Offensive performance?

Come one, come all, if you wanna brawl
I'm the mighty Thor, clothes lining motherfuckers like Steven Segall...

Things from this weekend of football that made me want to pound a smoooooooooth CL, either from unbridled joy, sheer sorrow, or from just being confused:

1. The local NFL team and flagship university team in the state combining for a stout 12 points. In comparision, the Giants and Rockies more than doubled their total on Monday. Maybe Matt Holliday is the answer at QB for both teams.

2. Jake Plummer mis-firing most of the day, including two straight plays missing wide open receivers on fade routes in the endzone.

3. Buffalo QB Bernard Jackson fumbling the ball inside his own 5 yard line. Former Slushy Gutter winner Juck, upon review, concluded he knocked the ball out of his own hand with his free hand. Now that's defense.

4. Bob Stoops and the Sooners getting totally jobbed in Oregon by the refs and replay crew. Hard to feel much sympathy for such a nice guy like Bob Stoops. In the aftermath, the crew is suspended one game and the OU President is all pissy. Gee, you would hate for a major university president to worry about things like academics and all that.

5. The saga of the punter turned stabber team, Northern Colorado, takes a made-for-TV turn, as they "upset" Texas State, 14-13. In a oh-so-ironic twist, they win on a blocked punt. In a not so ironic twist, they return to Greeley and it still smells like ass.

6. The sodbusters from the northeast, talking shit all week, get their asses handed to them in Southern Cali.

7. The 0-3 Buffs are installed as 28 point underdogs to the Dawgs in the Dirty. Uhhh, well, ummm...Ralphie's turds are bigger than Uga's. Hooray!

8. Texas A&M needing a goal line stand to beat Army. A&M coach Dennis Franchione, the NCAA equivalent of Mike Martz and his ego, declared a "genius" by absolutely no one outside himself.

9. I lost in Fantasy Football to Jeeeez Steve, a guy who got lost in his own bathroom this weekend. Slushy Gutter...indeed.