Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Shut The Eff Fuck

I'm your idol, the highest title, numero uno...
San Francisco Giant and ESPN Sunday Night Baseball broadcaster Jon Miller has suggested that the Purp might be manipulating the humidor to their advantage. Seriously, Jon...shut the hell up. He says there's a "feeling" in baseball that the Rox mix in non-humidor balls late in the game to help with comeback wins.
Jon, there's a "feeling" among Colorado fans that you been slipping too many Ding Dongs into your diet. SG readers have a "feeling" that your chrome dome is so damn shiny that it knocks satellites off their orbit. Fans along the first base side at Coors Field have a "feeling" that you and Joe Morgan dress in diapers and rub whipped cream on eachother in the eighth inning.
Did Barry Bonds leave some of his cream for Jon to rub on his thick skull? Has Jon (no need for an 'h' in his name because he would eat it) ever thought of the logistics it would take for the Rockies to pull this off? That the umpires rub down each and every ball to be used in each game at Coors? That if the Rox tried to pull off a grand scheme like this the ultimate player in the duping would be a pimply faced Twitter addicted ball boy (OMG, Dan ODowd jus gave me da sign 2 use da cheetin ballz.) Not to mention the simple science and all that funky shit that goes along with the accusations.
Call it sour grapes? Jon would just eat them anyway.
RELATED: Masta Ace - "Jeep Ass N*gga" - ("...bust the scientifical")



Anonymous skyler ulbrecht said...

The doughnuts the team provides orbit around Miller when he broadcasts.

9:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The funnier thing would be if this ended up being true and Miller was finally right about one thing in the last 15 years. Actually, it'd be funnier if Miller died before we found out it were true.

10:22 AM  
Anonymous Smaktakula said...

I have difficulty making it through a broadcast without wanting to strangle both Miller and his D-Bag accomplice, Joe Morgan.

10:34 AM  
Anonymous boulder creek tailgater said...

Lets say the balls are taken out of the humidor 3 hours before first pitch. By the time the 7th inning and beyond rolls around, they've been in the dry Colorado air for 5+ hours. They would dry a bit.

Or maybe it's just a coincidence, crappy opponent relief pitching, brain farts by Randy Winn, and all that.

11:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fat fuck never said SQUAT about Barry Bonds and his cheating. HYPROCRITE

3:49 PM  
Anonymous Smaktakula said...

Miller gets the Ford C. Frick on Sunday.

12:54 AM  
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