Hoops and Beer Don't Mix

And since kindegarten I acquired the knowledge
And after 12th grade I went straight to college…

It is a sad day here at Slushy Gutter Summer. The Colorado Athletic Department has announced that there will no longer be any beer served at Colorado basketball games. Please note, the teams play at the Coors Event Center.

The Commish is one of the few and proud basketball fans who attends most of the games. This means I’ve sat through Central Florida, Concordia, Regis, UNC-Wilmington, UC-Davis, TCU, Cal-Poly, Mercer, Dartmouth, Savannah State, ok…you get the picture. Beers come in handy when me and 1500 of my fellow fans are watching the product on the floor.

Reasons cited run the gamut of PC-worthy statements: no other Big 12 team serves the suds; we have to be responsible when the majority of students are underage; we’d like to stay in line with our football game policy; blah blah blah. And blah.

Big difference between football games and basketball games at Dear Ol’ CU. So the need to “stay in line” with football is moot.

FOOTBALL:
“Dude, football game on Saturday. 5pm.”
“I’m gonna get fuckin trashed.”
“Yeah brah.”
“Dude, lets down some beers Friday after class. We can sit on the front yard/porch and suck down some cold ones”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck class, let’s get the beer bong flowing early! Like around noon!”
“Shit, fuck, I’ll drink like 10 beers in my water bottle during class, bitch!”
“Then we’ll go to kegger/bar/etc and just get fucked up.”
“Fuuuuuuuuuuccccckkedddd up, brah.”
“Oh yeah. Then we’ll get up early and start pounding for the game.”
“Dude, like Bloody Mary type stuff.”
“Mother. Fucker.”
“Just pound beers, like for breakfast. I’ll use beer instead of eggs!”
“Yeah partner, we’ll have a massive tailgate right fucking here. Invite everyone. Tell them all to bring beer. And chicks. Tons of chicks.”
“Walk over to the game at 4:45 with like 17 beers in our pockets.”
“Oh yeah brah. I’ll have a case in my backpack.”
“You’re tripping brah!”
“I’ll sneak in a flask of Jack by hiding it in my ass.”
“Dude, I’ll sneak in a quart of vodka by hollowing out my leg.”
“I’ll soak my hair in Everclear for like eight hours and we can just suck on it.”
“Man, you’re a freaking warrior!”
“After the game we’ll come back and just keep it moving. Like ten kegs.”
“Dude. And like 30 cases of Keystone.”
“Dude, we’ll have like 2000 beers on ice and invite every fucking hot chick in Boulder”
“Fuck”
“No shit”
“Stuntin like my daddy!”

BASKETBALL:
“Dude, there’s a basketball game tonight.”
“Are they playing Kansas?”
“No.”
“Well fuck that then.”