Pop Goes The Balloon Boy

Colorado is still all talk about the freaks up in Fort Collins known as the Heene family and their balloon hoax. What many people didn’t know is some other folks were perhaps involved in the perpetration:

--CU coach Dan Hawkins was said to have been hiding in young Falcon’s hiding spot above the garage. When police searched the house, they actually found Coach Hawk in the spot. “Leave him up there through the next couple games” the police chief responded.

--Charger players Shawn Merriman and Shaun Phillips trashed talked and pushed and shoved the balloon when it landed. It was the most effective they were versus any Colorado object over the weekend.

--Jay Cutler, he of the $30 million new deal, was called in to knock the blimp down when it precariously came close to the “red zone,” a spot that aviation types deem within 20 yards of landing. Cutler promptly threw the ball into a passing traffic helicopter.

--Some of the MLB umpires who worked the recent Rockies’ and other series were brought in to consult about the balloon. They quickly determined that the object was not, in fact, a blimp, but rather it was Missy Elliot from “The Rain” video. When the cops asked if they were sure, they angrily quipped, “we’re umpires, we get paid to make judgment calls!”

--In that same vein, NBA replacement refs were also consulted during the process. After careful review, they gave a technical foul to Kenyon Martin.

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