Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Spider!? Ahh Man.

Go read a book you illiterate son of a bitch and step up your vocab...

The roller coaster game that was the Rockies-Marlins that saw the Purp lose on the last pitch of the game has only one thing to blame. Not the Rockies for kicking the ball all over the field, not Ubaldo for grooving a pitch to that Stanton kid, not Huston Street for reverting to the 09 NLDS pitcher. The culprit for the lose: a spider.

As Street walked Dan Uggla (do you think Uggla ever rocked some Uggs boots and made dumb-ass comments like "check out Ugg's Uggs...hee hee hee"?) with two outs and some dude named Donnie Murphy coming to bat. Donnie Murphy? Wasn't he in New Kids back in the day?

It was at this point that Mrs Commish informed me there was a spider in the dryer. Because the best place for a spider to chill is in an all-white dryer that is fully enclosed. No one will ever see him there. Being I sometimes get a little antsy when relief pitchers are on the mound, I decided to venture to the basement to rid our dryer of the eight legged fiend. I fully expected to arrive back upstairs and see Jeff Huson and Drew still jerking off over Johnny Herrera's homer in the post game.

Nope. There's the Marlins jumping all over Donnie Murphy like he just got done belting out "Hanging Tough." Fuck that spider. Was the now-dead spider channeling past Marlins greats as Chuck Carr or Orestes Destrade? Or maybe the spider was trying to tell me the Rockies brass need not to focus on adding a bat such as Uggla or Ty Wigginton, but rather focus squarley on Seattle reliever David Aardsma, thus moving Street to a setup roll. Either way, the Rockies are back in third, my dryer is spider-free, and my next load of clothes may have a few stray legs. Fuck that spider.

RELATED: Inspectah Deck - "The Movement" - ("Make 'em wig out, Spiderman still on the web")

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11 Comments:

Anonymous Smaktakula said...

There must be a West Coast version of that same arachnid; the Dodgers recently took a 4-0 lead over St. Louis into the 8th, only to cough up a 5-4 loss. Pain.

9:13 AM  
Anonymous Smaktakula said...

Also, you're right about Donnie Murphy. What most people don't know was that his older brother, Mark "Marky Mark" Murphy was also in the group.

9:14 AM  
Anonymous skyler ulbrecht said...

Guys we're talking about Donnie Murphy here!

To quote Iverson: "what we talkin bout...Donnie Murphy?"

12:11 PM  
Anonymous calvin natty light said...

All us Hip Hop heads might remember when New Kids actually got luminaries Nice and Smooth on a later years track with them. Greg Nice and Smooth B must've got paid.

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Spotwood said...

No Commish, just no.

Street's been light out since he got back, all closers blow games at some point. This one happened to hurt because they made a valiant road comeback.

And Aardsma, despite being a local boy, and therefore cool, is a bad pitcher in an extreme pitchers ballpark with number comparable to the worst Rockies reliever pitching at Coors. Just say no to bad trades.

11:07 PM  
Blogger Commish CH said...

^-R- For a few minutes I thought Mark Murphy was the dude who sang that 90s R&B song "Return of the Mack." Id feel better if he hit the game winner.

^-Skyler- I mean how silly is that, Im supposed to be some dude on the Marlins, a lowly guy, I know all that, but what we talkin bout? Murphy?

^-Natty- "Dirty Dog" was the song and it was terrible.

^-Spot- Just dont think Street is 100% ready yet- fragile in the Cincy save and looked tenative versus Uggla (think the Philly debacle is in his dome versus "big" hitters) Im thinking DA can be had for not much. Plus, Im always a big fan of AL pitchers coming to the NL. If he cant fill the role you have another capable bullpen dude and sign Lee Smith to close.

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