Monday, September 25, 2006

The Dirty South Report

I'm on the rise, so many people despise me
Got party ammunition for those tryin to surprise me
It's a celebration and everyone should invite me
Roll with the crew or meet the bottom of our Nikes...

The kid and a few of the crew ventured to the Dirty this weekend to take in the Colorado versus Georgia football game. The heartbreaking loss the Buffs endured was a surprise, given the four TD spread and dire predictions. The trip will provide unforgettable memories besides the thrilling game. Among those:

-Georgia fans’ world doesn’t extend much beyond the Southeast. The most frequent question we got was “y’all drive down here?” Yes, the 1000 miles from Denver to Athens was just a quick jaunt in our cars. After about the 50th time the question was asked, my man Vernon replied, “no, we have these things called planes in Colorado.” Later in the trip when we told them we usually don’t sellout our stadium they deduced that was because “there just aint that many people up there.” When they were informed there were nearly 5 million people in the Centennial State, they replied “sheeeeet, no kiddin?”

-Georgia fans were damn near giddy about the appearance of Ralphie at the stadium. The group around her at pregame extended nearly 30 yards. Little kids were enthralled and the locals gazed at her like she landed in Athens from the moon. Proof that Ralphie is hands down the best mascot in all college sports.

-Gameday was hot. Humid, hot, and sunny. Us mountain folk have no business in that sauna they call air. However, the Buff contingent represented hard. Damn near 5000 strong, we were loud, knowledgeable, and passionate. Easily the best CU away-game crowd I’ve been a part of for quite some time.

-Had a chance to check the MLK Historic Site in the ATL. Anyone visiting the region needs to check this out, as it is very powerful and a reminder of our country’s sometimes evil past. They also had a chilling recount of the 1906 Atlanta Race Riot.

-Georgia fans very pleasant and congratulatory. They bought us drinks, t-shirts, and invited us to their parties. The coeds wore fancy dresses to the games and after a few drinks, yours truly also wore womens’ clothing. Slushy Gutter…indeed.

-Commercial “hip-hop” radio in Georgia is worse than your local “hip-hop” station times 10. So bad that while rolling with my man Fresh Marcus, we popped in an Arabian Prince tape and relived 1989.

-Cops like to harass tailgaters in Athens. We were gaffled by a cop named “The Hollowman” and his partner while imbibing post-game. They apparently work for “Sergeant Dickhead” who routinely writes tickets to the group of UGA fans we were partying with.

-We attended the Thursday night ESPN game between Georgia Tech and Virginia. Signs and plaques all over the campus reminded everyone that G-Tech actually thinks they were National Champions in 1990. Everyone can thank that ahole Tom Osborne for that bullshit.

-A local Athens cab driver asked how many “perns” Colorado lost by. He was shocked they only lost by one “pern.”

-The final parting shot…rolling back to the airport along some lonely Georgia highway, we stopped at an intersection. Former Slushy Gutter winner T-Dub pointed out the window and yells, “dang, look at that!” Looking into the green Georgia landscape, the crew (including both of our wives) expected to see some rare wildlife, a pretty southern flower, maybe even a unique southern car. None of that, but rather a littered porno mag, completely open, showing to all observant drivers what appeared to be a layout on some anal fellatio.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

you shouldve jumped out of that van and snagged that magazine, bud. Owwy!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's some funny ish right there.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right here homeboy, hey homeboy stop here!

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