Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Matches Made in Hell

I'm the type to interrupt a party
I don't need a phone to reach out and touch somebody
Gimme a mic, it's just as good as one
Leave the party is what you wack MCs should of done...

-Boris and Natasha joining The Legion of Doom
-The Taliban merges with Starbucks
-Vanilla Ice joining up with PM Dawn
-Budweiser and a chick with hairy armpits
-David Duke joining Hoover's FBI
-Kim Il Jong signs with the Raiders
-Paris Hilton marrying Tom Cruise
-Baby Doc Duvalier teaming up with Al Capone
-Tim Hardaway rolling with Kramer from Seinfled
-Osama walks on for the Huskers
-Todd Bertuzzi traded to the Red Wings


Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Walking in Memphis

You're in the Terrordome like my man Chuck D said
It's time to dethrone you clones, and all you knuckleheads
Cuz' MC's have used up extended warranties
While real MC's and DJ's are a minority...

That relieving sigh you heard from Tennessee last night was not Elvis' ghost choking down a rack of spare ribs, but rather your Denver Nuggets not gaging in the 4th quarter. The powder blue patrol locked up a 111-107 win over the Griz. When you think Memphis you think Grizzlies roaming Broad Street, right? Then again, this is a city that celebrated the mentally unstable by naming their XFL team the 'Maniax'. The 'X' just makes it so coo-coo, doesn't it?

The Nugs seemed destined for their fifth straight L before AI caught fire early in the fourth and Melo and Nene helped bring home the victory over an inept and ugly Memphis squad. Pau Gasol and Mike Miller could be cast as degenerate meth addicts in the next Taratino movie. And, Miller, some soccer player is looking for his headband/rubber band you're currently sporting.

Although the Griz are a wretched squad, (how did that team make the playoffs last year is anyone's guess) watching them has got to be a dream for 6th graders everywhere. In between calling your friends "Gasol-holes" and cheering for "Miller Time" the 12 year olds can scream "go Gay!" at the top of their lungs and giggle for four quarters.


Monday, February 26, 2007

Damien Nash RIP

Up early in the morning, dressed in black
Don't ask why? 'Cause I'm down in a suit and tie...

For the second time in this off-season, tradegy struck the local NFL team as RB Damien Nash died this past weekend. The cause of death is unknown at this time, but his family had a history of heart ailments.
Outside of a good game versus the Chargers, Nash didn't see much playing time, but may have figured into the team's special teams' plans in the future. From all accounts, he was popular with his teammates, a good father and husband, and active in his community.
Being in Big 12 country, alot of us remember Nash from his days with Mizzou and playing against the Buffs for years. A hard runner, with a deceptive second gear, Nash was drafted in 2005 and signed with Denver as a free agent in 06.
It's hard to make sense of these deaths, of good role-model players, when you have NFL knuckleheads running around in strip clubs, getting caught with guns, and acting like general aholes. Nash dies after a charity basketball game in honor of his ailing brother, while a week ago Pacman Jones is "making it rain" in a strip club and beating down strippers. Fans, teammates, and coaches are left shaking their heads and asking "why?"


Friday, February 23, 2007

When They Reminisce Over You

Super scientifical madness, my status is the baddest when I choose to bless the apparatus...
Yesterday's tragic passing of former NBA great Dennis Johnson had myself and other NBA heads reminiscing about the NBA heyday. Like most fans, I hated the Celtics in the day, but also held a great deal of respect for their workman-like approach and team play.

Your Denver Nuggets and the Celtics were involved in some classic battles during the Boston run. Old McNichols arena would be filled to the brim, with almost a humid mist and smoke billowing in from the concourse. Larry Bird would be sufficiently harrassed and put through the ringer by Calvin Natt, while Johnson would match up with Fat Lever, one of the most underrated PGs of alltime. Michael Adams was always tough for a slower team like the Celtics to keep up with, and Alex English would use his smooth play to get open shots in between McHale and Parrish. Inevitably, Doug Moe would end up on courtside without his jacket and tie he started the game with, the crowd would "pop" the Miller bottle light display with their cheers, and the Nuggets would go home as victors more than a few times.

