Thursday, August 21, 2008

Magnetic Distraction

You drew a picture of my morning
But you couldn't make my day,
I'm rockin' and you're yawning
But you never look my way...

The Slushy Gutter has concluded a rugged multi year month hour investigation of former Washington Redskins' coach Joe Gibbs in reference to alleged cheating. In conjuction with our cohorts at NASCAR, Billy Jed, Cooter, and Gun Rack Jenkins, who were also instrumental in bringing in Gibbs Racing on recent cheating charges, the SG has discovered Gibbs also cheated in Super Bowl XXII versus the Denver Broncos.
Gibbs' and the Redskins' staff reportedly placed magnets on RB's Timmy Smith's knees, quad muscles, and ankles that helped him to his legendary, once-in-a-freaking-lifetime performance in the game. Smith ran for 204 yards through the Donks' defense, a record that stood for years. Soon after, Smith faded into obscurity and is now in jail (much like the Broncos' D could've been after that game performance.)
The magnets were also used to super charge Doug Williams' arm, enhance Ricky Sanders' route running, and give Dexter Manley the ability to read for that Sunday afternoon. Jay Schroeder also used the magnets to reverse his male patern baldness.
In response to the scandal, the NFL has awarded the Super Bowl XXII title to your Denver Broncos. Three time Champs, baby! Somewhere Tony Lilly is redeemed.
The league is also looking into Super Bowl XXI and whether Phil Simms used the same drug a North Korean Olympic shooter recently was revealed as having taken. The drug is named propranolol, which steadies one's hand, because there's no f*cking way Simms could've had a 22 for 24 passing day.



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