Suckers Need Bobyguards

A true leader, don't choose to follow, choose what I swallow
whether water or a beer bottle, of course I play the lotto...

I loved old school rap beefs. KRS v MC Shan. Kool Moe Dee v LL Cool J. Then, beefs suddenly changed and got all violent, really dumb, and then spilled over from rapper v rapper. You had rappers v singers, comedians, actors, news personalities, anyone was fair game. And now add Marv Albert to the list. The girlie biter was involved in a small fracas with Fiddy's peoples backstage at the Jimmy Kimmel show. We know 50 is a tough guy, and I give him credit for not really changing who he is, but Marv Albert? Did he feel threatened by a 60 year old hoops announcer? Was Marv rocking (insert rapper who 50 has beef with here) on his iPod? Was Marv throwing up 50's rival neighborhood's signs? Will Marv release a diss track about 50? Maybe it will feature the czar of the telestrator. Maybe the rap game gets freaking weirder every damn year.

RELATED: Wu Tang Clan - "Triumph" - (... then slide in, sickenin', guaranteed, made em jump like Rod Strickland")

Bad Young Brother

Hip Hop lost another "pioneer" of sorts when UK rapper/DJ/producer Derek B passed away from a heart attack. He was only 44. I rocked his debut album "Bullet From A Gun" on steady rotation in the spring of 1989. A great collection of well-produced tracks, heady lyrics ("We get paid in pounds, not in dollars") and ill scratches, the tape was a fixture in the deck of a young Commish. I have to be honest that I probably haven't listened to that album in 20 years, but I can remember it being a strong lineup with nary a track that you had to skip. While a "British Invasion" of rappers never really happenned (Wee Papa Girls, Monie Love), reading up on Derek B it appeared he sustained a level of success in the UK for some time. RIP.

Capital Punished

Let's get down to finish this large,
You could bring on your whole squad, none of you chumps are hard...

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs' loss to Iowa State, eliminating them from bowl contention, and the Bronco loss to the Redskins...

DROPS: The last time we saw Chris Simms play this poorly, he was helping the Buffs to the 2001 Big 12 Championship. 3 of 13 passing? Simply won't get it done- especially when his passes arent off by a bit, but by yards at a clip. Witness the last pass of the game, Simms missed a wide open Brandon Marshall (stands at 6-5) by overthrowing him by a yard. Considering Simms makes $3mil a year, this has to imporve. You can get Joe Shitbag off the street for the league minimum to perform better.

DROPS: The Buffs moved the ball without too much resistance between the 20s, but their problems started whenever they got into the red zone. Fourth and one early in the game and Demetrius Sumler is stuffed at the line. In that case the best option is - again- Tyler Hansen up the middle. Later in the game, Rodney Stewart fumbles at the eight. Fumbles are part of the game, but that is his second of the game. Why isn't he on the sideline in the red zone or been "coached up" to hold on with two hands. Finally, late in the game the Buffs get it to the one again and Bryce Givens goes stuck on stupid and gets a offensive hands to the face and then a yellow card technical foul unsportmanslike conduct call that gives the offense first and goal... at the 39. All three are a direct result of coaching brain farts and piss poor planning.

DROPS: With the loss the Buffs will be playing Nebraska at Folsom with nothing on the line in over 20 years. Another dubious notch on the bed post of Dan Hawkins.

DROPS: The physical-ness (word check please) of the Donks has been slowly diminishing over the last few weeks. The DL especially has "worn down" as the game has progressed. That was Ladell Betts getting big chunks of yards in the 2nd Half. Ladell Betts- he is on every waiver wire of every fantasy league in the world. With upcoming games against tougher backs, the Donk coaching staff may have to be more creative in getting better line play. More stunts, blitzes, and zone coverage.

DROPS: The Redskins' fake punt in the 2nd quarter? Was that drawn up in the sand on the back lots? Call a timeout in the case, especially since Hunter Smith had already taken one to the end zone earlier in the year. Doesn't anyone scout these things?

PROPS: There is serious chatter on the mean internet streets that the Hawkins' regime is close to being toppled. Some are reliable sources, while other far flung reports have everyone from Mike Shannahan to digging up Dal Ward to rescue this program.

DROPS: Did you see the guy wearing the Dexter Manley jersey? You might've of, but Dexter didn't.

DROPS: The Buffs again committed 11 penalties with more yellow on the Iowa State field than a pasture of cows who've been drinking cold beers. The team is the most penalized in Division I football - "Divsion One Football!" - the Oakland Raiders of the NCAA. Rick Neuheisel was bombarded by fans and alums with his loosey goosey style and penalties, and Hawkins' lot do more dumb ass penalties than Rick's NFL-laden squads.

RELATED: Originoo Gun Clappaz - "No Fear"

Scheduling Smack Down

The bullshit I write is the ultimate
Not the counterfeit, but the legit shit
Now trip, I'm the writer of this script...