I'm not one of those who pines away for the "old" NBA by railing on the current product, however, a player like Johnson is a great model for many of these young cats coming up. Heady, worked hard, and bought into a system helped lead him to a higher plane than 90% of these hoopers will ever see.

Old School trivia: Name the movie that Alex English had a major starring role in.


Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Ashy Wednesday

I smacked a 40 ounce, out of a young man's hand
and fed him lessons of life to formulate a plan
and wore the Prime Meridian as a wrsit band...

For Lent, I won't be drinking anymore...and I won't be drinking any less. What some Colorado sports personalities will be giving up for Lent:

Colorado AD Mike Bohn: Please give up looking at all these minor CU Hoops coach candidates. The dude from Wyoming, Salami from the White Shadow, and Coach Sawchowski from the YMCA won't cut it in the Big

The Denver Nuggets: No tattoos for the next 40 days. If you make it through, you can get a fresh "40 Days and 40 Nights" tat on your back with a wicked looking skull or something.

Dan Hawkins: No caffiene, no anonymous letters, and no going for it on 4th and goal.

Joel Quinvelle: Give up that Magnum PI mustache for the next month and half and maybe your team can climb out of the outer regions of the NHL playoffs. Or maybe the team will mistake you for Ronald McDonald's dad.

Clint Hurdle: Say 10 Hail Marys and just give up period. If the Brothers Monfort can't commit to bringing a winner, then you and your flavor saver should go Ricardo Patton and put it on auto pilot. Hell, Jim Leyland used to smoke in the dugout, maybe you could spark up a bong.

Todd Helton: Give up hoping to play for the Red Sox or any other contender. Sorry, Todd, but no matter what you do your stuck here in baseball hell. You must've not took this Lent thing serious in your younger days to get this punishment.

George Karl and the Nuggets again: It appears you've already gave up playing defense, so go ahead and forsake all chances of advancing past the first round...again.

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Sunday, February 18, 2007

President's Day


*Eric B is President- Eric B. & Rakim
*How U Get a Record Deal- Big Daddy Kane ("Cuz when I hit the skins, they all say 'damn Kane', you knock out the bush like a presidential campaign")
*Black Republicans- Nas and Jay-Z
*Arrest the President- Intelligent Hoodlum
*Brookyln Queens- 3rd Bass ("Oval Office closed as she heard this, she said 'from 3rd Bass, we could do this'")
*Ah Yeah- KRS-One ("Every President we ever had lied, you know I'm kind of glad Nixon died")
*Presidential MC- Method Man
*Presidential- Youngbloodz
*The World is Yours- Nas ("I'm out for presidents to represent me") VIDEO
*Ain't No Future In Your Frontin- MC Breed ("If I was the President, I state facts, you leave it up to me I paint the White House black") VIDEO
*I Wanna Get High- Cypress Hill ("My oven is on high when I roast the quail, tell Bill Clinton to go and inhale")
*President of Babies Father- Def Squad
*Crack Music- Kanye West ("How we stop the Black Panthers? Ronald Reagan cooked up the answer.")
*Bill Clinton Skit- Tash
*Drop Da Bomb- Brand Nubian ("What I provide will collide with devilish ways of thinking, erasing false facts that started with Abe Lincoln")
*Just Might Be Okay- Lupe Fiasco ("He architected, he authored what I harbored, Jimmy Carter")
*Bush Boys- Danger Mouse and Jemini
*Dead Presidents- Jay-Z VIDEO
*Guard Ya Grill- Naughty By Nature ("...That's about as funny as Barbara Bush in a bobsled")
*Buck 50- Ghostface Killah f/ Method Man ("never tell a lie, like George with the cherry tree")
*Mosh- Eminem ("Mosh pits outside the Oval Office...") VIDEO
*No Vaseline- Ice Cube ("I never have dinner with the President")
*A Bird in the Hand- Ice Cube ("A bird in the hand is worth more than a Bush")
*Bring Da Ruckus- Wu-Tang Clan ("I master the trick just like Nixon")
*One More Chance- Notorious BIG ("I'm not only the client, I'm the player president") VIDEO
*Take It In Blood- Nas ("They high from sniffin coke off a twenty cent Andrew Jackson")


Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Madness of Hawk

It's time to get live, live, live
like a wire I set a whole choir on fire
Well done, on the grill, shot skills kills...

The emails have been coming in from across the country about Dan Hawkins’ rant last week; asking “what’s his deal?” We here in Buffland thought the “tirade” was pretty funny, a Hawkins moment. Now a week later, it has hit the blogsphere and national radio shows (hmmmm, I wonder where all broadcast guys get their material?) Simmer down now people, there’s no use in trying to delve into “why” Hawkins went Howard Dean during his recruiting press conference.

After a year plus on the job in Boulder, that’s just Hawk being Hawk. Maybe he had just been told there wasn’t going to be glazed carrots at the recruiting luncheon. Maybe his son got caught looking at porn on his laptop during Algebra class. Maybe he just remembered that his squad lost to a Div IAA squad last year. Maybe his coffee was replaced by a double Jolt Cola with ground up Kool Menthols and Fun Dip. Maybe he finally realized his hair looks like Adam Rich from “8 Is Enough.” Win a few games this Fall, and no one will remember that you went ape shit over nothing…brutha.

Previous Hawkins Tirades:
-Leaving the field at halftime at the ISU game
-Taunting the Huskers
-Hawkins goes sky diving


Monday, February 12, 2007

Save the Grammy fo yo Mammy

The words you talk, that'll be the words you walk
Body you in the bed where the nurses are

Put your vein out, watch me insert the dart...

Grammy Hip Hop Highlights:

-Even the gulliest underground head can give Ludacris some love for his Rap Album of the Year win. Even better: his big "f*ck you" to Bill O'Reilly in his acceptance speech.

-Pre-show, you see Paul Wall hawking his grillz (surprise!) to the clueless E! network. Paul's own grill is either a new shade of gold or he's been munching on pumpkins.

-Wyclef Jean: how long can you latch on to Shakira and the "Hips Don't Lie" track? Since your boy Pras is still collecting "Ghetto Supastar" checks, you got another nine years at least.

-Does Quenton Tarantino pay RZA to be by his side at every award show? Maybe it was written into the Kill Bill contract.

-I liked Chris Brown better when he was playing up in Boulder and scoring six TDs against the dreaded Huskers. But, if his side hustle of being an R & B crooner is what he gets his kicks for, and Jeff Fisher is okay with it, who am I to bitch?

-Gnarls Barkley and their airplane costumes would've been better if they worked the Airplane movie angle. Danger Mouse: "Hey Cee-Lo, you ever seen a grown man naked?"

-Give the Academy some shine for including J-Dilla in their tribute to those who passed away in the last year.

-Yeah, Rick Rubin got some major dap for his work with the Dixie Chicks, but he should've won 16 years ago for the Def American release of the self-titled Geto Boys album. I'm sure the Academy could've overlooked the necrophilia, murder, crack tales, and misogyny, right?


Sunday, February 11, 2007

Tan, Rested, and Ready

You better recognize, adjust your bifocals
Your style is local, I sit on beaches in Acupulco

I put words together like Peter Jennings

And skate on motherf**kers like Peggy Flemming...

