Tuesday, February 16, 2010

But We're Not The Beetles

I love my young nation, groovy sensation
No time for hibernation, only elation

If you have had the chance to visit the mountains lately, you may have noticed the landscape a bit different than the days of your youth or the picturesque post cards you used to get from Uncle Harold. No, they still let those skanks ski in their swimsuits, so don't be alarmed. It's the trees, stupid. They are being reduced to no more than giant toothpicks shooting from the ground, dead and gone. The culprit? Beetles, pine beetles to be exact.
Acres and acres of trees have been decimated by the tiny insects and there hasn't been much to check the little buggers push through the forest. But now, some braniacs have floated the possibility that blaring sounds of the beetles own noises might actually drive the beetles nutso. I tried that with Kid and Play once, but it didn't work.
The SG has some suggestions from the CO sports realm which also could be played to the beetles that might halt their feeding frenzy:
-Play Dan Hawkins trying to justify why the beetles are eating the trees. Dan would turn the whole thing into the beetles are actually "good kids" and that they can't be faulted because when the beetles got to the forest the whole thing "was burned to the ground."
-The crowd noise from a Avs' home game. The emptiness would be so horrifying, leaving the beetles feeling lonely.
-Jay Cutler's new CD: Passing With Jay. The beetles will fly directly into the mouths of predators rather than to new trees.
-Have JR Smith bring up any recorded sound to play for the beetles. That will accomplish nothing, but JR's "body language" and demeanor will rub off on the beetles. Ultimately, Coach Karl will suspend the beetles.
-Whatever noise Josh McDaniels was making after the Donks beat the Pats and he was wigging out on the sideline. The beetles will get super confident, but subsequently under perform in the months that follow.
RELATED: Big Daddy Kane - "Aint No Half Steppin" - ("Competition, I just devour")

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