College hoops starts in our fair state tonight! Can you feel the excitement! A little bit? Any? Hello?

While the fenzy that accompanies college basketball in much of the country, including in most of our surrounding states, engulfs their fans, Colorado remains a colliegiate hoops wasteland.

Leading the way is the flagship university, our Colorado Buffaloes, who when not lead by a certain Nuggets point guard are routinely in the conference basement. This year is no different as the Buffs are picked by every expert this side of Jesus Shuttlesworth to finish last in the Big 12.

But why not a bit of excitement? Start with the schedule. Tonight's epic opener against Arkansas; not the Razorbacks, but rather something called Pine Bluff. I use that to clean my wood floors, right? Follow that up with weenight games next week versus Coppin State and Texas Southern. Good seats available. Heck, you can sit on the player's laps if you just show up.

But hey, it gets better! San Francisco comes to town, maybe their most famous alum Bill Russell can suit up even for just a few minutes. After that Colorado Christian. That is not a local Night Ranger tribute band's homage to "Sister Christian." Cal State Northridge comes calling three days before Christmas. Free gift wrapping will be available. Yale comes a week later, they can do your taxes and solve equations for you during timeouts. And to wrap up the non-conference schedule, Miami Ohio comes to town in early January. Ben Rothlisberger could buy every seat in the arena, but would anyone notice?

The Big 12 portion of the schedule offers some better teams to watch, but the conference did no favors with the days and times. Every Saturday home game is a daytime tilt, when students would rather be a)skiing b)sleeping c)recovering d)anything other than hoops. Who isn't already pumped for the 11:45 am game with Iowa State?

As always there are the Blue KU horde that will take over the arena sometime in February, and Oklahoma and Missouri add some excitement.

The scheduling does have one advantage: it offers a chance for some wins. As a young team in Coach Bz's third year the teams coming in could serve as fodder to get in the left hand column. So head up to Coors and cheer, cheer loud, real loud, because you might be the only one there.

RELATED: Public Enemy - "He Got Game"

Finger Tips

Like a superintendent, burning MCs leaves a foul scent

See I'm like what ya call...king a yes ya'll ...

Kudos for the NBA zebras for actually getting one thing right in the Nugegts loss victory over the Bulls last night. The five minute must-see-TV conference to determine whether or not Brad Miller of got off his "shot" in the .3 seconds proved he did not get the shot off by mere fingertips.

Never mind the refs had blown the preceding intentionally missed free throw by Chauncey Billups. Unless the refs are Steve Austin (super hero, not roid munching wrestler) how could they see when the Bulls got the board, notice the timeout, and note the clock is at .3 seconds? They missed multiple fouls on the Bulls tying shot and a huge goaltending earlier in the game.

The Bulls probably got some hometown timing on Miller's shot too. Throw in the near circus act the Bulls bench employed during the ref review (Joakim Noah just seems like a giant sack of douche, doesn't he? Contrast their act with the Nuggets who waited idly) and the refs actually did a decent job.

Next time the Bulls should use someone with shorter fingers. Say, a shorter player, a victim of the Japanese mafia, Spud Webb, a member of the Lolipop Guild? Rather they use Brad Miller- was Arsenio Hall, Edward Scissorhands, ET, or every mid-30s or older male's doctor not available?

RELATED: A Tribe Called Quest - "Buggin Out" - ("No need to sweat Arsenio to gain some type of fame")

Terrible Toweled Off

Cause in my physical, I can express through song
Delete stress like Motrin, then extend strong...

PROPS and DROPS from the dramtic Buff win over Texas A&M and the Broncos' beatdown at the hands of the Steelers:

DROPS: You knew it was coming, you just knew eventually Kyle Orton would go all crappy on the Donks. Last night it happened against one of the most opportunistic defenses in the league. Orton's INTs weren't the result of disguised coverages, tipped balls, or miscommunication with the receivers, they were just crappy-ass throws. The TD return INT saw a ball thrown in the direction of Knowshon Moreno (who was being covered by a noseguard and the umpire) where it probably should've been thrown into the ground. Polamula's pick was being thrown to the hot dog vendor in the north stands.

DROPS: Bill McCartney used to say "discretion is the greater part of valor." Apparently that phrase hasn't filtered to some of the CU AD, the head coach, or some players. After the game, all three were throwing the fans who wore powder blue under the Buff Bus. I can give the players somewhat of a pass (although that can also be a reflection of their coach) but I cant imagine why Dan Hawkins or the AD would go out of their way to disparage the fans who wore blue (yet cheered for the team, some rushed the field, and simply showed up!)

