Kobe Loves Colorado

We ride on 747's, not DC-10's
We'll take a 3-day vacation and we'll do it again
Check in the hotel the day of the show
No time to play around because we got to go...

Kobe Bryant is feeling indecisive. He wants to be traded, he doesn’t want to be traded. He wants Jerry West back, he should’ve went to the Clippers. He wants a flashy Phil Jackson soul patch, he wants a Jerry Buss toupee.

The sporting media is a bit abuzz here in Denver with the Kobe to Denver trade talks. It is a bit intriguing, but Kobe hasn’t exactly had the best track record here in Colorado. Some possible trade scenarios to bring Kobe to Denver:

**1-Kobe for Allen Iverson: Dollars wise this matches up. The two players have similar wear and tear on their NBA frames, but the Lakers would probably want an additional draft pick to go along with this. AI could resume his rap career in LA’s music scene.

**2-Kobe for Carmelo Anthony: Dolars wise and hoops wise, this deal could work. Age wise, the Nugs would get the short end of the deal. The Lakers would have to throw in 1-2 draft picks. What makes this deal not so far fetched is Melo’s wife LaLa. An aspiring actress, she might want to pull a Janet Jones-Gretzky and move to Hollywood. Look what that did for her career; we all remember such Janet Jones’ classics as Police Academy 5 and starring opposite Roddy Piper in Tough and Deadly.

**3-Kobe for Linas Kleiza: This doesn’t match up dollars wise, basketball wise, sanity wise. The key is to pump massive amounts of weed smoke into Jerry Buss’ office and then propose the deal. Linas would love LA, being the worldly guy he is, cue the ‘voice’: “Linas just get chemical peel and drink Cosmo at Viper Room.”

**4-Kobe for Kenyon Martin: Again, this matches up dollars wise. I’m sure LA would want another broken down, overpaid forward to go along with Lamar Odom. (Weed smoke technique may have to be applied to this one too.)

**5-Kobe for Jake Plummer: Jake’s kind of a free-spirit weirdo, so he could move to Venice Beach, eat tofu, feed pigeons day old bread, and wear a hemp knit hat. Maybe he would even leave his Honda Element for Kobe to tool around the Mile High City. If the Lakers balk at getting traded a football player who is retired , we can just tell them it’s the Teen Wolf, who could freaking ball.