Monday, May 18, 2009

Roy to the Rescue?

Verbal attack is actual fact
Tactical tracks match perfectly with graphical stats
Half a you lack the magical dap of tragical rap...


Word is leaking out that the nearly idolized Patrick Roy has been offered to the Colorado Avalanche head coaching spot. Probably a few problems with that job offer, the main one being that the Avs’ have a head coach right now, but hey, who pays attention to details across the hall from the NBA’s Western Conference finalists?

If any attention was paid over the last few seasons, they’d see mismanaged contracts that have put the local hockey club in a significant hole to dig (ice pick?) their way out.

Now President and chief French-Canadian in charge wants his former fiery goalie to get the team playing the right way on the ice. Ah yes, hiring a former goalie when the team was dead last in offense. Again, just details, oui?

Perhaps piping in some fellow Francophone Celine Dion to the practice rink will lead to more goals. The soothing sounds of Celine always loosen me up. “All by Myself” as in by yourself in last place.

Roy would come in, yell a bunch of crap in French, whine about some shit, probably start a few brawls, perhaps skate on the ice to score that elusive NHL goal he never got. A couple tickets might be sold so you can watch a guy with a rolled up piece of paper stand behind dudes with skates. Exciting!

Maybe he can bring in Jeremy Roenick to fire up the squad, since the two of them exchange holiday bundt cakes. Chris Osgood is still goalie in Detroit, he could fight him, suit guy versus full goalie guy. Patty rolling behind the bench with the blood dripping down his face, all mad faced.

Point is, Roy has about as much business being coach as the next hot NHL coaching candidate. And since when do former stars coming back to coach in Denver ever worked(see: Hanzlik, Bill.)

Is St Patty even interested in the job that isn’t even open? One look at the roster, the salaries, and the putrid stats and he would probably pass it quicker than tossing doors off their hinges.

RELATED: Pete Nice f/ Pyscho Les - "Rat Bastard" - "Wind it up, wind it up on the binge You're readin my lips on a lunatic fringe hinges swing."

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7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

stick to basketball and rap music Commish, you have no clue about hockey. Ice isn't just for your cold beer lush.

12:59 PM  
Anonymous Spotwood said...

I dunno, he summed it up pretty well.

The Roy story is both retarded and asinine. Tony Granato isn't responsible for this debacle of a team, it's Lacroix/Giguere's stubborn insistence on bringing in over the hill French Canadiens over getting younger and more skilled.

The front office has completely fallen apart, and if Kroenke wasn't busy lapping up all the adoration of the Nuggets, he'd get his shit together and fire his entire front office staff.

The fact that they still don't have a #1 goaltender is absurd, and shows exactly what's wrong with these guys.

How many times do you hear the axiom that Goaltenders win games, and yet we're still waiting for Budaj to suddenly become a bonified NHl starter? Horseshit.

4:41 PM  
Anonymous calvin natty light said...

Kroenke is a hoops guy. He never really meddled in the NHL side, always left it to Lacroix. If attendance keeps sliding (main NHL $$$) then he'll step in.

Or he can do what the Nugs did...trade for Chauncey! Can he skate?

8:40 PM  
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