Smooth Ice

Breath smelling like cinammon...

Since I jumped off the Avs bandwagon earlier in this decade, I'm not going to give you too much info and breakdown on the team (unlike the Rockies/MLB, where I advised the Brewers to buy some drapes. That's hard hitting there.)

However, I still have my worn out Adam Deadmarsh (the only player to ever have his name misspelled on the Stanley Cup. "Ooops, sorry about that Adam. We'll white it out for you with a sodering gun.") t-shirt and a small smidge of hockey know-how. Like many other once-passionate puck fans here in Colorado I've tuned in the last few games to check on the team all the mulleted freak experts (hello, Melrose) picked to finish last in the conference. And what do you know, this group of dog butt puckers is safely in the NHL playoffs.

Granted they're in as the #8 seed and will probably get their asses handed to them by the Sharks (I used to rock a San Jose Sharks hat in the early 90s. I couldn't tell you one player on the team then. I couldn't tell you more than on player on the team now not named after a North Metro Denver suburb now) in round one, but they are in regardlesss.

But what I see with this team is very talented youth: Matt Duchene especially, along with TJ Galiardi and Ryan O'Reilly, and the only Jamaican in the NHL, Chris Stewart, who looks more like a linebacker than a forward. (Galidari, O'Reilly, and Stewart? Didn't they handle your uncle's case when he fell off the bench at Elitch's and he tried to sue them?) Of course, you have crafty veterans in Milan Hedjuk and Adam Foote (is "crafty" a term that really means over-the-hill? Everytime I hear "crafty" associated with a player I think of Gary Payton in a Celtics uni pulling the jersey of whatever guard is scorching him down the court.) My trained eye tells me goalie may be the final piece. Craig Anderson is servicable (another term for "he'll do until something better comes along." Kind of like that girl in college you were banging until your main chick came back from her schoool that summer. Funny thing, you were also the "servicable" dude until her guy came back for summer too. Now don't you feel cheap?) but he looks worn out an incapable of stealing any games in the playoffs. If there's some young goalie in the Av pipeline, we could expect to see him as the Avs climb the ladder. Again, we're so hard hitting here at the SG but I really don't want to take the 30 second Google search to see who the young goalie is.

Ice, we're all about it here at the Slushy Gutter. As long as it's in my drink. (Side note: More hard hitting analysis: My favorite part of the NCAA Hoops Championship was the fact it was Duke versus Butler, because that sounds like a 1980's soap opera star. "Duke Butler." Can't you see Duke Butler trying to poison Blake Carrington or blowing up one of JR Ewing's oil rigs? That damn Duke Butler! When I broke down Duke Butler's mischievious, yet dashing and cunning ways to Mrs. Commish she simply asked "have you been drinking?")

(Another side note: I was going to name this post some takeoff of 'Ice Ice Maybe' or 'Ice Ice Stasny' but even 20 years later, I don't want to give that clown any dap.)

RELATED: King Sun - "Be Black" - ("Name one city. Uh, Jamaica.")