Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Salty Rockies

It is early in Spring Training but the undoubted star of the spring thus far is the Rockies new complex in Scottsdale, Salt River Fields at Talking Stick. Some little known SG facts about the new digs:
--The warning track is a mixture of Arizona clay, recycled tires, and burnt Carmelo jersies.
--During the seventh inning stretch of Wedsnesday games, George Frazier and Drew Goodman perform in an 80's glam metal band called Frazier's Lazer.
--Underneath the right field stands there's a doctor who will examine anyone and find a malady for any fan to get out of work/date/yard work/etc. He used to be Larry Walker's personal physician.
--Douchebags who make any jokes about their penis being a "talking stick" are banned for life.
--They tried to bring the humidor to the facility, but the desert air actually turned the baseballs into chocalate covered marshmallows. Dante Bichette was called in to eat the mess.
--Salt River Fields At Talking Stick? I think Ghostface Killah wouldn't even be able to work that into a rhyme.
--The Party Deck is a big hit. Jason Giambi will join you for a beer during the third inning of each game on the deck, but only if he is playing. First base is then manned by a parking cone.
--Great Fan Interaction: to help Todd Helton's aching back, fans are encouraged to lean over the railings and pelt him with horse switches.
--Taco Bell gives out four for a buck tacos if anyone in any Spring Training games actually looks like they aren't counting down the hours till their late afternoon tee time.
RELATED: Ghostface Killah - "Cherchez La Ghost"



Blogger Broz said...

So Tyler is already banned for life? I can hear him making countless Talking Stick-Penis jokes.

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Ghost said...

Rub salt in the wound, seeds growing in the womb, fields of poppys, killing fields go boom, G-Dini works a staff elongated candle wick, laugh at the subjects with my talking stick.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard A Rizzo tans in a bikini on off days on the party deck. Commish just tripped over his tongue.

1:18 PM  
Anonymous Spotwood said...

Broz, that new pic with the Sepia background makes you look like an even larger douchebag than normal, well played sir.

2:02 PM  
Anonymous skyler ulbrecht said...

Less Frazier this year please. His laugh makes my living room feel like Woody Woodpecker is attacking me. Jeff Huson please.

4:00 PM  
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