DROPS: Penalties continue to ravage the Buffs, as they had a bevy of them again versus the Aggies. It's not as if the refs are flag happy either: witness the non-calls that A & M got on some borderline personal fouls. It is some more bone headed play; again the Buffs were flagged for a delay of game coming out of a TV timeout.

DROPS: For the second straight week the Bronco opponent got the better of the halftime adjustments. The Steelers used their bunch formation sparingly early in the game, with Mike Wallace (who looks great after all those years on '60 Minutes') peeling off for a quick out route. That effectively loosened up the Donk D, as the Steelers ran out of the formation repeatedly in the 2nd half, but rather ran counters for big chunks of yards by Rashard Mendenhall. Heath Miller had a huge game blocking on those runs.

DROPS: Mitch Berger, Bronco punter: you've had a nice run buddy. Time for McD and crew to assemble the punting posse for the Tuesday tryouts. Hey, the Rapids aren't in the playoffs, maybe one of them can moonlight.

PROPS: As the Buff O-Line more and more resembles a gushing dam, Tyler Hansen is doing his best Steve Young impression. Versus a sea level team like A & M this can take it's toll by the 4th quarter, and that is exactly when the Buffs seemed perky while the Aggies wilted.

PROPS: The Steelers' coaching staff's coats looked like something from a mid-80s breakdance movie. Funky fresh!

PROPS: Dan Hawkins isn't going to win many coaching wit battles versus Mike Sherman, or Sherman Douglas, General Sherman, or Sherman Hemsley, but his staff had a few nice calls throughout the game. One was invloving Marques Simas more in the game plan, as he had a breakout game. Two was dusting off the option play that has been shuttered for three years under Hawk on the second to last TD. Problem was, it seems that if they would've run that the rest of the game with Hansen and Rodney Stweart, the A & M defense wouldn't had been able to keep up and there would be no need for the late heroics.

DROPS: Champ Bailey had maybe his worst game in a Bronco jersey. Santonio Holmes had his way with him, and Hines Ward's Edwin Moses impersonation will have players clowning #24 for the entire year. The big question will be is this the beginning of Champ slowing down or just an off game versus the Super Bowl MVP?

RELATED: King Tee - "Bass" - ("Casanova Fly guy, funky fresh in the flesh...")

Powder Blue Protest?

From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli
My style slams, but some still want to get with me...

By now, it is safe to say that most of Buff Nation is upset with the direction of the program. The problem is, no one can pinpoint a way to show their frustration and get through to the powers that be. The constant "support the kids" rings true when any talk of boycotting games, witholding donations, or flashing your testicles to Dan Hawkins and telling him to "suck it!"

A CU student has come with his own protest that makes some sense; showing up at tomorrow's game yet wearing the hated powder blue unis from the Chuck Fairbanks dark era. Basically you'll see alot of Nuggets gear at Folsom, so break out the Earl Boykins throwbacks!

Of course, we Buff fans love us some Black and Gold on Black and Gold infighting, so the debate rages whether this is an appropriate protest. The SG can see both sides of the issue: send a message to the AD with the blue yet what message does that send to the kids. Ahh fuck it, the SG plans their own protests:

-Corduroy hats. Why harken to the dark days when we can be reminded of the mid 80s when the program was on the upswing. Plus corduroy hats totally got the shaft with trucker hats making a comeback. Fucking Ashton Kutcher.

-Hard hats. I'm going to protest that CU needs to bring back the concrete artificial turf that graced Folsom for more than a decade. That crap gave more rug burns than humping on shag carpet.

-Arrive drunk. It's been 15 long years since smoooooooooth Coors Light flowed at Folsom Field. I can remember the days of John Elway on the sideline pounding six beers in one game; of Kenny Rogers chilling in the team house with a frosty one. Yes, Kenny Rogers. The freaking Gambler. Motorboating Dolly Parton. This protest will not be too hard given the present company.

-Dress like a Hippie. Yes, it's Boulder and this shouldn't be too hard to pull off, but let's protest the fact we haven't had a top RB since the days of noted ganja enthusiast Rashaan Salaam. The last two blue chippers have went bye-bye and they might've been enticed to stick around if they had only did a few more golden bong rips rather than bitch about the play calling.

RELATED: Trigger the Gambla f/Smoothe the Hustla - "My Crew Can't Go For That"

Scotty Beam Me Up to UCLA

I shine and rhyme at the same time
The mastermind of the sport called the rhyme...

No surprise that Darrell Scott is leaving the CU program. We’ve been hinting at it all year in our PROPS and DROPS, and while on the surface this may seem as no big deal and a “don’t let the door hit ya” type deal, the long term effects will be pretty substantial.

Let’s get the easy parts out of the way. Yes, he showed up out of shape, he was beat out by a 5-7 no-star player, and he struggled to learn the playbook. And yep, he’s going to UCLA with his uncle MC Josh Smith and that great mentor of running backs Rick Neuheisel. Uh-huh, Scott didn’t really show that huge break away speed, the crazy jukes, or even straight knock you in the mouth mojo- he wasn’t the next Adrian Peterson as many thought. Yes sir, he bailed on teammates in mid year, on an already sinking ship.

