White House Red Card

Things overheard when the Rapids visited the White House yesterday:

-If I was from Brazil would I go by just 'Obama' or 'De La Barrack'?
-Oh great, a freaking personalized jersey. I still can't rid of that Clinton #95 New Jersey Devils jersey.
-I was born here in the states dammit, so I really don't like soccer.
-Yeah, so what I wasn't invited to the royal wedding and Beckham was? We'll see how that pretty boy deals with being on the no-fly list.
-If anyone even thinks of blowing a vuvuzela in here there's a warm cell in Gitmo waiting for you.
-I'd probably put Oprah on my celebrity soccer team...at least the fat Oprah.
-Stan, I have a better chance of earning the Tea Party Man of the Year Award than you bringing your basketball team here.
-You guys lost your last game 4-1? Did you use a traffic cone in goal?
-Sure, take Biden with you, just watch out, he'll get the yellow cards non-stop.
-Wow, a soccer team. When I saw "visit from Rapids" on the schedule I thought it was a tap dancing group or something.

RELATED: KRS-One - "Ah Yeah" - ("So here I go kickin science...")

Rapidly Tie-ing

For the slick headed wonder, wearer of saggy pants
Old school kicker, reviver of the circumstance...

Overlooked this weekend in the murky waters that are tainted by the Purple cess that is the Rockies' offense is on e Colorado Rapids professional soccer club. (Add me to the list of people who think it is super wack that may MLS teams use Euro-centric names like "FC" as in "football club." This is North America, we call it soccer, not football. I'd like one MLS club to have the gonads to call themselves an "SC".)

Yes, the Colorado Rapids. The state's only champion as we speak in June 2011.

However, the Rapids aren't very championship like right now. Or are they? They haven't loss in six straight games...hooray! But, they haven't won in six straight games...dagnamut! Six straight ties. More ties than a)Father's day at Travis Henry's house b)a railroad track or c)boy scout convention.

So, soccer fans, is this good or bad? Technically they are gaining points, so it is good. But they are leaving points on the table too? The rest of us mainstream fans are confused, sort of like the old school "kissing your sister" cliche when describing ties. I get what it is supposed to mean: that your kissing, but your kissing your sister. Either way it is still one thing: incest you sick fuck.

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'10 Again: Top CO Sports Moments

1-Just a handful of teams have never had a no-hitter, and the Colorado Rockies, forever pitching deficient and playing in a slap happy park, seem destined to be mired on that list for eternity. Until a non-descript April night when Ubaldo Jiminez absolutely dealt a variety of heat to the Atlanta Braves for the franchise’s first non-no.


2-CU students say it best: We Black Out. In an electric environment versus a SEC power, the Buffs held on during a game that honored the 1990 National Championship for a 29-27 win over the Dawgs. UGA WR AJ Green made some spectacular plays in the contest, but LB BJ Beatty clinched it late with a forced fumble.


3-Tebow mania hit its apex in a post-Christmas Day game that saw Tim Tebow rally the team from a 17 point deficit and scamped in for the game winning TD with three minutes left. All year could be Tebow-worthy, from the draft to training camp to his Wildcat formations.



4-Down by nine runs in the ninth inning? That’s a “let’s get to the car early” moment. On a June night, the Rockies stormed back from the deficit and won 12-9 on a Seth Smith 3–run walkoff homer by Seth Smith. Aided by Cardinal walks and an error, the Rockies etched their biggest 9th inning comeback ever.


5-The CU nation knew it needed to emerge from the mess of the Hawkins’ years with a coach who would bring the fandom together. It got that with their “family” pick of former tight end and Coloradoan Jon Embree. The new head man immediately sent the message that CU was in the business of back to winning.


6-The Avs qualified for the NHL playoffs as a #8 seed and played toe to toe with the San Jose Sharks early in their first round series. An own goal by the Sharks in Game Three gave the Avs a series lead and had people talking hockey in the region for the first time since the early decade
glory years .


7-It’s been awhile since the fair state of Colorado won a championship, and thanks to the Colorado Rapids on a frigid night in Canada, we have our latest. A pretty decent MLS CUP saw the Rapids rally for a 2-1 win over FC Dalas and bring the title to Colorado.



8-For years there was an undercurrent that the west-leaning University of Colorado needed the Pac 10 conference (and vice-versa) and in June the school became it's 11th member. CU joins a conference that it fits into culturally, academically, socially as it leaves the Texas-centric Big 12 behind.


9-Vail's own Lindsey Vonn went into the Winter Olympics in Vancouver as America’s new “it” girl. She delivered with gold in the downhill and a bronze in the Super G. Equally important, we got to see more pictures of her in snow bunny bikinis for the next few months. USA! USA! USA!



10-Carmelo had brought the Nuggets a Tourney of the Americas and Olympic gold, but one of Colorado’s own, Chauncey Billups, brought the state a World Championship Gold this summer. Chauncey was a veteran presence and starting point guard on the USA’s first Championship since 1994.


