Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Boyle-ing Point

Cause we are answerin, any brothers that've been
On the dick swingin, and straight gatherin ...

Tad Boyle, late of the Northern Colorado Bears, was introduced as the newest coach of the CU Men's Basketball program:
--Headline writers and dorks bloggers like me already love one thing about him: his name. First CU loss by a basket: "Buffs A Tad Off". Buffs get into the rankings for the first time in years: "Tad Poll!" Buffs get a key victory: ""Oh! Boyle Rules!" It rolls off the lips, sounding like the name of some dude in purple overalls who sings catchy tunes to your four year old.
--Buff Athletic Director Mike Bohn's last three hoops hires: Air Force's Jeff Bzdelik, Division II Metro State's Linda Lappe, and Boyle. Either Mike doesn't want to put many miles on his rig or has a really crappy frequent flier program. Notice to the football coaches at small Colorado schools at Fort Lewis, School of Mines, Mesa State, Western State, and all points in between: keep your resume polished.
--Buff fans get the rap of being casual, laid back, and indifferent to their sports. All too often, that is a gross misrepresentation. We are a savvy bunch with an especially good memory. Boyle was a Colorado high school standout in the 80's who snubbed the Buffs to play for Kansas, and many of the fanbase has not forgot that fact. He was roundly booed each of his trips to Boulder. Boyle was still trying to soothe fans' vitriol 25 years later by saying he "made a mistake." To remind everyone how long ago that was and that he is a different man, he wore one of those Michael Jackson zipper jackets.
--Boyle immediately inherits a talented Buff team that many expect to challenge for a NCAA berth. However, carpetbagger coach Bzdelik's lack of recruiting a big man could hamper the Buffs in the rugged Big 12. Boyle will have to hit the road hard to land one or two quality bigs to man the paint at Coors. Throw in players learning a new system and we could have another 8th to 12th place finish. Yes, Boyle looks like he uphold the fine tradition of Buffalo Basketball.
--Boyle is from Greeley and all of us non-Greeleyites love to make fun of the town for smelling like shit. Note to non Coloradoans: we don't say it smells like shit as hyperbole, we say that because it literally smells like shit. Rendering plans fill the air with a foul stench; although I am told that they have improved the odor over the years. When I was in college I reminded a girl on my floor whose boyfriend went to UNC that Greeley smells like crap. She retorted that doesn't mean that he smells like shit too. Ah yes, and there is CU Basketball's new tagline: Tad Boyle: He Doesn't Smell Like Crap.
RELATED: A Tribe Called Quest: "Check The Rhime" - ("A tidbit, um a smidgeon...")

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