All that pales to the message this sends to the recruiting life line of any college football program: that five star recruits not need apply. CU has to make its hot spot Southern California and their native son is returning home after a failed Boulder experiment. Think other SoCal kids won’t take notice? They don’t care that Rodney Stewart is better, all they hear from their man is that he got ganked.

For a program who is currently 11th in the conference in recruiting (looking up at Baylor!?) this won’t be good. Cut throats like Neuheisel, Steve Sarkisian, and other Pac-10ers can and will use this. “Hey blue chipper, I love Boulder, but look at what happened to Darrell there. They brought him in to return kicks!”

Would a 17 year old kid take that to heart? Throw in Dan Hawkins and his ineptitude at the helm? You bet your ass he would, and like Darrell Scott he’d take his football up and down the West Coast rather than to Boulder.

That's So Not Raven

Go ahead ask me, when I kick a curse in a verse, I say nope
Grab you by your hand, wash you're mouth out with soap...

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs' Homecoming loss to Mizzou and the Broncos' first loss in Baltimore:

DROPS: First play of the Donk game set the tone for the entire contest; Jaret Johnson off the edge, unblocked into the backfield. Kyle Orton has no time other to protect his neck as he is driven into the turf. Momentum, son, momentum. Even on the first play of the game. Sent the message the Ravens’ woud be coming for Orton all day, limiting his time to throw.

DROPS: For the second straight week, the Buffs came out flat. This time it wasn’t on some non-descript road game, but rather in your Homecoming contest versus a team that has kicked your ass the last two years. Nothing, the team was flatter than a leftover keg cup in the morning (be honest, you sicko drunk, you’ve drank that cup before.) I made a point to watch the offense as they came on the field after each Mizzou score (that was a lot of times.) You would think someone would be in the sideline huddle pumping the unit up? Maybe a coach? Maybe a defensive player urging them on? Nobody other than your walk-on center Keenan Stevens was even remotely emotional.

DROPS: Mizzou’s plays were slower developing than old people getting ready for bed. QB Blaine Gabbert was holding handoffs for at least 2-3 seconds while the RB approached, and his drops on a gimpy ankle would make Drew Bledsoe proud. Now any defensive coach worth his salt would blitz every which way south of Lakewood, yet the Buffs couldn’t manage any penetration.

PROPS: Ed Reed = a) Kimbo Slice’s brother b) Iman at the local mosque c) Junkyard Dog’s son

PROPS: The Boulder ROTC spent most of their day Friday and Saturday morning shoveling snow from Folsom Field, and they did such a good that that there was barely a trace of snow anywhere. This is not to be overlooked as snowballs would’ve been flying at Dan Hawkins’ head.

DROPS: The Denver defense has limited third down conversions all year up until yesterday. Too many third down conversions were converted, extending Raven drives. Joe Flacco was particularly adapt at avoiding oncoming defenders and finding Mark Clayton and Derek Mason. Of course offsides (I’m looking at you Elvis) twice in a row on a third and 12 will help every time.

DROPS: For as horrid as they had played the Buffs gained some momentum in the third quarter and had scored 14 points and were driving to knock the game down to perhaps 33-24. They faced a 3rd and one and fourth and one from the 13. Rather than have your QB pile drive it up the gut, they elected to handoff to Rodney Stewart (the smallest player on the team) up the middle. Stuffed. Game over.

PROPS: We’ve noted this before but it is worth looking at again: post game Josh McDaniels first words out of his mouth was “we were outcoached.” Dan Hawkins’ did his standard him-hawing taking no pressure off the kids and taking some accountability. McDaniels- a 33 year coach taking responsibility away from NFL millionaires. Hawk- a mid-50s coach heaping responsibility on college kids.

RELATED: Wu Tang Clan – “Protect Ya Neck”

Count Chocula Cometh

Since the thousands hundreds tens handful of SG readers have probably forgot, tomorrow is the day when the 2009 SG Bracket Racket bet will be paid.

Cliff Notes version: Three time Slushy Gutter winner T-Dub and The Commish bet over who will have the better March Madness brackets. The loser has to dress up in an agreed upon costume at one CU home football game in the fall, and that costume this year is Count Chocula.

Makes perfect sense: Basketball bet in March, paid off at football game in Fall by dressing as an animated cereal character.

After losing the tilt in last year and having to go all Mummy on us in 2008, T-Dub turned the tables and defeated The Commish this year. Therefore, I will be going as Count Chocula to the CU-Mizzou game tomorrow.

