Sunday, May 11, 2008

Ya Mama

And at home, it's the same ass story,
Moms treat me like she don't even know me...

Seriously, did LL's mama or grandmother real tell him to knock someone else out? Did anyone elses moms ever ask you to kick the sh*t out of someone? That's one tough, chain smoking, playing poker with some other fierce women, drinking a scotch and water, hair in curlers, profanity speaking moms.

YOU: Mom, Terrence from down the street won't let me play street hockey with him and the other kids.
MOM: Who?
YOU: Terrence.
MOM: Terrence? That little trifling, smells like spam, little piss ant?
YOU: Yeah.
MOM: Shit, his daddy is a damn alcoholic piece of dog shit, and his mama is messing with that dude who works at the auto parts counter, I just know it. You tell Terrence to give you a stick and you go Sidney Crosby on their asses.
YOU: He wont.
MOM: Then you grab a stick and you straight whoop his no good ass. Just pummel him like the dog that he is.
YOU: Uh, mom?
MOM: Don't sass me kid, I brought you in to this world and I'll take your behind out. And I don't care what your father says. Now, you go down there and stick you foot so far up Terrence's ass his breath smells like your sneakers.
LADY PLAYING POKER WITH YOUR MOM: And when your done, run down the way and get your Auntie a six pack of Rolling Rocks, honey.
MOM: You heard her, get going!
OTHER LADY PLAYING POKER: And some beernuts and another pack of Kools, sweety.
YOU: Okay...see you in a while.

RELATED: SG Songs for Mothers Day.

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