have alot of rappers water down their sound to get radio play. Years after that, the production and beats will get even less, and you'll have more artists with simple sounds and call-and-respond type songs catering to radio and club play.
88: Ye
ah, right. What's that cap your wearing?
07: The Colorado Rockies, the local baseball team.
88: Baseball in Denver, are you stoned Mister?
07: You're a funny kid. And I'm loving the white Adidas sweat suit and flea market gold chains you got there.
88: These
are stupid fresh. More than I can say about that twice your size t-shirt and funky tennis shoes you got on. So, if Hip Hop becomes so lame, what do I do?
07: Well kid, later this year you'll discover
consciousness in rap, at the same time you'll become transfixed by gangster, street tale rap. After a few years of that, you'll get back to a hardcore East Coast rap that focuses on lyrics and tight beats. You'll smatter some West Coast funk and some Cali artists as well. Then, your outlook will change as the artists I talked about before.
88: No, you mean I'll listen to Bon Jovi and all that crap the smoking kids listen to?
07: No, you'll start to seek out underground rap. You'll even start a blog that talks about it.
88: A blog? Sounds like a turd in a toliet.
07: Well, it pretty much is.
88: So what should I do about Hip Hop?
07: Nothing, just follow what sounds good to you. Hip Hop will speak to so many people on different levels, people will drop in and drop out over the years, but the true fans will always be there. We're one of the real ones.
88: That's crazy dope!
07: Yeah, in full effect.
88: Do I ever get busy with that blonde in my Spanish class?
07: No, Senor.


Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Summer Mission Part 2?

I just irritate the wack, leave them so confused
When I'm checkin on the mic with the ones and twos
Sneak you a peek of the drunk technique
Can't stand up, need to take a seat...

We are fast approaching the unofficial start of Summer, Memorial Day. For the handful of you who remember...let me rephrase that, for the couple of you that remember, it was last Memorial Day when the Slushy Gutter Summer’s Summer Mission officially started. The concept was simple: drink 528 beers during the 2006 Summer (between Memorial Day and Labor Day.)

The Commish finished the challenge with about 64 hours to spare, and now with the Summer of 2007 looming, the question is “will that ahole do that stupid sh*t again?” As of now, I’m not really sure. Last year was fun, but damn, that was a lot of beer. Do the math and it was about 37 beers a week. My liver is shivering in the corner at the memories. Like any decision, I’ve compiled the PROS and CONS of repeating of even upping the ante of a possible Slushy Gutter Summer Mission: The Sequel.

CONS: Pianos lodged on my head (better known as hangovers), my penis might turn orange, I might burn down Andre Rison’s house, entire paycheck spent by 5:20pm Friday on shots, simple act of walking becomes cumbersome, I could share a burger with David Hasselhoff, skin becomes shade of a Coors Light can’s silver, no one likes vomit in their 4th of July potato salad, storing beer in Coors Field humidor might be construed as trespassing, any blog entry that includes “and after I banged the gorilla” is not good, summer festivals at which the kids think I’m a clown does not reflect well, mysteriously ending up in Mike Vick’s backyard holding a pitbull, appear in a 50 Cent diss video in my boxer shorts, I might fight Dan O’Dowd, I’ll record a track called “Drankin” under the name ‘Young Mish,’ stank breath causes small children to pass out, Willie Nelson won’t return my calls, and I might end up forgetting to wear underwear and having the paparrazzi take photos.

PROS: Beer is good.

Damn, it's neck and neck, a definite tough decision. What do you think?


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Kircus: Subway Clubber

While not the same pizzazz as the Bengals' transgressions, the Bronco receiving corps has it’s own share of legal woes. In addition to projected starter Brandon Marshall's domestic violence woes, the back ups are also in the act. It seems reserve David Kircus got himself into some trouble this weekend after he busted up some chump's face at a Highlands Ranch party at 3 in the morning.

Kircus’ most famous claim to fame prior to this was the fact that he worked at a Subway sub shop before the NFL picked him up off the scrap heap. So, we’re sure an exchange like this happened before Kircus went Floyd Mayweather on his victim:

MAN: Hey Kirkus, why don’t you fetch me a Cold Cut Trio?
DK: Hey man, I play for the Broncos now.
MAN: Yeah? Well that’ll buy you and Jared a few meatball subs.
DK: Whatever.
MAN: Schlotzky’s forever!
DK: Watch it bud, I had 9 catches last year.
MAN: Quiznoes, Spicy Pickle, Blimpie, Jersey Mike’s!
DK: Seriously man!
MAN: Mr. Suuuuuuuuuuuuub...
DK: Eat fresh!