Unlike last year, there are NO Hip Hop songs that reference Count Chocula, NO beer that tastes/looks/sponsored by Count Chocula, and Count Chocula CAN'T start at point guard for the Nuggets.

Although, if things go poorly at Folsom, Count Chocula might go in at QB for the Buffs.

Nuggets Tip It Off

Long winded but I don't need my respiratory

to bless my story, you got nothing for me...

Some real quick hitters from the Nuggets' season opener last night (In the interest of full disclosure, The Commish only made it till about the 3rd quarter. 8:30 starts coupled with hours of snow shoveling, beating snow off trees, dealing with power outages, and my tap dance lessons will lend to early bed times. OK, I made the tap dancing thing up, but you get the idea.)

--The obvious is Melo looks leaner and was really involved, dipping into the low post on almost every shot. Look a little harder and you see that K-Mart also looks leaner and more cock diesel and was all over the court hustling. Maybe Mark Cuban sent him a fruit basket.

--New Pepsi Center logo on both sides of the court; but what is with the wood around it not matching the rest of the floor? Some dude who looked like Judd Nelson in St Elmos Fire came to my crib and told me he could get all of my mis-matched wood floors to look the same for minimal cost, yet Stan Kroenke can't get the same effect? Maybe he should call Andrew McCarthy.

--Andre Kirilinko- grown up Macaulay Culkin?

--Everyone is all gaga over Ty Lawson and count the SG as being on his jock too. The combo of him, Chauncey, and Anthony Carter will cause matchup problems. Chauncey had his problems at times with more athletic guards the past couple years, and Lawson should give him adequate rest throughout the year.

--Pepsi Center looked damn packed considering the snow and ice coming down. These are probably the same people who left work early and won't be showing up for work/school today due to the conditions. Yet they can drive downtown to watch hoops, drink Coors Light and enjoy a bowl of Blueberry Dippin Dots.

--I will miss Linas Klieza because the Ivan Drago voice will no longer echo through the Commish house. Oh, his clutch shotting too.

--The Nuggets are getting pretty well fucked by the NBA over the opening stretch of the season. Four back-to-back games over the first three weeks? In this day and age why are back to backs even necessary? They have four to five day breaks, yet still have games in two different cities in two nights. With the weather and travel, they won't roll into Portland to about 5am and then sleep, practice, meetings, and play the Trail Blazers? This season, they have four trips of four or more road games without ONE homestand of longer than three games.

RELATED: House of Pain - "On Point" - ("...don't start me up like a rolling stone or I'll leave ya sulkin like Maculay Culkin in Home Alone")

The Big Rox What If?

In the game of life, I play all positions
Stop look and listen, total package, yes a true master
Produce rhymes, slang hits faster...

It is not that far fetched, but if Huston Street pitches like his regular season self, Aaron Cook has his sinker working in Game Five, and the Rox scratch out a few runs, they would've met up with the Dodgers in the NLCS. I'm of the opinion the Rox would've made quick work of the Dodgers in the series much like the Phils. Go back to mid-July and if Brad Hawpe would've hit a stitch beyond Carl Crawford's glove, we'd be seeing the Rockies hosting the Yankees in Game One of the World Series tonight in our fair city.

One problem: snow and lots of it. And it isn't the quick moving storm we usually get around Halloween which made you wear that lame parka over your fresh Ghostbusters outfit or the moon boots with your Michael Jackson parachute pants back in the day. Rather it is a lingering 36 hour dumper with schools closed and weathermen beating their collective dicks.

The fun of it would be seeing the ESPN and other network talking heads during the snow. Karl Ravech would be in his J Crew pea coat with Dan Marino Isotoner gloves. Peter Gammons would probably rock some pimp-like fur coach (since he is a rock star), and John Kruk would most likely be trying to catch the snow flakes because someone told him they were marshmallows. Steve Phillips would be trying to hump a snowman. Kate Hudson would be wearing some lame $1000 pair of Uggs and some pitcher (my bet would be Joba Chamberlin, he's from Nebraska so he's not too bright would be rocking the short sleeves.)

Most likely games one and two would be pushed back to the weekend and the World Series would finish when you are sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Alot would of had to happen for this but on this snow day we can all dream right?

RELATED: Nice & Smooth - "Sometimes I Rhyme Slow" - ("...but I keep havin visions of snow")

Manhattan Misplay

As far as rap go, it's only natural, I explain
My plateau, and also, what defines my name

DROP: Rather than get this ish up in the customary Monday after the game spot, I took another day to fully try to comprehend what happened in Manhattan this Saturday. Being that the SG Crew was at the game and had a few beers before, during, and after the contest, the extra day was a welcome respite. There’s not one thing about this game that you can point to as a DROP why they lost. The team was basically crap from the top on down sans the defense for about half the game. Missed extra points, missed OL blocks, and shoddy QB play were the obvious.

