Monday, August 02, 2010

Did You Know?

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you...
In celebration of Colorado Day (August 1st), some little known facts about how the Centennial State came to be some 134 years ago:
--Ulysses S Grant proclaimed Colorado the 38th state in the Union. He wanted to name it the 15th state in honor of Tim Tebow, but Kentucky got all whiny and shit.
--Tebow made the shape of Colorado a near perfect square so all the other states wouldn't be jealous. After all, it's hard to be mad at a square. That's Tim, always keeping the peace.
--Tebow also thought the square shape would be perfect for future Bronco coaches to diagram plays for him to score winning TDs in the Super Bowl.
--Little known fact: the "S" in Ulysses S Grant was actually a gift from Tim Tebow, who said it was because he was "Special"
--The gold used to craft the State Capitol building was extracted from Tebow's fillings, as to not upset the nearby mining communities. However, the gold in those areas was placed there when locks of Tebow's hair were planted there.
--The cold felt in Leadville, Gunnison, and Fraser was described as "Tim Tebow getnly blowing his breath of life upon us" by early settlers.
--Tim sought to appease the Native American population from warring with early residents by buying each one a Chevy Cavalier.
--Every third lake in Colorado was emptied and filled with delicious ice cold Mr Pibb by order of Tim Tebow, who thought settlers needed a change from water.
RELATED: Erick Sermon- "Hittin Switches"



Anonymous poop de jour said...

Commish I see a theme you're developing here with this Tebow guy. holler

4:41 PM  
Anonymous Spotwood said...

If by theme you mean that Tebow is Jesus, then yes.

Though Tim would only want o be known as 15, because that's how many days a month he spends wandering around the wilderness curing falling sickness and cleaning up trash on I-25.

10:30 AM  
Anonymous Homonculus said...

It's rumored that Tebow has a solution to ski traffic on I-70.

5:17 PM  
Anonymous garys squib kick said...

He will devour pine beetles and spit them out to create beautiful Columbine flowers.

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