Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Drop Zone

Straighten out what I be about, reckon above the clout
And let the management work for me
Because I don't need the unnecessary hostility...

The Commishs attended the Nugs home finale last night, and while the Nuggets captured a much-needed win to set up a big matchup with the Suns tonight, I have one simple request for the team. No, not to play their asses off tonight, to play Birdman more minutes, to find a suitable four player complement to Ty Lawson (regarding Lawson: most creative use of duct tape, Sharpie, and an Allen Iverson #3 TJ Maxx $7.99 clearance jersey was on display last night), for JR to play with consistency. My simple request?

End the damn t-shirt drops at the Pepsi Center.

Want to see people absolutely wig out over free schwag? I mean just go fucking out of their minds? Like imagine those clips you see of the ladies in the 1960s crying over the Beatles and multiply that by the crowds at Wal Mart on Black Friday. To the point that they are clobbering each other with elbows, falling over seats, spilling their (and your) $7 drinks, jumping like they're Kareem in the center circle? Drop a "t-shirt" that could double as a disposable bib at Denny's from the ceiling.

A near melee broke out in our section in which the older gentlemen seated next to us out hustled and muscled a collection of wannabee gangsters, pregnant ladies, underage drinkers, visiting Euros, frat boy types, cougars, little kids, and "after work" guys for the coveted shirt that will undoubtedly be left for the Pepsi Center cleaning crew.

(Note to the young cat behind me: Just because his name is Rudy Gay doesn't mean that you can yell for him to perform fellatio on other males and to use homosexual slurs at him. Just saying.)

Either end the practice all together or up the ante and drop a something of more value, like say a coupon for a free small Burger King fries, and you'll see people go nutso like Mad Max in Thunderdome. That or sign Thelma from Commerce City to play power forward.

RELATED: Ludacris - "Southern Hospitality"

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8 Comments:

Anonymous calvin natty light said...

The tshirt gun is just as hazardous- the chance of gettng clocked in the face by the actual shirt or caught in the mob flailing over it.

Sometimes Id like to turn the tables and fire it at Rocky just to give him a taste of the chaos.

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Homonculus said...

Two words: sensory overload. Is it possible to turn the arena stereo system off for at least a couple of minutes? Jeebus. Damn thing was cranked to 11 the whole night. I hate to say it, but to an extent, I'd rather HD at home or a sports bar than the live experience.

Also, Rudy Gay's dunk in the 3rd off of a steal was phenomenal.

5:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rocky's Taste of Chaos

That's my new Fantasy Baseball name Commish, thanks.

9:13 AM  
Blogger Commish CH said...

Calvin^- I think there was a lawsuit involving a tshirt gun recently. Id like to have beer vendors shoot bottles with it.

Homon^- Pretty soon theyll give out free acid at the door to heighten your gameday experience

Anon^- That is freaking awesome

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