Monday, September 06, 2010

Buffs Gash Goats

The SG Crew ventured to Invesco Field at Mile High to take in the Buffs hammering of the Rams. A brief timeline:

6:15- Clarence Cricket arrives at my house; Colorado, the only state in the union where people get up earlier on off days than for work.

6:20- Hot bagels!

6:45- We arrive at four time Slushy Gutter winner TW's crib. He asks Clarence if he's wearing an over abundance of Axe Body Spray. Clarence says it's "bug spray."

7:00- We arrive to pick up three time Slushy Gutter winner Juck. He and his friend Frank answer the door drinking two cold Colorado Native Lagers. Birds of a feather.

7:30- We have to wait in a line to get into the parking lots at 8am. Damn lines. You know what makes lines more bearable? An ice cold Coors Light.

8:00- Lot C is open, the SG Crew has staked their spot. More ice cold Coors Lights.

8:10- Sirius Backspin Classic Hip Hop Channel is playing only songs from 1990 all weekend. Somehow MC Hammer's "Pray" and LL's "Around The Way Girl" don't get the tailgate rocking.

8:30- Breakfast burritoes. Many. Tons. Like Mexico doesn't have any left.

9:00- We questioned if we could down 50 beers in the first hour. I have four beer tabs in my pocket. Oh, so close.

9:30- The lot is not even close to half full. I say half full because I'm the eternal optimist.

9:45- Drunk girl sighting #1. A nearby girl is taunting CSU fans as she dances to 70's rock band Boston.

10:00- Eight tabs in my pocket. Progress.

10:15- I always get a kick out of LL's line in "Momma Said Knock You Out" where he talks about his nine being easy to load. Yes, LL the gangster, and his gun is very user friendly.

10:00- The lot is surprisingly mellow. Someone needs to light a couch on fire or something.

11:00- Tailgate begins to pack it in. Mrs Commish and I head for the gate with four beers in hand. Lines at the gate. Remember what helps those pesky lines.

12:00- Kickoff. Stadium is no more than at half capacity. I say half capacity because I'm the eternal optimist. Or drunk.

1st Q- TW tells me over and over, "Can you believe this, college football?" Yeah, I believe it when I send them my season ticket bill every year.

2nd Q- CU looks flat, but they still control the game. McKnight scores after he was so open that I could've covered him from the stands.

2nd Q- CU blocks a Ram kick to go into the half with a shutout. No beers in the stadium, so we too are shut out.

3rd Q- CU is in total control. This CSU team is not very good. Their fans are leaving in droves. Fuck it, the stadium is 3/4 empty.

3rd Q- CSU forgoes a 4th and 1 to get a FG on the board. Our section takes it as a diss and demands CU "go up top" the rest of the game.

4th Q- This is the best bunch of CU WR's I've seen in sometime. Hence, more chanting to "go up top"

4th Q- Announced crowd of nearly 61K. I call bullshit and start to count myself. I make it to about 39 and stop.

Final- Game is over and we decide to not take in the presentation of the ever-cheesy Centennial Cup. You know the trophy at the local bar that they won in rec league softball? That's better than the Centennial Cup.

3:15- Some piece of crap has taken down our flagpole and stole the State of Colorado flag. Probably the Governor.

4:00- Cops. Lots of cops in riot gear, on horse, on gold carts, on those tiny motorbikes that clowns ride.

4:00- I made up the clown bike thing.

4:30- I'm home and surprisingly I'm half coherent. Hell, that calls for more CLs!

RELATED: Poor Righteous Teachers- "Rock Dis Funky Joint"

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ewe fans kept their damn mouths shut

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