(Coach Mike Shanahan, when riled from his tanning booth, commented that while he appreciated the extra Subway Punch Cards Kircus brought to the team, that the WR would be cut if the charges prove to be true and Kircus is convicted.)


Sunday, May 20, 2007

I Can Hear Stevie

That's what I'm smackin you with cause it's easy
Like Lionel Richie, your whole style is bitchy
Switch me, mix me, somebody get me
Don't let me rip out my clothes like Bill Bixby...


***The Rockies fall further and further into irrelevance, as the dogass Royals took two of three from the local nine this weekend. (Quick, name two guys on the Royals!) The Rox ended their 10-game homestand at 4-6, not quite the home cooking from the old days. Aside from decent starting pitching the list of Rockies woes reads like 'Baseball for Dummies'. Lack of clutch hitting, shoddy defense, a woeful bullpen, subpar power numbers, and even Dinger's head looks a bit mattted. When does football start?

***Someone, or something called the Denver Oultaws won a game this weekend. I'm not sure if that's a old West re-enacting troupe, a motorcylce gang, or a lacrosse team. But dammit, at least someone is in first.

***The Bolder Boulder 10K race is this upcoming Memorial Day, where 50,000 take to the streets of the Republic of Boulder with the sole prize of a single can of beer awaiting their efforts. Sounds good to us here at the SG, sign me up.

***The kid, former two time Slushy Gutter winner JBiz, former two time Slushy Gutter winner T-Dub and his new homies Jimmy and Smitty, and a host of others saw Denver native Stevie Johnston's return to CO this weekend. Stevie aka "Lil' But Bad" scored a decisive victory over his younger Ecuadorian opponent. While not quite looking like his former champion self, Stevie sufficiently pummelled his opponent in front of "all the pimps, all the players," white-haired grandmothers, tatted up gearheads, cowboys in 10 gallon hats, and everyone in between. Boxing: the mixing pot of sporting America.

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Friday, May 18, 2007

Friday Funk: 911 Is A Joke

A few little snippets from the classic Public Enemy track and video:

*The B-Side of the single was "Revolutionary Generation"
*Samuel Jackson appears in the video looking mighty similiar to his Gator character from Jungle Fever.
*Day-Glo yellow jumpsuits sooooo need to make a comeback in the 07. Try rockin that to your parent's house for their next BBQ.
*This track samples Sound Experience's "Devil With the Bus" and Wilbur "Bad" Bascomb's "Feel Like Dancing."
*At no time in the video do you see New York, Hoops, or any other "Flavor of Love" girls. In fact, they were probably all in grade school or diapers when this dropped (Summer of 90).
*A young Commish did in fact, wear his hats with the tag still attached ala Flavor. He didn't take it as far as the clock, but he thought about it.
*In the aftermath of the Sept 11th attacks, the Clear Channel radio conglomerate deemed this as an unacceptable track to play.
*Chuck D appears in this video for a grand total of 2 seconds.
*Flavor Flav has appeared in two movies: Mo Betta Blues and New Jack City.
*A non musical sample on this was Eddie Murphy from his debut 1982 comedy album, a track called "Hit by Car" (the audio snippet, "haha, very funny muthfucka.") Also included was Vincent Price's laugh from his spoken word on Michael Jackson's "Thriller."
*Duran Duran covered this song (no joke).
*Other Hip Hop songs that feature a phone number in the title include Gravediggaz "1-800-SUICIDE" and Mary J Blige's "What's the 411." Or you can dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot and kick those nasty thoughts.
*Davey D wrote of being harrassed by NY's finest during the production of this track.
*I can't be 100% sure, but the three men sitting on the stage with Flavor look like Slick Rick, Jam Master Jay, and Erick Sermon

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Randy Johnson is my shop teacher

On and on, to the break of dawn
When you buy food cheap, you need a coupon
Or catch a sale retail, before it gets stale

I've never been a fan of Randy Johnson for a few reasons. Chief among them is that he just looks like an asshole, and second is that the treats the Rockies like they were parking cones covered in baseball uniforms. Last night he blanked the local nine, then probably went into the post game buffet and berated the attendant for the Jello being too runny.
Like most, Randy reminds me of some creepy, ahole personality we've all met over our years. Whether he's a strange long lost uncle, a shady car salesman we've encountered, the weirdo in the corner cubicle, or some freaky dude preaching on your college campus. For me, the Big Unit reminds of my Junior High shop teacher. Yes, he was a typical shop teacher: nasty mustache, big ring of keys, rumors of relationships with scuzzy women, smelled like WD-40.
He was also the first teacher to give a young Commish a failing grade. On my progress report, first semester, 7th grade, I received a big fat 'F' in shop, or as it was called in my district 'Technical Arts' and further abbreviated as 'TA.' The failing mark did cause some concern and confusion in the family as well. When I showed the report to my aunt, she replied "TA? You're getting a failing grade in tits and ass!? What kind of school are you going to!"
Thank you, Randy Johnson, you freak. Each time you roll through the Rox lineup you remind me of my inability to work a belt sander.


