Wednesday, August 22, 2007

5280: Twin Hype

Okay here I go shorty tap the forty O smash
Take a pass, if ya crash make a dash to the trash
Tap a cap, have alot and not alot not a little
Don't grade upon the label take a guzzle, don't dribble...

A quick glance at the calendar reveals that the idiocy that is The Slushy Gutter Summer Mission is rounding third base and heading for home. Two weekends remain; dos weekends con mas cerveza; the Twin Weekends of Suds.

A quick work of the SG abacus also reveals that the livers are going to have to put in more overtime than Mike Vick’s lawyers, as we are 964 beers away from the hallowed mark. Taking straight averages of every players’ consumption thus far will still leave the crew about 12 cases short of the goal.

One reason for the high totals needed may be that most of the crew took it mad easy this past week. Perhaps they are just gearing up for the final push, maybe they are lazy, maybe they have forgotten how to open a can due to the last 12 weeks.

Former two time Slushy Gutter Winner JBiz got a bit back on track , coming in at 25 beers for the week, including some post hockey game beers. Ahhh, the timeless tradition of hockey in August. Broz finally slowed his roll, posting only 22, as did former Slushy Gutter Winner Pickles, who also came in at deuce-deuce.

Former two time Slushy Gutter Winner TDub came in at 28 beers, while the Commish gulped down 31, among those were some stale tasting Michelob Ultras from a sleek kegerator. Slick Rip, barely registering in this anymore, had two beers. Yes, two beers.

Current Slushy Gutter Winner Jeez Steve sludged through a night with the Denver Broncos and Hooters to come in at a svelte 48 beers for the week. Trav posted his highest mark, a smooooooth 60. Included in those was an all-day Madden Holiday-athon on Saturday and Bud Selects first appearance of the summer. And of course, former two time Slushy Gutter Winner Juck posted the high water mark, a 68 for the week.

The Summer’s first threeguest passers weren’t exactly Norm from Cheers, but they did give a slight lift. Old homey Father Tuck graced us with 35 beers, including 14 at an all-day fantasy football draft. Unfortunately, he also downed as many vodka drinks or he could’ve been a superstar. Finally, our man Cricket Clarence made an appearance, and after a huge Monday start of 10 at a golf tourney, tapered off to give us 27 on the week. Trav's homey Crunk Dave took a trip to the ATL and promptly railed off 45 pimped cup beers, including an array of strip club visits, Stella Artois (which seem to be the rage right now), and even an attempt with a marker to number his beers.

The big question is can the Starting Nine rally to chug the remaining grand over the next two weekends? Will it come down to some poor schlep downing a beer at 11:50pm on Labor Day? Whose liver just might fall out while taking a piss during College Football kickoff on Sept 1? Who will draft Dave Krieg in their FF draft due to too many? Stay tuned, stay sudsy, and stay real… (4316)

RELATED:

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6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

GayBeez drank 25? darn, did you guys buy him a nipple? Probably matched his training wheels. Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuch!

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