Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Subtraction is Addition's Tricky Friend

Hanging out late drinking a couple of brews
Turn on the radio put the shit on snooze
So when it's time to get up, the radio comes on
Blasting in my ear with the hip-hop song...

A few things that really set the Slushy Gutter Summer Mission back a few notches:

-A Bay Bay- Even the most hardened drunk must slow his roll when they are becoming new fathers. While two time Slushy Gutter Winners JBiz and TDub had designated drivers for 2/3 of the Mission, the births of their daughters put their dranks on the back burner. Crying babies throughout the night, poopy diapers, and thoughts of Prom dates with dudes named "Gearshaft" brought their drinking back.

-The Agony of Defeat- A good percentage of the SG participants fancied themselves some sort of Wide World of Sports competitor, which hampered their SG quests. The quartet of current Slushy Gutter Winner Jeez Steve, former Slushy Gutter Winner Pickles, TDub, and Slick Rip all powered through a summer of flag football. Taskmaster Pickles kept an eye on his charges like he was Bear Bryant in "Junction Boys" and scowled on their drinking. The Commish favored sober eves before the handful of running races he sludged through, and JBiz skated over mofos like Wayne Gretzky, which frequently wouldn't start until late nights.

-Coors Field Financing- The local nine's continuing run for the playoffs throughout the summer was quite the thrill, but not for the beer drinker's wallet. Four beers at 20th and Blake would set you back $24, while that same amount could score you 36 beers from the local packie. I'm not some economist, but the latter would seem more beneficial. That and I have some ocean-side real estate in Commerce City to sell you.

-The Morning After- Perhaps the Kryptonite to our Supermen were beers themselves. (That's like some bullsh*t riddle or something.) Too many Saturdays and Sundays were spent nursing sore livers, throbbing heads, and mouths so putrid that maggots were scared. Trav, Jeez Steve, and Broz all endured these weekend bitebacks.

-Other Fish- The siren's call that is other types of sweet alcohol was too much for some of our competitors. TDub succumbed to a fancy wine or margarita; two time Slushy Gutter Winner Juck gots that Zima jones; Broz will power down a fresh Bloody Mary, and even guest passer Father Tuck stumbled over too many Vodka drinks. From the vast tomes on the mission, only the Commish and Trav stuck to the hops and barley exclusively.

-Big Gulps- Who can resist the testosterone laden Monster Mug of 32 ounces of the golden suds? Not many of us. When faced with the choice of the big beers or the Hulk Hogan sized glasses or the Glass Joe standards, the SGers chose Hulkamania to run wild on you!

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