Monday, May 14, 2007

Melo's Mansion

Rappers been around long, makin mad noise you see
Still I haven't seen one rapper livin comfortably...

Carmelo Anthony made some news over the weekend when he scored a plush new mansion in Denver’s south suburbs. The rumored price was around $12 million. Included in the stylish digs were swimming pools, eight fireplaces, a multi-car garage, a 5000 bottle wine cellar, and plush marble and mahogany.

Eight fireplaces? That can deplete the ozone layer over one long home stand.

One selling point was the house included a recording studio, which piqued Melo’s interest because he owns a record label. Ahh, yes, an athlete who owns a record label. Never seen that before; should be a huge success.

Also included was a boxing gym, complete with a getaway runway for those “smack and run” combos. Nate Robinson has already applied to be the towel boy.

There’s an entire wing devoted to Rahchine and Slim and the rest of Melo’s entourage. Follow the burning incense smell and you’ll meet up with them.

A lovely aspect of the pad is it’s only one level, Melo has trouble getting past the first round, ya know.

Larry Brown and Isiah Thomas did not send housewarming gifts.

Also on the property is an 11,000 square foot barn. Did Melo grew up with horses and farm animals in West Baltimore? I’m sure you’ll be able to steal glimpses of him riding along the horse trails with LaLa. Maybe he can ride his horse into the Pepsi Center?


Thursday, May 10, 2007

Word to tha Mother's Day


**Ya Mama- The Pharcyde VIDEO
**Danger Zone- Big L (“I'm on some satanic shit, strictly, little kids be wakin up, cryin, yellin, ‘Mommy, Big L is comin to get me!’”)
**Dear Mama- 2Pac
**Mama Said Knock You Out- LL Cool J
**Anti Heroes Lyrics- Smut Peddlers (“We all weirdos, anti-heroes, the ones your Moms said wouldn't amount to fuckin zero)
**Pink and Blue- Outkast ("Same here, and actually I think that's funky...In a Claire Huxtable type way")
**Feed the Children- Eric B & Rakim
**Eastern Conference AllStars (Mr. Eon)- ("My soul got caught up in Mom's ovaries.") VIDEO
**Check the Rhime- Tribe Called Quest (“Here’s a funky introduction to how nice I am, tell ya Mother, tell ya father, send a telegram”)
**Ma Dukes- OC
**Peter Piper- Run DMC (“Now Dr. Seuss and Mother Goose both did their thing”)
**Baggin on Moms- King Tee
**Mamma- Big Pun
**On My Block- Scarface ("...playin dominoes, keep the swishers sweet down until my Mama goes.") VIDEO
**Guess Who?- Goodie Mob (“Who was tha first to hold you in some arms? Tha first to change your diaper when your stomach wasn't calm?”)
**Slick Rick- Children’s Story VIDEO
**Fight For Your Right- Beastie Boys (“now your Mom threw away your best porno mag”)
**Redrum- Nine (“Be nappy on the regular, live long and prosper, get yours, love your Mom, safe sex, etcetera”)
**Your Moms Is In My Business- K-Solo
**Luv Ya Moms- Noreaga
**125 Part I (The Bio)- Joell Ortiz ("He happy his Moms never sucked a glass pipe")
**Early Mother's Day Card- Whodini
**Everything’s Gonna Be Alright (Ghetto Bastard)- Naughty By Nature (“I couldn't get a job, nappy hair was not allowed, my Mother couldn't afford us all, she had to throw me out”) VIDEO
**If Your Mother Only Knew- Rahzel
**Look Mom…No Hands- Vast Aire
**Bada Bing- Danger Doom (“Yo son, demented when them sent it from the other time,
before everybody and they Mother rhyme)
**Don’t Sweat the Technique- Eric B & Rakim (“we can moan and groan till ya Moms come home) VIDEO
**Dance- Nas (“Job is done, raising ghetto kids in the hood, you was my strength to carry on and now I'm good”)
**Moms- Tribe Called Quest
**Growin Up in the Hood- Compton’s Most Wanted (“And at home, it's the same ass story,
Moms treat me like she don't even know me”) VIDEO
**The Birth- Ice Cube
**Mama Don't Take No Mess- Yo-Yo
**C.R.E.A.M. – Wu-Tang Clan ("Moms bounced on old man, then we moved to Shaolin land" )
**Original Gangster- Ice-T (“Nobody gives a fuck…'The children have to go to school,' well, Moms, good luck.”)
**I Wanna F*ck Your Mom- Willie D
**Brand Nubian- Momma
**My Name Is- Eminem ("99% of my life I was lied to, I just found out my mom does more dope than I do") VIDEO
**Doug E Fresh & Slick Rick- La Di Da Di (“Her mean Mother stepped up, said to me 'hi.'
Looked Sally in the face and decked her in the eye”)

