Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Weems is so whimiscal

Yo, I use the mic to slap you in the face and erase your taste
Disgrace your date put your title to waste

The Nuggets signed guard Sonny Weems today. There's barely an inkling of news here; most of the hardcore Nuggets' sites will barely mention it, the major dailies gave it less ink then Sarah Palin sucking face with a pig or whatever the latest politico rage is today. He's probably the last due off the bench, an emergency player if the other guards go down. However it's the name that I love. Say it out loud: Sonny Weems. Just screams Flagstaff's number one weatherman doesn't it?

Got me to thinking of some other classic Nuggets names:

10- Kenny Battle. Remember when Ralph Wiggums asked "what's a battle?" In this case, not much.

9- Reggie Slater. Played in the in the 90s, just a bit too close to the heyday of his far-removed cousin, AC Slater.

8- Nikoloz "Skita" Tskitishvili. Had the name 'Skita' before hordes of white folks were introduced to the term "skeet skeet skeet" by dread locked crunk singers.

7- Priest Lauderdale. Take your pick: Nuggets center, late night evangelist, or star of a porno flick with Kazee Bootyiful.

6- Ervin Johnson. Ahh, so close. But yet so far, really far, reaaaaaallllly far away.

5- Matt Fish. Formed the dominant front line with former catcher Steve Trout and race car driver Sterling Marlin.

4- Mengke Bateer. Loosely translates in Chinese to 'Do not confuse me with Yao'.

3- Darnell Mee. Oh, it just also has to be about you, eh Darnell? No wonder 90's NBAers got a selfish rap.

2- Roy Rogers. Howdy partners! How bout dem 4.8 career points average! Yeee haw!

1- Levern Tart. The classic taste and warmth of a Levern Tart after a great meal! Warm cherries, fresh apples, and sweet frosting, mmmmm.

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