DROP: Manhattan is a rather dull place. It certainly can’t match up with Austin or Boulder; it doesn’t offer world class food or nightlife (ate at an Old Chicago after the game.) The tailgating is OK; the weather is a bit breezy; and you won’t find any boutique hotels or freaky local shops (saw a couple quilt shops.) That being said, that’s all crap for us fans to deal with- the team still has to play the game on the same size field with the same ball whether it’s in the Super Bowl or a sand lot. The entire team looked pretty unemotional both pregame, during the first half (when they had the lead) and even coming in the game in the 2nd half. The celebrations were rather muted in a time when some big Brian Dawkins-type hollering could’ve made some difference.

DROP: The WRs had a below average game. It is unknown if any of them outside of Scotty McKnight can actually run a route. When your QB Tyler Hansen is doing his best Fran Tarkenton impression, not one of them did the “come back to the QB” route. That is coaching, and who is the WR coach? The head coach.

DROP: Our punt returner has a broken finger and is returning punts? Makes perfect sense, when all he needs to catch an object falling from the sky at an ever accelerating rate! And the K-State punter was practically seeding the clouds with his punt heights.

DROP: Remember in “Friday” when Craig (Ice Cube) got fired on his day off and everyone kept asking him “Now, how do you get fired on your day off?” That ran through my head when the offense got a delay of game penalty on the first play after halftime.

DROP: And just to muddy the waters a bit more, why not throw in the benched QB into the game late? Let him throw two INTs as Tyler Hansen sits on the bench stewing, and then announce after the game that Cody would be the “two minute” QB. How is that letting Hansen grow as a QB? Doesn’t he need to be in those situations? Never in my three decades as a football fan have I seen a designated “two minute” QB; but leave it to Coach Hawk and his band of geniuses to find a way to work that into the football lexicon.

The Points Wit Da Quickness

From brand new to tatterred and torn
This place is Jimmy crack corn
My sh-ts Mazola
Your style's kiddy like Crayola...

CO SPORTS:
--Hey, there's a team that was picked to finish last in their league that is currently rolling through the competition and in first place, surprising everyone! Name them. The Denver Broncos!? Awww, so close, except they play on ice! The Denver Ice-Broncos!? No, they play with a lot of Canadians. The Denver Broncos, eh!? No, they play with a small rubbber puck instead of a football. The Denver Mini Rubber Broncos!? No, they are a hockey team. The Denver Bronco Hockeys!? Never mind. Your Colorado Avalanche are rolling early and are in first place after the first three weeks of the season with a solid young core and timely goaltending. No word if they too will wear mustard throwback unis though.

HIP HOP:
--Anti Pop Consortium returns after a long break in the game with their new release, Flourescent Black. What immediately grabs this hard-to-the-core-boom bapper with this release is that if you remove the lyrics the beats and music might remind you of a mid-90s rave. But that is a good thing in this case, as APC blends banging drums (the track "Timpani"), synth sounds, and a multi-layered approach by beat-meister Earl Blaize. Yet, you cannot discount the lyrics from M Sayyid and High Priest on standout tracks like "Superunfrontable" and "New Jack Exterminator" as both MCs come off with precision.


BEER:

--Who doesn't love a cold beer in the morning, then stretching into the lunch hour and lasting into the early afternoon? Most of the world is feverishly working away while you're pounding an ice cold one. Even better when they are under $2 a pop for some Rocky Mountain Goodness. That's what the Lohi Steak Bar in Denver has come up with from 11am to 2pm, the beer slacker's paradise. Come with under 10 bucks, leave with a wicked buzz and the rest of the afternoon to get those TPS reports done.

Pop Goes The Balloon Boy

Colorado is still all talk about the freaks up in Fort Collins known as the Heene family and their balloon hoax. What many people didn’t know is some other folks were perhaps involved in the perpetration:

--CU coach Dan Hawkins was said to have been hiding in young Falcon’s hiding spot above the garage. When police searched the house, they actually found Coach Hawk in the spot. “Leave him up there through the next couple games” the police chief responded.

--Charger players Shawn Merriman and Shaun Phillips trashed talked and pushed and shoved the balloon when it landed. It was the most effective they were versus any Colorado object over the weekend.

--Jay Cutler, he of the $30 million new deal, was called in to knock the blimp down when it precariously came close to the “red zone,” a spot that aviation types deem within 20 yards of landing. Cutler promptly threw the ball into a passing traffic helicopter.

--Some of the MLB umpires who worked the recent Rockies’ and other series were brought in to consult about the balloon. They quickly determined that the object was not, in fact, a blimp, but rather it was Missy Elliot from “The Rain” video. When the cops asked if they were sure, they angrily quipped, “we’re umpires, we get paid to make judgment calls!”

--In that same vein, NBA replacement refs were also consulted during the process. After careful review, they gave a technical foul to Kenyon Martin.

