Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Kleiza Era Will Not Be Resurrected

Conversation between Nuggets' defacto GM Rex Champman and former Nugget Linas Kleiza, who was rumored to be offered a contract to come back to the Mile High City. (NOTE: As per tradition on the SG, Linas is not a mild mannered midwesterner, but rather a ferocious cross between Ivan Drago and the crazy Eastern European dude down the block who chugs vodka by the caseload. His voice is best read in the that manner.)

REX: Linas? My man! Did you get our offer?
LINAS: You call that offer? Linas call it reason to kick Rex in the gonad.
REX: Your agent seemed a bit more receptive.
LINAS: Linas agent work for Linas. Like you work on street selling asshole to deviant.
REX: Linas, we'd really like you back in Denver.
LINAS: Denver can suck on rusty bowl of dog piss. You know where Linas at now?
REX: No.
LINAS: Linas on yacht. Big yacht. Make Jay-Z look like little sally boy. Linas float on Aegean Sea like Greek god. Much thong bikini. Much fancy European sunglass. Many entourage with hairy chest and small swimsuit.
REX: Okay, so you enjoy it there, we can work on the numbers...
LINAS: Enjoy? Linas more than enjoy! Linas lap up Greek poontang like kitty cat and milk. If Linas in Denver he wear big coat. Moon boot. Listen to Carmelo brag. Kenyon, Birdman stupid tattoo.
REX: We think you can help us get to the next level.
LINAS: Rex no good at math? Linas...Nugget...Western Conference Final. No Linas, you lose to Jazz in first round like puny man. Hah! Aron Affalo. Who is this Affalo? He little pimple on Linas butthole!
REX: Maybe we can revisit this later in summer then?
LINAS: Maybe Rex revisit Linas slap his sissy face.

RELATED: Lord Finesse- "Return of the Funky Man"

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