Monday, June 30, 2008

Midterm Exam: Rockies Fail

Hoist this diagnosis, comatosisis,
what I leave your crew with, boom bip or some two and two shit
Raw silk, cuz you do it to my music...

A Rockies mid-season report at this point is pretty sel-explanatory. At 18 games below .500 for the defending NL champions, a team expected to contend for the NL Wets, the progress reports a triple F minus.

There are no “Goods” in the reports; even Chris Ianetta’s emergence, Aaron Cook’s 10 wins, or Omar Quintinella’s sweet mustache. For this team, there cannot be a good when they have the worst record in the National League.

The “Bads” are abundant. Foremost for practically every Rockies’ fan/journalist/blogger/LoDo flute player is the complete inability to hit in the clutch, especially with runners on and/or two outs. That goes hand in hand in which seems like a stagnation in the overall offense: Helton’s marginal first half, a lack of power compared to prior years, Tulo’s complete lack of offense, and Brad Hawpe’s complexing struggles and inconsistency.

The “Uglies” can fill a phone book. The pillar that is defense has proved costly, bad teams that come into Coors or they travel to are treated as the 27 Yankees. Manny Corpas has pitched like Mandy Moore, and Clint Hurdles’ smugness and his “I know what we’re doing, you don’t attitude” is bordering on the asinine. Couple in Hurdle’s ridiculous “igniter point” references after Yorvit Torrealba’s fight with Matt Kemp and his taking a bean ball from Ramon Ramirez. Clint, you can’t assign “turning points” to events, they just have to happen naturally.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brian Fuentes and me, do you guys think I can take him? If he fights the way he pitches, should be over in a couple minutes.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

If he fights the way he pitches, it would take 35 minutes and be absolutely excrutiating to watch.

Sorta like the Klitchsko's.

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