CO SPORTS BACK IN THE DAY:
2009 Tops
2008 Tops
2007 Tops
2006 Tops

Gol-orado

Stayed hardcore never changed my attitude
I got the hip hop juice for the hip hop food...

The entire State of Colorado is undoubtedly waking up this AM with a nasty soccer hangover, complete with a Sunday night of lighting off flares, consuming mass amounts of Carlsberg, and singing that "Ole" song endlessly.

The Colorado Rapids are your 2010 MLS Cup Champions!

Alright, so it's not quite Holiday sliding into home, or TD scoring versus the Packers, but it does count for something. Right? Colorado actually has a strong soccer tradition dating back to the 70s with the original Colorado Avalanche, the Colorado Foxes won a couple titles in the 90s (and they played their home games at a dog track), through the first decade and a half of the Rapids. (I used to work the Rapids games at old Mile High in the first season. Think a huge cavern with 10 people, a couple guys banging drums, and grass.)

The extra time in last night's game was pretty intriguing, after the dude with the Iverson-like braids scored off that other dude's thigh to give the Rapids the lead. Promptly, the AI dude was hurt (nice to see the FC Dallas players trying to fight the Rapids' trainer to get him off the field) and they had to play with 10 players. Apparently, there are 11 guys in soccer and you can't replace an injured one (apply that to the NFL? Fantasy football bonanza!) Dallas then brought it for the last 10 plus minutes, and if not for some key saves by the Rapids goalie/Amish stand-in, they might still be playing in Toronto (nice move MLS, championship game in Canada, in November, at night. Plus to Toronto for the "sideline" seats basically being bar tables though.)

So today, forget Arsenal, or Real Madrid. Liverpool? Inter Milan? Please. The center of the soccer universe is smack dab in the middle of Commerce City, Colorado.

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08 Plate: Top CO Sports Moments

1-Coming Home Again- With the Nugs stuck at 1-3 and looking like another fight for the eight seed, the brass pulled the trigger on a monumental trade. Not only did they trade a future Hall of Famer in Allen Iverson, but they brought home arguably the state's most popular hoops' player ever: Chauncey Billups. Experts agreed that it was win-win for both teams, but the Nuggets went on a post-Smooth tear, residing atop the Northwest Division since the deal. Billups posted modest numbers, but it is his 'team first' mantra that has made the otherwise stagnant Nugs look poised to perhaps go deep in the postseason.


2-Blackout- The Colorado Buffaloes had circled their early season Thursday ESPN game with West Virginia as their "Blackout" Game since earlier in the year. With a national audience, a rabid crowd draped in Black, and a power running game, the Buffs got their best win of the year 17-14 over the Mountaineers. Kicker Aric Goodman provided the winning margin in OT. The 21st ranked WVU squad came into the game with playmakers in QB Pat White and RB Noel Devine, but it was diminutive Buff ball carrier Rodney Stewart who chewed up the big yards at Folsom. WVU coach Bill Stewart had some questionable clock management late in the game, but the Buffs' staunch defense kept his two stars in check for most of the contest.

3-Going Going Gold- Carmelo Anthony's three summer expedition with Team USA ended exactly where they wanted: atop the gold medal stand. Melo expanded his game throughout his three years, playing a team style defense and resigning himself to a complimentary role at times. Most impressive had to be his commitment to Coach K's defensive approach and absolute stingy guarding on some of the world's top small and even power forwards. One can see that Melo's game has grown since the Beijing experience, as he has surrendered PPG averages for the Nugs' winning approach.

4-Hockey Gone Wild- For a while it looked like the early decade all over again, as the Avs took on the Minnesota Wild in a 1st round NHL series. The Avs handled them with flashy play, some rugged play, OT heroics, and huge goalie play. That was Adam Foote out there, having a huge series, crushing the opposition, and even Joe Sakic and the late season addition of Peter Forsberg made us think it was the olden days. Alas, as the Avs took the Wild series, they met the top dog Detroit Red Wings in round two and were promptly dispatched.


5-Great Scott!- Dan Hawkins had come off a season in which he took Alabama to the wire in the Independence Bowl, but his greatest target was ahead of him in signing top schoolboy RB Darrell Scott. The Venture, CA product narrowed his choices to CU and Texas, and some fiece and ugly competition for his letter of intent intent. Ultimately, his uncle, Buff WR Josh Smith and the rugged work of chief recruiter Darian Hagan sealed the deal for Scott to move onto the Black and Gold. The banquet circuit and hype didn't do him any favors, as he reported overweight and batled injuries throughout his frosh year, although he did show some flashes.


6-.22 Caliber- In an other wise hugely disappointing season, the Rockies had a memorable 22 inning marathon in San Diego in the season's early going. The game lasted until past closing time in the Pacific time zone when Troy Tulowitzki's double gave the Purp the 2-1 win. The game featured an abundance of pitchers, 13 full scoreless innings, an impromptu sprinkler watering, and 37 combined strikeouts. It was the longest MLB game in 15 season's, but what excitement the win created the next morning eroded over the remainder of April and May as the Rox slipped from contention.

