Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Rockies say internot

I’m in command, plus full of fun
But don’t play me, cause if you do you gettin done
And that my son comes to one conclusion
Total chaos.. no mass confusion…

After the debacle that was the Rockies’ World Series ticket internet sale yesterday, loads of people emailed their comments to the SG. Here are a few highlights:

“I got tickets! Unfortunately they were to the Styx Reunion show in Grand Rapids. As long as they do ‘Mr. Roboto’ I’ll be happy, I can watch the World Series on TV.”
-David Pickles, Arvada CO

“I see nothing wrong with the Rockies plan. Changing a system that has worked for decades and trying something new and untested is brilliant.”
-B. Callahan, Lincoln NE

“Somehow I got re-routed; I ended up on an online auction for a box of Dante Bichette’s old jock straps.”
-Elizabeth Bishop, Broomfield CO

“It’s Major League Baseball! It’s the World Series! This ain’t beer league softball! Go stand in a ticket line brother!”
-D. Hawkins, Boulder CO

“After the sale was suspended, I went down to Coors Field to stand in line. That was fruitless. I noticed there was a ton of bars down there, so I figured I’d just get fucked up. I woke up this am with a broken Hoover vacuum in my bed.”
-Travis Bream, Englewood CO

“This is bullshit, I was drafted by the Rockies organization. You think they could hook me up with some tickets or something. I don’t have anything else going on.”
-M. Vick, Atlanta GA

“I think the Rockies should go Nino Brown and just hand out the tickets with turkeys from the back of a flatbed truck. That would be as effective.”
-Lee Woods, Thornton CO

“I stared at the freaking computer screen all day. The UV or whatever must’ve screwed with me because there’s a nipple growing from my forehead. I should get free Club Level or something for this, my coworkers all call me Nippy!”
-Keith Brozovich, Arvada CO

“I was in a ‘waiting room’ for 3 hours. The last time I was in a waiting room that long I was waiting to see if that drip from my crotch was gonorrhea.”
-Alan Bigguy, Aurora CO



Blogger Hercules Rockefeller said...

Jesus Christ. Is that a picture of Bichette?

10:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The damn vacuum cleaner only had one speed on it as well, high speed....eh, what do you do, grab another brew and go back to bed

11:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Dante ate the server. This is bullshit. Sorry if Im not supposed to curse on here.

1:39 PM  
Blogger Hallux Valgus said...

no tickets for Hallux. Stupid internet. And I found an ebay auction for tickets 2 sections over and 5 rows back from where I used to have season tickets at Coors. A pair sold for $4350. I would totally have sold those, and then bought cheaper tickets and spent the difference on icy cold Coors Light

Also, I can say without a doubt that Styx does not do Mr. Roboto, and they will never reunite with Dennis DeYoung, because Dennis was the only one who liked Mr. Roboto...

...Ow, OW, goddammit stop hitting me.

and yeah- quit fucking cursing.

7:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

true stroy guys- occasional reader- first time commenter.

years ago I was driving some friends home from a party in a very drunk friends car. Like I said, dudes were real drunk. Real drunk. So there was a bit of barf that flew in and outside the car (tried to get his head out the window)

The drunk guy who's car it was (a 1993 Corolla) insisted we stop to clean it on the way home. This is a small mid-West town, so there was only a self serve car wash bay that truckers use.

While Im washing, the other drunks are messing with everything. The sprayers, the pop machine, the change machine, and unfortunately, the vacuums.

One drunk decided to put the vacuum over his crotch area. Keep in mind, these vacs are trucker-grade pretty strong suckage!

The vac sucked his shorts halfway up the chute and since his keys were in the pocket, they sliced up his scrot pretty good somehow. His johnson got a bit nicked up by the zipper and he was screaming in pain like a crying dog for 2 minutes until the timer ran out!

His girlfriend didnt buy the explanation and kicked his ass out of his apt that night. He has scabs on his privates all semester.

7:35 AM  
Blogger Travis said...

and I thought I did some stupid shit...Can't say I've done that....hahahaha

1:46 PM  
Blogger @slushygutter said...

^Herc- That was #2 when I typed his name into Google IS.

^Bream- did you find it in a shady back alley, or were they giving them away at the bar?

^Sklyer- cursing is encouraged here. The server was designed by an 8 yr old.

^HV- Mr Robot creeped me out in the day. what the f*ck was that thing?

^Bleeder- that is freaking classic. At least his balls were dry.

^Trav- the % of people who've done that has got to be real low.

6:26 AM  
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