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Monday, May 07, 2007

Adopted Son

Listen closely, so your attention's undivided
Many in the past have tried to do what I did

Just the way I came off, man I'm gonna come off
Stronger and longer, even with the drum off...

With the Nuggets out of the playoffs, here are some reasons to adopt one of the remaining eight teams still in the postseason:

1- Detroit Pistons: Denver native and former CU star Chauncey Billups. You might be from Colorado and/or went to CU, but you don't get to work for a guy named 'Flip'

2- Cleveland Cavaliers: LeBron James had a Hummer in high school. You tried and tried, but you never got a hummer in high school.

3- Chicago Bulls: Ben Wallace has a cool afro. You probably have worn an afro wig at some point. It's not really as funny as you think it is.

4- New Jersey Nets: You have a Jay-Z CD or two. Thanks to you, he was able to parlay that extra buck into buying the Nets.

5- San Antonio Spurs: If you watch the Spurs long enough, one player could be shot by a sniper. Everyone will think it's just one of them flopping again.

6- Golden State Warriors: Baron Davis has opened your eyes to the plight of the Black Amish population in this country.

7- Phoenix Suns: Steve Nash's bloody grill reminds you of when Fabio got clocked in the cabeza by an irate pigeon.

8- Utah Jazz: Every time you see Utah, you're reminded of the timeless trips you take to listen to the world renowned jazz and landmark jazz clubs in Salt Lake City.


Thursday, May 03, 2007

Viva La Raza

Do my shit undercover now it's time for the blubber,
blabber, to watch that belly get fatter
Fat boy on a diet, don't try it
I'll jack yo' ass like a looter in a riot...

Rappers of Mexican heritage are far and few in between this century. Outside of B-Real’s chorus on Snoop’s “Vato” track and a few minor groups/MCs, the Mexican-American MC is well under represented in the game. On the flip side, I would guess that Hispanic buyers account for a nice chunk of CD sales, show tickets, and the requisite gear and accessories.

The early 90’s saw a few Chicano MCs garner some attention and impressive sales. In honor of Cinco de Mayo, here are a few of SG’s favorites:

-N2Deep- You couldn’t go anywhere in the Summer of 1992 in Denver or throughout the West without hearing their classic West Coast jam, “Back to the Hotel.” The duo from Vallejo, CA gave us the line “in the back, sipping purple chongos,” causing most of America to ask, “a purple what?” It got the head nods from hardcore Boom Bap heads like myself, Birkenstock wearing Brand New Heavies fans, the gangster wannabees and real criminals, and airhead bimbos (to whom we played the song to unsuccessfully try to get some play.) The noticeable saxophone laden tack was originally from “Darkest Light" by Lafayette Afro Rock Band and was also used by New Jack Swing outfit Wreckx N Effect on their hit “Rumpshaker,” Ice Cube on “Friday,” Heavy D’s hard core jam “You Cant See..” and by Public Enemy on “Show Em Watcha Got.” Unfortunately, other than the title track, I didn’t really vibe to the remainder of the album. They continue to put out music as a group and solo artists to this day. (Purple chongo is vodka and grape Kool-Aid. Order one the next time you’re at you favorite upscale bar.) VIDEO: "Back to the Hotel"

-Kid Frost- If the Chicano Hip Hop scene had a defacto Godfather, it was Kid Frost. His 1990 album, Hispanic Causing Panic featured a level of conscious rap that was all the rage in the late 80’s / early 90’s. He weaved tales of his East LA neighborhood and extolled “La Raza” on the track of the same name, and used original Latin music and instruments and Spanglish narratives throughout the entire album. The East LA culture came through the music: loc sunglasses, lowriders, khaki pants. His next album, 1992’s East Side Story is a bit darker, and Frost continued to drop joints over the next 10 years (he subsequently dropped the “Kid” from his name. The moniker came as a nod to Ice-T, a rapper that he frequented the early 1980’s LA rap scene with.) VIDEO: "La Raza"

