Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Toodles to Tucscon

Dirty words paralyze crumbs and infect shit
Insofar as the ineffectual beg for the lectures
Development arrested...

The red hot Rockies will be leaving their Spring Training home since 1993, Tucson, Arizona and moving to greener (browner?) pastures. A look at the other locales they considered to have their exhibition season at:

-Vail- What better way to celebrate the Rockies by having Spring Training in the Rocky Mountains. Skiing, snowshoes on the way around the bases, snow bunnies for Ryan Spillboroughs, and curve balls that don't break worth a shit.

-Pepsi Center- Stan Kroneke is determined to buy every team in town, but since MLB rules prohibit him from owning the Rox (not because of his weak mustache) he invited the team to practice on The Can roof. Cue AI "practice" soundbite now.

-The Moon- Landscape most closely resembled Tucson.

-Las Vegas- Hardcore Purp fans will remember that Sin City made a play to land the Rockies and three other teams about a decade back. Ultimately, they decided to stay in Tucson. Probably a good decision as Todd Helton might've gotten too plump on $2.99 shrimp, Tulo would've married an Elvis impersonator, and Aaron Cook would just be too consumed with Cher.
-Phoenix- The desert outpost won the favor of the Rockies. Makes sense being within 20 minutes of the entire Cactus League, rather than three hours on a bus back and forth. The Rockies wouldn't bring their best players to the Phoenix area, and vice versa. One could argue the limited work hindered the Rox in the early season throughout the years. Plus, no more playing the White Sox in nearly half of your games. Hey, Shaq's a free agent, maybe he wants to make the Jordan-like jump to the Rockies?

RELATED- Kool G Rap & Polo - "Streets of New York" - ("Every day is a main event, some old lady limps, the pushers and pimps eat shrimps")



Blogger Hercules Rockefeller said...

My lasting memory of Hi-Corbett will be that wacky Lou Brown taking a piss on Dorn's contract.

9:22 AM  
Blogger @slushygutter said...

Yo Herc you gotta fill us in on that one. Not ringing a bell.

9:30 AM  
Blogger Hercules Rockefeller said...

They filmed Major League at Hi-Corbett.

Lame, I know.

10:09 AM  
Anonymous CORBIN BERNSEN said...

How many chicks did I nail in the dugout? like a million.

9:21 AM  
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