RELATED: GZA/Genius - "I Gotcha Back" - ("I wish I could rule it out like an umpire")

Royal Treatment

I know you wanna enter but I can't let you in
My mindstate's the maddest, I'm gone with the wind...

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs last second win over the Jayhawks and the Broncos reaching 6-0 with their MNF win over San Diego:

PROPS: The Chargers thought a good way to get a leg up in this game would be to raise their intensity and go 1991 Miami Hurricane and intimidate the Donks. No chance in that as Denver simply shrugged off the Chargers buffoonery and matched the level in the first half and laid the wood to the Chargers in the second. While the Broncos let their play do their talking, Darren Sproles wasted no time in pointing to his name and number when he scored his TD. Team, Darren, team.

PROPS: Tyler Hansen's stat line looked rather pedestrian, but the stat line doesn't show how he created opportunites and had the KU defense guessing all game. His scrambles helped draw in linebackers which helped the tight ends get open all night. Witness the key 3rd and 15 pick up to Riar Geer on the game winning drive. The only thing missing was more designed runs for the swift Hansen, who looked more comfortable and didn't have the "run now" mentality when your first read is covered.

DROPS: KU faced a 3rd and 29 late in the game and the Buffs gave up a 41 yard play. Usually a distance of over 20 yards means everyone except the dude who cleans Ralphie's dung is in coverage, yet the Buffs still let someone behind them.

PROPS: From the SG Crew when the announcers said Shawne Merriman eats "nails" for breakfast: "Eats nails? More like steriods and bisexual Vietnamese tramps."

PROPS: The SG is very stingy giving any dap to opposing players, but thank you NCAA for only letting players play for four years. Todd Reesing, KU QB is a player. He gets every ounce of ability out of his maller frame. People say he can't cut it in the NFL, but I'm skeptical. Dude has a major arm, scrambling ability and football smarts.

PROPS: Once again the Donks dominated in the 2nd Half, and once again the media talking heads sput off about adjustments. It may get played, but think of the logistics of halftime adjustments. Halftime is 12 minutes and half of the coaching staff is three levels away. The players need to get taped and looked at by medical staff. Some players are back on the field by the four minute remaining mark. For a rookie head coach and his staff to recitify the ails of the first half in this environment and literally dominate the 2nd halves of games is remarkable.

PROPS: Tony Scheffler on a safety isn't a great matchup, as the Donk TE is simply too long and athletic for them to cover. Witness his long catch and run on the final Donk TD drive. He pretty much bodied up San Diego's Weddle to make the catch and then used a simple spin move to get past him. If not starting from a dead stop, Scheffler most likely would've scored.

PROPS: Marquez Herrod was in KU's grill more than the KU Hoops team. Herrod had three sacks on the night and repeatedly forced KU runners into the teeth of the Buff d-line. So much so that the Jayhawks pretty much abandoned the run by the 2nd Half. The front seven held KU to under 10 yards rushing. It was nothing fancey, no stunts or complicated blitzes, just guys flying to the ball and staying with their assignments.

DROPS: Hey guy ten rows back of us: I didn't know that a Jayhawk was a "mythical bird," but after you yelled it about 1000 times throughout the evening, I know now.

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Flip Flops Aint Just Sandals in Boulder

The crew is lampin big Willie style
Check the chip toothed smile, plus I profile wild...

Post Texas game Tyler Hansen was the Black and Gold flavor. He was the new QB1, the leader, they were going to ride him the rest of the year. No gimmicks, no platooning of QBs (old school Donk fans may remember the platooning each play of Sean Moore and Tommy Maddox- brilliant) no special packages. Basically what many Buff fans wanted to hear: Tyler Hansen would be the man and Cody would be the backup.

Fast forward less than 48 hours and Coach Big Zen is doing a complete 180, that Cody could still play, that everything is “fluid” and tossing around more Zen bullcrap and speaking out of both sides of his bowl haircutted head.

I can tolerate to an extent inept coaching, the stubbornness that coaches have, bad play calling, clock mismanagement, subpar personnel decisions, heck I could fill this whole blog with Hawk’s missteps. But, don’t lie to me.

It’s like when your moms tells you how disappointed she is in you because you lied. Man, that hurt. All the mischief and trouble you got into, but when your she laid that on you- ouch.

Hawk isn’t being straight with us, and by now that is apparent. Now it makes us skeptical of everything he has said prior to this. More importantly, if we can’t trust him, can recruits and their parents trust him?

"You keep it real with me, I’ll keep it real with you" as Meth once said. And right now, Hawk isn’t keeping much of anything real.

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Dead End Street

I put mad pressure, on phony wack rhymes that get hurt
Shit's played, like zodiac signs on sweatshirt...

Sometimes you'd rather just get your ass whooped.