-B-Real- Everyone, and I mean everyone, was a Cypress Hill fan in 1992. I can remember my uptight, mechanical engineering roommate buying their debut. I then took a trip to Hawaii and seeing someone’s dorm room window adorned with “Cyprus Hill” in masking tape, right next to the "Tribe Called Kwest" mask up. That’s when I was like, “danm, these dudes might be on some next shit.” B-Real’s nasal vocals, along with Muggs’ grimy beats were the highlight of their nearly two-year reign as the “it” thing in Hip Hop. B-Real parlayed that into mini celebrity status, appearing on tons of guest tracks (his Beastie’s “So Watcha Want” remix verse is fire), interviews with everyone, movie cameos (Who’s The Man?- the cinematic triumph it was), and even getting to bang Carmen Electra for a minute. Born Louis Freese, he's a fairly articulate and funny cat, straying from the frequent “Im so cool” rapper persona. His mary jane antics and advocacy have made him a legit Hip Hop icon and a viable rap touring group 15 years later. B-Real and Cypress' newer releases have fell out of favor with the hardcore rap crowd, but their early music remains a Golden Age staple. VIDEO: "How I Could Just Kill A Man"


Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Nuggets: The Epilouge

Yo, when I was small they used to tease me
because my hair was peasy, hard and greasy
But now I'm livin well like George and Wheezy...

STERN LOOK: The league needs to take a serious look at the amount of flopping, whining, and pleading teams and players can do. The Spurs have perfected the art of all three, which is perfectly leagal and a shrewd move by them. Refs are human too, and they could be a tad hesitant to call a foul if they know the result could be high pitched hyena howls from the transgressor. The NHL calls penalities for flopping, MLB managers and players get thrown out for arguing, and although rare, football players can be penalized. Add the element of a personal foul being called and Manu will conduct himself like John Stockton in 07-08.

CAMBY LAND MOVED?: The Nugs are well over the salary cap for next year and unless owner Arsenal Stanley wants to pony up a luxury tax for a team that has exited the 1st rd for four straight, money will need to be pared. The giant weight on the franchise's neck is Kenyon Martin's huge contract. The Nuggets have a better chance of me making the All-Star team than moving K-Mart. With Melo, AI, and Nene all forming a nucleus, the logical coice to move is Camby. His value is high with his defensive prowess and they could be able to bring in a veteran shooter in a trade.

BYE BYE BLAKE: Steve Blake performed admirably in the stretch run, but he approaches free agency in the off-season. Portland is rumored to be ready to offer some serious coin. The Nugs may like his game, but they simply can't afford to pay him based on his limited contributions; he can distribute, but turnovers and lack of scoring punch hinder him. Notice how just-signed Anthony Carter played just as well in Game 5. That may be the solution: pour over the international ranks for a point guard.

HOME COOKIN: The Nugs have to play better at home. Let the dancers perform in thongs, dress the front row in Star Wars costumes, suit up Rocky, whatever it takes to get a 30+ wins at altitude is key. Losing to the bottom feeders at The Can cannot be tolerated or shrugged off by Coach Karl. Maybe our old friend Ricardo Patton had the right idea when he forced the team to sleep on cots on the floor to show the home court significance. Since they're NBAers, they can even bring strippers.

IT'S DIVISION ONE!: The main focus of the franchise has to be to win the division, thus taking out the Utah Jazz. Hence, winning these home games becomes more important. Not only winning the division, but securing a top four seed for 1st rd homecourt. That means taking a plus 5-10 game jump in the win total.

GONE IN NOVEMBER: Players that will most likely (or maybe should be) moved by training camp: Jamal Sampson, DerMarr Johnson, Reggie Evans, Steve Blake, and either Linas Kleiza or JR Smith. The last two could be involved in a possible Camby trade.

ALREADY SIMMERING: The networks are already loving the Knicks coming to Denver next year for the George Karl-Isiah Thomas steel cage match. Maybe it could bump Kobe and Shaq off the Christmas marquee? Ho, ho, ho.


Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Big Shot Bob BS

I’m the authentic poet to get lyrical
For you to beat me, it’s gonna take a miracle...

You know us here at the SG, we offer in-depth, five star, top-notch, expert analysis. Especially when it comes to the Denver Nuggets and the NBA. Case in point: last night’s Game Four between FC San Antonio and the Powder Blue Patrol. Nugs down by one, Spurs have the ball, 30 seconds. After extensive thought, politicking with basketball brainiacs, and tape breakdown, we came to the conclusion: FUCKING cover Robery Horry.

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