The lean number of posts the last few weeks has been due to the SG's retreat south of the border for some quality beachtime, mas Coronas, and sweating in the warm sun while CO melted into the brown, dirty, muck known as February. Without boring you with the typical "here's my vacation!" caca, I leave you with my favorite Mexico story before launching back into the Nuggets, the lack of football, CU head coaches, domestic beers, and upcoming Hip Hop:

While I was enjoying an ice-cold cerveza at the pool complete with the requisite swim up bar, two rather large ladies were swirling about in the water to the music. The song? That would be SG favorite Sir Mix-A-Lot and his timeless white person anthem, "Baby Got Back." Even in Mexico, they know 95% of Gringos love them some Mix-A-Lot. The larger of the two ladies bellowed at the bartenders to "turn this up and let's get this party started." After repeating their request numerous times at their loudest levels and flailing about the duo returned to their Mango Daquiris and more dancing.

I returned to my beachfront chair and didn't see either of the ladies again...until the next day. The smaller of the two was pushing the larger, who was confined to a wheelchair. Seems the previous days boozery and early 90's rap attack had left them unable to walk. It prompted me to think: So Cosmo says you're fat/well, I aint down with that/and now you're handicap!

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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Kiddy Rap

I'm the god damn reason you in V.I.P
CEO, you don't have to see ID
I'm young, wild, and strapped like Chi-Ali...
There’s some talk about “older” rappers and where they fit into the Hip Hop game, if MCs need to retire in their 30’s and leave it too the young cats. Besides being a stupid idea advanced by anyone, it would rob the game of more than half of the skilled lyricists. But let’s flip it, how young is too young to rap? Here are some of the top “kid” rap groups and rappers from years gone by:

- The Whooliganz- These two white cats never released a full album, and just one 12” single. “Put You Handz Up” b/w “Hit The Deck” (featuring Everlast.) Aligned with the Soul Assassins at the height of the click’s popularity in 1993, the duo enjoyed minimal success outside of opening at various Cypress Hill/Funkdoobiest/House OF Pain shows. Don’t cry for the two though, one member was Scott Caan, son of James who went on to star in the Ocean’s Eleven series and other feature films. The other member went on to become one of Hip Hop’s biggest producer, The Alchemist.

- Shyheim- The Rugged Child was the only youngster affliated with Wu-Tang in the day and he didn’t embarrass himself. Many first heard him on the Big Daddy Kane classic posse cut “Show and Prove” and also the legendary Biggie and Pac freestyle from Madison Square Garden (quick, who was the fourth MC on that joint?) His solo debut was very impressive with urban tales and the on-point “On and On” that got some run in the Summer of 1995. And yes, that’s him in the TLC “Waterfalls” video. No word if the Huey Freeman character from The Boondocks is also based on him.

- Da Youngstas- Their initial 12” release “Pass Da Mic” b/w “Neighborhood Bully” was a classic banger. Listen clearly and you can hear the sample that Gangstarr uses as the hook on “Mass Appeal.” The Philly trio’s 1993 debut CD, Aftermath was standard mid-90s hard core: heavy hitting, and a bit more lyrically complex, even for their age. The single “Iz U Wit Me” is a highlight, including the always cliché scene of just simple running in the video. Two years later the trio came with a more polished post-pubescent sound, with heavyweight production from Premier, The Beatnuts, Pete Rock, and Marley Marl. Today one member of the trio, Qu’ran Goodman, has gotten some production shine on various projects.

-Chi Ali- Most of us were first introduced to him on Black Sheep’s “Pass The 40” in late 1991 as Native Tongues youngest member. By the following Summer, Chi had released his first album, The Fabulous Chi Ali. It included the kitchsy “Age Aint Nuthin,” which got some spin on the video shows. But it was the followups, “Funky Lemonade” and “RoadRunner” which found a suddenly deeper voiced Chi spitting over some remixed hot beats, the former was courtesy of the Beatnuts, some of their first production credits. Unfortunately for Chi, he never released a follow-up and ended up more well-known for his appearance on the TV show “America’s Most Wanted” which eventually lead to arrest and incarceration on murder charges.

