Friday, September 28, 2007

Viva la Visor!

When I come around homeboy, watch your nugget
A master on the beatdown, my style's rugged...

With Mike Gundy’s now-classic rant this past week and his counterpart to the south, Bob Stoops coming into Boulder, we are reminded of the mystery and glory of their favorite piece of headgear: the visor.

Some wayward cap factory ran out of cloth and those little button things for the top of caps, and said “fuck it, leave them like that.” Thus, we have the visor.

It says, "I’m down with a cap, but I need you to see the glory that is my hair.” Fabio would be proud to sport a visor.

Stoops is so cool that even when he wakes up with a bad case of bed head, he can’t just throw on a standard cap and rush out the door. Nope, the visor necessitates a glance in the mirror and a comb.

Oh, there are the contemporary ways to sport your visor. Perhaps you’d like to flip your visor completely backwards? Like sporting your fresh fitted New Era to the back, your visor that way says, “I’m down. And my hair looks damn cool.”

There’s the always fresh, visor backwards and upside down. It’s like your down times two. It also says, “check me out, if it rains, I can catch water to use to water my plants. That's right:
down, my hair rocks, and I’m green.”

The variations of visors is impressive. Popular with the over-70 set, there’s the headband with visor attached to it. Perfect for a rapid-fire game of tennis with the Mertz’s, a tall glass of lemonade on the patio, dinner at 4:00pm, and Jeopardy .

Don’t forget the always cool free-piece-of-plastic-to-strap-to-your-head-with-a-realtor/bank-name-on-it visor. Wait just 30 minutes and you’ll have a permanent scar on you temple from it, telling the world that you are visor-worthy.

Of course, the work world gives us a plethora of visors. Sometimes of the puffy variety, they protect us from the sun, fry grease, the bright sheen of cash registers, and the annoying lights of the banking world or casino world.

So celebrate with your Okie brothers this weekend all the greatness and glory that is the visor. Who needs all the annoying and cumbersome trappings of a cap? Let your head howl, your follicles frolic, your dandruff drop freely, your cabeza capitulate. They're good indoors, outdoors, during sports, during drinking, even during sex. Perfect for kids, seniors, and angry or ego-driven football coaches.

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