Monday, February 18, 2008

Slushy Gutter is President

Rappers I monkey flip 'em with the funky rhythm I be kickin
Musician, inflictin composition

SG checks out President's Day:

Eric B- Was he a master beatsmith, a prolific scratcher or a mere prop for Rakim? And when Ra exclaimed that he was President, would that’ve been such a bad idea in the late 80s? Crack was running rampant, acid wash jeans were proliferating, and the mullet was enjoying its reign. Eric B might’ve been able to regulate each, plus mandate that each Tuesday be ‘dookie rope day’.

Biggie- He once exclaimed, “I’m not only a client, I’m the player president.” How does one go about becoming the ‘player president’? Is there a nominating process? Did his rivals attack his ‘player president’ qualifications? Is the convention held at a seedy Holiday Inn in Flint? Maybe Puffy can break down the exact process.

Sam Adams- The light version of this venerable lager is a pretty decent, crisp beer. Every time after drinking more than a few, someone should have to do the Chapelle’s show Sam Jackson’s imitation.

Pete Nice- He was the ‘Prime Minister’, not the President. Little known to us Americans is that Pete won the title by defeating Margaret Thatcher in a break dance contest in 1986. Marge just couldn’t get her shoulder spins right.

Mike Shanahan- An avid Republican party supporter, Shanny is friends with George Bush because their children went to the University of Texas at the same time. Given W’s penchant for horrible sports deals (Sammy Sosa deal, anyone?), Shanny will undoubtedly be trading Jay Cutler for a bag of crusty jock straps before the Draft.

Tyler Bozak- Most of the world has no idea that this guy plays hockey for the University of Denver. He should no doubt run for President in the future because, come on, President Bozak? He'd have the vote of every 90's Hip Hopper everywhere.

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