-Illegal- Out of all the kiddie groups, these guys may have brought it the hardest. The debuted in late 1993. The Erick Sermon produced track, “Head Or Gut” was definitely the standout, along with "We Getz Busy." Besides Sermon, other producers included Dallas Austin, Diamond D, Lord Finesse, and Biz Markie. Jamal and Malik’s lyrics had a rougher edge than many of their counterparts, even profanity (gasp!) Soon thereafter, the duo split, but Jamal kept on making hits. His 1995 solo debut, Last Chance, No Breaks, sees him grow as an MC. Not just out of his kiddie britches, but into a nice lyricist and capable of holding it on hi own. His single off that CD, “Fades Em All” seemed to be every other MC's favorite freestyle beat of the mid-90s.

-Musical Youth- C’mon, maybe they weren’t exactly Hip Hop…but who can argue with “Pass The Dutchie”


Sunday, February 04, 2007

Nano Nano Peyton

Step back, get away, give the brother some room
You got to turn me up when the beat goes boom

Lyric to lyric, line to line

Then you'll understand my reputation for rhyme...

There's really no connection between the Super Bowl and Colorado. No players from CO high schools or colleges. So the only connection is if you take Peyton Manning's alter-ego from his Sprint commercial, throw a puffy multi-colored vest and some moon boots on him. Presto, then you have an extra from Mork and Mindy. Enjoy.


Thursday, February 01, 2007

Super! Thanks for Asking!

Is it Bush or is it Dole, front row at the Super Bowl
Black gold in my soul, on the whole, stroll
Don't go boy, you on parole, you don't know?


-Not so Super!: Captain Patton and the sinking ship known as the CU Hoops Team faces a ranked Oklahoma State squad this Saturday. Chalk up another loss as the Buffs strive for that 1-15 year. After losing to lowly Baylor, fighting amongst themselves, and seemingly no game plan for any game, a new coaching name has emerged. Duke assistant Steve Wojciechowski has intimated he's interested in extending the Coack K tree and hard-to-spell names into the Big 12. Sign him up, at this point Buff fans would let Bill Parcells, a rusty shovel, or a coked up Pauly Shore coach the team.

-Oooh, anti-Super!:The Powder Blue Patrol lost their fourth straight game, this time without Allen Iverson. Let's hold off on those parade plans! Looks like the Nugs will be in a dog fight with Minnesota, the Clips, and possible Golden State for the last two WC playoff spots. Undoubtedly that means a round one matchup with Phoenix or Dallas. The schedule doesn't set up well for the Nugs: 13 of the last 18 games are on the road, and they have nine games left versus the top four WC teams.

-Yes, Super!:The first hot CD of 2007 hit the shelves this week, with Boot Camp's Sean Price releasing his second solo joint, Jesus Price Supastar. If you know my steez, you know the SG gives mad love to the Click, so it's no surprise this album should be in top rotation. We find Ruck with his usual BCC cohorts on a few tracks, but also some tight production by 9th Wonder and others. The CD also features a track with vet Sadat X and impressive new comer Skyzoo.

-Super Idea!: Since the Super Bowl extends into the nighttime, a day full of chicken wings, chips, beers, football, and more beers leave about half the population feeling like an offensive tackle's blocking dummy on Monday. These guys have the right idea: The first athletic holiday celebrating the competitive spirit by giving all Monday off. Let's just call it what it is: Hangover Monday.

-Gad Awful and not Super!: Many basketball players have ventured into the Hip Hop game, some with success; Shaq had a few hot hits, Dana Barros could actually flow pretty well, and AI generated some buzz. Most failed miserably: Chris Webber, Kobe Bryant, and we're still waiting on that Gheorge Muresan banger. When it comes to football, most know their place and stick to the pigskin. Trevor Pryce actually did some producing and had a on-point Rhymefest song appear on a soundtrack, but he may be one of the few. Apparently the message never got to Deion Sanders...Primetime? More like 3am on UPN, yuck.

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