After an all-too exciting bottom of the eighth inning by the Rockies, an improbable victory seemed imminent. It had everything, both of the strange variety and conventional missionary style 150 years of baseball fare.

Dexter Fowler doing his best Edwin Moses impersonation. Jason Giambi inching closer to cult hero status with a clutch pinch hit. And the late-season MVP Yorvit Torrealba (or as a guy in my office calls him "Vit Tornado") gashing a double to center and doing his best Josh McDaniels impersonation on 2nd base.

Then the ninth. An epic collapse. All the near-glory and talk of the town for all day Wednesday was gone with two Huston Street pitches. Yes, lots of chances throughout the game. Lots of chances in the prior game. No shame in losing to the World Champions. Clint Barmes gave you nothing. The postponement hurt the Rockies. Aaron Cook was waiting back in PA. The umpires didn't help very much. Tulo not coming through for two nights. On and on and on. The result is a collective hangover looming over the Rocky Mountain region. Damn.

Sometimes you'd rather just get your tail whooped.

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Striped Sock It To Em

I do my thing, I don't dare front or flake

I commence to earthquake, dominate, and cremate

PROPS and DROPS as the Slushy Gutter Crew ventured to Austin for the Buffs' loss to the #2 Longhorns and the Broncos' OT win over the Patriots:

PROPS: In the second half of their five games, the Broncos have outscored their opponents 59-6. That tells us one thing: the Bronco staff is making the right adjustments at the break and coming out and implementing them. Case in point yesterday as the Donks switched to a more two tight end set in the second half and utilized Tony Scheffler and Dan Graham on more underneath plays.

DROPS: CU special team's coach Kent Riddle said the "game was on him" after his unit had a complete meltdown in the second half. We couldn't agree more as UT returner Jordan Shipley slashed his way through the Buff punt team to an easy TD. Throw in a blocked punt for a TD and it was an off day for the squad (they did however block a kick.) One quick fix? More starters on the units. No offense to the kids who bust their asses as walkons to get there on special teams, but an upgrade is needed on the pursuit, strength, and overall talent.

DROPS: Remember Tiny from Hollywood Shuffle? Is that Vince's Wolfolk's dad? Winky Dinky dogs.

PROPS: It is easy to be overshadowed by Champ Bailey and Brian Dawkins, but Bronco DB Jack Williams was all over the field on Sunday. His named was called more than the hot chocolate vendor in the east stands. It is showing the defense feeds off eachother, when a reserve like Williams can have a stellar game in his role. The vets lead by their play and attitude.

PROPS: Some may not like burning Tyler Hansen's redshirt nearly halfway through the year, but at this point what do the Buffs have lose? Cody Hawkins has just fallen and can't get up, and rather than trying to work through it, get him on the sideline where he might actually help being a defacto assistant. Now, can the staff get packages and plays for Hansen that can best utilize his talent? Yes, QB draws are easy for the swift Hansen, but how about some option misdirection? More roll outs will have to be on the game plan. A power I with Demetrius Sumler and the forgotten Darrell Scott.

PROPS: Josh McDaniels after the game looked like the dude on your softball team celebrating a 4th inning single. Although McDaniels just beat the New England Patriots, not Quick Hoe Excavating Service. Have to love the passion the coach showed after his almost near-robotic demeanor the past year.

DROPS: Texas showed in part why they are a superior team (well besides, talent, size, speed, and all that crap.) They identified the Buffs' top play maker as Scotty McKnight and completely took him out of the game. On the flip side, everyone already ten beers down on 6th Street knows Colt McCoy and Shipley have a bromance and that the latter will be a favorite target. That didn't set in with the CU staff or players as Shipley had a career day on offense and practically ran free in the secondary.

PROPS: Kudos on the mustard unis. The striped socks get all twisted and the team looks looks like some freaky elves on PCP or something.

No Win-dy City

The birth of a child on the 8th of October
A toast but my granddaddy came sober

The Rockies blew into Philly and promptly got blew out- literally. A 5-1 loss was complete with tricky winds throughout the game that wreaked havoc on the Rockies while the Phillies stayed cool in their home yard. While Ubaldo pitched well, Phillies' horse Cliff Lee pitched a gem, retiring the Rockies seemingly in order after some traffic early. The Phillies now enjoy a 1-0 series lead; yet they weren't the only ones who enjoyed yesterday's conditions. Rumor has it these people and things also did:
-Ben Franklin's search for power.
-Ricky Fitts' grocery bags.
-The Wicked Witch of the West.
-Hang gliders.
-Usain Bolt in an attempt to record a unofficial world record.
-Charley Brown's tree.
-Native American trinkets that hang from 1998 Ford Focus rear view mirrors.
-Obama's green energy plan.
-Chimes that your ahole neighbors seem to have right outside your bedroom.
-The 70's rock group Kansas.

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