Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Dante's Peak

You can call me R&B homeys, which stands for rough brother...

Last night Dante Bichette was recognized at the Rockies' game, the 15th anniversary of his Coors Field Game #1 dramatic home run. Some thoughts:

-Holy crap I wish there was someway, somehow, anything, that this blog game was around in the mid 90s when Dante was playing for the Rox. Can I use Uncle Rico's time machine? Dante would've been prime fodder in the SG damn near everyday. Hell, I'd make him the fourth pillar of the crap we talk about around here: Colorado Sports, Hip Hop, Beer, and Dante's Cartoon Life. Look at the guy back then- a greasy mullet, overweight, moody, didn't hustle...he was a cross between 'Eastbound And Down' and softball guy. My head is spinning between the thoughts of being able to crack on him everyday and the time machine that would bring me back there to enjoy the Splinters $1 game day drafts (old schoolers remember) and rock some Carhart hoody.

-That being said, Dante was a solid player who probably benefitted more from Coors Field pre-humidor more than any player in the short Rox history. He arguably was the 1995 NL MVP (Barry Larkin? Really?) However, Dante left alot on the table as a player. Mainly because he didn't leave alot on the table at meal time. He was overweight througout his Denver days, looking like he only used the weight room when the regular drinking fountain was broke. Dante was the poster boy for the 90s beer-guzzling slugger not named John Kruk. If Dante hit the weights, conditioning, and nutrition the way he hit the Coors Light, he probably would've batted 15 points higher, hit 10 more dingers and 20 more RBIs, and improved his defense.

-I was at that memorable game with Dante's winning homerun and it was cold as crap. I also remember the cold weather and newness (re: ushers not really looking out for anything) allowed me to fit an entire 12 pack of Red Dog into my coat. Red Dog, of the infamous "red" beer craze of the mid-90s.
-Dante might've not took the game of baseball all too serious, and the reason why might be foosball. Yes, foosball. Say it again, foosball, the tavern game that most of us outgrow in college or young adulthood. Dante was all about foosball when he was in Colorado. Dante eschewed the barbells and batting cages for trips to the pizza joint to do all those lame spins and tricks that the real good players employ (that pizza joint was the exact same place a young Commish frequented in high school and played foosball. Somehow, that joint became a gathering place for all the serious and "rated" foosball players over the years) while chomping on 'za and bread branches. Hard to say if his foosball prowess helped his wrist speed, but it didn't help his waist line.

-Years into retirement Dante is looking very retired. Shorn head, more overweight, and rocking some fly 1992 Oakley wrap-arounds. If Dante showed up at your door and said he was in the neighborhood aerating lawns for $20 would you be surprised?

-Someone can't get Larry Walker a Rockies jersey to wear? Dude shows up in a Canada sweatshirt and a Canucks hat. Yes, we know, you're Canadian. You also won th e97 MVP as a Rockie, not a Vancouver Whitecap.

RELATED: KMD - "Peachfuzz" - ("...succumb one to crumbs and pizza crust")

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5 Comments:

Anonymous skyler ulbrecht said...

The whole damn team followed Dante's fatso lead. Larry was blessed with so much talent but didnt take care of himself and was ALWAYS looking to take time off.

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