Down By Law

A T-bone steak, cheese eggs and Welch's grape...

Our great state of Colorado has some of the strangest liquor sales laws. The past few days have seen our new Guv, a former brewer himself, step into the fray and start going Chicago-style politics on the suds rules. Of course, opponents of the Guv and the other side of the issue have collectively pissed their pants and the wheels of government have once again turned a simple issue into a quagmire.

The gist (that word is kind of creepy, a little too close to bodily function) of the matter is the testing of beer at bars as opposed to convenience stores. Why not have some fun with it? Incorporate a drinking game into the controversary.

DRINK ______ IF:

-1 if while you're at a bar the white coat scientists beat up the bartender to test his low alcohol beer.
-1 if you join in the fight simply to get free brew.
-3 if after a few beers you can say 'Hickenlooper' five times fast.
-5 if after a few beers you can work 'Hickenlooper' into a Ghostface-style rhyme.
-2 if you get a C-store clerk to comprehensively break down his favorite double IPA beer.
-1 if after the white coat scientists test your beer and you say "well, am I pregnant?"
-5 if you mistakenly identify the scientist as Bill Nye.
-3 if you mistakenly identify the scientist as C. Everett Koop.
-1 if your local C-store gets shipments messed up and is doling out Coors flavored Icees.
-2 if you use the testing instrument to mainline the beer into your veins.
-1 if you are so blitzed that your bartender serves you water and tells you it's new water-flavored low alcohol beer.
-8 if you pick Hickenlooper or the scientists to win your NCAA brackets.

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