Big Ben versus Jake, Part II

Top gun, never on the run
They know not to come cause they all get some
Goin' quicker in the speedin' lane
Jealous can't do it and it's causin' them pain

The two combatants from January’s AFC Championship have had their share of road troubles lately. We’re not talking a rattling muffler or some homeless cat pissing on their bumper. Unless you’ve been sleeping in a cave, the Steelers’ Ben Roethlisberger catapulted himself through the air like Evil Knievel this week, suffering major damage to his cabeza and leaving his Chiclets looking like a set of ‘Billy Bob’ teeth.

Last month, the local 11’s signal caller Jake Plummer, who looks like he lives in a cave, was involved in a road rage incident here in the Mile High City. Seems some unsuspecting local resident had the nerve to pick a fight with Jake on a heavily traveled artery here in town. Jake and the man had several instances of passes and cut offs before- allegedly- Jake slammed his Honda Element into reverse and crushed dude’s bumper like the Steelers defense crushed Jake’s passer rating last January. As one caller to local radio said after the incident, “those were the best passes Jake completed since the New England game.”

The sorriest thing about both these road foibles? Big Ben’s refusal to wear a helmet? Maybe he thinks if he wears one that Hines Ward won’t wave to him when he pulls into the practice facility. Jake’s inability to channel his anger on the road? This isn’t surprising since Jake has:

-flipped off the local fans after a shitty performance
-berated a local gossip columnist after she revealed he was dating a Bronco cheerleader.
–battled with the almighty NFL over stickers on the back of his helmet .
–hearing the footsteps of Bronco draftee Jay Cutler behind him.

The most surprising thing is Jake’s rig, a Honda Element. Yes, a Honda Element. Not a tricked out, Xzibit pimped, rims spinning, rig deserving of a NFL QB. But pretty much a stock, off the lot, Honda Element. No word if Jake was listening to the local smooth jazz station, with a bag full of soccer balls in the back, sucking a Moca Latte when he was driving. Come on Jake, your Steeler counterpart is rolling hard like he’s in a DMX video while you and the soccer moms are talking about Target bakeware sale. Jake, calm down, get a haircut, and then hit up the local Caddy yard and don’t leave until you are ridin hard. As Rick Ross says: Whip it real hard, whip it whip it real hard. That and start throwing some strikes to Javon Walker, because you’ll be looking for a new gig come next off-season.

Drew Litton's take on Jake Plummer road rage (RMN)
More picts of the Bronco cheerleaders (Broncos official)