7-Hochuli Hanky Toss- Of the early NFL schedule, no game had more fireworks and contorversary than the Week Two Broncos-Chargers tilt. The Donks got off to a 21-3 lead on Jay Cutler's pinpoint passing and Mike Shannahan's play calling. However, the Chargers rebounded and made it a tight game, ultimately taking a TD lead late in the game. The Donks regrouped and mounted a drive before an apparent fumble by Cutler was overturned by a Hochuli whistle. Shanny's brass balls came out as he went for win with a 2pt conversion and was successful, further adding to the growing rivalry between the two teams.

8-Eight Seed is Enough- The NBA's Western Conference's #8 seed was up for grabs as the Nugs visited the Warriors in early April. The two teams went in tied, but the Nuggets had a series lead over the Baron Davis-lead squad. A hostile crowd awaited AI and crew in the Bay Area, and the home team raced to big first quarter lead. The Nugs showed poise and regrouped in the 2nd quarter and cruised in the 2nd Half to emerge with a key win. A 50% FG clip coupled with 40% from behind the arc helped propel the Powder Ble Patrol into the postseason, where they were soundly trounced by the Lakers.

9-Dirty Bird Bash- The Broncos went into a late season game in Atlanta versus with upstart Falcons as heavy underdogs. With all-Rookie stud Matt Ryan leading his charges versus a depleted and suspect Denver defensive backfield, the game looked like a mismatch. However, the Broncos came to the Georgia Dome with a solid gameplan, controlled the game on the ground with solid running and through the air with short to medium passes, including a laser game winner to TE Daniel Graham to give the Donks a 24-21 win.

Not so top moments: The Rockies trade Matt Holliday...Brandon Marshall getting suspended...the Buffs lose bowl eligibility on Nebraska's 57 yard FG...Travis Henry...the Colorado Crush cease operations...former Donks' WR canoodling with Hef's chick and getting roughed up in Vegas...the Broncos lose seven RBs over the course of the year...Joe Sakic loses a battle with a snowblower...Marcus Camby is traded...Broncos lose key home games to miserable Oakland and Jacksonville...the Buffs have a tough stretch in November...the Rockies blow a 9-1 lead at Wrigley Field...John Lynch and Rod Smith retire...CU tells the Goats that they can use the bubble on CU Campus...CU Hoops completes a dismal season, then loses to Montana State...Todd Helton is out most of the year...the Rapids miss the playoffs...the Denver PD takes care of Kenyon Martin...and finally, the complete, total, embarrassing, unexcusable choke job that were the Denver Broncos in the last three weeks of the season, going down in the history of the NFL as the biggest meltdown (NOTE: Hence, the nine spots in this countdown, as one was reserved for the Donks' playoff appearance that wasn't)

RELATED: 2007 Top CO Sports Moments and 2006 Top CO Sports Moments

Viva El Burpo!

The mighty infamous
always misbehaving and mischievous
causing aggravation I'll never pause
pushing out spit balls through plastic straws...

The SG focus is on the major professional and collegiate sports here in CO, but from time to time the "other" sports get their shine here on the mean 'net streets. And no, Colorado Crush, you get no love, go bounce some balls off the nets.

The Colorado Rapids, however, are in first place, play in a sparkling new stadium (Commerce City represent!), and have been around since 1996. While not exactly ManU, they still have the long stringy haired freaks, the song-chants that sound like some cult hymn, and frequent the typical 1-0, 1-1, or 2-1 games.

And now they have a goalie named Burpo. Yes, Burpo, and that's not a Mexican wrestling star. He's not named after a laxative. He's not your son's imaginary friend. He isn't the bad guy on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Not a drinking game. Oscar the Grouch's illegitimate son? No. He's Burpo the Goalie and he'll be in the pipes for the Local 10...6...9...however many players are on the field pitch at one time.

The Rapids traded for Burpo when they realized that their regular goalie Bouna Coundoul will have to leave the team to play for Senegal in World Cup qualifiers this summer. Dammit, that reminds me of when Steve Atwater had to leave the Donks to play for Arkansas in the USA Flag Football qualifiers.

I don't really know how that will affect the Rapids' first place standing, but I do know the eight year old in me thinks that Burpo is freaking super rad neato!

Now if we can just get the entire Rapids' crowd to coin a unique Burpo chant after each save, what is there like three or four a game? Pass the carbonated beverages and let's belch the alphabet in unison.

RELATED: Other players The SG inner eight year old thought were funny: Kock and Bozak
(Next time someone asks you about a law firm, reply with those three names:
BOSS: Jenkins, which law firm did you use when you sued your neighbor?
YOU: Let's see, I used 'Cock, Bozak, and Burpo' )