Thursday, August 05, 2010

Ubaldo's Only 17

I'm not a law obeyer, so you can tell your mayor
I'ma non-stop, rhythm rock, poetry sayer...

Props to Ubaldo Jiminez for equaling the Rox single season record for wins with his 6-1 gem over the Giants yesterday. I had Ubaldo on the radio after the game, being his usual modest self. The one quote that stood out was he was "honored to be on the list with those other names (who also have 17 wins in a season.)"
Ubaldo, have you seen the other names? Not exactly Seaver, Maddux, or Gibson.
Jeff Francis is on the list from 2007's pennant winning season. Francis was the definitive ace that year and was lights out in the last two months. But are we ready to etch him on the plate for Rockies' all-timers?
Pedro Astacio is on the list. Not Pedro Martinez, but Pedro Astacio circa 1999. Dude had 129 wins and a slew of strikeouts in a average MLB career. He also had some legal woes in harassing his wife while in Colorado. A quick Google search reveals he was cut in 2007 by the AAA Columbus Clippers and he has applied for Pakistani citizenship so he can play Jai Lai for them. Seriously, I make up a lot of shit, but that's what it said.
Finally the last member of the esteemed list is Kevin Ritz. In 1996 (when Coors Field was at its pinnacle of pinball baseball- even Ritz had a honer that year) he was 17-11 with a plus 5 ERA. He went away after the 1998 season after a couple appearances. Now he works karoke under the name "Puttin On The Ritz" at the O'Hare Airport Hilton. OK, I made that part up...but Pakastani Jai Lai? Really?
Ubaldo- seriously. Fuck the list. Be better than the list.
RELATED- Y'all So Stupid - "A Van Full of Pakastanis"



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was in HS when Ritz had that 1996 season. There was this douchebag kid who went and got a Ritz rockies jersey over the summer. He wore it all the time and sometimes with those lame Rockies batting helmet with the mountains on top. The same kid drank so much Cinamon Schnaps on Prom night that his entire senior year we called him Hot Throat.

8:45 AM  
Anonymous Big Guy said...

I knew a girl in High School named Hot Throat, owwwwwwwwwwww!

8:51 AM  
Anonymous Chief Worley said...

Damn I forgot about YSS. That is a pretty tight jam. YSS, Yaggfu Front, Beatmonstas, Mad Kap, Trendz of Culture, The Legion, Mad Flava, etc. All those lesser known- 3rd tier- acts from early 90s had some real gems.

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Smaktakula said...

I thought jai alai went away sometime around 1982.

10:58 AM  
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